From the Beginning
by xxxjoxxx
Summary: What would happen if Derek was honest with Meredith when they first met that night in the bar? How would their relationship evolve if it didn't start in a physical way and with Meredith knowing the truth? The legend begins, but in a different way. [Complete]
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I've read a LOT of MerDer fics but have never written my own so this is my first attempt! Grey's has been my favourite programme since Season 1 but I stopped watching new episodes from 11x20. Being from the UK I have the benefit of finding out what happens before its aired over here so I was absolutely distraught to find out that Shonda had massacred her own show but I spared myself the trauma of seeing it played out. I still watch Grey's at its best (Seasons 1-10) but it's not Grey's without Derek so I'll never watch a new episode. I fell in love, like many of you, with the MerDer legend right from the start and in my world they get their happy ending, their lifetime, their 110 years...so without further ado, let's begin :)**

Derek Shepherd sat alone in a corner of Emerald City Bar, elbows propped on the table as he nursed the last drops of his scotch, contemplating the sad tale of events that led him to be sitting there right now. He still couldn't quite believe that not 24 hours prior he had been in New York, and now after packing up everything he owned, or at least the things he cared to keep, he was two and a half thousand miles away on the opposite coast ready to start a new job and hopefully a new life. A dry chuckle escaped his lips as he thought about the reason he had taken such a drastic step – everything about his life in New York had been wrong, not even just the most recent carnage, but everything – he couldn't remember the last time he had actually been happy and that was just…sad.

A velvety giggle broke Derek out of his reverie and he looked up to find the source of his distraction. His eyebrows rose as his eyes fixated on the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The woman was sat at the bar in a floor length black dress that subtly highlighted her every curve. He could only see her face in profile as she laughed with the bartender, but her delicate features proved to him that she was indeed beautiful – a natural beauty, one that didn't require effort. Derek simply sat and studied her, smiling as he heard that giggle again. His problems didn't seem so heavy anymore as he walked over to where she sat at the bar, catching the bartenders eye in the process.

"Hey doc", Joe greeted him.

"Double scotch, single malt please", Derek requested as Joe nodded and left to get him his drink, leaving him alone with the woman who had captivated him quite spectacularly. The woman glanced quickly at him then back down to her drink. Derek felt like a teenager - butterflies invaded his stomach as he sat there smiling at her, trying to get one of his many brain cells to conjure up something intelligent to say. "So is this a good place to hang out?" Derek inwardly cringed at the incredibly cheesy line that had found its way out of his mouth. He never had problems talking to women – he was always confident and charming but for some reason this mystery woman made him feel nervous.

The woman looked cautiously back up at him, "I wouldn't know, I've never been here before".

"Oh you know what, I haven't either. First time here – I'm new in town" Derek replied, gaining a bit of confidence. "I've never been to Seattle, but I got a job so…" He looked back at the woman, expecting her to reply but found her avoiding his gaze and concentrating on her drink. "Ah, you're ignoring me", he stated.

The woman returned her gaze to Derek, "erm, trying to", she replied with a small smile.

"You shouldn't ignore me" Derek countered.

"Why not?"

"Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love". Derek smiled, a huge smile that reached his eyes and made his irises sparkle. This in turn elicited an equally impressive smile from the woman, which served to intensify Derek's smile further.

"Really?" she asked dubiously, her interest now piqued.

"Oh yes"

"So if I know you I'll love you?"

"Oh yes" Derek assured her.

"You really like yourself huh?" the woman replied, amused.

"Just hiding my pain" Derek told her, remembering how true those words really were. This elicited that velvety giggle he couldn't get enough of and he laughed along with her, his eyes never leaving hers. "So what's your story?"

"I don't have a story, I'm just a girl in a bar". The woman smiled at Derek, her attention now totally on him. "What's your story?"

Derek felt drawn to this woman, in a way he'd never felt drawn to anyone before, even though he'd only known her for a matter of minutes, and for some reason he wanted her to know him. "Well right now, in this moment, I feel like just a guy in a bar, but if you let me buy you another drink I'll tell you my story"

The woman regarded Derek, a smile forming on her lips "Ok" she replied, holding out her hand "Meredith" she added as she offered him her hand, taking his in hers and shaking it lightly.

"Meredith" Derek repeated, liking the way it sounded and deciding it suited her perfectly, "Derek" he added, not breaking eye contact and keeping hold of her hand a little longer than necessary.

After getting their drinks, Meredith and Derek went back to his table. Meredith smiled as Derek pulled a chair out for her before sitting down himself. She had planned on spending the evening alone, having a few drinks to quell her nerves about being a real doctor tomorrow and then retreating home for a couple of hours sleep before getting up to begin life as an intern. Derek had thrown a spanner in that plan but he was charming and admittedly very easy on the eye, and to be honest talking to him was easing her nerves more so than the alcohol was. "So, you promised me a story".

Derek gave her a sad smile, he wasn't sure how his story would go down but he felt compelled to share it with her. He didn't have any friends in Seattle and it would be nice to have someone to talk to. "Well, I arrived in Seattle exactly…6 hours ago" he stated, glancing at his watch. "I'm from New York so this is very different for me – it's very green, and rainy".

Meredith chuckled "It is but you get used to it"

"So you're from around here then?" Derek asked.

"Yes and no" Meredith replied, gaining a confused look from Derek, "but we're talking about your story not mine. What brings you all the way from New York?"

"I needed a change – my life in New York was all wrong, I hadn't been happy in a very long time. I like to think I'm a happy person…but I've only just realised that I can't remember the last time I actually was", Derek started to explain.

"That's a big change"

"I needed a big change – I couldn't stay there anymore" Derek added, looking down at his glass. This next bit was the hard part, the part that could send her running for the door, "I'm married". He chanced a glance at her face and saw, as expected, a surprised and confused expression as she looked to his ring finger for confirmation, but didn't find any. If he wasn't mistaken he thought he also saw a flicker of disappointment too. "Separated" he continued quickly. To her credit she didn't look like she was about to bolt, but nodded almost imperceptibly, giving him a cue to continue. "…About a week ago I unlock my front door, go inside my house and something's different. Nothing's different, everything's the same but still…something's different. And I stand there for a while…and then I know. See there are moments for me, when I just know what's gunna happen next" he tells her, taking a large glug of his drink to give him the courage to continue. "So I go upstairs and as I'm walking down the hall I'm trying to prepare myself for what I'm gunna see when I go into my bedroom. I step on a man's jacket that doesn't belong to me, and everything I think I know…just shifts…because the jacket that doesn't belong to me is a jacket that I recognise. And what I know now is that when I go into my bedroom, I'm not just gunna see that my wife is cheating on me – I'm gunna see that my wife is cheating on me with Mark, who happened to be my best friend. Hmm…it's just so pedestrian and common and dirty, and cruel – mostly just cruel" he adds with a sad sigh.

Derek looks up at Meredith, who gives him a slight reassuring smile so he goes on "I left and came out here"

Meredith regarded him for a while, taking in everything he had just said. If someone would have asked her earlier how she thought she would be spending her evening, this would not have been it. Normally if a guy would have told her something like that she would have hightailed it in the opposite direction, her life was complicated enough, but for some reason she felt drawn to this man who'd had his world pulled from under him – she could relate to that feeling. "You're wife's an idiot" she blurted, gaining a surprised look from Derek. She blushed before continuing "I mean I don't really know you but you don't seem like the kind of guy that you leave if you have a choice".

Derek tilted his head and regarded Meredith with an admiring curiosity. Whatever he had been expecting her response to be, it wasn't that. "Well I did tell you if you got to know me you'd love me", he joked, winking at her, which earned a chuckle and an eye roll from her. "I wasn't totally blameless, I was…absent – I worked a lot. Our marriage died a long time ago but I guess neither of us wanted to admit it".

Meredith wasn't sure if he'd finished so she just gave him a half smile, letting him know she was listening if he wanted to continue.

"You know what the ironic thing is?" Derek asked rhetorically, "what upset me the most wasn't that my wife had cheated on me, it was the fact that Mark betrayed me…he'd been my best friend, my brother, since we were in kindergarten. That's what hurt the most. How can someone you'd have trusted with your life do that to you?"

"I know that feeling" Meredith replied with a sad chuckle, "sounds like you've had a crappy week! ...another drink?" she asked, attempting to steady herself as she stood up.

Derek reached out quickly to grab her elbow, preventing her from teetering too much and chuckled lightly, "Yes, but you sit down, I'll get them – they may not make it back here if you go" he teased, winking at her again.

Meredith frowned indignantly "I, am not that drunk – I'm perfectly capable of carrying a couple of drinks" she insisted.

"Ok", Derek replied smirking, raising his hands in surrender. But before Meredith could attempt to prove her sobriety they heard Joe ringing the bell to signal last orders and the soon to be closing of the bar.

"Oh" Meredith started, looking back and forth between Derek and Joe, "alcohol Derek, we need alcohol…you could come back to my place – I have a plentiful supply of alcohol!"

Derek smiled mischievously and raised his eyebrows, waggling them suggestively, causing Meredith to laugh. "Don't look at me like that, this is purely for drinking purposes! There will be no sex – I don't sleep with married men, however separated they may be!" Meredith wasn't sure if this assertion was more to convince Derek or herself as in any other circumstance there would definitely be sex. Derek was…well that hair just demanded for her fingers to run through it, and those eyes – him just looking at her with those deep indigo eyes made her warm and tingly in all the right places. But she couldn't sleep with him, however much she wanted to - he was married, albeit separated, but married none the less.

Derek now laughed too "relax, I was just teasing – your place sounds like a great idea" he assured her as he stood up and helped her into her coat, "although I think we should take a cab – I'm pretty sure neither of us are legally ok to drive"

Meredith considered this for a moment – it would be fine to leave her car here overnight as the hospital was only over the road, she'd just have to get a cab in to work in the morning, which considering how much she'd drank tonight may not be a bad idea. "ok" she agreed as she started towards the door, Derek's hand providing a warm heat that spread up her spine as it rested on the small of her back.

The ride back to Meredith's was a comfortable one, filled with Derek teasing Meredith about how sober she was not, and Meredith trying (and failing) to prove otherwise. When they arrived, Derek paid the driver then hurried round to the other side of the cab to open the door for Meredith and help her out. Meredith thanked him then fumbled in her purse for her keys. Finally locating them she unlocked the door and let them both in.

Derek took a few steps into the house, looking around as Meredith locked the door. "So you actually live here" he asked, noticing the many boxes stacked everywhere.

"No"

"Oh" Derek replied, slightly confused.

"Yes…kind of" Meredith added.

"Oh" Derek repeated, even more confused, "it's nice…a little dusty, odd, but it's nice. So how do you kind of live here?"

"I moved 2 weeks ago from Boston, it was my mother's house, I'm selling it", Meredith explained.

"Oh, I'm sorry" Derek replied.

"For what?", Meredith asked, confused herself now as to what there was to be sorry about.

"You said was"

"Oh, my mother's not dead" Meredith added, realising his misconception, "she's…", she thought about lying and telling him her mother was travelling or writing a book – the lines she told everyone else. But he'd been so open with her about his situation that it didn't sit right with her to lie to him. "…she has Alzheimer's – she's at Roseridge, a care home nearby. I got a job back here so I could be close by to her". Meredith hadn't told anyone about her mother, as per her mother's wishes, yet here she was telling a man she'd known for all of an evening. She didn't think it mattered though, after tonight she probably wouldn't see him again – in the morning she would be an intern, the hospital would own her and she'd have no time for anything outside of the hospital.

"I'm sorry", Derek replied sincerely, "how advanced?"

"it's early onset – quite advanced…I mean most of the time she doesn't remember who I am and when she does she thinks I'm 5 years old", Meredith explained, feeling a little uneasy at having divulged so much.

Derek nodded solemnly, knowing from previous experience that words were of no comfort in such situations.

Meredith looked back over at Derek and wanted to lift the mood – her mother was not her favourite topic of conversation. "So…I seem to remember promising you alcohol"

Derek gave her a brilliant smile in return and followed as she gestured for him to take a seat on the couch. As Meredith left the room, presumably to go to the kitchen, he unashamedly stared at her retreating backside. What he wouldn't give to help her out of that dress and touch the creamy skin that he'd seen a taster of. But in the small time that he'd known her, he'd developed a respect for her – especially with how she handled his revelation. So he would respect her no sex rule and be a gentleman, plus it would be nice to have a friend in this lonely city.

Meredith returned with 2 beers in each hand and plopped down on the couch next to him, passing him a beer and taking one for herself. "Cheers" she said smiling, clinking her beer lightly with his.

"So Derek, tell me something"

"What do you want to know?", Derek asked, his eyes catching hers as they sparkled in the low light.

"Well you've told me the big things so…tell me the little things", Meredith replied, taking a sip of her beer.

Derek laughed lightly, it usually took him a while to warm up to people enough to tell them the little things about himself but with this captivating woman who's living room he was now sitting in, he felt comfortable enough within mere hours to share one of the worst times of his life. "All right. My mother's maiden name, Maloney. I have four sisters. I have, uh, nine nieces. Five nephews. I like coffee ice cream, single-malt scotch, occasionally a good cigar. I like to fly fish. And I cheat when I do the crossword puzzle on Sunday. And I never dance in public. Um, favourite novel, The Sun Also Rises. Favourite band, The Clash. My favourite colour is blue. I don't like light blue, indigo. The scar right here on my forehead, that's why I don't ride motorcycles anymore…"

The night passed quickly with Meredith and Derek talking non-stop, laughing comfortably together, teasing each other and learning years' worth of details about each other. They eventually fell asleep about 4am, Meredith's head resting on Derek's shoulder and his arm draped lightly over her shoulder. To anyone viewing this scene it would seem to be a familiar gesture, a habit, one that they would do every day for the rest of their lives.

Meredith awoke about an hour later due to the beginnings of sunlight streaming through the living room window. She opened her eyes gradually, slightly confused as to where she was. She felt the start of a hangover setting in but as consciousness fully grasped her she realised she was on her couch. However, she was leaning on something solid and warm. She turned her head carefully and smiled softly remembering last night as she saw Derek, his head tilted back on the couch, sleeping soundly. Glancing down quickly she sighed in relief as she realised both she and him were fully clothed, indicating that they had stuck to her no sex rule. Doing her best not to jar him, she prized herself from under his arm and reached carefully for her phone to check the time – 05:02 – she was ok, she had about an hour to get herself ready. With one last look at the man she had shared more of herself with than…well anyone in a long time, she tiptoed quietly up the stairs to get ready for her first day as in intern.

Standing under the hot spray of the shower, Meredith allowed her mind to wonder to where the night could have ended up if Derek hadn't turned out to be married/ separated. There definitely would have been far less clothes involved, and it could have been his hands replacing hers as she lathered herself with soap right now. Feeling herself heating up, and knowing it was nothing to do with the temperature of the shower, she decided that this train of thought was going to be very unconducive to her getting ready quickly. As great as last night had been, she couldn't allow herself to get attached because a) Meredith Grey doesn't do attachment and b) as separated as he may be, he was still married and that was a whole new level of complicated.

Finally deciding she was presentable enough, Meredith tossed a few items in her bag as she hurried down the stairs, hearing her phone ring in the process to signal the cab she ordered was waiting outside. Coming to a halt at the bottom of the stairs she chuckled as she found Derek in the exact same position she had left him in an hour ago. She was about to head out of the door but thought better of it. Grabbing a piece of notepaper and a pen from her bag she quickly scribbled a note to Derek and placed it on the seat she had previously vacated. With a final glance at the sleeping raven haired man she hurried out of the door.

Derek stirred at the sound of the door shutting, grimacing slightly as his neck complained at the position it had been in for the past few hours. Glancing around as he awoke fully, Derek's brain connected the dots as to why he was in this unfamiliar house. He expected to see Meredith's wavy blonde locks resting on his shoulder, where he remembered them being before he fell asleep but he frowned as he looked down and saw that she was no longer beside him. A note on the cushion however captured his attention and he smiled as he began to read:

 _'Derek, thank you for last night – I had a great time. My shift starts at 6 so I have to go…didn't want to wake you as you looked like you needed the rest. There's a number for a cab on the kitchen table (no food though - sorry!) and feel free to use the shower, I left a fresh towel out for you._

 _Meredith_

 _P.s. Hope you get to like Seattle.'_

He read the note twice then folded it and put it in his jacket pocket. He had a feeling he would like Seattle. Glancing at his watch he realised he too needed to hurry up and get ready – being late on his first day really wasn't what he wanted to be doing.

Taking Meredith up on her offer of using the shower, he stripped down, revelling in the humid air laving his body, signalling that Meredith had been here not too long ago. He let the hot water beat down on him, washing away the last remnants of sleep and bringing him into a more conscious state. Closing his eyes he imagined Meredith standing, as naked as he was now, in that exact spot as he slept downstairs. Goosebumps swathed his skin as he thought of all the fun he and Meredith could have in that shower.

The shower took longer than planned due to his mind wandering so he had to dress and attempt to tame his unruly locks at lightning speed. Grabbing his keys and checking he hadn't left anything behind he took one more look at the room where he had spent the happiest night he'd had in a long time before dashing out of the door to his waiting cab. The short ride to the hospital was a quiet one – he was in a contemplative rather than a talkative mood. His thoughts however were only on one thing- Meredith. He'd had a great time last night, and so had she as she had confirmed in her note but she hadn't left him her number…maybe she didn't want anything more from him – he couldn't really blame her, his life was a mess. It was an amazing night but maybe that's all it would be – a memory of an amazing night with an amazing woman that he would remember forever.

Stepping out of the cab Derek looked up at the imposing building that was Seattle Grace Hospital. It certainly was an impressive sight, he had to admit and he felt a thrill of excitement as he walked through the doors of the world renowned hospital to begin his role of Head of Neurosurgery.

Meredith's first day was going by in a blur of panic, cluelessness and feeling like she was a total fish out of water. Oh and annoyance – annoyance at being stuck with the world's most annoying teenager, Katie Bryce, who thought that Meredith was her own personal cruise director. The plus side was that the other interns she was working with seemed like good people – Izzie was very cheerful and enthusiastic but harmless enough, George was like a little puppy - eager to learn and eager to please. Then there was Cristina – Cristina was sarcastic and ambitious, she saw a lot of herself in Cristina – they would definitely be friends.

The cluelessness came back though when Katie's parents started asking questions, so she rather un-smoothly excused herself to find Dr Bailey, whom she had discovered to be rather intimidating. She bumped into her in the hallway and swiftly took a step backwards at the scathing look Dr Bailey shot her.

"What?" Bailey demanded.

"Katie's parents have questions, do you talk to them or do I ask Burke?" Meredith replied.

"Eh no, Burke's off the case. Katie belongs to the new attending now, Dr Shepherd – he's over there" Bailey informed her, gesturing towards a dark haired doctor and then continuing down the hallway before Meredith could say anything else.

Meredith turned towards where Bailey had gestured and her eyes widened as she realised Dr Shepherd was Derek – Derek who she had spent the night drinking with and baring her soul to. This was bad. 'Crap, crap, crap' she thought to herself as she quickly spun on her heel and retreated back the way she had came.

She wasn't quick enough though as Derek had felt eyes on him and had looked up, doing a double take to see Meredith's retreating form. He quickly left the other doctors he'd been talking to and hurried down the hallway after her. Catching up to her he gently took hold of her elbow, "Meredith, can I talk to you for a second?" and pulled her into the stairwell.

Meredith began to protest, "actually I was…". She looked nervously around, making sure no one was listening. "Dr Shepherd…"

"Dr Shepherd?" Derek interrupted, "last night it was Derek, now it's Dr Shepherd?", he added, amused at her rabbit in headlights expression. He had been concerned that he'd never see her again but now he was rather pleased to find out that he would be seeing her a lot – every day.

"Dr Shepherd, we should pretend it never happened" Meredith insisted, praying that nobody walked into the hallway and overheard this conversation.

"What never happened?" Derek countered, smirking, "you taking me home last night or leaving me on my own in a strange house this morning? Because both are fond memories I like to hold onto"

"No, there will be no memories - I'm not the girl in the bar anymore and you're not the guy" Meredith stated, getting frustrated at Derek's clear amusement. "…and how is it that in the many hours that we spent baring our souls that you failed to mention that you're a doctor – and not just any doctor, the Head of freaking Neurosurgery at the hospital I work at?!"

"Well, you didn't mention that you're an intern here either" Derek pointed out, trying to hide some of his amusement at her mini freak out. "You got me to bare my soul and now you want to forget about it?" He added, feigning hurt.

Meredith looked at him incredulously, "I did not get-"

"I was drunk, vulnerable and good looking and you took advantage" Derek professed, his eyes sparkling with enjoyment.

Meredith chuckled lightly, her annoyance abating and being replaced by a smile "ok, I was the one who was drunk and you are not that good looking" she argued, knowing full well she was lying – Derek was very good looking and annoyingly he looked even better in his scrubs.

"Maybe not today, but last night – last night I was very good looking. I had my red shirt on – my good looking shirt and you took advantage" Derek persisted. Meredith stared at him, her mouth slightly agape but she could tell from the twinkle in his eyes and the smirk on his face that he was teasing.

"I did not take advantage-" Meredith repeated but was cut off again.

"You want to bare your soul again, say Friday night? He asked, tilting his head and giving her what he hoped was an adorable look.

Meredith looked at him incredulously, "Dr Shepherd, you're an attending and I'm your intern, there will be no more baring"

Derek coughed to cover up his laugh and Meredith tried unsuccessfully to stop the blush from creeping up her cheeks as she realised the unintended innuendo.

"We'll add that to the no sex rule then" Derek teased. Meredith opened her mouth to reply but then swiftly shut it again. Derek didn't miss the smile that tugged at her mouth though before she covered it up with a glare, to which he responded with a huge grin.

"Dr Shepherd, I need you to come and talk to my patient's parents – they have questions" Meredith told him, before turning and walking out of the stairwell.

"Right away Dr Grey", Derek smirked as he followed her.

Meredith stopped and turned around, almost colliding with a startled Derek who hadn't anticipated her stopping. "how do you know my surname?" She hissed in a whisper, then blushed again as Derek, still smirking, gestured with his eyes down to where her name was embroidered on her lab coat. "Oh" she huffed before turning back around and continuing walking.

Derek's smirk grew even bigger as he followed Meredith down the hallway. He was liking Seattle already – and there would definitely be more baring.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you so much to all of you lovely people that took the time to review – your comments make my day and it really means a lot that you're liking my story :) Also, thank you to those of you who offered suggestions for what you'd like to happen - they've given me some great ideas…so watch this space ;)**

 **I've roughly planned out where I want this story to go and am planning on covering the season 1 and 2 timeline to begin with. I have lots in store for our favourite couple, including some little extras that weren't in the show! I am open to suggestion though so if there's anything from either of those seasons you'd really like to see then let me know and I'll try to accommodate!**

Chapter 2:

Meredith was annoyed. Derek Shepherd was annoying - annoyingly attractive, annoyingly charming and annoyingly smug…with annoyingly perfect hair! All in all, Derek Shepherd was seriously annoying! Adding to her annoyance was that the annoying neurosurgeon had given all of the interns, including her, the task of figuring out what was wrong with Katie Bryce – the prize being scrubbing in with him on whatever surgery she may need. She wanted to figure it out – she loved a medical mystery but being in an enclosed space with Derek Shepherd was not a prize she wanted right now!

She was interrupted from her mental tantrum by Cristina. "Hey, I want in on Shepherd's surgery. You've been the intern on Katie since the start, you wanna work together? We find the answer, we have a 50:50 chance of scrubbing in"

"I'll work with you but I don't want in on the surgery – you can have it." Meredith told her, a hint of annoyance still in her voice.

"Are you kidding? It's the biggest opportunity any intern will ever get!" Cristina replied incredulously.

"I don't wanna spend any more time with Shepherd than I have to" Meredith shot back indignantly.

Cristina looked at her curiously, "What do you have against Shepherd?"

Meredith ignored her question, "If we find the answer, the surgery's yours. Do you wanna work together or not?"

"Deal!" Cristina agreed eagerly.

Over in the research library, Meredith and Cristina sat on the floor, slumped against the shelves, journal articles and medical textbooks strewn everywhere. "So she doesn't have anoxia, chronic renal failure or acidosis. It's not a tumour because her CT's clean…are you seriously not gunna tell me why you won't work with Shepherd?" Cristina prodded.

"No. What about infection?"

"No erm there's no white count, she has no CT lesions, no fevers, nothing in her spinal tap. Just tell me."

Meredith sighed and looked at Cristina. "You can't comment, make a face or react in any way" Cristina looked at her with a straight face. "We spent the night together".

Cristina's mouth dropped slightly but she recovered quickly, "what about an aneurism?"

"No blood on the CT, no headaches"

"Ok. There's no drug use, no pregnancy, no trauma…so you had sex with Dr McDreamy?" Cristina asked, looking impressed, already having forgotten/ignored Meredith's no commenting rule.

Meredith's eyes widened, "Mc-what? And no we didn't have sex!" she hissed, looking around to make sure no one had overheard.

"Why not? I mean he looks like he'd be good" Cristina stated with a shrug, as if she saw no problem with the idea, "…maybe you should have – it might have made you less…uptight"she added, gesturing with her hand.

Meredith frowned, "I am not uptight!" She exclaimed indignantly, a little louder than she wanted.

"Oh, ok", Cristina scoffed with a smirk.

Meredith glared at her "we met at Joe's after the intern mixer – I didn't know he was gunna be my boss – he came onto me, we had drinks…he came back to mine and we spent the whole night drinking and talking"

Cristina regarded Meredith with a curious look, "oh Meredith - you sound like a teenage romance novel – just when I was starting to think you were interesting. …why no sex?"

Meredith opened her mouth to reply but the only sound that came out was a slight cough before she closed it again. This earned a very pleased smirk from Cristina, who looked like she'd discovered the cure for cancer, "ohhh, so it's not that you didn't want there to be sex!"

"I did not-" Meredith began, but was cut off by Cristina.

"Oh you so did – you so do – you want to do the nasty nasty with McDreamy!" Cristina proclaimed, looking far too pleased with herself for Meredith's liking. "That's why you don't want the surgery – you don't trust yourself not to jump him right there in the OR!"

Meredith looked indignant, "there will be no sex with McDreamy!"

"But you want there to be", Cristina stated, not even attempting to hide her pleasure at Meredith's discomfort.

"I-" Meredith huffed, "we're out of answers, what if no one comes up with anything?" Meredith asked, switching the conversation back to what they were supposed to be talking about. She wasn't going to win the argument with Cristina - especially when Cristina was right, she had wanted there to be sex, she felt hot whenever she was in the same room as him, but he was married – married, and she needed to remember that.

"You mean what if she dies?" Cristina asked, sounding less interested than she had been in their previous topic of conversation.

"Yeah!"

Cristina turned her head from where it was resting on the shelf towards Meredith, "This is gunna sound really bad but I really wanted that surgery"

Meredith smiled at Cristina's response, "she's just never gunna get the chance to turn into a person. The sum total of her existence will be almost winning Miss Teen whatever…you know what her pageant talent is?"

"They have talent?"

Meredith smirked, "rhythmic gymnastics"

Christina laughed along with Meredith at this, "oh, come on"

"What is rhythmic gymnastics, I don't know, I can't even say it, I don't know what it is"

"…I think something with like a ball or…what?" Cristina stopped when she saw the look on Meredith's face, "Meredith, what?"

'That's it!' Meredith thought – she knew what was wrong with Katie.

"Get up, come on"

After persuading Derek about her theory that Katie had an aneurism, an angiogram proved her right – Katie had a very small but very real subarachnoid haemorrhage and was bleeding into her brain.

"You two did great work" Derek told Meredith and Christina as they walked towards the nurses station, "I'd love to stay and kiss your asses but I gotta tell Katie's parents she's having surgery"

"Erm Dr Shepherd, you said that you'd pick someone to scrub in if we helped" Cristina probed tentatively, taking a step forward.

"Oh, yes, right - I'm sorry I can't take you both, it's gunna be a full house. Meredith I'll see you in the OR"

Cristina looked back at Meredith, waiting for her to say something and stared at her incredulously when she didn't and Derek walked away. She shook her head in disbelief and walked off before Meredith could explain.

Cristina was mad and Meredith felt bad about that. She was fully intending to let Cristina have the surgery but when Derek told her he'd meet her in the OR, she couldn't find the words to turn him down. Earlier in the day she was too annoyed with Derek that the idea of being in the same room as him, especially for a prolonged period of time, was not appealing. Maybe some of her annoyance had abated?...if she thought about it she couldn't really come up with a good reason why she was annoyed with him in the first place. Right now though – the thought of scrubbing in and watching real life brain surgery, watching Derek perform real life brain surgery, sent a huge thrill through her whole body. She didn't have time to ponder her conflicting emotions now though – she had brain surgery to get to.

Meredith sat in a chair leaning against the wall outside the OR, arms resting in her lap, amazed and in awe at what she had just seen. She couldn't describe the buzz she had just experienced – she had watched Derek perform brain surgery on a girl and save her life. He'd even let her stand at his side as he performed some of the surgery so she'd got to watch through the microscope as Derek clipped the aneurism. It was just…wow!

She was brought out of her surgery high by Cristina coming out of the gallery. "It was a good surgery" Cristina commented.

"Yeah" Meredith agreed, expecting Cristina to be bitter about not being in the OR.

Cristina paused, looking at Meredith before taking the chair next to her with a sigh, "we don't have to do that thing you know where I say something and then you say something, and then somebody cries and there's like a moment?"

"Yuck" Meredith replied with a smile.

"Good" Cristina agreed, "you should get some sleep – you look like crap"

"I look better than you"

"It's not possible" Cristina said with a smile as she got up and left Meredith alone again.

Meredith smiled after her – they would definitely be good friends.

A tired sigh caught her attention and she looked back to the door Cristina had came through to see Derek, still wearing his scrub cap, emerging from the scrub room and depositing Katie's chart on the nurses station. He hadn't noticed her yet and Meredith regarded him with a small smile, "that was amazing" she stated, truly meaning it as Derek's attention now turned to her.

"Hmmm" was Derek's reply as he smiled and nodded in agreement.

"You practice on cadavers…you observe…and you think you know what you're gunna feel like standing over that table but…that was such a high!" Meredith marvelled, as Derek looked at her with a mixture of admiration and pride, "I don't know why anybody does drugs!"

"Yeah" Derek agreed, in a soft, reverent voice as he continued to stare at Meredith.

Meredith couldn't help the smile that overtook her face at the way his eyes were sparkling as he looked at her, "yeah" she repeated.

Derek sighed, his eyes still shining, "I should er go do this"

"You should" Meredith replied, giving him one more smile.

"I'll see you around" Derek gave her one last look before turning around and going to check their patient.

"See you around" Meredith said to his retreating form, "see ya". And she couldn't help but look forward to that happening.

Meredith was exhausted – being an intern was amazing but she'd never been more tired. She decided to take a shower before heading home, as she knew as soon as she got home that she'd find the nearest soft surface to collapse onto and sleep.

She was thankfully the only one in the locker room as she emerged from the shower – the other interns had already escaped to reacquaint themselves with their beds. Opening her locker to retrieve her clothes she did a double take as she saw a bottle of champagne with a note stuck to it, that hadn't been there when she went into the shower. Curiously she reached for the note and pulled it from the bottle. Opening it, the smile returned to her face as she began to read…

' _Meredith,_

 _Congratulations on your first surgery - I'm glad I was the one to share it with you. You're going to be an extraordinary surgeon._

 _I'll see you around._

 _Derek'_

The smile didn't leave her face as she re-read the note before carefully folding it and placing in the inside of her jacket pocket. She slid the champagne to the back of her locker, out of sight of nosey interns – she would save that for a special occasion. Today had been a good day. Meredith finally left the hospital after 48 long hours, feeling happy, thoughts of a blue eyed, raven haired neurosurgeon swirling through her mind.

…

 **2 weeks later:**

Meredith strode with purpose across the parking lot towards the imposing entrance of Seattle Grace. She had recently made the questionable decision to allow Izzie and George to move in and be her roommates - a decision she was currently regretting as she was trying to get away from their bickering over who deserves the bigger room.

"I was there first!" George argued.

"But I have more clothes – therefore I need the room with the bigger wardrobe!" Izzie shot back. "Mere, you need to decide!"

"Yeah Mere, you need to decide" George added.

Meredith sighed loudly and span around, causing Izzie and George to screech to a halt when they saw the unimpressed look on her face. "No, no I don't! You're grown ups – sort it out yourselves! You can sleep in the garden for all I care!" she yelled, before turning back around and continuing towards the hospital.

"Wow, she's grouchy!" mumbled Izzie, but not quietly enough as Meredith span back around and glared at her. Izzie and George held up their hands in surrender before scurrying around her and off to the locker room.

After changing into her scrubs Meredith was still slightly grumpy as she pressed the call button for the elevator to take her down to the trauma bay – she was on trauma today and had just been paged. The doors opened to reveal an empty elevator, except for one dark haired neurosurgeon who looked far too good in his indigo scrubs. How was it possible to look that good in scrubs?! Derek was typing into his Blackberry when she stepped onto the elevator and did a double take when he realised who was now standing just behind him.

"Seattle has ferry boats" Derek offered by way of a greeting.

"Yes" Meredith agreed, smiling slightly at the random opener.

"I didn't know that. I've been living here almost 3 weeks, I didn't know there were ferry boats" he explained.

Meredith giggled lightly, "Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides"

"Hence the ferry boats" Derek added with a glint in his eyes, "Now I have to like it here. I wasn't planning on liking it here - I'm from New York, genetically engineered to dislike everywhere except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferry boats"

Meredith paused, studying him "I'm not going out with you"

"Did I ask you to go out with me?...Do you wanna go out with me?" he replied, smirking.

"I'm not dating you. And I'm definitely not having sleepovers with you again. You're my boss." Meredith stated firmly.

"I'm you're boss's boss"

"You're my teacher…and my teacher's teacher. And you're my teacher" Meredith rambled.

"I'm you're sister, I'm you're daughter…" Derek teased.

Meredith scowled at him, "You're harassing me"

"I'm riding an elevator" Derek reasoned, giving her an innocent look.

"Look, I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn - there's a big line"

Derek chuckled at this – she was very cute when she was annoyed. "Look, I'm sorry" he offered, giving her his best dreamy smile, "we can be friends - you'd be lucky to have me - I'm a very good friend" he added, giving her a wink.

"Really?" Meredith asked dubiously.

"Oh yes" Derek replied, causing them both to laugh, remembering the same line he had used when they first met.

Meredith was silent for a few moments as she considered this, "OK. But there has to be rules". Derek started to smile but stayed quiet as he waited for her to continue. "No flirting - friends don't flirt"

"I like the flirting, I'm all for the flirting – more flirting I say" Derek replied, winking at her. "Shall I add that to the no sex and no baring list?" he smirked after she glared at him for his previous comment.

"Shut up" Meredith replied but couldn't help but laugh.

Derek leant down to speak directly into Meredith's ear, "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship Dr Grey"

A tingle went down Meredith's spine at Derek's close proximity and hot breath on her ear. She shook her head, smiling as the elevator dinged and she hurried out to find her trauma patient, "see you later Dr Shepherd".

"See you later Dr Grey" Derek replied, a big grin on his face as he watched Meredith until she had rounded the corner.

Meredith was still smiling as she got to the trauma bay, however that smile soon vanished as she saw her patient and the incessant beeping of the monitors around her.

"Are you the surgeon?" A nurse asked as Meredith stepped through the door.

"Yeah"

"We've got a rape victim, you better get in there"

Meredith's eyes were wide as she surveyed the horrific injuries and one of the doctors filled her in on the patient's condition.

"25 year old female found down at the park, status post-trauma. She came in with a GCS of 6, BP 80 over 60. Exam is significant for blunt head trauma. Unequal breath sounds. Right pupil is dilated and she's ready for X-ray." The doctor looked up at Meredith who was still trying to take in everything around her, "Are you ready to roll?"

Meredith was staring at the bag of belongings nestled by the patient's feet – this woman who'd been brutally attacked was wearing the same shoes as Meredith wore this morning. She wasn't quite sure why that bothered her but it did. She was pulled out of her shock when the doctor snapped at her "hey!"

Meredith swallowed, "yeah. Call ahead to clear CT and let them know I'm coming. Load up the portable monitor and call respiratory for a ventilator, I'll get X-rays while I'm down there"

The patient – Alison as she'd discovered – had really had a number done on her. Meredith didn't think she'd ever seen an attack victim, at least not one that was still alive, in such a state. She'd fought him off though as the rape kit came back negative, she hadn't given up. In surgery it became clear just how much she'd fought as part of a severed penis was found inside her oesophagus - she'd bit it off!

Alison was a fighter and Meredith felt strangely protective over her, maybe because of the shoes but even more so when she later found out that she was all alone in this city – she had no family, no one to sit by her bedside and will her to get better. Meredith knew that feeling.

She spent the day going back and forth to the OR with Alison as she had crashed and developed a bleed. She was hoping against hope that Alison pulled through – this was one patient she didn't want to lose.

Meredith was also given the dubious honour of guarding the severed penis, due to it being forensic evidence, until the crime scene team arrived. If someone would have asked her a few weeks ago to list all of the jobs she thought she'd be doing as a surgeon, minding a severed penis would not have entered onto it! As herself and her friends had concluded, as interns they were currently 'suturing, code running, lab delivering, penis minders'. Being an intern sucked sometimes!

As she was the intern on call that night, Meredith decided that instead of heading to the on-call room that she was going to watch over Alison in case she woke up. Everyone needed somebody. Climbing the stairs to Alison's floor she rounded the corner to her room and was surprised to find Derek already sitting in there, one foot resting on his knee as he scanned Alison's chart. "Hey" she said as she took the chair on the opposite side of the bed to where Derek was sat.

"Hey" he replied, giving her a small smile.

"Didn't your shift finish an hour ago" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm gunna stay here tonight – I don't want her to wake up on her own"

Meredith smiled, Derek had had the same thought as her. Even though he was quite clearly exhausted, he put his patients before himself and for that she really respected him.

"Are you on call?" He asked, putting the chart back on the bed.

"Yeah, I didn't want her to be on her own either", she told him, "you can go home if you're tired – I can call you if there's any change.

Derek gave her a slight smile, "I think I'll stay – keep you both company"

"Thanks" Meredith replied. She was glad he was staying, even though she felt bad because he really did look like he needed some sleep.

Derek regarded her carefully, "She has your shoes"

"Yeah"

"You ok?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm ok" she assured him.

Derek nodded, he wasn't quite sure he believed her, or even if she believed herself, but he didn't push it.

Meredith and Derek sat in comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Neither felt the need to fill the silence with words, both content just to have the other's company and every so often they would catch each other's eye and share small smiles.

About 2 hours after she'd sat down, Meredith looked over at Derek again and found that he was fast asleep, his head tilted to one side and resting against the back of the chair. She got up quietly and fetched a blanket from the trolley outside the room and carefully placed it over Derek's sleeping form. His slumber allowed her to really look at him without him catching her staring. She watched his chest rise and fall with every breath, his eyelids fluttered gently as he dreamt. She took in every detail and memorised it, from his long legs, that were now covered with the blanket, to his toned arms and the few wisps of chest hair that poked out of the V of his scrubs. She took in his chiselled jaw and his very distracting lips. She wished she could see his eyes – those eyes were what first attracted her to him – she could read every emotion in them and she'd noticed that the shade of blue changed depending on how he was feeling. She moved on to his hair – no man should have hair that perfect! Those ebony curls just…well they were just calling to be tugged on while he slid… 'Stop!' she told herself, 'you need to stop'.

"Why did you have to be married?" she sighed in a whisper as she reached forward and with a featherlight touch, brushed a stray curl from his forehead, lingering slightly before removing her hand. She went back to her chair and closed her eyes, Derek's every detail emblazoned on the inside of her eyelids, as vivid as if her eyes were open and she was looking right at him.

A trolley being pushed down the corridor pulled Derek out of his surprisingly peaceful sleep. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he looked around slightly disoriented but then remembered he was in his patient's room. He felt something resting on his lap and was slightly confused to find a blanket covering him. He didn't remember that being there but then his eyes caught sight of Meredith and he smiled as he realised she must have covered him with it during the night.

Getting up and leaning against the bed, his smile widened as he noticed that Meredith was asleep. He laughed lightly at her position – it really didn't look comfortable – she was leaning to one side on the chair, scrunched up in a foetal position, arms wrapped round her legs and her head resting against the wall. He took the time to study her - she'd never let him do this if she were awake – it would probably be breaking one of her rules. As it were though he marvelled at every detail – her small but lithe frame, her oh so enticing curves that had set his body alight when he'd first met her, her long arms and her tiny, ineffectual fists – that he'd seen were actually quite lethal! He smiled as he stared at her delicate face and how some stray waves of her dirty blonde hair had escaped from her ponytail and were now framing her cheeks just perfectly. His breath caught and his pulse sped up as he looked down at her deep pink lips – his mind had wandered many a time about what it would feel like have those lips on his, her hair cascading down onto his bare chest… He shook his head to push away the thoughts – they were friends, he couldn't drag her into the mess that his life was in. "You look even prettier in your scrubs" he whispered reverently as he reached down and lightly brushed a wave of hair out of her eyes, tracing his fingers down her cheek as he did so.

Picking up the blanket that Meredith had gifted him last night he gently tucked it around her tangled limbs, careful not to wake her. With a sigh he looked down at his watch and realised his shift would be starting shortly. After checking on Alison to make sure she was stable, he took one last lingering look at the sleeping woman who made his heart beat faster and headed out of the room.

Meredith awoke a while later to the beginnings of sunlight streaming through the window. She scrunched her eyes up at the unwanted brightness that was causing her pupils to constrict. When her eyes had adjusted, she looked over to the chair Derek had been in but found that he was no longer there. She started to stand but smiled when she realised she was tucked in by a blanket – the same blanket she had covered Derek with last night. Tilting her head down she closed her eyes as she took a deep breath in – she could swear she could still smell Derek on it, which awoke all her senses and brought her into full consciousness. Considering she had spent the night crumpled up in a hospital chair, Meredith felt rather rested.

She figured she should probably go and get ready for rounds though before Bailey decided to put her on scut for the day. Peeling the blanket off and stretching her limbs out she stood up and went to check on Alison's vitals. Happy that they were fine she turned and headed towards the door, when something caught her eye on the table next to her chair. A takeout coffee cup – from the good coffee cart – sat there with a bright blue post-it note stuck to it. Meredith walked over and picked it up. She laughed as she read Derek's doctor scrawl:

 _'Good morning,_

 _You're cute when you snore. X'_

The cup was still warm, indicating that Derek had not long delivered it. She placed the post-it in her lab coat pocket and smiled as she took a sip – caramel latte, her favourite – she couldn't remember telling Derek that that was her favourite so either he was a very good guesser or extremely psychic!

…..…..…

Alison crashed again as Derek was checking on her later in the morning – her ICP had doubled so he had to rush her in for an emergency craniotomy. Meredith, still holding the cooler containing the severed penis, leant against the wall of the OR, tapping her foot nervously as she waited to find out how it had gone.

Derek emerged and paced as he pulled his scrub cap off with a sigh "I erm, had to leave her skull flap off while the pressure in her brain goes down"

Meredith looked resigned, "She's not gunna make it is she?"

"She's gunna be fine"

"If she ever wakes up"

Derek nodded solemnly, "if she ever wakes up"

Later that day Alison did wake up though and no one was more relieved than Meredith and Derek.

It had been an emotionally draining day and so when Meredith's friends had suggested a drink after their shift, she had eagerly agreed. Trudging across the street from the hospital, Meredith wearily pushed the door to Joe's open and scanning the relatively quiet bar she soon located Cristina sitting alone at the bar, nursing a bowl of peanuts and a beer.

Meredith dropped heavily onto the bar stool as Cristina tilted her head and regarded her with curiosity, "what, no date with McDreamy tonight?".

Meredith rolled her eyes – she was used to Cristina teasing her about Derek now, "McDreamy's still at work and we're not dating – we're friends"

"You're referring to him as McDreamy" Cristina pointed out with a smirk.

"Yeah so, you call him McDreamy all the time!"

"Who's McDreamy?" Izzie asked, taking the seat next to Meredith and motioning for Joe to come over.

"Meredith's new friend" Cristina supplied, before Meredith had a chance to answer.

"Who's Meredith's new friend?" George pitched in, taking the seat next to Izzie.

"No one" "Derek" Meredith and Cristina said at the same time.

"Who's Derek?" Izzie asked, ignoring Meredith's answer. Her eyes widened as realisation dawned on her, "Derek Shepherd?"

"Yep" Cristina confirmed smiling, earning a scowl from Meredith.

Izzie's eyes widened further at this, "Derek Shepherd, head of Neuro? Our boss Derek Shepherd? Derek Shepherd the Attending?"

"Yes, yes and yes!" Meredith snapped, "how many Derek Shepherd's do you know?!"

"So you're friends with Derek Shepherd?" Izzie asked again, as if the question hadn't already been answered.

Meredith groaned, and practically yelled "yes, I am friends with Derek Shepherd, OK!", earning a few curious glances from the other patrons in the bar.

"Sex friends?" Izzie asked, fully intrigued now.

"No!" Meredith exclaimed, "why does everyone assume that?!" she added, glaring at Cristina who was clearly enjoying this conversation.

"Maybe you should be" Izzie suggested, "might help with your uptight-ness"

Cristina cracked up at this, "exactly what I said!"

Meredith glared at both of them, "I am NOT uptight!" she hissed, "and men and women can be friends without having sex you know!"

Izzie snorted, "Mere, no offence but you can't be just friends with a guy" she stated, seeming to indicate that the 'you' was meant specifically for Meredith and not the royal 'you'.

"Yes, I can" Meredith replied, indignantly.

"Oh yeah?" Izzie implored, "name a guy you're just friends with"

Meredith thought about this for a few seconds, "George!" she blurted triumphantly, gesturing towards a bemused looking George.

Izzie shook her head and took a sip of her beer before adding, "George doesn't count"

"Erm why doesn't George count?" George asked, looking rather offended.

"George buys us tampons" Izzie supplied in explanation.

"Hey!" George exclaimed, "I count!"

"Ok George" Izzie replied, standing up and heading towards the ladies room.

George stumbled as he pushed himself off the bar stool and followed determinedly after Izzie. "I am a man!" he declared loudly at her retreating back, "and there will be no more buying!"

Izzie stopped abruptly and turned round, causing George to collide with her chest. "George", Izzie began, "if you're wanting to prove you're manliness then following me into the ladies bathroom isn't going to help with that" she added before turning back around and disappearing from sight.

George looked up at the sign above the door Izzie had just gone through and huffed as he turned around and headed back into the bar, mumbling about being treated like a sister and needing to find more men to hang out with.

Cristina was still laughing and teasing Meredith as the bell on the door rang, signifying that someone was entering. Meredith looked over at the door to see that the topic of their conversation had walked in. Derek looked tired and distracted as he sat down on one of the stools at the other end of the bar, leaning his weight on his elbows.

Cristina noticed what had caught Meredith's attention, "go on, go talk to him" she said with a small smile, letting Meredith know she didn't mind being left alone.

Meredith smiled at her in response, thanking her, before pushing herself off the stool and walking over to where Derek was sat. He was in a world of his own and didn't notice her until she took the seat next to him. Up close she could see that he really did look exhausted. "Hey" she said softly.

"Hey" he replied, a smile forming on his face.

"Rough day" Meredith stated rather than questioned.

Derek sighed, "yeah"

"So" Meredith began, "is this a good place to hang out?". She was rewarded with a brilliant smile and twinkling indigo irises as Derek tilted his head to the side, a look of wonder on his face as he looked at her. He suddenly didn't look so weighed down anymore.

He laughed lightly along with her as he replied, "I believe so".

 **AN: so there it is, chapter 2 – hope you liked it! Let me know what you think :) I'll try and update again in a few days.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: thank you once again to those of you who took the time to review – I really really do appreciate your comments. There was a bit of a review drop off for the last chapter so I hope you're all still with me and enjoying the ride! I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and it's the longest one so far, so I hope you like it too! Special thank you to Judy for the idea – hope it lives up to your expectations ;)**

A persistent knocking on the door pulled Meredith from her much needed sleep. She groaned loudly as she rolled over to glance at the clock: 08:30. It was her first day off in 13 days of straight working and so 08:30 felt like the middle of the night to her, and there was no way in hell she was getting up before midday! Groaning again as the knocking persisted she pulled the pillow over her head, hoping the noise would just go away or at least that someone else would deal with it. She knew that Izzie was home so maybe she would tell whoever was making the racket to politely go away.

Luck was not on her side this morning though as the knocking suddenly became louder and, pulling the pillow from her head, Meredith realised to her disgruntlement that the knocking was now inside the house, on her bedroom door. "What!" she snapped, "I'm sleeping!"

Izzie poked her head around the door with a cheerful smile on her face, "eh Mere, you have a visitor"

Meredith glared at her – she was not a morning person, especially not on her days off. "Well tell whoever it is that I'm sleeping and to come back at a less offensive hour!"

Izzie chuckled at this and smiled mischievously at Meredith as she replaced the pillow over her head. "I think you'll want to see this visitor"

"I think I want to see my bed" Meredith groaned, muffled by the pillow.

"You could always combine the two" Izzie suggested, a smug smile on her face as she pushed the door open the whole way.

Meredith was too tired to decipher Izzie's riddles so with one final sigh she threw off the pillow and the covers and trudged after Izzie as she headed for the stairs. "This better be good" Meredith mumbled, "and why are you up, let alone dressed - it's our day off?"

"Some people like to make the most of their days off"

"I do like to make the most of my days off – by sleeping!"

Meredith's eyes widened and she stumbled on the bottom step as she saw Derek looking a bit sheepish standing by the front door. He was wearing a fitted navy blue sweater which highlighted his taut muscles and brought out the blue of his eyes quite perfectly. He also had on some dark jeans that looked like they'd been made specifically for him. Her mouth suddenly felt very dry. She realised she was staring and shook her head to snap herself out of it. "Derek, hi"

"Hi" Derek replied, sounding a little guilty, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up". He knew he was staring but he couldn't tear his eyes away from her – she was stood before him, her hair cutely mussed from sleep, in a ratty little Dartmouth tee shirt and some very short shorts. Her nipples, clearly visible through her tee shirt, were enticingly pointing right at him and her legs, that he'd never seen bare before, seemed to go on forever. His mind started to wonder what it would be like to have those legs wrapped around him. Right then and there, having literally just rolled out of bed, he thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

Meredith blushed, realising he'd probably heard her argument with Izzie upstairs. "It's ok" she told him truthfully – if there was one person she didn't mind being dragged from her sleep for it would be Derek. "I probably should have got up at some point anyway"

"Even still, if you want to go back to bed I can come back later?" Derek offered, looking less confident than usual.

"Seriously Derek, it's fine - I'm awake" she assured him with a smile, "although you do owe me breakfast now"

A huge smile lit up Derek's face, "I thought you'd say that". He revealed a paper carrier bag from behind his back "2 smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels and 2 blueberry muffins" he revealed, winking at her and smiling proudly.

Meredith smiled widely, stepping forward and taking the bag from Derek, "Oh my God I love you!"

Derek blushed at her words, "so I did good then?"

"You did good" Meredith confirmed, taking a bite of one of the bagels, "mmmmm"

Derek chuckled at her enthusiasm for the food, "good?"

"Mmmhmm" Meredith replied, through a mouthful of bagel. "So, not that I'm complaining, but did you just come round here to bring me breakfast?"

"Actually no" Derek began, a smile forming on his face, "the breakfast was a bribe – I want you to come with me - I've got something I want to show you"

"What kind of something?" Meredith asked, becoming intrigued.

Derek's eyes sparkled as he smiled widely- he looked like a little kid on Christmas Day waiting to open his presents. "Well now that's a surprise" he teased.

"You know, I'm not big on surprises – they usually turn out badly"

"I think you'll like this one" he smiled, "so Dr Grey, what do you say?"

Meredith looked at his enthusiastic and hopeful expression – there was no way she could say no to that. "Ok, but I'll have to get ready first" she agreed, gesturing to her attire. She blushed as she realised how little clothing she was stood in front of Derek wearing.

Derek was about to reply that he was more than happy for her to come with him dressed as she was but he noticed over her shoulder that Dr Stevens, Izzie, had been standing there the whole time. He felt a little self conscious at having had an audience to his conversation with Meredith.

Meredith turned to see what Derek was looking at and found Izzie grinning wildly as she looked between her and Derek. She glared at her, "Izzie, don't you have a thing that you need to be doing?"

"No"

"I think you do – remember that thing, that you need to do – right now" Meredith pushed.

Izzie relented at Meredith's warning look, "ohhh, yeah, I do have a thing" she began, looking over to Derek, "…that I need to do…so I'll just go get started on my…thing" she added, shuffling around Meredith and Derek into the kitchen.

Derek laughed lightly at the interaction between the two women. Meredith smiled shyly up at him, "you can come up to my room and wait there if you want. If you stay down here you'll get the Spanish Inquisition form Sherlock in there!"

Derek wasn't prepared for that but quickly agreed, "OK". He followed behind Meredith as she climbed the stairs – trying not to notice the way her hips swayed deliciously as she ascended each step.

Meredith opened the door to her room and stood aside to let Derek in. He took a few steps into the room, pushing his hands into his pockets as he shyly looked around, unsure of what to do now he was actually in Meredith's bedroom. Meredith seemed just as shy as she stepped into the room behind him and closed the door. "Erm I'm gunna take a shower so er take a seat on the bed - I'll try not to be too long"

Derek nodded and smiled as he took a seat on the end of Meredith's bed and she disappeared into her bathroom. He leaned back on the bed, resting on his elbows and took in his surroundings. The room was distinctly Meredith, he couldn't quite put his finger on why but it was – and he liked it. The sheets and the covers were all rumpled, suggesting that Meredith had not long been curled up in them. He leaned back further so his head was resting on the headboard and closed his eyes. He smiled as Meredith's scent invaded his senses – it smelled like some kind of …flower, and Derek was sure he'd never tire of that scent. He heard the shower spray come on and he realised how entirely relaxed and natural this felt to be relaxing on Meredith's bed while she took a shower. The naughty part of his brain reasoned that he'd feel even more relaxed if he was in the shower with her…but now was not the time for those thoughts – especially when Meredith was naked about 15 feet away. This was the first time he'd been in her bedroom though and it felt incredibly un-awkward, which was both intriguing and confusing at the same time.

He heard the shower turn off and a few minutes later his jaw dropped and he spluttered, attempting to cover it up with a cough, as a very wet and very naked (barring a bath towel that was wrapped around her torso) Meredith emerged from her bathroom, a plume of steam behind her. His heart was beating wildly in his chest – if he wasn't a doctor he'd have thought it might burst out of his rib cage. Meredith's hair was slicked back, a few tendrils dripping water onto the floor, and her long legs stretched out from under the towel, gleaming in the humid air. He didn't know where to put his eyes but however hard he tried he couldn't quite tear them away from her.

Meredith noticed Derek's eyes darken as he looked at her, desire clearly emanating - she'd never seen them that dark before – they were practically black! Standing before him in nothing but a towel she was surprised to not feel self conscious, the look in Derek's eyes making her feel something different altogether and tingle all over. "I erm forgot my clothes" she stuttered, blushing slightly as she attempted to retrieve some clothes from the chair in the corner and make sure the towel didn't fall down at the same time.

Derek just nodded in response – his capacity to form any kind of words completely gone. He sighed deeply as Meredith disappeared back into the bathroom. Maybe he should have stayed downstairs with Izzie – he wouldn't have needed to take a cold shower then!

After Meredith had finished getting ready and they'd polished off the breakfast he'd brought, they left the house together and headed to his car. Meredith smiled and looked at the floor as Derek held her door open for her and then closed it once she was safely inside. She wasn't used to guys doing little things like that for her.

"So are you seriously not gunna tell me where we're going?" she asked as Derek joined her in the car.

Derek grinned wildly, "No"

"You're not taking me fishing are you?" Meredith frowned.

"No, no fishing" he laughed, "…we're going to meet a realtor"

"A realtor?" Meredith was confused now. "Why are we meeting a realtor?"

Derek shrugged, "Because I need somewhere to live"

"Wait a minute" Meredith began, "you've been here over a month and you don't have somewhere to live already? …where've you been staying all this time?" she asked incredulously.

"The Archfield"

"The Archfield?...you've been staying at the Archfield for a whole month?" Meredith was stunned - she'd never asked but she'd just assumed that he had a house or an apartment somewhere. Plus the Archfield was a nice hotel – an expensive hotel – she shuddered to think how much it would cost to stay there for a month…being a world class neurosurgeon though she supposed he probably didn't have to worry about that.

"Yeah, I just hadn't found anywhere I liked enough to buy"

"But now you might have?"

Derek smiled, "Now I might have - I've found somewhere I really like…but I wanted to show you and see what you think before I put in an offer"

Meredith was about to ask him why he wanted her opinion but decided against it, instead she asked, "so where is this place then?"

"Ah" Derek replied, "now that part's staying a surprise". He winked at her as he pulled the car out of the driveway and headed towards their destination.

Meredith rolled her eyes and giggled, "I hope this is a good surprise". Derek smiled at her – he hoped it would be too.

…...

They drove the short distance to the Bainbridge Island ferry terminal and boarded the ferry. Derek was almost exploding with excitement as he suggested they get out and go up on the deck. Meredith happily agreed and they left the car and found a secluded spot on the deck, looking out over the water. She leant her arms on the railings and smiled as she watched the sunlight glisten down on Elliott Bay as the ferry glided surely through the calm waters. Derek stood slightly behind her, protecting her from the wind, one had gently resting on her hip and the other on the railing.

"So" Meredith began, turning her head to smile at him – with the way they were standing, their faces were only centimetres apart and Derek could feel Meredith's warm breath on his cheek. "We're going to Bainbridge Island". Derek just grinned in response. "Well anywhere you get to ride the ferry boats every day I think is a winner"

"I have a thing for ferry boats". The ferry boats had definitely been an attraction for him with this place they were going to view, but it wasn't just that – it was the quietness and seclusion that the island offered. New York was so busy and crowded and it was never quiet - he'd come to realise that that wasn't him, he wanted somewhere peaceful where he could be outside and relax without there being a bustle of people and noise around.

Meredith giggled, "I remember".

The 35 minute journey passed quickly and before they knew it they were driving off the ferry onto Bainbridge Island. Their destination was about a 10 minute drive from the ferry and Meredith watched out of the window, fascinated, as they drove past some truly beautiful scenery. In all her time in Seattle, as a child and then returning recently, she'd never actually been to Bainbridge Island. Her expression turned curious as she noticed they were leaving civilisation and heading into what she would describe as 'the woods'. "Erm Derek, there don't seem to be many houses around here" she pointed out. In fact there weren't any houses around here.

"Patience Dr Grey" Derek teased.

Moments later she saw a clearing up ahead and a car parked, presumably the realtor's. Derek pulled up next to the other car and jumped out before she had a chance to say anything else, coming round to her side to open the door for her. He looked so excited that it was infectious and she couldn't help but giggle. Derek offered her his hand to help her out of the car and didn't let go of it as he brought her around to where the realtor was standing - smiling as she looked between the two of them.

"Dr Shepherd, hi" the realtor greeted him enthusiastically, shaking his hand.

"Lucy, it's good to see you again" Derek replied, "this is Meredith".

"Meredith, it's nice to meet you" Lucy added warmly, shaking her hand also. "I've brought the documents you requested, so if you're ready I'll show you around?"

"We're ready" Derek told her, glancing to Meredith with a look of pure excitement and joy on his face.

"Ok then, follow me"

Meredith and Derek followed behind Lucy for a few moments until they came fully into the open. Meredith, still holding onto Derek's hand, stopped and gasped as she looked around.

"It's about 40 acres in total…" Lucy was talking but Meredith couldn't hear her, she was too entranced by what she was seeing. They were on the most beautiful piece of land she'd ever seen – right there they were on a large cliff top that looked out over…everything. She could see Elliott Bay below, with a ferry boat sailing across. With today being such a clear day she could also see all the way across to the Seattle skyline. It was just…breathtaking.

Derek's eyes never left Meredith as she took in everything around her – this was the reaction he'd been hoping for, it'd been the same reaction he'd had himself when he'd drove out here a couple of days ago. Her reaction just confirmed it for him "We'll take it" he spoke, interrupting Lucy's spiel.

Lucy's eyebrows rose and she looked like she'd just won the lottery. "Right. Ok then" she replied, "are you happy to pay the asking price?"

"Yes that's fine, 4 and a half right?"

Meredith was still stunned…but wait, she was sure Derek had just said 'we'll take it' and not 'I'll take it'. She didn't have time to ponder that too much as she realised Derek and Lucy were discussing prices – 4 and a half thousand seemed awfully cheap for all this incredible land.

"Yes, $4.5 million" Lucy confirmed.

Meredith's eyes bulged – 4.5 million dollars! …and he didn't even blink. She was starting to realise just how world class he must be.

"Great" Derek replied happily, "I'll get that transferred over to you this afternoon. I've already spoken to the bank and told them I was considering this so I just need to call and authorise the transfer"

"Fantastic!" Lucy beamed, "well I have the contracts here that I faxed to you yesterday, so it's just a case of signing and this land is all yours"

Derek took the contacts and pen from Lucy and flicked to the back pages, signing his name multiple times. He'd had his lawyer look over them yesterday so he knew all was as it should be.

"Wonderful" Lucy replied, taking the contracts back from Derek, "I'm sure you and you're wife will be very happy here"

That got Meredith's attention. She balked, as for a horrifying moment she thought Derek had brought her out here to show her where he was going to live with his wife, whom she wasn't aware he'd reconciled with. That would just be cruel, but maybe that's what he meant by 'we'll take it'? She noticed however that Lucy was looking between Derek and HER as she spoke, and realisation dawned on her – Lucy thought that SHE was Derek's wife. She looked up to Derek to find he was blushing furiously.

"Oh erm, we're not…we're not married" Derek stuttered, "we're…"

"Oh" Lucy replied, genuinely surprised, "it's just that you seem so…happy together"

Derek glanced nervously at Meredith, expecting her to freak out but found she looked too stunned to say or do anything. He coughed as he looked back over to Lucy, attempting to erase some of the awkwardness. "You're still OK to help me with that other business we discussed?" He asked cryptically, changed the subject.

"Of course Dr Shepherd, I'll get on the phone and it'll be sorted this afternoon. I'll meet you back at the ferry terminal at 5"

"Great" Derek replied, a smile returning to his face.

"Well if you don't need me anymore I'm gunna go and sort out that other business for you and I'll leave you with your new land. Congratulations Dr Shepherd"

"Thank you Lucy. We'll see you later" and with that Lucy nodded to the two of them and left them alone.

…...

"She thought we were married" Meredith mused.

"She did"

"Why would she think we were married?"

"Well I am quite the catch" Derek winked at her, "she probably thought you'd snapped me up straight away"

Meredith laughed, "snapped you up?"

"Oh yes" Derek replied, joining her in laughter. "So you really like this place?"

"Like it? Derek this place is amazing!"

Derek smiled at her, "I'd hoped you'd think that"

"I can't believe you just bought it like that though"

"Well when you know, you just know" he told her, indigo blue boring into emerald green.

Meredith felt the intensity in his gaze and had to avert her eyes, turning her head to look again at the beautiful vista. Looking out towards the cliff top and across the expansive greenery, something dawned on her, "wait, the land is great but…where are you actually going to live? I mean I know you like camping and fishing, and all that other woodsy stuff, but seriously are you gunna camp indefinitely?"

Derek smiled mischievously at her, "I'm not going to camp…at least not in a tent". At Meredith's curious look he added, "that's another part of the surprise - you'll see later"

"Would this have something to do with the 'other business' you have with Lucy?"

Derek smiled widely, he really wanted to tell her but knew it would be so much better to wait and see her reaction. He hoped it would be as positive as her reaction to the land.

"So what are you gunna do with all this land?"

"Honestly…I have no idea"

Meredith regarded him pensively, a wide smile forming on her lips, before she turned and took off across the land, closer to where the cliff looked out over Elliott Bay. Derek was a bit surprised and wasn't quite sure what she was doing so just stood and stared after her. She stopped and turned back towards him, looking as happy as he'd ever seen her – she usually looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders so seeing her looking so carefree was incredible. "You should build a house" Meredith shouted, gesturing around her to where she thought it should be.

Derek returned her smile as he started walking towards her, his eyes never leaving her. "A house?"

"Yeah" Meredith replied with a contented sigh, "I mean imagine waking up every day to that view…you'd have huge windows in every room so you could watch the ferry boats wherever you were in the house. And a wrap around porch, so you could sit out in the summer and watch the sun set over the Sound". She blushed as she realised how carried away she'd gotten – she could picture it so vividly in her mind though. Derek was looking at her intently, his eyes sparkling in the sunlight, with a look she couldn't quite place. "…it was just an idea" she added shyly.

"That sounds nice" Derek replied wonderingly, amazed at how well she seemed to know him after such a short time, "I should hire you as my architect"

Meredith laughed, "kindergarteners can draw better than I can"

Derek smiled at this, "architect assistant then – you can provide the ideas and the architect can bring them to life"

Meredith studied him, helping him build a house seemed very…involved and long term. Derek seemed to be suggesting he wanted her to be an active part of his life and that scared her a little, and not just because of his marital situation. She had no experience of anything like this – she didn't do attachments or relationships, not that she thought what she had with Derek was a relationship (it couldn't be – he was married), but it was something…and that was scary, confusing, exciting – and a world of other emotions all at the same time. "I'll think about it" she told him with a small smile.

Derek smiled back at her – she hadn't said no. "So what do you say we explore a little while we're here?"

Meredith giggled, "explore? Are you 8 years old?" she teased.

Derek ignored her comment. "Come on" he implored, giving her a dreamy smile before grabbing her hand and pulling her gently towards one of the trails, "it'll be fun"

They spent a couple of hours exploring Derek's new land, laughing and joking together and both falling more in love with the place with the more of it they discovered. After arriving back at the car, they leant on the hood as they took a breather. "We have a few hours before we need to meet Lucy again, is there anything you need to do?" Derek asked, realising slightly guiltily that he'd taken up her one day off and hadn't asked if she'd had plans.

"Actually there is one thing" she replied, crossing her arms across her chest, "I need to drop in and check on my mother – I haven't seen her in nearly 2 weeks with work being so busy. Do you mind?"

"Of course not" Derek told her earnestly, "I'll drive you there now"

"Thank you"

…...

The journey to Roseridge was a quiet one. Meredith rested her head against the window, staring out, seemingly lost in thought. Derek noticed she'd lost the carefree look she'd had earlier when she'd been describing his dream house, instead she looked troubled and careworn. When they pulled up outside the care home, Meredith snapped out of her daydream and looked over at Derek, who was looking at her with concern in his eyes.

"Would you like me to come in with you" he asked gently.

"Thanks but…I think it'd be better if I went in alone – my mother's not the easiest of people to talk to". Meredith was touched by Derek's offer, and in truth she could do with his support – seeing her mother always stressed her out. But she wanted to protect him as her mother was notoriously intimidating – even to cocky neurosurgeons.

"Ok" Derek agreed, not wanting to push her.

"If you met her you'd see why I'm so dark and twisty"

Derek frowned, "I don't think you're dark and twisty". He remembered how excited and vibrant she'd been only an hour ago – a complete contrast to the woman sitting next to him now. He wandered what had happened between Meredith and her mother to cause such a change in her.

Meredith offered him a small smile but it didn't reach her eyes. "I won't be long, I'll be done in an hour"

"Ok well I have a few errands I need to run so I'll meet you back here in an hour?"

"Ok" Meredith agreed quietly, before reaching for the handle and opening the door.

Derek gently placed a hand on her forearm and stopped her from leaving, "hey, call me if you need anything ok?"

"I will" Meredith replied, giving him a real smile this time, before getting out of the car and heading in to Roseridge.

Derek watched her walk in until she was no longer visible. He sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot – he hoped she'd be ok.

…...

Exactly an hour later, Derek pulled back up outside Roseridge to find Meredith sat on a bench outside, her head resting on her knees which were bent up to her chest, her arms wrapped protectively around them. She was staring straight ahead and didn't notice him until he sat down next to her and placed a comforting hand on her back, rubbing up and down in soothing motions. "Hey" he greeted her gently, "are you ok?"

"I'm fine" she replied, not looking at him.

"Fine fine or Meredith fine?" In the short time he'd known her he'd come to realise that Meredith saying that she was fine didn't necessarily mean that she was.

Meredith sighed and turned to look at Derek, "I'm ok" she assured him, "I just…I don't know why I let her get to me still – you think I'd be used to it after 28 years"

"What happened?" He asked, continuing to rub circles on her back.

"She thought I was 18…and at 18 I was in my rebellion phase, doing my best to annoy her – I took a year out to travel around Europe instead of staring college straight away. As you can imagine, my mother was not happy. …so that was when she was remembering me today…so I got to hear, again, how disappointed she is in me, how I'll never amount to anything, and how ordinary I am" Meredith explained with a humourless laugh.

"Oh Meredith, look at me" he implored her, "look at me" he added when she didn't comply immediately. He reached up and cupped her cheek with his hand, brushing it lightly with the pad of his thumb, "you, are far from ordinary".

Meredith looked into his eyes, her own glistening with unshed tears, and he looked so sincere. _'You're going to be an extraordinary surgeon'_ \- she remembered his words after her first surgery. She wanted desperately to believe him but she had 28 years of being told otherwise.

"I mean it" he continued, tilting her chin so she was looking directly at him again, "you Meredith Grey, are extraordinary"

Meredith took a deep breath in to ward of the tears that threatened to fall. She stood up, bringing Derek with her. She looked down at her feet then back up at him, "thank you" she told him, leaning up, resting one hand on his chest and placing a featherlight kiss to his cheek.

Derek stood there stunned as Meredith moved around him and got back into the car. His whole cheek tingled from Meredith's kiss and he unconsciously moved his hand up to touch the spot where her lips had been. He had it bad.

…...

They drove back to the ferry terminal in comfortable silence, Derek discretely glancing to his right every so often to assure himself that she was ok. Pulling onto the boat, Derek shut the engine off and turned, regarding her fully now. "You're really ok?"

"I am now" Meredith told him truthfully, offering him a small smile. "Come on, let's go up on deck"

The ferry journey back to Bainbridge Island was spent much like the first one with Meredith and Derek basking in the warm, fresh air and enjoying each other's close proximity. Derek watched in happy wonder as the pain and anguish that had been etched on her face earlier after she'd seen her mother, seemed to ebb away as the journey progressed. He was glad he had brought her with him today.

When they docked at Bainbridge Island they noticed Lucy's car was already there so Derek pulled up beside her. Derek jumped out of the car quickly and jogged round to Lucy's door. Meredith watched curiously through her window as they engaged in discussion about something – she couldn't tell what they were saying but Derek had that excited little boy expression on his face again. She saw Lucy pass something to Derek and then they shook hands. They exchange was quick and before she knew it Derek was climbing back into his car and starting the ignition.

"What did she give you?" Meredith asked as he pulled out of the harbour. Derek didn't answer but instead grinned broadly and winked at her. She tried repeatedly on the short trip back to Derek's new land to pry it out of him but he wasn't budging and Derek grew more amused with her every attempt.

"Patience Dr Grey"

"I'm not a patient person"

"I'll bare that in mind" Derek smirked, to which Meredith giggled and rolled her eyes.

…...

"Wait there" Derek told her as he pulled up on the edge of his land, jumping out of the car and coming round to her side. He held the door open for her and she stepped out, smiling as she took in her incredible surroundings again.

Derek leaned down to her ear, "Close your eyes" he whispered.

Meredith gave him a dubious look, "seriously?"

"Seriously" Derek replied, smiling, "close your eyes. Trust me"

'Trust' – that was something Meredith found very difficult – every single person in her life who she'd allowed herself to trust had let her down. But here she was with this man who elicited so many different emotions in her, who looked so hopeful standing there, willing her to trust him. Taking a leap of faith she sighed and closed her eyes.

Derek smiled – he had seen the mix of emotions flash across her eyes and the inner turmoil she was having when he mentioned trust. But looking at her standing there now with her eyes closed, he was honoured that she was beginning to trust him, as he was pretty sure that wasn't something she did very often. He reached down and took her left hand in his, placing his right gently on her lower back. "Come on" he said softly, guiding her slowly forwards.

"Derek-" Meredith began warily as they started walking.

"It's ok" he soothed, "I won't let you fall"

They moved forward slowly, Derek reassuring and guiding her until they reached the spot that had first left Meredith so awestruck earlier. Derek let go of Meredith's hand and moved to stand behind her, placing his hands over her eyes, causing Meredith to giggle. "Ok, we're here" he told her, "are you ready"

"Well I might be if knew what I was supposed to be ready for"

Derek laughed and removed his hands from her eyes, coming to stand by her side. His eyes were fixed on hers as he said "ok, open your eyes"

Meredith slowly did just that, her eyes readjusting to the light. They widened however when they noticed the new addition to Derek's land. A huge, shiny silver trailer stood proudly next to the area Meredith had said would be perfect to build a house. She blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating before a smile tugged at her mouth. A trailer in the woods – that was so typically Derek. Despite earning a multi-million dollar a year salary he was totally unpretentious about it and didn't see the need to try and impress people with material things. Right then she couldn't imagine him living anywhere else.

Derek watched her the whole time as she looked at the trailer, feeling far more nervous and self conscious than he was used to, as he anxiously awaited her approval. He wasn't quite sure why it was so important to him for Meredith to like it, well he was – he just didn't want to admit it, but he needed her to. "So…what do you think?" He asked shyly.

Meredith tore her attention from the trailer and looked up at his hopeful expression. She didn't answer, instead she started walking towards the trailer. For a horrible moment Derek thought her lack of reply meant she didn't like it. That was until she stopped and turned around, and giving him the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen, she held out her hand to him. Derek let out the breath he didn't realise he'd been holding and returning her smile with an equally impressive one of his own, he walked forward and joined her outstretched hand with his as she led him to the trailer.

…...

Derek took the keys Lucy had given him from his pocket and handed them to Meredith with a smile. "Dr Grey, would you like to do the honours?"

Meredith eagerly took them and unlocked the door, taking a few steps inside as Derek followed behind her. She looked around and saw that there was a bedroom at the end, complete with double bed, and a small kitchen connected to a living/ dining room. There was one other door that she presumed must be the bathroom. It was small but it seemed surprisingly spacious and had everything you'd need. "I like it" she told him, "how'd you get Lucy to do all this for you though? - I'm pretty sure trailer delivery doesn't come under a realtor's job description. Did you give her the McDreamy look?"

"McDreamy look?" Derek asked, quirking his eyebrow.

Meredith blushed, remembering Derek wasn't aware of the nickname Cristina had christened him with. "erm nothing"

Derek smirked but didn't push it further, "well with the amount of commission she made from this sale she was more than happy to help me out" he explained.

Meredith nodded, "so where's all your stuff?"

"Most of it's in storage, my day to day stuff – clothes, toiletries – I had with me at the hotel. I went back earlier to pick them up while you were with your mom" Derek didn't miss the way Meredith stiffened at the mention of her mother. "Why don't we go and bring it in?" He added, trying to bring the conversation away from her mother.

"Ah, so that's the real reason you brought me out here – to be your personal bellhop?" she joked.

Derek laughed and winked at her, "added bonus"

…...

After unloading Derek's trunk, they brought it all in to the trailer and started unpacking. He hadn't brought much so it didn't take long as it was mainly clothes. Derek put the food in the fridge that he'd picked up earlier and Meredith hung up the last of his shirts. She thought the box was empty but then a photo frame at the bottom caught her eye. She picked it up and looked at it curiously – it showed a tall man with dark curly hair and bright blue eyes, much like Derek's, smiling proudly with his hand resting on the shoulder of a small boy. The boy looked to be about 8 years old and had the same hair and eyes as the older man and was grinning widely, which showed off his missing two front teeth. In his hands he held up a huge fish as if it were the greatest thing in the world. Meredith smiled at the happiness she saw in the picture. At first glance she'd thought the man was Derek as they looked so similar, but looking at the little boy she knew that he was unmistakably Derek. The boy in the picture, albeit with fewer teeth, wore the same excited expression as Derek had earlier when he'd been about to show her his land.

Derek looked over to Meredith and saw that she was staring at something in her hand. Going over to where she was standing he smiled sadly when he saw what had captured her attention.

Meredith turned her gaze from the picture over to Derek, "is this your dad?"

"Yeah" he replied as she handed him the picture. He smiled nostalgically as he looked down at the photo – that had been one of the happiest days of his childhood and he remembered it vividly as if it were yesterday.

"You look so alike"

"My mom always says that too" he replied, still looking at the image of the man he admired more than any other.

"How does he feel about you moving to the other side of the country?"

Derek sighed and Meredith noticed a flicker of pain in his eyes, "he doesn't know" Derek told her, causing Meredith's eyebrows to rise slightly, "he erm…he died when I was 10"

Meredith took in a sharp intake of breath, "I'm sorry" she told him. She felt really bad now for bringing it up and for causing the sad expression that now resided on his face. "What happened?" she asked gently, unsure whether it was the right thing to say or not.

Derek looked up at her with pain filled eyes, "he was shot. He owned a hardware store and some guys came in to rob the place. They'd took all the money from the till and they were about to leave…but one of them noticed my dad's watch. He demanded that my dad hand the watch over but he refused – my mom had saved up and bought it for him for their anniversary. …so they shot him, and left without the watch anyway"

"Derek I'm so sorry" Meredith told him, hating the pain she saw he was feeling. She placed a comforting hand on his arm as he continued.

"I was there" he added, lost in his memories now, as Meredith took in another sharp intake of breath, "me and my sister Amelia had gone there after school and were playing in the back room. I heard a noise when they first came in so I went to go see what was going on. My dad caught sight of me before I made it onto the shop floor though and shook his head at me, motioning for me to go back into the room. I could tell from the look in his eyes that something was really wrong but I did as he'd told me. …a couple of minutes later I heard a lot of shouting and then a gunshot. Amelia was scared and ran to the door but I grabbed her and pulled her to me, I had to put my hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming… she was so tiny and I was holding her so tight that I thought I'd break her – but I had to protect her. We stayed like that til I couldn't hear anymore noise. I made Amelia promise that she wouldn't leave that room and then I came out into the shop - and found my dad lying on the floor behind the counter in a pool of blood. He was still alive but I knew it was bad because he was bleeding from his chest. I knelt down beside him and tried to stop the bleeding with my hand – I begged him not to leave me but I think he knew he didn't have a choice. He told me everything would be alright and then made me promise him something. I held his hand as he died"

Meredith's throat felt extremely tight and her eyes were glistening with moisture as she listened to Derek's story. She didn't try to stop the tear that escaped and traced a path down her cheek.

"That's the moment I decided I was gunna be a doctor" he choked out, "so that if someone else got shot I'd know what to do"

"Derek you were 10 years old, there's nothing you could have done", she told him seriously as she tilted his chin up so he was looking right at her, "it wasn't your fault"

"I know that now – but I didn't for a long time" he replied, offering her a small smile, "And this watch" he added, pushing his sleeve up to show her, "reminds me, every time I lose a patient or have a bad day of why I go on"

"That's your dad's watch?" Meredith asked, marvelling at the huge significance of the piece of jewellery she'd seen him wear on his wrist every day.

"Yeah" he sighed, "my mom gave it to me just after the funeral and said that my dad would want me to have it"

"Wow" was all Meredith could say.

"Yeah" Derek sighed with a small smile. He placed the photo on the shelf in the living room and turned back to Meredith, "when I was younger I couldn't think about him without seeing him lying on the floor dying. But now when I think about him, I think about times like this" he added as he gestured to the photo. He chuckled as he explained, "I was the only boy so my dad would always take me camping or fishing – it was our escape from all the women in the house!"

Meredith laughed with him, but a loud grumbling noise distracted them. She blushed when she realised the noise was coming from her stomach.

"Hungry?" Derek asked, amused.

"A little" Meredith agreed, slightly embarrassed.

Derek walked over to the fridge, reached inside and proudly held up a packet of 2 steaks, "good thing I went shopping earlier then"

Meredith's eyes lit up, "I love steak!...as long as you're not expecting me to cook – I can burn water!"

Derek laughed heartily at her admission, "don't worry Dr Grey, I'll have you know surgery isn't my only talent" he told her, grinning, "I happen to be a very good chef"

"Oh yeah? Well I'll be the judge of that" she teased.

…...

It turned out that Derek was indeed a very good chef, and after probably the best steak dinner she'd ever had, which had been followed by strawberry cheesecake and washed down by wine, Meredith sat with Derek outside the trailer on some patio chairs as they watched the distant lights of the Seattle skyline flicker in the darkness. She felt comfortably full and was content not to move from this position for a long time. "I couldn't eat another bite" she sighed happily, leaning her head back against the trailer.

Derek smirked at her, "so if offered you the last piece of cheesecake you'd turn it down?"

Meredith turned her head to look at him, a smile tugging at her lips, "cheesecake would be the exception"

Derek laughed and disappeared into the trailer, returning moments later with a plate containing the last piece of the delicious cheesecake they'd enjoyed earlier. He placed it down on the table next to her before returning to his chair. "All yours" he told her, smiling.

Meredith looked down at the cheesecake then back up at Derek, "I think we should share" she replied, breaking a piece off with the fork and holding it out to him.

Derek smiled as he leant forward and closed his mouth around the piece of cheesecake, his eyes fixed on hers, "thank you" he replied after swallowing.

Meredith smiled back at him, placing the fork back on the plate, "no, thank you Derek – I've had a great time today"

Derek looked at her affectionately, "it doesn't have to end yet…you could stay here tonight" he suggested tentatively. He hadn't intended to say that, it had just slipped out, and now his heart was hammering in his chest as he awaited her reaction.

Meredith averted her eyes from Derek's and fiddled nervously with her hands, "Derek, I don't know if-" she began, but was interrupted by Derek.

"I didn't mean like that" he blurted, "you can have the bed and I'll take the couch". He saw that she looked apprehensive and wasn't totally convinced so added quickly, "but I can take you home if you'd prefer"

Meredith looked at him for several moments, weighing up what he had just said. She knew she shouldn't and that she should accept his offer to take her home, but despite that she found herself agreeing. She didn't want today to end any more than he appeared to. "Ok" she replied warily.

"Ok you'll stay?" Derek asked hopefully.

"Ok I'll stay" Meredith confirmed, "but don't get any ideas – there will be no sex!"

Derek smirked happily, "I wouldn't dream of it Dr Grey"

Meredith chuckled at this, "of course not" she replied, not believing a word of it.

…...

They finished the cheesecake and relaxed happily together outside until Meredith let out a small yawn and Derek suggested they head inside. Once inside the trailer Meredith shuffled nervously on her feet, feeling awkward now the reality of staying the night with Derek was upon her. "Erm I don't have anything to wear to bed"

"You could always sleep naked – I wouldn't mind" Derek teased.

"Derek!" Meredith warned, but a smile was tugging at her lips.

"Im kidding, I've got some clothes you can wear" he assured her. He opened one of the drawers and rummaged around. He pulled out his old Bowdoin tee shirt along with a pair of pyjama pants and held them out to her, "these ok?"

"They're fine", Meredith took the clothes from him, "I'll just go change" she added and retreated into the bathroom.

Derek blew out a huge sigh as the bathroom door closed – this morning he'd not imagined Meredith would be spending his first night on his new land with him. And yet here he was, sitting on his bed whilst Meredith got changed – into his clothes – in his bathroom. He needed to do something to stop his mind from wandering so he got up and retrieved a spare blanket and pillow and set them up on the couch. Then he set about getting changed himself, pulling off his sweater and his jeans so he was stood there only in his navy boxers.

Meredith chose that moment to emerge from the bathroom and they both blushed as they stood there staring at each other, "Erm sorry" Meredith stuttered, turning around, "I didn't realise you were erm…changing". She had just seen Derek almost naked and it was an incredibly nice sight – she needed to control those thoughts though if she was going to be spending the night with him in this confined space. The temperature seemed to have risen 20 degrees and she suddenly felt very hot.

Derek quickly pulled on a tee shirt and pyjama pants, "it's ok, I'm decent now" he joked, trying to alleviate the tension. Meredith turned back around, smiling nervously at him. Derek's breath caught in his throat as she did. He'd thought she couldn't look more beautiful this morning, fresh out of bed and wearing a little tee shirt and shorts, but now…now she was standing in front of him in his old college tee shirt and pyjama pants that drowned her small frame, he knew he'd been wrong. He couldn't describe how breathtaking she looked to him in that moment. He realised he was staring and didn't want to freak her out so he looked away, "The bed's all set up for you…I'm just gunna use the bathroom" he told her as he moved past her.

"Thanks" Meredith replied timidly, taking a seat on the bed. The bathroom door closed and she took a deep breath. Derek's clothes were far too big for her but she liked them – they smelled like him…a mixture of sandalwood and something that was distinctly him. She smiled as she pulled the covers back and snuggled down into the bed. Closing her eyes, her smile grew as she relieved her time with Derek today.

Derek splashed some cold water on his face – Meredith was in his trailer, most likely now in his bed – he needed to calm down before he embarrassed himself. He took his time brushing his teeth and relieving himself, trying to think of anything other than the incredible woman lying in his bed. He splashed some more water on his face before finally deciding he was calm enough to go back out.

The sight that greeted him when he left the bathroom made his heart swell – Meredith was lain in his bed, asleep, her hair splayed out across the pillow. She must've been tired he thought. Walking quietly over to the bed, trying his best not to wake her, he smiled again at how beautiful she looked. He carefully brushed a stray strand of hair out of her eyes and leaning down he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, "goodnight Meredith" he whispered.

He stood back up and turned to leave but Meredith's hand catching his halted him. He turned back to her to find her looking up at him, now fully awake. "You don't have to sleep on the couch" she told him gently, "this is your bed, we're both adults – we can share".

Derek just stared at her in shock for a few seconds, "are you sure?"

"Yes" she replied, pulling the covers back and rolling over to make space for him.

Derek timidly climbed into the bed, careful not to touch her. If he'd thought sleeping in the same room with Meredith was surreal – sleeping in the same bed as her was…well he couldn't think of an appropriate word for it.

"You ok?" Meredith asked, turning towards him, noticing his unusual quietness.

"Yeah" he replied, the tension ebbing away as he looked at her, "…you know we've already broken the no baring and no sleepovers rule…so since we're so terrible at sticking to rules we may as well just go ahead and break the other ones too…what were they again…no flirting and no sex?" Derek smirked at her with a mischievous grin on his face.

Meredith snorted, "I think you've already broken the no flirting rule"

"So just the no sex rule left to break then?" He teased.

"Derek!" Meredith scolded, slapping him on the arm, "would you prefer the couch?!"

Derek laughed happily, grabbing her hand to stop her assault on his arm and pulling her towards him, "I'm quite happy here" he said softly into her ear.

"Behave then" she scolded him lightly. She turned over so she was facing away from him but didn't move away, leaving his chest pressed up against her back and his arm draped over her stomach, "goodnight Derek"

Derek smiled at her, even though she couldn't see it, and basked in the feeing of having her in his arms. He didn't want to go to sleep yet – he didn't want to miss a moment of this feeling. He watched her until her breaths evened out and little snores escaped her lips. Tilting his head forward, he pressed his lips to her exposed shoulder in an affectionate kiss and whispered again, "goodnight Meredith"

 **AN: hope this makes up for the lack of elevator kiss in chapter 2 ;) I'd love to hear what you think so please review! I'll see you soon for chapter 4 :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I know I say this every time but thank you SO MUCH for your reviews – they really do make my day! Special thank you's to the so many of you who've reviewed every chapter so far - I'm so glad you're enjoying the ride :) I had a lot of fun writing this chapter so I hope you have fun reading it! It's a bit shorter than the previous chapter but I thought you'd appreciate the quicker update. Enjoy ;)**

Chapter 4:

 _The hot water beat down on them like tropical rain, drenching them completely but not dampening their passion. Leaning into the spray, Derek gasped as Meredith's nails dug into his shoulder blades while he trailed hot little kisses from her breasts to her collarbone and then paused on her pulse point – smirking as he suckled on the spot he knew drove her crazy and made her moan for him. His hot breath laved her skin and left goosebumps in the wake of his lips. Meredith's head rolled back against the wall, the moan Derek loved so much escaping her lips, as he kissed his way up her neck, paying special attention to every spot. He reached the spot just below her ear and tugged gently on her ear lobe with his teeth, eliciting a surprised gasp from Meredith. Having had enough with the teasing he grabbed the back of her head and roughly pulled her mouth to his, their lips slamming together in a fit of passion. He growled as her fingers migrated to his hair and tugged on his now slick curls. Their tongues duelled for dominance as they explored every crevice of each other's mouths, impassioned cries escaping them when they came up for air._

 _Derek was wound so tight he was fit to burst. He needed to be inside her – now. Detaching his lips only a hairs breath from hers, he used his hands to guide her into the corner of the shower, the spray now beating down on his back, leaving their faces free. He looked into her eyes and saw his own insatiable desire reflected in hers. Using his knee he gently pushed her legs apart and using one hand he braced himself on the wall, the other he used to keep her pressed against him._

 _"Derek" Meredith moaned, "I need you" she breathed into his ear, "Derek…Derek"_

"Derek…Derek!"

Derek's eyes snapped open to find Meredith nudging his arm and calling his name.

"Wha-what" Derek stuttered, totally confused and disoriented – last he remembered he was in the shower with Meredith, about to send them both over the edge of euphoria.

Meredith giggled at his sleepy stupor, "you're alarm Derek" she explained.

The haze encapsulating Derek's brain lifted somewhat and he registered an incessant beeping to his right. He turned slightly and after a couple of misses his hand slammed down on his target, culling the offending noise.

He blinked a few times to bring himself fully into consciousness before turning back to Meredith. The alarm might not have been enough to wake him up but the sight that greeted him now definitely was – Meredith was looking at him with an amused look on her face, her hair adorably mussed from sleep and wearing his clothes. During the night she must've rolled over as her chest was now pressed up against his and their legs were entwined. It was a very intimate position, one that would look to an onlooker like a lover's embrace – totally comfortable and natural – like a habit, one that they'd do every day for the rest of their lives.

"Good morning" she greeted him, a lazy smile on her face.

"Good morning" he replied, returning her smile.

"That must've been some dream"

Derek's eyes widened slightly, "erm…" he began as a blush creeped up his cheeks, "what makes you say that?" He shifted a little in the bed as he realised his dream had had certain effects on his lower body and he didn't want her to notice.

"Well you were sighing a lot…" she began, causing Derek's jaw to drop, "and I was calling your name for like 30 seconds before you actually woke up"

Derek blushed again, he definitely remembered her calling his name – they were just much wetter and much more naked at the time! "I erm…I don't remember" he stuttered, averting his eyes.

A smile tugged at Meredith's lips – she had a pretty good idea of the subject area of Derek's dream and she found great delight in teasing him, especially after all the times he'd teased her.

"I'm sorry the alarm woke you up, I know your shift doesn't start til later" he told her, attempting to change the subject.

"Oh, I was already awake"

"You were?"

"Yeah…something poking me in the stomach woke me up" Meredith told him, keeping her face neutral.

Derek gawked at her, horrified. So she had noticed the bodily effects of his dream. He studied her face, looking for any signs that she was angry or upset, but he couldn't tell from her expression.

Meredith couldn't keep it up any longer as a giggle escaped her lips and a full on smile broke out on her face as she burst out laughing at the look on his face. Derek stared at her incredulously, "you're not mad?" he asked dubiously.

"I'm not mad" she confirmed, calming down slightly but she couldn't stop another giggle from escaping.

Derek breathed a sigh of relief before playfully nudging her and joining her in amused laughter.

…...

The rest of the morning before they left was spent in comfortable companionship as they got ready. Meredith couldn't help but tease Derek some more, to which he laughed and shook his head. She opted to shower at home so as not to hold him up as she knew he needed to be at the hospital soon. Derek resisted the urge to joke that they could shower together to save time. Meredith made them both coffee as Derek got ready and it all felt very…natural, which was rather confusing.

Derek pulled up onto Meredith's driveway and shut off the engine. He turned and smiled at her.

"Thank you for driving me home" she told him, returning his smile.

"You're welcome" he replied sincerely.

Meredith picked her bag up off the floor and reached for the door handle before pausing. She turned back to Derek and leaned over, placing a quick kiss to his cheek before returning to her seat. She looked back at him shyly, "I'll see you at the hospital" she added before exiting the car, leaving him staring after her, a small smile on his face.

…...

Meredith opened the door to her house and dropped her bag and keys on the side table before heading into the kitchen. Once there she found a very smug Izzie, smirking at her as she finished icing her cake.

"So" Izzie began, amusement clearly evident in her voice, "someone didn't come home last night"

Meredith rolled her eyes before Izzie continued, "someone is also still wearing yesterday's clothes" she added, gesturing with her spatula at Meredith's attire, "and someone just got dropped home by Dr McDreamy"

Meredith glared at her, "what, were you watching us out of the window or something?"

Izzie's smirk grew wider, "I didn't actually know he dropped you off but you've just told me he did."

Meredith huffed and pushed herself up onto the counter top. Izzie stopped teasing and looked over to her. "Mere, are you sure you know what you're doing? You know he's our boss" she asked tentatively.

"Izzie, cut me some slack here" Meredith groaned.

Izzie snapped – as much as she was a big believer in true love and fairytales, and as cute as she'd thought Meredith and Derek looked together yesterday morning, she wasn't totally convinced that Meredith wasn't doing this to get a competitive edge. "No. You went to Dartmouth. Your mother is Eliis Grey. You grew up…look at this house! You know, you walk into the OR, and there isn't anyone who doubts that you should be there. I grew up in a trailer park. I went to state school. I put myself through med school by posing in my underwear. You know, I walk into the OR and everyone hopes I'm the nurse. Y-you have their respect without even trying, and you're throwing it away for...what? A few good surgeries?

Meredith looked at her frustratedly, "No! It's not about the surgeries. It's not about getting ahead."

"Then what?" Izzie sighed, "a little hot sex? You're willing to ruin your credibility over that? I mean, Meredith, what the hell are you doing?" she added, causing Meredith to roll her eyes in response. Izzie's eyes widened as realisation dawned on her,"Oh my God - you're falling for him!"

"I am not!" Meredith replied indignantly.

"Oh, you so are"

"No, I'm not" Meredith insisted, unsure of who was less convinced – Izzie or herself.

"You so are. Damn it, you poor girl."

Meredith sighed and pushed herself off the counter, coming to sit on the stool next to Izzie, "you know, it's just that he's just so…and I'm just…I'm having a hard time"

"Wow, you're all uh, mushy and…warm and full of secret feelings" Izzie smiled as she handed Meredith a piece of her cake as a peace offering.

Meredith huffed as she stabbed at the cake and took a bite, "I hate you! And your cake!"

"My cake is good" Izzie laughed, "So um, how hot is the sex?" she asked eagerly.

"Izzie!" Meredith scolded.

"What? Come on, I'm not getting any. Help a girl out with a few details"

Meredith sighed and ran a frustrated hand over her face, "Izzie, how many times do I have to tell you – we're not having sex!"

"Why the hell not?" Izzie asked incredulously, "you were totally having eye sex with each other yesterday morning, and the way he was looking at you said he was ready to throw you down and go at it like rabbits on the stairs"

Meredith's jaw dropped at Izzie's rather explicit analysis of the situation. Izzie's eyes widened as she continued before Meredith could respond, "ohh, is he er…" she added, gesturing with her hand.

"No!" Meredith exclaimed, "Definitely no! He's more than capable – trust me!". Izzie quirked an eyebrow and Meredith blushed.

"So...if you're both blatantly into each other, then what's the problem?" Izzie asked, genuinely confused.

"It's complicated. He's…never mind" Meredith thought about telling her – Izzie would understand, but she stopped herself.

Izzie regarded her friend, who looked so torn and confused, curiously, "you know" she began, "if I had a guy who looked at me the way Dr Shepherd looks at you, I wouldn't care how complicated it was…because you don't find that very often"

Meredith looked down at her plate and pushed bits of chocolate cake around with her fork as she considered what Izzie had said. "I should get ready for work" she said as she got up.

"Ok" Izzie replied, not wanting to push her further as she started walking out of the kitchen, "Oh Mere, is it ok if I invite a few people over tonight? Nothing big, just a few people from the hospital?"

"Yeah sure" Meredith replied distractedly, only half listening, as she carried on walking.

…...

Meredith was not having a good day at work. She'd scrubbed in on a CABG with Burke and had gotten to hold the heart, which was great, but she'd popped a glove whilst holding it, which was not so great. She couldn't stop thinking that she'd damaged the heart in some way. She was still distracted and trying to figure out what to do when Derek came over to her at the nurses station.

"You ok?" He asked, concerned as he noticed her distant expression.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good" she replied, a little too quickly.

Derek frowned, "are you sure? Because you seem not ok."

"I'm fine" Meredith assured him, "CABG was long"

Derek wasn't convinced but he let it drop, "well, let me take you out to dinner tonight. You can tell me all about it. Real food, waiters, big chunks of carbs in a basket?"

"I can't" she replied, distracted by both Mrs Patterson's surgery and her situation with Derek and what it meant.

"Forget about the party" Derek persisted, presuming that was why she was turning him down.

"You know about the party?" Meredith asked, looking back up at him – she didn't think he knew about that.

Derek ignored the question and continued, "your friends will be at the party. You and I can go somewhere else"

"How do you know about the party?"

"Thanks for not inviting me by the way. That felt good." Derek replied, feigning hurt, "Dinner, think about dinner, perfect opportunity."

Meredith didn't have time to consider his suggestion though as her pager bleeped, telling her that she was needed in recovery. Once there she found Mrs Patterson's vitals were all over the place and the monitors were beeping incessantly - she'd developed swelling over her sternum, followed by blood gushing out of the incision site. Meredith was sure it was her fault, and in her panic, blurted out in front of the patient's husband that she thought she'd punctured the heart with her fingernail – also not great.

From then her day went from bad to worse with Mrs Patterson's husband threatening to sue the hospital and then having to meet with the hospital's legal team. She was just about ready to give up and dive into a bottle of tequila after she got a call from Roseridge, telling her she needed to come down there tonight so her mother could sign over power of attorney to her whilst she was lucid. Being an adult wasn't much fun sometimes.

Burke saved her ass though with the legal team as he'd discovered that Mrs Patterson's artery walls were incredibly weak due to having lost a lot of weight very quickly. Meredith heaved a sigh of relief when she realised it wasn't her fault and that Mrs Patterson would be OK.

She was further frustrated however when, after dragging herself exhaustedly to the care home after her shift, she was told that her mother was sundowning so they couldn't get her to sign the papers now and she'd have to come back another day.

...

After that day from hell, all Meredith wanted to do was go home, curl up on the sofa with a bottle of José and drink herself into oblivion. That plan was hampered though as she arrived home and was unable to pull into her driveway due to the sheer volume of cars parked askew all over it and the road outside. Her jaw dropped in disbelief as she took in the sight before her – scores of people were milling in and out of her house, which was lit up like a Christmas tree, and music was blaring from inside. "Izzie, I'm gunna kill you!" She fumed as she pushed her way past people she'd never seen before in her life.

Once inside she saw with horror that the chaos that was outside was nothing compared to inside. She spotted Cristina in the living room, clearly drunk, dancing on the table. After arguing with George about the non-small size of this party and how Izzie clearly didn't know this many people, she gave up and figured if you can't beat them, you may as well join them.

"Screw it!" She sighed as stole a bottle of tequila from George's hand and joined Cristina dancing on the table. She took a large swig from the bottle and danced away the stress of the day.

A few bottles later she found herself alone outside on the lawn, latest bottle in hand, swaying drunkenly to the music that was playing. She was so lost in the music she didn't notice that Derek was leaning on his car, watching her with a smile on his face.

"You know, in some states you could get arrested for that" Derek told her, grinning as she noticed him and started walking slowly towards him with a big smile on her face. He smiled back at her as he pushed himself off the car, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked to meet her. Meredith bit her lip as she stood in front of him. "So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila?" Derek chided her, amused, "Tequila's no good for you - doesn't call, doesn't write. It's not nearly as much fun to wake up to" he added, looking at her with a teasing but intense look.

Meredith smiled and reaching for the lapel of his jacket she pulled him closer to her, their faces now only millimetres apart. She wanted to kiss him – properly this time, not on the cheek. She knew she was drunk – very drunk – and that was making her more bold, but the small part of her brain that was still functioning rationally stopped her before their lips could touch. Instead she giggled and smiled at him as she said, "take me for a ride Derek".

…...

Meredith and Derek sat together, laughing and joking in Derek's car, him teasing her about how drunk she was. He shrugged his jacket off when he noticed her shiver, "you're cold" he stated, "here" he said, holding his jacket out to her.

Meredith giggled as she reached for the jacket, some tequila spilling from the bottle as she did so.

"Why don't you let me take that" Derek chuckled, taking the bottle from her as she slipped his jacket on.

Meredith giggled as she settled back into the seat. With Derek's jacket wrapped around her, she was enveloped in his scent, and with every breath she felt even more light headed. "I think I need my tequila back now" she told him with a smile.

Derek smirked at her and quirked his eyebrow, "this tequila?" he asked innocently, holding the bottle up.

"Yes, that tequila" Meredith replied, reaching for the bottle.

Derek moved it away though before she could grasp it and gave her a mischievous smile, "well if you want it, you'll have to come and get it"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously" Derek confirmed, amused at the look on her face.

Meredith giggled again as she pushed herself into a kneeling position and lunged towards Derek and the tequila bottle. Her inebriated state inhibited her reflexes though and she slipped, landing face down in Derek's lap. It took her a few seconds to compute what was going on and in those few seconds she heard a loud tapping on the window. Using Derek's thigh for leverage, she pushed herself into a more upright position and was met with the decidedly unimpressed face of Miranda Bailey, glaring disapprovingly at her through the window.

"Do you mind moving this tail wagon, you're blocking me in"

Meredith sighed heavily, sobering somewhat as Dr Bailey left without another word. Of all the moments for Bailey to come out, she had to choose the one where Meredith was splayed out, face down in her boss's lap – wearing his clothes! She could imagine just what Bailey would be thinking. She'd definitely be paying for it tomorrow and she doubted if she'd get to see the inside of an OR for a long time!

 **AN: so there you have it – Meredith and Derek are both coming to terms with the fact that their feeling are more than just friends towards each other, and that's confusing for them. Let me know what you think and any suggestions for what you'd like to see happen. Thank you in advance and stay tuned for chapter 5 :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Thank you for your lovely reviews for chapter 4 – glad you enjoyed the dream scene ;) So without further ado, here's the morning after the night before…**

Chapter 5

Meredith pulled into the hospital parking lot with a sense of dread in her stomach. Usually she would arrive for her shift excited about all of the potential cool surgeries she could get to scrub in on. But not today – today her mind was buzzing not with potential surgeries but instead with what was going to happen when she saw Bailey, and the many ways she could find to make her life hell. After Bailey caught her in that rather compromising position with Derek last night, she was sure from the look on her resident's face that she'd be paying for it today. Meredith thought that it wouldn't be so bad if her and Derek had actually been doing something 'compromising' – then maybe Bayley's wrath would be somewhat justified…although it really wasn't any of Bayley's business what she chose to do in her personal life anyway. But last night was totally innocent…and the position Bayley found them in – completely accidental. She let out a frustrated sigh just before Derek pulled up next to her. "Crap" was the first word she greeted him with.

"Crap?"

"Hi. I'm late" she added before hurrying in front of him.

"You're avoiding me" Derek stated, catching up to her.

"Yes, but also late"

"Are we going to talk about this?" he asked her, trying to catch her eye.

"No"

"About us and Bailey and what she saw" Derek persisted.

"I don't need to talk about it – I experienced it!" she exclaimed.

"This is getting complicated"

"Complicated for me. I'm the intern who's friends with the attending – or sleeping with the attending according to Bailey! She isn't speaking to me anymore" Meredith replied, becoming anxious again.

"Not that that's a bad thing" Derek joked, trying to calm her down, "If I was a better guy, I'd walk away"

"Yes, you would"

"Do you want me to be a better guy?" he asked anxiously, his stomach bottoming out at the incomprehensible thought of walking away from Meredith.

"Yes. No. Crap. I'm late" Meredith was incredibly confused now – yes she was very concerned about Bailey and the effect her 'relationship' with Derek could have on her career…but in the relatively short time she'd known him she'd gotten used to him being there and she really couldn't (and didn't want to) imagine him not being there.

"Take your time. Think about it." Derek smiled affectionately at Meredith's retreating back as she hurried off to the locker room.

Meredith changed into her scrubs at lightning speed, cursing herself for her lateness – if there was one day not to be late it would be today as Bailey was already pissed off with her. Thankfully Cristina was also late which might help take some of the heat off her – maybe.

As they hurried to catch up with the others, Cristina quirked an eyebrow at Meredith's distractedness, "what's up with you?"

Meredith looked at Cristina with a pained expression – there was no way she wouldn't tease her relentlessly about this, "Bailey caught me and Derek in his car last night"

Cristina's eyes widened considerably at Meredith's admission and an amused smirk covered her face, "caught you doing what exactly?"

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Meredith exclaimed, exasperated.

"…so what's the problem then?"

"The problem is that it didn't look like nothing to her…she chose the moment to look through the window when I was face down in his lap" Meredith explained indignantly.

Cristina snorted, "seriously?"

"Seriously" Meredith confirmed unhappily, "it was an accident…he took my tequila" she huffed.

"He took your tequila?" Cristina asked dubiously, "so to get it back you decided to distract him by giving a blow-"

"Cristina!" Meredith hissed, looking nervously around to make sure no one had heard, "no! I didn't decide to give him a…anything" she insisted, "I was reaching for the bottle and, due to the previous tequila I'd consumed, I slipped…and landed in his lap"

"Meredith Grey, you never fail to amaze me" Cristina smirked.

When they joined the other interns on rounds, Bailey only pointed out Cristina's lateness and not hers…and she wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing. In their first patient's room Meredith hid at the back, avoiding Bailey's eyes – not even the patient's record breaking abdominal tumour was enough to distract her from her thoughts.

Meredith felt her heart rate quicken as she realised their next patient to round on was a neuro case – which meant her, Derek and Bailey in the same room. Once inside the room she did her best to avoid Derek's eyes, but in her periphery she noticed Bailey glaring at him as he introduced them to the patient. The patient, Mr Levange, was a 63 year old man with Parkinson's Disease who'd been admitted for treatment of spinal pain. When Derek asked what the treatment options for spinal pain were, the other interns were stumped and began checking their notebooks. Derek looked over to her, knowing that she knew the answer. She sighed inwardly, wondering if it would be better just to play dumb and wait for someone else to figure it out – but she did know the answer and she wasn't going to avoid neuro cases just because Bailey was annoyed with her.

"Intra-spinal catheter" she clarified, looking directly at Derek, "that way he can have constant pain medication"

"Excellent. This is Dr Grey - she's gunna prep you for the procedure and assist"

Derek smiled at her and then everyone but her started to leave the room. Meredith glanced at Bailey and saw she didn't look happy. She sighed as Bailey commented to the other interns "you make yourselves busy, I'll catch up with you". She had no doubt who Bailey was going to speak to and what their topic of conversation would be.

Derek stood in the elevator as people started to file out, leaving him alone with Bailey. There weren't many people who could intimidate Derek Shepherd in this world – not the Chief, not his fellow attendings, but this petite resident standing behind him and glaring daggers, he could safely say scared him a little bit. "Miranda" he greeted her with a smile.

"Excuse me?" Bailey replied, giving him a non-impressed look.

"Well that's your name right? It's on your jacket. Ah fine, I'll just call you Bailey then"

"You think you're charming in that talented, neurotic, overly moussed hair sort of way, good for you". She put her hands on her hips and stared him in the eyes before adding, "But if you think I'm gunna stand back and watch while you favour her…"

"I don't favour her" Derek insisted, interrupting her, "she's good"

Bailey scoffed, "I'm sure she is"

"You know, can I point out that, technically, I'm your boss?"

"You don't scare me" Bailey told him, not in the slightest bit intimidated, "look I'm not going to advertise your extracurricular activities with my intern. However, the next time I see you favouring Meredith Grey in any way, I'll make sure she doesn't see the inside of an OR for a month. Just for the sake of balance" she added before leaving a stunned Derek alone in the elevator.

Derek sighed, as Meredith had said – this was getting complicated. He didn't want Meredith to suffer at work as a result of being associated with him. Bailey was wrong – yes of course he enjoyed having Meredith scrub in with him and getting to spend time with her, but he hadn't favoured her – she was the only one who knew the answer to his question without having to check – so it was only fair that she got to scrub in. As much as he was glad it was Meredith joining him in surgery, he knew that if Izzie or George had answered his question first that he'd have allowed them to scrub in instead. He'd talk to Bailey again later, when she'd calmed down and try to make her understand.

…. ... ... ... ... ...

Prepping the patient for surgery, Meredith was glad she'd been put on the case, despite Bailey's obvious disapproval. She liked Mr Levange, and she felt an affinity with his daughter – she knew what it was like to watch a parent change and deteriorate in front of you. So when the daughter had asked her to speak to Mr Levange about the possibility of having DBS, she'd told her she'd see what she could do and resolved to bring it up with Derek.

That had not gone as she'd expected however as Derek snapped at her and kicked her off the case, telling it her it wasn't her place to push anyone into brain surgery if they didn't want it. As Bailey had been standing behind her during the exchange, Meredith had an inkling that his dismissal of her may have been for Bailey's benefit, in some misguided attempt to prove to her that he wasn't giving special treatment. He was still a jackass though, and so now she sat angrily in the cafeteria with Cristina, attesting to that.

"It's just that he's blatantly favouring me in front of her and then blatantly dismisses me"

"How do you know he was favouring you? Look, you've got a brain. You got into this program. Just because Shepherd wants to munch your cookies doesn't mean you didn't deserve what you worked for"

"He does not want to munch my-" Meredith began to argue, "forget it" she sighed. She was never going to win an argument with Cristina and she couldn't think about 'cookie munching' right now. "But he's making me look bad. I have to put a stop to this friends thing"

"Right"

"It's done" Meredith affirmed, rather unconvincingly.

"Uh huh" was Cristina's response – obviously not believing a word of it.

After being publicly kicked off the case she was surprised then when Derek paged her to Mr Levange's room so they could talk to him about DBS. The patient wasn't keen and was obviously scared so when Derek left the room for him to consider it, Meredith stayed and explained the situation from his daughter's perspective. Whether it was a result of what Derek had said to him, or what she had said, Mr Levange agreed to the surgery. So now she was standing in the doorway of the scrub room, of which Bailey was ironically also in, telling Derek that he'd agreed to the DBS, but only if they did it today.

As Derek left the scrub room to prep Mr Levange for surgery, she was left alone with Bailey. She paused and took a deep breath to steel herself for this conversation. "Dr Bailey" she began as Bailey turned around to face her, "I didn't know…that he was my boss when I met him. I didn't know."

"I don't care"

"Really?" Meredith asked, dubiously, "oh…well you sort of seemed to not be talking to me so I…"

"You see this, what's happening right here – see this is the problem with you sleeping with my boss. Not whether or not you knew him before, but how it affects my day and me standing here talking to you about your sex life affects my day. And the-"

"Dr Bailey" Meredith interrupted, "I'm not…I'm not sleeping with him. Last night, I was drunk – I slipped" she explained. She knew it sounded ridiculous, even to her own ears, and so she wasn't overly surprised at the disbelieving and somewhat annoyed look Bailey was sending her way.

"You slipped?" Bailey repeated, in the most unconvinced tone Meredith had ever heard, "onto his lap?"

"Yes"

Bailey didn't look impressed, or convinced. "Mmmhmm. Even if that were true" Bailey began, and her expression suggested she didn't believe it was, "your relationship with him is not that of a normal intern-attending relationship". Meredith opened her mouth to interrupt was was cut off before a sound came out by Bailey raising a hand to say she hadn't finished, "and the longer this little thing goes on and the more favours you get over the others – who are fighting tooth and nail just to make it through this program, without any assistance. When those people start finding out what's going on and they don't want to work with you, and they start bitching and moaning to me – the more it affects my day. So no Dr Grey, I don't care what you knew – or when you knew it. Are we understood?"

"But Dr Bailey-" Meredith began – she wanted to tell her that her other interns knew about her friendship with Derek, and yes they teased her but as far as she knew they were fine about it. Even Izzie, who'd been a bit dubious to begin with, was fine now – even encouraging of it. Bailey however, was not in the mood to listen.

"Are we understood Dr Grey?" Bailey repeated, in a tone that said there would be no more discussion.

"Yes" Meredith relented, realising that protesting was pointless.

"Good"

… ... ... ... ... ... ...

Meredith's frustration with Bailey and annoyance with Derek eased as she stood in the OR, holding Mr Levange's hands as Derek drilled into his skull. She chose to stand where he could see her, instead of where she could see his brain, as she knew he was nervous and she wanted to reassure him. It was absolutely amazing to watch his tremors stop as Derek inserted the probes into his brain. It was even more amazing to see the look of pure joy and awe on Mr Levange's face as he was able to perform simple hand movements without shaking. She left the OR on a huge high and as they were wheeling Mr Levange to recovery, she took the opportunity to speak to Derek. She opened her mouth to speak but Derek beat her to it.

"Bailey was on the warpath. I was trying to protect you"

"You trying to protect me is why she's on the warpath. You can't do me any favours. You can't ask me to scrub in when I haven't earned it" Meredith insisted.

"Ok, Ok" Derek agreed.

"And you can't treat me like crap when I haven't earned that either" she added.

"Ok"

"I can take care of myself. I got myself into this mess and I…"

"And you'll get yourself out?" Derek asked, anxiously.

"I don't know that yet" Meredith told him as they stopped at the elevator, "don't let me keep you" she added after Derek's pager went off.

"You did great work here today" Derek told her earnestly, smiling at her before heading off to answer his page.

"Dr Shepherd" Meredith called, causing him to stop and turn back around.

"Yeah"

"I'm sorry I called you a jackass"

"You didn't"

"I did – twice" Meredith admitted, a smile tugging at her mouth as Derek cocked his head and walked off.

"I'll tell you what blondie" Mr Levange interjected, "if you don't marry him, I will"

Meredith smiled at Mr Levange's comment and looked back in the direction Derek had gone. That was the second time someone had talked about Derek and her and marriage in the same sentence. Her mood further improved later on as she helped Mr Levange walk down the corridor without any tremors. She smiled warmly as she watched him walk arm in arm with his daughter for the first time in a very long time. He wasn't wasting time – he was seizing the day. Meredith decided that that was exactly what she needed to do – seize the day.

…... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Derek sighed tiredly as he made his way towards the hospital exit. He'd hoped to be able to spend some time with Meredith after his shift to celebrate their success with Mr Levange, but he was disappointed to find the intern locker room empty so he'd presumed she'd already left. A brilliant smile lit up his face though at the sight that he was met with when he stepped out of the doors. Meredith was standing in front of his car, rain pouring down around her, smiling adorably at him as he walked over to her.

"I erm, know this place... where there's an amazing view of sunrise, over the ferry boats" Meredith told him teasingly as she pulled a bottle of champagne slowly out of her bag.

Derek grinned as he realised it was the same bottle he'd left for her in her locker after their first shift. "I have a thing for ferry boats".

"I remember" Meredith replied, her eyes sparkling as they never left his.

Derek's smile widened at her words and placing a hand on her back he walked round to her side, opening the door for her before climbing in himself. Grinning widely at each other they reversed and headed out of the parking lot, happy to be in each other's company again.

…... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Meredith directed Derek to a part of Seattle he'd never been to before. They drove for about 30 minutes after leaving the hospital, high up into the hills before Meredith instructed him to pull over just up ahead. Derek parked in a small clearing at the edge of a cliff, which looked out, as Meredith had promised, over Elliott Bay – and the ferry boats. The rain had abated by that point so Derek grabbed a blanket from the trunk and placed it on the hood before joining Meredith, who was standing in front of the car, looking out at the view.

"Wow" he commented, coming to stand next to her, their arms touching as he admired this new perspective of Seattle, "I can see why you like it here"

"Yeah" Meredith replied, "my dad used to bring me up here when I was a kid"

Derek regarded her curiously - she'd never mentioned her father to him before, and from what he'd gathered from little things she'd said, her childhood hadn't been particularly great, "do you still see him – your dad?" he asked tentatively.

Meredith turned her attention from the view to Derek. She never talked about her father, not to anyone. But she seemed to have this unusual openness thing going on with Derek so she found herself explaining, "no, no I don't still see him" Meredith told him with a humourless laugh, "he left when I was 5 and I haven't seen him since"

Derek sighed, he'd suspected something along those lines, but he hated the rejection he saw in her eyes, "I guess we both did most of our growing up without fathers then".

Meredith gave him a sad smile, "I guess…although if your dad had had the choice to stay he would've…my dad chose to leave me – he didn't want me in his life"

Derek reached for her hand and laced his fingers with hers, "hey, look at me" he began softly, "anyone who doesn't see how amazing you are and doesn't fight like hell for you, doesn't deserve you and isn't worth your time"

Meredith didn't reply, instead she just squeezed his hand in response to let him know she appreciated his words. It felt strange to hear them because no one had ever fought for her, and definitely no one had ever told her she was amazing. Her mother treated her like an inconvenience her whole life and never had any time for her; her father left her without a second thought; and she'd never let a man close enough to be able to fight for her. And yet here she was with this man, who she'd unconsciously opened herself up to, who was insistent that she was amazing and extraordinary. "I think you dad would be proud of you" she told him.

Derek gave her a sad smile, "I'm not so sure about that".

"Seriously?" Meredith wasn't sure how any parent wouldn't be proud to have Derek as a son, "you're a world class neurosurgeon, people travel from all over the country just for a consult – and you're not even 40 yet! Plus you own probably the best piece of land in Seattle"

Derek laughed, "career wise, yes, he'd be proud of what I've achieved" he agreed, "…but my personal life…he'd be disappointed in me"

Meredith caught on to what he was talking about, "you mean about your wife?…ex-wife?…what do you refer to her as now?"

"Well her name's Addison but I tend to go with 'Satan' these days" he told her.

Meredith chuckled, "Satan - it's catchy…but that wasn't your fault Derek, I'm sure he'd understand"

Derek nodded lightly "He would…but he'd be disappointed in how I've handled it since. He was never a fan of running away from your problems…but truthfully since I've been out here I haven't thought about my life in New York – this is my home now" he told her, gesturing around him.

They sat in silence for a few moments as Meredith plucked up the courage to ask the question she'd been wanting to ask, but also didn't want to ask. She was scared of the answer but…it was better to know than not know – right? "So…what are you gunna do about…Addison?" She asked, trying to sound impartial.

Derek looked at her, taking in every detail of her face – this beautiful woman sitting next to him on his car, who he couldn't get out of his thoughts, was asking him what he was going to do about his adulterous wife. "I don't know" he said, letting out a large sigh, "…I need to sort it out, I know that…if I want to make a real go if it here then I need to sort it out"

Meredith didn't say anything in response, she wasn't quite sure what to make of that – his answer was ambiguous. Did 'sort it out' mean getting a divorce…or did it mean trying to reconcile with her? And did 'make a real go of it here' have anything to do with her? She didn't know, and she was too scared to ask for clarification.

"That's not the main reason he'd be disappointed in me though" Derek added, looking down at his hands.

Meredith was brought out of her thoughts, "no?" she asked, not quite following.

"No" Derek sighed, "I broke my promise to him"

Meredith could see the pain in Derek's eyes and that this was hard for him to talk about, so she squeezed his hand that she was still holding in reassurance, "what promise?" she asked gently.

Derek looked at her, sadness clearly written in his eyes, "you remember I told you about the day my dad died?". Meredith nodded, she remembered vividly watching Derek relive the most painful experience of his life. "You remember I said that he told me everything would be OK and then he made me promise him something?". Meredith nodded again. "The last thing…" Derek began, getting choked up, "the last thing he said to me was 'promise me you'll find someone you love as much as I love your mother. Promise me you won't settle for anything less'. I promised him – it was the last thing I said to him and I broke that promise – by marrying Addison I broke that promise. I knew I didn't love her like my dad loved my mom, but I settled anyway…so that's why my dad would be disappointed in me"

Meredith rubbed her thumb over Derek's hand as she let him get it all off his chest. He looked so lost and upset, it made her heart ache just looking at him. They were quiet for a while, both thinking about what Derek had just said, but then Meredith noticed a small smile pulling at Derek's lips.

"You know, when I was a kid my dad told me that he knew my mom was the one the moment he met her. He said they were soulmates, that they were meant to be together" he told her, smiling at the memory, "…its been nearly 30 years now since he died and my mom's still as in love with him now as she was then – she still wears his ring, she won't sleep on his side of the bed…she's never looked at another man in all that time – and she won't, because even death can't break that bond."

Meredith smiled at the thought of loving someone so deeply, for so long. She felt sorry for Derek's mom for suffering such a great loss, but also happy for her that she'd met and loved the love of her life – even if they hadn't been given the time they deserved, because not everyone gets to experience that kind of love.

"I've always wanted to have that kind of love" Derek continued, "you know, to love someone so much you'd do anything to make them happy. To be with someone who drives you crazy but who you can't live without…because without them there'd be no life" he added, a clear image forming in his mind of this 'someone'. "I want to be with someone who makes my heart beat faster and my world stop – someone I fall more and more in love with every day"

"You'll get that" Meredith told him, looking deep into his eyes. And when green met blue, a flicker of recognition and understanding flashed across each set of irises, and Derek found himself wholeheartedly believing her.

Meredith smiled warmly at him before reaching for the champagne that she'd placed on the ground, "Come on, let's have a toast" she suggested, popping the cork, "to Mr Levange….to not wasting time…to seizing the day". Meredith raised the bottle and then took a sip of the champagne.

Derek smiled and took the bottle when she passed it to him, "to new beginnings" he added, catching her eye before taking a sip of his own.

Meredith and Derek lay side by side on the hood of his car, opening themselves up more and more to each other as they watched the stars flicker in the sky and reflect off the waters of Elliott Bay. Time passed quickly for the two and before they knew it the beginnings of dawn were pushing through the darkness. Derek's eyes were closed as he basked in the peacefulness. Meredith pushed herself up onto her elbow and smiled at the sight of him looking so relaxed, "Derek" she whispered softly.

"Hmm" he replied, opening his eyes slightly, a lazy smile forming on his lips as he looked up at her.

"Look" she said, pointing in front of them, "sunrise", she added, smiling excitedly like a little child.

Derek's heart swelled at the happiness emanating from Meredith – it wasn't often that she looked so carefree so he cherished it each time it happened. "It's beautiful" he sighed, but he wasn't looking at the sky.

Meredith turned back to him and blushed at the intensity in his gaze. He was giving her a look that she'd termed the 'McDreamy look'. It was a look he gave her sometimes - he'd seem so captivated with her, and each time it set every nerve fibre in her body alight. Just then the heavens opened and they looked up to the sky and laughed together, "I guess we should head home" she said reluctantly.

"I guess we should" Derek replied, equally reluctant to end the night.

…... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The drive back to Meredith's was quick as she didn't live far from the clearing and there was no traffic. When they pulled up to the house the rain was still pounding down outside. Deciding that is wasn't going to relent any time soon they made a dash for the house. With the intensity of the rain, despite the short distance from the car to the door, by the time they stepped into the house they were totally drenched.

Derek gulped as he looked over at Meredith – her hair was slicked to her head and neck, droplets of water tantalisingly trickling down her face and disappearing down her top. Images flashed through his mind of the dream he'd had when she'd stayed with him at the trailer. She'd been gloriously soaking wet then too and much fun had ensued.

Meredith felt Derek's eyes on her as she peeled off her sodden coat and hung it up by the radiator. Derek snapped out of his trance as Meredith held out her hand for his coat and then hung it up next to hers. "I'll erm go and get some towels" she said as she disappeared upstairs. She returned a few moments later with 2 towels and handed one to Derek.

"Thanks" Derek replied as he took the towel from her and used it to rub his hair.

Meredith stared at Derek as he towelled his hair – water droplets flying off and his raven curls turning wild and untamed. She found herself becoming jealous of that towel and she wanted nothing more in that moment than to walk over to him and run her fingers through those curls. She blinked and attempted to distract herself by drying her own hair. "It's getting late…well early" she commented as the dawn rays began to filter through the gaps in the drapes.

"Oh, yeah…erm I should probably get going" Derek replied, thinking that was his cue to leave.

"No, no I didn't mean-" Meredith began, realising he thought she was trying to kick him out, "…we've gotta be back at the hospital in a few hours, and you need some sleep if you don't want to fall asleep in someone's brain…so you can have the couch, if you want"

Derek smiled at her, "you know, you got to sleep in my bed but I only get the couch?" he teased. Meredith laughed and rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding" he added, winking at her, "the couch is fine". Derek was just glad to be getting to stay at Meredith's as he'd fully expected to be going home after dropping her off. He was a little disappointed that he wouldn't get to fall asleep with Meredith in his arms, but given his body's reaction to that last time, sleeping on the couch might be for the best.

Meredith would have loved nothing more than to curl up in bed with Derek for a few hours. However, wet Derek was creating some very porny thoughts in her mind, and that coupled with the champagne she'd drank led her to not trust herself to share a bed with him…at least not without reenacting those porny thoughts! "I'll go get you some blankets"

She returned from the hall closet with a blanket and some pillows and handed them to Derek. "Thank you" he said, giving her a warm smile, "and thank you for tonight – I had a great time. We'll have to go back there some time"

Meredith smiled back at him happily, "I'm glad you liked it. You're actually the only person I've ever taken there"

Derek's eyebrows rose in surprise, "really?"

"Really"

"Well then Dr Grey I'm honoured to be your first" he smirked.

Meredith laughed, which precipitated a yawn that she couldn't stifle. Derek chuckled, "looks like I'm not the only one who needs sleep"

"Yeah, I should probably head up" she agreed, motioning to the stairs.

"Ok"

Meredith stood there awkwardly for a few moments looking at him, trying to figure out the appropriate way to bid him goodnight. Derek took the decision out of her hands though and taking the two short steps towards her he enveloped her in a big hug, his arms going round her shoulders, holding her close to him as he placed a warm kiss to her temple. Meredith was a bit surprised at the sudden move but reciprocated and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his chest. They stayed in that embrace for a short while before pulling apart. Derek cupped her cheek with his hand, brushing it with the pad of his thumb. "Goodnight Mere" he said softly, before reluctantly breaking contact.

"Goodnight Derek" she replied, sending him one last smile before heading out of the room, turning the hall light off as she went. He'd called her 'Mere' she thought as she walked to the stairs - he'd never done that before, but she liked how it sounded when he said it.

She was so lost in thought that she wasn't watching where she was going and stumbled over something at the foot of the stairs. She cursed under her breath as she looked down at the offending item and found that it was Derek's satchel that he'd left there, next to where his coat was hung up. She bent down to pick it up and move it out of the way, but as she did so, some papers fell out of the side pocket. Reaching for them to put them back, she gasped as she realised what they were – written at the top was 'Harrington & Associates Family Law' – divorce papers. She could feel the blood pulsing through her skull as she absorbed that fact, and she couldn't stop her eyes from travelling to the bottom of the page where the applicant signatures go. She took another sharp intake of breath as she saw what was there.

"You ok?" Derek called from the other room.

'Crap' Meredith thought – he must've heard her trip and then curse. She quickly shoved the papers back into his satchel and stood up. She didn't think he'd appreciate her rifling through his things – even if it had been accidental. "I'm fine" she called back, "I just tripped - must've been the champagne"

Derek poked his head around the living room door to check that she was indeed alright. He smiled warmly at her, "Ok. Well, goodnight – again".

"Goodnight" Meredith replied, hurrying up the stairs – she doubted she'd be getting much sleep tonight.

 **AN: dun dun dun – cliffhanger ;) what did Meredith see on the papers and what's she going to do with the information? Hope you enjoyed the chapter and please let me know what you thought :) See you soon for chapter 6!**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Huge thank yous to everyone who reviewed chapter 5 – I love reading your comments! Special thanks to my loyal reviewers who leave such enthusiastic comments every time – you guys are amazing! This chapter takes a little detour from the traditional season 1 but I thought, as did some of you, that MerDer needed a bit of a push in the right direction ;) gold stars for realising which Grey's episode I got the idea from! This is the penultimate chapter before my twist on the season 1 finale, so enjoy :)**

Chapter 6:

 _2 weeks later…_

Thunder echoed angrily across the sky and rain teemed down, soaking everything in sight, as Meredith hurried from her car and into the hospital. She thought the weather was rather apt as it matched her mood – ever since she'd found those divorce papers she'd been distracted and somewhat grouchy. Much of the grouchiness came from not being able to talk to Derek about what she'd seen as he didn't know she'd seen them, and also because Derek hadn't talked to her about it himself…which really she shouldn't be annoyed about because technically it wasn't any of her business. But even still – she was frustrated. She wanted to know what it meant.

With a sigh she pressed the call button for the elevator and attempted to shake off some of the rain. Realising it was pointless though, she gave up. The doors opened to reveal the source of her frustration, leaning against the back wall, one leg crossed over the other, his head tilted to one side and a warm smile adorning his face as he noticed her. His scrubs were slightly rumpled and he still had his ferry boat scrub cap on, suggesting he'd just got out of surgery, but he looked…well – dreamy. Cristina's nickname for him was actually very accurate.

Meredith stepped onto the elevator, pressed the number for her floor, then leant against the side wall. "Hi".

"Hi. So, is it raining outside?" Derek teased, his eyes sparkling with amusement.

Meredith attempted to scowl at him but couldn't help but laugh. She glanced down at herself – her hair was stuck to her face, and her clothes…well all in all she probably looked like she'd swam to work! "Yes Dr Shepherd, it is raining outside - you're very observant"

Derek chuckled at her response and then studied her for a few moments, "you ok?".

Meredith glanced back at him, a little confused, "it's just water Derek, it'll dry".

"No, I mean…you've seemed a bit…distracted lately – I just wandered if everything was OK?" he explained gently, keeping his eyes on her.

"I'm fine" Meredith replied quickly. Derek frowned, obviously not convinced. "Really Derek, I'm ok" she insisted, giving him a smile. She appreciated his concern but now was not the time to be talking about divorce papers and their implications.

"Ok". Derek still wasn't convinced but he didn't push it, "well, you know you can talk to me about anything right?" he added as the elevator dinged and the doors opened.

Meredith nodded and smiled as she stepped out. She looked back at him, "I'll see you for rounds". The doors closed then, leaving Derek alone in the elevator. He sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. From the night they'd first met he and Meredith had been really open with each other, but something was bothering her now and he wished he knew what – he wished she'd talk to him about it. He ran a frustrated hand over his face as the elevator reached his floor and he stepped off. If something was wrong then he wanted to help, he wanted to be there for her - he'd speak to her again later when they had more time and try again.

/ / / / / / / / /

Meredith slung her bag down unceremoniously on the floor of the locker room and began to peel off her uncomfortable, soaking wet clothes. She threw them into a crumpled heap in her locker. There's no way they'd dry like that but she didn't care - she'd deal with them later. She then pulled on a pair of gloriously dry scrubs and pulled her hair up into a messy bun – that would have to dry on its own as she didn't have time. She frowned as she glanced down at Cristina who was lying on the bench by the lockers, hands clasped behind her head, smiling happily. "Why are you so happy?"

"Because" Cristina began, pushing herself into a seating position, "Seattle is in the midst of a super storm. And super storms mean lots of idiots ignoring advice and going outside, doing stupid things, getting involved in RTAs and getting all mashed up inside - which means lots of bloody crash victims. And lots of bloody crash victims means lots of surgeries for me" she explained proudly. Meredith rolled her eyes and laughed at Cristina's twisted logic.

"So you're hoping people get into crashes just so you get to cut?" Izzie piped in, giving Cristina an incredulous look, "that's awful!"

"Don't give me that look - I'm just saying what you're all thinking! Like you'd say no to an impalement or a severed limb - you're all just as surgery hungry as I am…well maybe not quite as much as I am"

"Yang, Grey, Stevens, O'Malley, Karev – get up!" came Bailey's booming voice in the doorway, "this isn't a tea party, move it - it's gunna be a busy day"

/ / / / / / / / / /

Bailey was not wrong about it being a busy day, nor was Cristina's prediction about the volume of patients the storm would bring to the hospital. As they reached the ER, all of the intern's eyes bulged at the sight they were met with. Cristina looked like all her birthdays and Christmases had come at one as she surveyed the carnage. Just then a man with a 4ft piece of fence protruding from his abdomen was wheeled through the door.

"Ooh, mine!" Cristina exclaimed excitedly, shooting her hand in the air.

Bailey rolled her eyes but relented, "Cristina, go".

Cristina didn't need to be told twice and rushed off after the gurney. Meredith ended up scrubbing in with Bailey on a guy who'd thought it was a good idea to clear his guttering during the storm – the surgery was long as he had massive internal injuries from falling from the roof. After repairing multiple liver lacerations they then had to do a complete splenectomy in order to get the bleeding under control. The guy survived, but he'd have a long recovery ahead of him.

No sooner had she scrubbed out of that procedure though, Bailey told her to go scrub in for a craniotomy with Dr Shepherd. She was a bit surprised that Bailey was actively assigning her to Derek's surgeries but she knew better than to argue. The craniotomy was long too – for 4 hours she stood side by side with Derek. He allowed her to assist the whole time, retracting, providing suction or irrigation whenever required. He talked to her throughout as well, asking her questions or talking her through the procedure – he really was a very good teacher and she always learnt a lot from scrubbing in with him. For the majority of the procedure it felt like it was just the two of them in the room, aside from the patient, the only time she remembered there were other people in there too was when Derek asked the scrub nurse for something. She always got a buzz from watching neurosurgery, especially when Derek was the surgeon as he was incredibly skilled…as well as being annoyingly nice to look at.

When Derek joined her in the scrub room afterwards she had a huge smile on her face. "That was incredible"

Derek matched her smile as he replied, "yeah. I must have seen a thousand brains but I still get a buzz every time"

"I get that. Thank you…for letting me assist"

"No problem. You're talented Mere - that's why you get to scrub in on my surgeries, not because I favour you"

Meredith smiled at him before returning her attention to washing her hands. "Have dinner with me tonight" Derek's voice interrupted her thoughts, "you owe me, seeing as though you blew me off last time I asked"

"I owe you?" she asked in an amused tone.

"You do" Derek confirmed, with a confident smirk, "meet me in the lobby after your shift?"

Meredith laughed lightly but before she had a chance to respond her pager went off. "Duty calls" she sighed as she pulled the scrub room door open. She paused in the doorway and turned back around, "Dr Shepherd?"

"Yeah?"

"See you in the lobby"

Derek smiled at her words as she hurried off – today would be a good day.

/ / / / / / / / / /

Meredith rushed down to the ER where Bailey had paged her to. "Grey, come with me. Cristina, page Shepherd and Burke and any other attending who's not in surgery. We've got a multi vehicle pile up on the freeway, we need every pair of hands we can get - it's gunna be a long night"

Meredith went to stand in the ER entrance with Bailey, waiting for the incoming ambulances. It was dark now but the storm had not relented – if anything it had gotten worse, way worse. The thunder still roared as lightning flashed menacingly across the night sky. The rain teemed down in sheets, turning the ambulance bay into more of a stream. A couple of minutes later, Derek joined them, along with Alex and a few other interns she didn't really know.

"Burke's on his way, he's just scrubbing out, and everyone else is in surgery" Cristina said to Bailey as she rejoined the group. "Why would anyone choose to drive in this?"

Bailey opened her mouth to reply but the words got stuck in her throat as she, and the other doctors, watched in horror as a bus launched into the air from the road. It tipped on its side mid-air and then landed with a sickening crunch, finally a screeching to a halt in the middle of the ambulance bay. Small flames started licking at the engine – they needed to get those people out now.

Derek and Alex ran out ahead, drenched within seconds, and climbed up the side of the bus in order to lever themselves in through the windows. Meredith, Cristina and Bailey weren't far behind and Meredith went to follow Derek and Alex in climbing up the bus. Derek's voice stopped her though before she'd managed to get more than one foot on, "Meredith, get away from here!" he yelled through the screaming and the rain.

"Derek I can help!"

"Meredith, I can't do this with you in here!"

"Derek-" she argued, but was cut off.

Derek looked over at the front of the bus, which was alight – the flames slowly getting bigger, and then back to Meredith, "Dr Grey, do not come into this bus!". Derek hated pulling rank with her but from the looks of things they didn't have long before the bus went up. There was no way in hell he was going to risk Meredith being inside when that happened, so if pulling rank and pissing her off was what it took to save her life then he'd take it.

Meredith scowled at his pig-headedness but didn't climb any further. She watched as he manoeuvred himself down into the bus. She wanted to help – she could help, she was small so she could fit through small spaces much easier than he could, but he was stopping her. A small explosion startled her out of her annoyance and she looked over to the engine and saw the flames picking up intensity. 'Derek', she thought, her heart rate speeding up – Derek was inside that bus which was very close to exploding. She looked helplessly at the window Derek had disappeared through – she had to do something, she couldn't just stand there.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a man lying on the floor behind the bus, having crawled out of the back window. "I need some help over here!" she yelled. Bailey and Cristina rushed over and the three of them managed to drag him away from the bus and pull him up onto a gurney.

Another bang made Meredith jump and she looked back to the bus to see Alex standing on the top, pulling people up through the window, who were presumably being passed up by Derek. Meredith and Cristina ran over and helped the passengers down who Alex passed to them. They ducked as sparks flew at them from the engine. "Derek, you need to get out of there – this thing's gunna blow!" Meredith yelled desperately.

"Meredith get outta here!" Derek yelled back, equally desperately.

"No! I'm not going anywhere!" She screamed stubbornly. She didn't care if he was her boss – he was also her…Derek, and there was no way she was leaving him alone in a burning bus.

Derek groaned, frustratedly – he wanted Meredith as far away as possible from this ticking time bomb. He also wasn't particularly fond of being in here himself but there was one more woman still in here that he needed to get out. "Karev, I need your help - she's stuck!"

As Alex lowered himself through the window, Derek tried to keep the young woman calm, who was clearly in shock and terrified, "Ma'am it's going to be ok, we're gunna get you out of here". The woman's leg was trapped by a metal pole and she couldn't move. Derek shared a look with Alex, both hoping that his words would be true. It was getting very hot inside, despite the rain, as the flames encroached further into the bus.

"Dude, we gotta get outta here – fast" Alex commented, following Derek's worried gaze.

"If we can lift this pole off her leg, we should be able to pull her free" Derek replied, taking a firm grip on the pole as Alex did the same. "Ok, on three – one, two…three!" Derek and Alex heaved with everything they had and eventually the pole creaked, creating a small gap in which the woman could free her leg. They dropped the pole and sighed exhaustedly at the exertion.

However, they weren't out of the woods yet – looking down at the woman's leg Derek saw that it was clearly broken, meaning she wouldn't be able to walk. He reached down and placed an arm under her shoulders, pulling her up into a standing position. He formulated a plan quickly in his mind. "Karev, you go up first and I'll lift her up to you"

Alex nodded and climbed back up out of the bus as Derek helped the woman over to the area underneath the window. "Ready" Alex called down.

"Wait!" The woman said as Derek was about to lift her, "Lily, my daughter Lily, she's wearing blue high tops – did you get her out?" she asked frantically.

"Ma'am there's no one else in here - I'm sure she's outside waiting for you" Derek told her anxiously as the flames got ever closer to them.

"Dr Shepherd, come on!" Alex yelled.

Derek picked the woman up, and standing on one of the seats he was able to lift her high enough for Alex to grab her hands and pull her though the window. When she was safely through, Derek jumped up, grabbing the rim of the window and pulled himself out of the bus.

Meredith let out a huge sigh of relief as she saw Derek emerge from the wreckage. He was ok. She rushed to fetch a gurney as both men climbed down, Alex first, carrying the woman, then Derek.

Seconds after Derek jumped down off the bus, it burst into flames. He turned and surveyed the carnage that was all around him – it was a mess but they'd got everyone out. He started to walk away from the burning wreckage when something to his right caught his eye – a small blue high top lay abandoned near the back of the bus. He ran over and got down on his stomach, trying to see through the flames, the broken glass and the pouring rain. His eyes landed on a small girl, who looked beyond frightened, huddled under one of the seats, her arms wrapped protectively around her legs.

"Hey, are you Lily?" he asked soothingly. The girl looked at him but didn't respond. "It's a pretty name. I like your shoes - they're my favourite colour." Still the girl didn't respond. "I bet you can run fast in them. Why don't we have a race right now and you can show me. Come on, it's ok Lily – give me your hand" he added, holding out his hand to her.

As Alex carried the woman over to the gurney Meredith had fetched, she looked past him and fear rose in her heart. "Where's Derek?" she yelled, growing more and more panicked as she looked around and saw no sign of him.

"He's right behind me" Alex replied as he lay the woman down on the gurney.

"No he's not!"

Alex looked over his shoulder and frowned, "he was right there – he came out after me"

The woman interrupted them, "Where's Lily? She's not here!" She yelled as she frantically looked around.

Meredith's stomach dropped into her shoes as she realised where Derek was - he'd gone back in. "Derek!" she screamed, her eyes wide with terror. He'd gone back in to that burning bus and she'd never been more scared in her life – she couldn't lose him. "Derek!"

She started running towards the bus but was thrown off her feet as it exploded in a ball of flames and debris. "No! Derek! No!" she cried as she pulled herself up. She started towards the bus again but was held back by Alex who grabbed her tightly by the waist and wouldn't let her go.

"Meredith, you can't go in there!"

"Let go of me!" she yelled, trying to yank herself free. "Derek! Derek! No! You can't be-! Derek!" Tears freely flowed down her face now as she continued to struggle against Alex's hold. She felt her knees about to give out as she choked out Derek's name again.

Her heart literally stopped in her chest as she saw a figure emerge from the flames. She gasped as the figure came closer and she saw it was Derek, carrying a little girl in one of his arms. "Derek" she choked out again. He was alive – he didn't die.

Derek gave her a small smile as he walked past her and handed the little girl to her mother. He turned around, intending to check on Meredith as she'd looked as white as a sheet when he walked past, but he was stopped by Bailey who blocked his path.

"Dr Shepherd, you need to come with me – we need to get you checked out"

"Dr Bailey, I'm fine" he replied, attempting to side step her.

Bailey stepped to the side too, preventing him from going anywhere. "You are not fine. You just walked out of an exploding bus!"

"Miranda-"

"Don't Miranda me - don't make me have to tell you again"

Derek sighed as he looked down at Bailey, and with one last concerned look at Meredith he let Bailey lead him into the ER.

/ / / / / / / / / /

Meredith stared wide eyed as Derek disappeared from sight - everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. She had just experienced the most terrifying moments of her life – even at 5 years old, watching her mother bleed out after cutting her wrists didn't hold a candle to the sheer heart stopping terror she felt when she thought Derek had been killed. She'd known him for less than 3 months but already the thought of losing him made her feel like her life would be over too.

She wasn't sure how long she stood there staring. People were milling all around her and she was vaguely aware that Alex was saying something to her but she didn't hear him. She was only broken out of her reverie when a paramedic knocked into her as he rushed past. This caused her to catch sight of the charred remains of the bus and she gasped as the whole awful scene of the explosion and not knowing where Derek was, replayed in her mind. Meredith snapped her eyes away, as if it were physically burning her. Ignoring everyone around her she took off into the ER, in the direction Derek and Bailey had gone in. She needed to assure herself that she hadn't imagined Derek walking out of that blaze – she needed to make sure he was ok.

Despite there being several bays with the curtains closed, it was as if Meredith had a radar for Derek – she knew which one he was in. Reaching for the curtain she yanked it open, stepping inside, before yanking it closed again. She stared with the same scared, wide eyed expression as she'd done outside at the very real, very alive man before her.

Derek was sat on the bed, minus his scrub top, but with the addition of a sling on his left arm, which had turned various shades of purple and red. Meredith was looking at him with an expression he'd never seen on her face before. "Hey" he said softly.

Meredith snapped, the weight of the last 30 minutes catching up with her. "Don't ever do that again! You could've died! Brainless brain surgeon!" she yelled, pushing angrily at his chest with her fists.

"Ow, oww!" As tiny as Meredith's fists were, Derek was surprised at how powerful they were. He didn't care about the pain though as the pain of seeing Meredith so upset – and because of him – was far worse. He pushed himself off the bed and grabbed one of her fists with his good arm, gently rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand. "Hey, hey" he soothed, imploring her to look at him.

Meredith immediately stopped her assault on Derek's chest and felt guilty as she took in his injured arm. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked up into his face, "I thought you'd blew up with that stupid bus!" she choked out, willing her tears not to fall in front of him. Her emotions overwhelmed her and she pulled away from Derek, turning to leave, "I…I have to go"

Derek wasn't having any of it though. He reached out quickly and grasped her hand in his, pulling her back round to him. Meredith looked up into his beautiful blue eyes that were boring into her so intently, and the pain spilled over as the tears she'd been holding in trickled down her face. Derek pulled her to him and hugged her as she cried.

"I'm sorry I scared you" he murmured, kissing the top of her head, that was now resting on his chest.

Meredith lay her head on Derek's naked chest and let the warmth of his skin and the strong, steady beat of his heart soothe her and calm her fears. He didn't blow up – he didn't die. He was alive and he was here with her. She pulled back slightly and looked up into the indigo orbs that she knew so well. In that moment she stopped thinking, stopped holding back, stopped pretending she didn't feel. She reached up and, tangling her fingers in the damp curls at the base of his skull, she pulled his head down roughly to hers. Their lips crashed together in a flurry of passion and need, their unspent desire from the past few months spilling over into one earth shattering kiss that set every one of their nerve fibres alight.

Meredith whimpered as Derek ran his tongue over her lips, begging for an invitation. Derek smiled into her mouth as she opened her lips to him, granting him entrance. He'd dreamt about this since the moment they met, but no dream could do justice to the indescribable feeling he got when her lips met his – it quite simply took his breath away. The world around them ceased to exist as their mouths made love to one another. With his non-injured arm he reached up to cup her face, holding her to him as they continued to explore each other's mouths – desperate and passionate as if their lives depended on it. It was like nothing either of them had experienced before as their lips melded together and their tongues duelled with each other in a lover's dance.

When the need for oxygen became too much they reluctantly pulled apart, panting heavily from the intensity of the kiss. Derek, still cupping Meredith's cheek, rested his forehead on hers and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. They caught each other's eyes and smiled shyly at each other as they caught their breath.

"Wow!"

"Yeah, wow!"

 **AN: so they've finally kissed – hope it was worth the wait! I know I haven't revealed what was on the divorce papers yet but it will come don't worry ;) I'd love to know what you thought of the chapter and I'll see you soon for my twist on the Season 1 finale!**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: thank you to everyone who persisted with reviewing last chapter – there was a problem with reviews not showing on the site, but I was getting them sent through in emails. Thankfully the reviewing issue appears to be fixed now and your lovely comments can now be seen on the site :) One reviewer wanted be sure the story wasn't ending after season 1 – no need to worry as I've still got lots in store for our favourite couple and I'm going to cover all of season 2 :) So this is my twist on the finale, it's taken a bit longer to write so I hope you like it…**

Chapter 7:

 _In that moment she stopped thinking, stopped holding back, stopped pretending she didn't feel. She reached up and, tangling her fingers in the damp curls at the base of his skull, she pulled his head down roughly to hers. Their lips crashed together in a flurry of passion and need, their unspent desire from the past few months spilling over into one earth shattering kiss that set every one of their nerve fibres alight._

 _Meredith whimpered as Derek ran his tongue over her lips, begging for an invitation. Derek smiled into her mouth as she opened her lips to him, granting him entrance. He'd dreamt about this since the moment they met, but no dream could do justice to the indescribable feeling he got when her lips met his – it quite simply took his breath away. The world around them ceased to exist as their mouths made love to one another. With his non-injured arm he reached up to cup her face, holding her to him as they continued to explore each other's mouths – desperate and passionate as if their lives depended on it. It was like nothing either of them had experienced before as their lips melded together and their tongues duelled with each other in a lover's dance._

 _When the need for oxygen became too much they reluctantly pulled apart, panting heavily from the intensity of the kiss. Derek, still cupping Meredith's cheek, rested his forehead on hers and placed a kiss on the tip of her nose. They caught each other's eyes and smiled shyly at each other as they caught their breath._

 _"Wow!"_

 _"Yeah, wow!"_

"Meredith, what does this mean?" Derek breathed, still holding her close.

"I…" Meredith stuttered, but was prevented from continuing by the whooshing of the curtain being yanked open. Meredith jumped away from Derek, startled at the intrusion, and whipped around to find herself on the receiving end of a disapproving glare she'd had the misfortune to have experienced before.

"Thought I might find you here. Did you 'slip' again Dr Grey?" Bailey mocked, not at all surprised at where she'd located her intern – or the position she'd found her in.

Meredith blushed furiously and felt like a scolded child. "Dr Bailey, I erm…" she began, but couldn't think of how to finish her sentence.

"Surgeons don't say 'erm' Grey. You're needed in Trauma 2 – go." Bailey replied, in a tone she'd come to learn meant that if she didn't move right this second there'd be hell to pay.

Meredith almost tripped over her own feet as she hurried out of the bay, avoiding the gazes of both Derek and Bailey as she went. Bailey looked Derek up and down disapprovingly before she stepped out and yanked the curtain closed again.

Derek sighed frustratedly and sat down heavily on the bed. Dr Bailey made him feel like a naughty little boy caught with his fingers in the cookie jar. What frustrated him more though was that she'd interrupted them. Knowing Meredith she was probably freaking out now – about the kiss, and being caught by Bailey – again. He needed to talk to her and try to reduce some of the freak out, and also to find out what it all meant. He'd known there was something special between them since the night they met, but he wasn't sure where her feelings were at and he also cared too much about her to drag her into his mess. But now…they'd just shared what was quite spectacularly the most amazing kiss he'd ever experienced in his life. He'd kissed his fair share of women in his time, but after kissing Meredith he honestly couldn't remember a single one of them. With the passion and intensity she'd kissed him with, Derek was pretty sure now that she shared his feelings – and that was both incredible and scary at the same time. He'd never felt this way before – not about Addison, not about anyone. He needed to talk to her.

To say Meredith was distracted was an understatement. After finishing with her trauma patient, Bailey had swiftly sent her down to the Pit to deal with the walking wounded – telling her she was no use to critical patients in her current mental state. And so now she was suturing minor lacerations, which gave her far too much time to think. She'd kissed Derek – her and Derek had kissed – and not just a little kiss, no they'd really been going for it as if the world were about to end! And what a kiss it was – she used to scoff at the sappy girls who said they saw stars when they kissed a guy, but now she fully understood that concept. When her and Derek kissed, she saw stars, planets – the whole freaking solar system! If this were any other guy who she'd just kissed like that, she might be able to attempt to move past the fact that she'd never done the relationship or commitment thing before – she could try and do that. But It wasn't that simple and she decided that the world hated her because she'd managed to to fall head over heels for a married man – her married boss no less. He may be separated, but he was still technically married, and that was a much bigger problem than her commitment issues. 'What does this mean' he'd asked…that was a very good question.

Derek didn't get to take Meredith to dinner that night as Meredith, along with all of the other interns, had to pull a double shift due to the volume of patients coming in having been injured in the storm. Derek had wanted to stay and help, and also to grab a few minutes to speak to Meredith. However, the Chief had ordered him in no uncertain terms to go home and, despite Derek's protests, had said that if he didn't then he'd be signed off sick for a week. So Derek begrudgingly headed to the Archfield for the night – his fewer usable limbs than usual meaning that driving to his trailer wasn't an option. The entire cab ride there, Derek let the events of the night swim through his mind and his lips tingled as he remembered the feel of her lips pressed to his.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

 _3 days later…_

It was Friday now, 3 days after Meredith had let her feelings get the better of her and had quite literally felt the earth move when she'd kissed Derek. 3 days in which she'd thought of little else but the feel of his lips on hers, his hands tangled in her hair and how amazing it had felt to be in his arms. She hadn't actually seen Derek in those 3 days as they'd been on different shifts – that and she'd been doing her best to avoid him. It wasn't that she didn't want to see him, she did – a lot, but she needed to figure out 'what does this mean?' before she spoke to him. She couldn't say she knew exactly what it all meant now but she'd stopped freaking out so much and was thinking more clearly. They were both working today, his shift started a couple of hours before hers so he'd already be at the hospital by now. So today there'd be no more avoiding – she was going to find Derek and arrange to meet up with him after her shift so they could talk. Yes, she was going to do it.

Meredith let out a nervous sigh as she walked through the entrance to Seattle Grace and made her way over to the elevator. Having pressed the call button, she drummed her fingers impatiently on her bag. The doors opened to reveal only one other occupant and she stepped in.

"Hey Mere" Izzie greeted cheerfully – far too cheerfully for someone who'd been on call all night and was about to start another shift.

"Hey Iz" Meredith replied, offering her a small smile, "you seem happy".

"Oh yeah, I am – usually I hate being on call but I got to scrub in on an aortic valve repair with Dr Burke and I've just came out of a craniotomy with Dr Shepherd" she explained excitedly. Meredith's ears pricked up at the mention of Derek, which didn't go unnoticed by Izzie. "…Speaking of Dr Shepherd" Izzie added, her smile widening, "I get off at 7 so I can do that thing for you".

Meredith shuffled awkwardly on her feet. "Thanks…just keep it to yourself ok – I feel stupid enough already, I don't need Cristina teasing me for years about it – or anyone else for that matter".

"It's not stupid, it's romantic!" Izzie beamed.

"Izzie-" Meredith began but was cut off by the dinging of the elevator, causing the doors to open and another person stepped on.

"What's romantic?" Derek asked, acknowledging both women but his gaze lingering on Meredith.

"Nothing" Meredith replied quickly, shooting Izzie a warning look. Izzie just smiled wider but didn't say anything.

Derek frowned in confusion at the exchange. "I disagree Dr Grey – I think some things can be very romantic" he replied, his eyes telling her exactly what he was referring to.

"Dr Stevens, you did well in surgery this morning" Derek added, turning his attention away from Meredith, not wanting to be rude.

"Thank you Dr Shepherd – it was a great surgery", Izzie replied, still smiling. The elevator dinged again, "well this is my floor" she added as she stepped off, "I'll see you for rounds Mere".

Izzie grinned and gave Meredith a thumbs up before the doors closed again, causing Meredith to roll her eyes. Derek shook his head in confusion - Bailey's interns seemed to have their own special code.

"Hi" Derek said shyly now that they were alone, giving her a warm smile.

"Hi" Meredith replied, equally as shyly.

The elevator reached their floor and they stepped off together, rounding the corner slightly so they were in an empty hallway, both knowing they had things to discuss.

"So" "So" they said in unison, causing them both to laugh lightly.

"I've missed you these past few days" Derek told her, brushing his hand gently up and down her arm.

Meredith felt goosebumps swathe her arm in the trail of Derek's hand. She was amazed that a simple touch, even with a barrier of material in between them, could set her body alight. "Me too" she admitted softly, looking down at the ground.

"So we should talk about…everything" Derek suggested tentatively.

Meredith looked back up into his eyes, "we should" she agreed, "you finish at 8 right? I finish at 9 so you could meet me after my shift in the lobby?"

Derek's eyebrows rose slightly – he hadn't expected her to agree so easily as he was pretty sure she'd been avoiding him the past few days. He wasn't going to argue though. "Yeah, that works for me – 9 it is then"

Meredith smiled back at him, "Right – 9…so I'll see you later then"

"You will"

Meredith fiddled nervously with her fingers, "…well I have to go round so…"

"So 9 o'clock"

"9 o'clock" she agreed, turning to leave.

"Meredith"

Meredith turned back towards him, "yeah?"

Derek paused before smiling at her happily, "it's good to see you".

9 o'clock couldn't come quickly enough – they had a lot to discuss!

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

The first part of Meredith's shift went by fairly uneventfully, that was until the Chief had ordered everyone working on the surgical floor to the conference room for a safe sex talk – due to an unfortunate outbreak of syphilis amongst the staff. Meredith groaned and rolled her eyes as Patricia went on to demonstrate how to put a condom onto a banana. She really didn't need to be there, a) because she already knew how to put a condom onto a 'banana' and b) more importantly, despite her many porny thoughts about a certain raven haired neurosurgeon, she wasn't having sex - so this really was a pointless waste of time!

Her afternoon however became more interesting when Derek asked her to help him with something for the Chief - which turned out to be, in his words, a 'special, super secret, silent, sunset surgery'. So now here she was in the scrub room with Derek, getting ready to remove a brain tumour that was pressing on the Chief's optic nerve. The procedure was textbook and flawless and Meredith watched in awe as Derek, seemingly effortlessly removed the tumour. She watched him over the top of her mask, occasionally sneaking glances at his face, as his skilled surgeon's hands separated tumour from healthy brain tissue.

Afterwards, both Meredith and Derek were on a surgery high and grinned at each other as they scrubbed out. "Do you think it worked?" Meredith asked.

"We won't know for certain until he wakes up, but I'm pretty sure the optic nerve wasn't damaged".

"I can see why the Chief wanted you to do it" Meredith told him sincerely.

"Is that a compliment Dr Grey?" Derek teased.

Meredith smiled and rolled her eyes, "yes Dr Shepherd - you're a brilliant surgeon".

Derek's smile grew wider, "thank you Dr Grey".

Meredith returned his smile as she finished drying her hands. She turned to Derek before leaving the scrub room, "I'll check on the chief when he wakes up, and erm I'll see you later?".

"Thank you" Derek replied, "and Meredith - I'll look forward to it"

Meredith smiled shyly at him before leaving the scrub room. She hoped he liked her little surprise – she was getting nervous now but it was too late to change her mind as Izzie had already left. She didn't usually do surprises but she'd had this idea and she thought he'd like it, so she'd just ran with it before she talked herself out of it. She sighed as she went to check on the Chief – time would tell whether it was a good idea or a stupid idea.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Derek sat nervously in the lobby, one leg crossed over the other, attempting to concentrate on a medical journal as he waited for Meredith to finish her shift. Now that it was getting close to meeting her, he felt his heart rate speed up in anticipation. Being around Meredith always made his heart beat faster, it was just the effect she had on him, but this time was different – tonight they were going to talk about them and about that mind blowing, breath taking kiss they'd shared, the same kiss he relived every time he closed his eyes. He wanted to be with her, of that he had no doubt - he'd wanted to be with her since the moment they'd met. He wanted them to be Meredith and Derek – a pair, a team, a couple. He knew his current marital status was an obstacle to that but he'd had divorce papers drawn up and he wanted to move forward – his life was in Seattle now, and he wanted his life to be with her.

Derek spotted Meredith the moment she stepped out of the elevator. He smiled as he stood up to meet her. "Hey" he greeted as she came to stand in front of him.

Meredith smiled back at him, "hey".

"So, talking" Derek began.

"Yes, talking"

"Where would you like to go?"

"I thought we could go to your trailer, I have wine" Meredith replied, smiling as she pulled out a bottle from her bag.

Derek smiled back at her, "that sounds perfect".

Derek helped her into her coat, lingering on her collar as he brushed her hair out of the way. He placed his hand on the small of her back as they started towards the door. He stopped dead in his tracks though, a sense of dread filling him, as a determined looking red haired woman walked towards them. "Meredith, I am so sorry" he told her desperately, hating the situation she was about to encounter.

The red haired woman stopped in front of them. "Addison. What are you doing here?" Derek asked tersely.

Meredith's jaw dropped hearing the name. 'Addison' – so this was the wife. She wasn't exactly sure what she'd been expecting but this woman was not it. Addison was tall, sophisticated and beautiful – she looked like Isabella freaking Rossellini! Meredith suddenly felt very small and inferior.

"Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls" Addison replied dryly. She turned to Meredith and held her hand out. "Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd. And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband"

Derek looked over at Meredith with concern. If she was shocked or upset, she didn't show it. He saw her jaw clench before she spoke.

"No, actually I'm not. Derek isn't the adulterous one here" she replied, staring Addison straight in the eye as she shook her hand. This in turn caused Addison to raise an eyebrow.

Derek couldn't help but feel a sense of pride at Meredith's retort and her sticking up for him. The feeling was quickly replaced by one of anxiety though as Meredith picked up her bag and walked away towards the exit.

"Meredith!" he called, ignoring Addison and jogging to catch up with her. He reached her and gently took her arm, turning her back towards him. When she looked up at him he thought he saw pain and disappointment in her eyes, but it was gone as quickly as it appeared, replaced by a look of stubborn 'fine-ness' he'd seen so often when she was hurting.

"It's ok Derek" she told him, attempting to keep her voice from hitching, "you have things you need to talk about"

"WE have things we need to talk about" Derek insisted, placing his hand on her arm.

Meredith moved away from Derek's touch and looked down at the floor, "It can wait. Goodnight Derek" she replied, glancing up at him quickly before turning around and walking out of the hospital.

"Meredith" Derek called again, helplessly, but she didn't stop walking.

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Meredith walked hurriedly to her car, using every ounce of willpower not to look back. She unlocked her car and sighed as she sunk heavily into the seat and leant her head on the steering wheel. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. If she'd imagined all the different ways tonight could have played out, Derek's wife walking in and introducing herself would not have been one of them. Her phone beeping, indicating she had a text message, broke her out of her torment. She thought about ignoring it as she figured it would be Derek pleading with her to come back, but she flicked her phone open anyway. It wasn't Derek, it was Izzie and a pang of sadness and disappointment hit her as she read the message:

 _'All sorted – it looks amazing! McDreamy will love it! :D'_

She sighed again as she closed her phone - Izzie's efforts, and hers, were all in vain now. 'This is why I don't do surprises!' Meredith thought. She wished she'd never had the stupid idea in the first place because now she had to go and undo it before Derek got home. She pulled her seatbelt on roughly, started the engine and left Seattle Grace behind as she headed for the ferry terminal.

When she'd boarded the ferry, Meredith left the car and went up on deck, hoping the fresh air would help clear her head. It didn't have the effect she was hoping for though, as leaning against the railing with the wind in her hair as she headed to Bainbridge Island only caused her to reminisce about the times she'd done this journey with Derek – ironically stood in the exact same spot, his body pressed lightly against hers to shield her from the wind as they basked in each other's company.

She'd mentally built herself up to tell Derek how she felt tonight – she was going to tell him that she wanted him – that she was scared to want him, but here she was wanting him anyway. She wanted to tell him that if he was serious about his marriage being over then maybe they could give them a try – because she believed they could be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart. It scared her to even think things like that because she'd never felt like this before. None of it mattered now anyway as it was all ruined. Addison had obviously come to Seattle to get Derek back, and Derek, despite his protests to the contrary, would end up taking her back. With a wife that looked like that, what man wouldn't choose her over dark and twisty Meredith Grey? Meredith blinked back tears at the thought of having to watch the man she'd fallen hopelessly and irrevocably in love with, living happily with another woman.

Meredith was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realise the boat had docked. Pushing herself off the railing she got back in her car and drove off the boat. She spent the short drive to Derek's trailer lost in her thoughts again before pulling into the clearing on Derek's land where his trailer was. The sight that met her made her gasp – her surprise for Derek fully brought to life, adorning the cliff top overlooking the ferry boats.

She stepped out of the car and just stood, taking in her creation – which really did look quite spectacular in the moonlight. There in front of her, laid out on the lawn, was her house of candles. She'd raided the homeware store for every candle they possessed and had came out here this morning, knowing Derek was starting early, to set them out. She couldn't light them then, one because they wouldn't last that long, and two because she didn't want to end up setting Derek's land on fire! So she had asked Izzie to come out here and light them for her. Izzie had been more than happy to help as she'd described it as 'the most romantic thing ever!'. Meredith had created a floor plan out of the candles for what she thought Derek's dream house might look like, and if things had gone to plan she'd wanted to see the look on his face when she brought him out here to see it all lit up in the darkness. When she'd been setting it up she'd stupidly imagined that it might not just be Derek's dream house, but that one day it might end up being their dream house.

Meredith groaned in frustration - she was frustrated that Addison had shown up out of the blue, she was frustrated that Derek wasn't stood here with her now, she was frustrated that this was all for nothing…but most of all she was frustrated that she'd allowed herself to fall for him, and to entertain the idea that they could have something together. With one last forlorn look at her candle house, she popped the trunk, lifted out the crates and began the onerous task of putting out and packing up the candles.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

 _Back at the hospital…_

Derek let out a frustrated sigh as he returned to where Addison was standing, looking far too smug for his liking. "Addison, what are you doing here?" He asked, annoyance evident in his tone.

Addison ignored his question, "your hair's different"

"A lot of things are different" Derek snapped.

"It's longer. I like it. It's very Russell Crowe"

"What are you doing here?" Derek asked again, losing patience.

"What are you doing here?" Addison shot back, "you just pick up and leave everything? Your house, your practice, your friends? You had a life in Manhattan."

"Had" Derek emphasised. Manhattan was his past, his life was in Seattle now – and it was all the better for it. That was until tonight.

"And now you have a girlfriend in Seattle. She seems sweet." Addison mocked.

Derek felt his anger rising, "The ice you're on – thin".

Addison was not deterred, "She's young. That whole wide eyed, ooh he's a brain surgeon thing happening, but still sweet. Which is what you were going for right? The anti-Addison?"

"If you came out here to try to win me back, you can forget about it" Derek clarified, growing increasingly annoyed at Addison thinking she had the right to talk about Meredith.

"I did. I flew all the way across the county to reminisce over wedding photos, get drunk, fall into bed, and make you realise you can't live without me. Relax Derek, I'm here for work. I'm helming the TTTS case you guys admitted last week and from Richard's briefing I should be-"

"Richard, he knew you were coming out here?" Derek asked incredulously. How could he not have told him?!

"He asked me to come. Didn't he tell you?"

"No, he didn't" Derek snapped.

"Hmm. Surprise. The hair though – you know I've always had a thing for Russell Crowe" Addison replied, leaning towards him so she was speaking right into his ear.

Derek jerked away and glared at her, turning and walking out of the hospital before Addison had a chance to say anything else. He didn't have time for this - he'd left his old life behind in New York, including Addison, and he had no intention of going back to any of it. She had the absolute worst timing ever too – he was supposed to be talking to Meredith now about them, about maybe becoming 'Meredith and Derek', not stood here arguing with his adulterous wife! He had to find her – only problem being, he didn't know where she'd gone and she wasn't answering her phone. He let out a frustrated sigh as he headed over to Joe's – maybe she'd be in there.

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"Stupid, corny, idiotic…I cannot believe I did this!" Meredith mumbled to herself as she extinguished the candles one by one, packing them haphazardly back into the crates. "Stupid loser, son of a…I could be at home instead of – urgh stupid brain man!".

As she unceremoniously shoved the crates into her trunk, she felt a sense of emptiness as she looked back to the clearing where her candle house had once shone brightly, but where there was now just darkness. That's how she felt right about now – dark and empty. There would be no more surprises or stupid romantic gestures – she was done. Back to dark and twisty Meredith who didn't believe in love or fairy tales or any of that other crap – all she needed was her good friend José. She'd be fine on her own.

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Derek pushed the door open to Joe's and strode in quickly. He scanned every area of the bar, desperately searching for the head of dirty blonde waves he'd know anywhere. He sighed in frustration when he couldn't see her. "Joe, have you seen Meredith?" he asked hopefully, leaning over the bar.

"Not tonight, sorry Doc" Joe replied, "everything alright?"

"Not really." Derek sighed, "Thanks Joe"

Derek turned and left the bar feeling dejected - he'd really hoped to find her in there. Getting back in his car he slammed the steering wheel with his fist in annoyance – he needed to find her. He needed to find her and make her understand that she was the one that he couldn't stop thinking about, she was the one that was on his mind from the moment he woke up until the moment he went to bed – and then even in his dreams. She was the one he wanted to be with – not Addison. He'd had a feeling for quite some time now, deep down in his heart, that maybe Meredith might actually be 'the one'. He pulled his phone out and tried calling her again, hoping that this time she'd pick up. He wasn't surprised however when the ringing cut to voicemail. 'Maybe she went home' he thought, and so with a renewed sense of hope he screeched his car out of the parking lot and drove the short distance to Meredith's house.

He was out of the car and hammering on the door before the engine had even cut out. A confused looking George greeted him as he opened the door.

"Dr Shepherd?"

"O'Malley" Derek replied, looking over George's shoulder for the purpose of his visit. "Is Meredith home?"

"No, no one is actually" George told him, "Izzie said she had to do something for Meredith, and Meredith I figured was with you."

Derek rubbed his temple with his fingers, where he could feel a headache building. "She's not"

George frowned, feeling a bit sorry for his anguished boss stood in front of him. "Erm, you can wait if you like? I mean I'm sure she'll be back at some point" George offered, standing aside so Derek could come in.

Derek appreciated the offer but he'd go crazy just sitting around and waiting – he had to keep trying. "Thank you O'Malley but I'm gunna keep looking. Just erm…just tell her I came by OK?"

"Ok"

Derek groaned as he got back in his car – again. She wasn't at Joe's, she wasn't at her house…she could have gone to Cristina's – but if she had that wouldn't help as he didn't know where Cristina lived. He was worried about her, he really hoped she was ok and not getting drunk somewhere. An idea came to him as he leant his head back on the head rest – his trailer. That's where she said she wanted to go tonight before Addison came and ruined everything – maybe she'd gone there after all. It was a long shot, as he was pretty sure she was trying to get away from him, but he had to try.

He usually enjoyed the ferry ride over to Bainbridge Island as it was peaceful and allowed him to clear his head. However, tonight he couldn't wait for it to end so they could dock and he could get to his land to hopefully find Meredith. Stood up on deck, all he could think about was all the times he'd done this journey with Meredith, huddled together as they looked out at the bay, and how he couldn't bare the thought of not being able to do that with her again.

When the boat eventually docked, Derek wasted no time disembarking. He was so intent on exiting the dock and getting to his trailer as quickly as possible that he failed to notice a familiar blue jeep queued up, waiting to board the return ferry. He reached his land in record time, the roads being even more deserted than usual at this time of night – that and him breaking a few speed limits. As he rounded the clearing to his land, Derek cursed as pulled up next to his trailer, realising that his was the only vehicle there.

Derek got out of his car and slammed the door in annoyance and ran his hand through his hair frustratedly as he sat down heavily on his decking. He placed his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands as he looked out over the cliff top and thought about how epically wrong tonight had turned out. He should be with Meredith right now, not sat here alone worrying about where the hell she'd disappeared to whilst Addison roamed the halls of the hospital – his hospital. It was wrong, it was all wrong.

He was brought out of his mental anguish when something something caught his eye in the distance. Something in the grass near the cliff edge was glistening in the moonlight. He walked over to investigate and frowned in confusion as he saw it was a small glass candle holder, complete with candle, lying on its side in the grass. Picking it up, he was surprised to feel that it was warm, suggesting that it had been lit fairly recently – the melted wax of the candle confirming that suspicion. 'Meredith' he thought – she was the only person besides him who ever came out here. 'But why would she have brought a candle?'. He couldn't think of an answer to that question, but if he was right then she hadn't long left – and she'd probably gotten on the ferry that he'd just gotten off of.

Derek sighed heavily, this was beyond ridiculous – having chased her across half of Seattle, he'd more than likely just driven right past her. Looking down at the candle in his hands, he decided he had two choices: 1. Stay here and spend a sleepless night reliving the disaster of a night he'd just had and attempt to talk to Meredith in the morning. Or 2. Head back to Seattle and continue looking for her, camping out on her doorstep if it came to it. He chose option 2.

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As Meredith waited to board the ferry to take her home, the candles clinking in the trunk, she caught sight of Derek's Lexus pulling off of the ferry. She sunk down in her seat, not wanting him to see her. To her relief, he'd been alone in the car – she didn't think she could take the sight of Derek driving Addison to his trailer. It was silly but she liked being the only person Derek had taken out there…she figured she'd have to get used to that changing now though.

She didn't go up on deck during the journey – she knew if she did she'd just end up thinking about Derek. Not that she wasn't already thinking about Derek, but Derek loved ferry boats, and she loved riding ferry boats with him – she had many happy memories of standing up on deck with him, and she couldn't allow herself to think about those memories right now. So she stayed in her car the whole journey and pretended she wasn't even on a ferry boat.

When the boat docked in Seattle, Meredith debated whether to just go home or whether to go to Joe's and attempt to drown out all thoughts of dark haired, indigo eyed, brain surgeons and their annoyingly leggy and fabulous wives. Whilst she would normally have headed straight for Joe's, she wasn't really in the mood for drinking tonight, and she definitely wasn't in the mood for socialising. So with that in mind, she took a left and headed home.

After pulling onto her drive she got out and fished through her bag for her keys. She decided to leave the candles in the trunk – she didn't want to see them right now. She unlocked the door and after throwing her keys, bag and coat down in the corner, she went straight upstairs to her room, ignoring a concerned and confused looking Izzie.

Meredith shrugged off her sweater and jeans, deciding bed was what she needed. She put on a pair of pyjama pants then pulled open her dresser, pausing before she took out a faded navy, oversized tee shirt. She sighed as she opened it up and ran her fingers over the lettering. Pulling it over her head, she let the scent surround her. She was about to climb in to bed when a soft knocking on her door stopped her. "Go away" Meredith groaned.

Izzie paused a couple of seconds before opening the door anyway and stepping inside. She gave Meredith a concerned look. "Mere, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Iz, I just want to go to bed"

Izzie ignored Meredith's reply, knowing she was not fine. "Why aren't you with Derek?" she asked, taking a seat on the end of Meredith's bed, "didn't he like the house of candles? It looked amazing, how could anyone not like it?"

Meredith sighed – Izzie wasn't going to give up until she'd got it out of her. "He didn't see it".

Izzie frowned in confusion, "why not?"

"Because his wife showed up so we didn't get that far"

Izzie's jaw dropped and for once she was lost for words. "…but…so all this time he didn't tell you he was married?" she asked incredulously, "What a jerk! What a…McBastard! What a –"

"Izzie" Meredith interrupted, "he did tell me – he told me the night we first met"

"Wait, hold up…" Izzie began, totally confused now, "so you've known all this time that he's married?...but you've been so…cute and couple-y together"

"He's separated" Meredith explained, "his wife cheated on him with his best friend, so he left"

Izzie softened at hearing this, "Oh, poor guy! No wonder he moved to the other side of the country!"

"Yeah"

"So if he's separated, what's McBitch doing here?"

Meredith felt an amused smile tugging at her lips at the Mc-Nickname. "McBitch?"

Izzie shrugged, giving her a small smile, "I thought it was appropriate".

"She's probably here to try and win him back" Meredith told her, looking down at the bed and picking at the blanket.

Izzie placed a hand over Meredith's to still her movements. "What makes you think he's gunna take her back? She did cheat on him!"

Meredith looked up at her with pain in her eyes, "you didn't see her Iz – she was all long legs, perfect hair and designer dresses. What guy would go for me over all of that?"

Izzie sighed, "Mere, have you seen you? You're beautiful, you're smart, you're talented, you're kind – and you're loyal" she told her earnestly, "half the guys in the hospital would kill to date you"

Meredith looked back down at the bed – she knew Izzie meant well but she wasn't sure she believed her words. "They're gunna get back together and I'm gunna have to watch them at the hospital being all McPerfect together" she moaned.

"Meredith" Izzie chided, "what happened after McWife turned up? I'm guessing you ran and didn't give him chance to talk to you?"

Meredith glared at her, "I didn't run…I walked" she reasoned, "she turned up and I left them to it. I went to his land to pick up all those stupid candles…and now I'm back here"

"I bet he's been trying to contact you since, right? How many missed calls do you have? 10?"

Meredith sighed in annoyance. "12" she admitted – damn Izzie for poking holes in her argument.

Izzie smiled triumphantly, "see! If he wanted to get back with her, why would he be trying to get hold of you so badly?"

"To tell me he's getting back with her" Meredith sulked.

Izzie rolled her eyes, before saying gently "Mere, you need to talk to him – give him a chance. I've seen the way he looks at you - I'd kill for a guy to look at me like that - it's like you're his world…anybody can see he's in love with you"

Meredith's head shot up at that. Derek – in love – with her? It couldn't be…could it? She knew she'd fallen hard and fast for him but she'd never contemplated it being reciprocated. Yes he flirted with her, and that kiss had been…well there were no words to adequately describe it, but love? Could he really love her? No one had ever loved her like that. Izzie was probably just being her overly idealistic and romantic self.

Izzie got up and placed a comforting hand on Meredith's shoulder, "give him a chance Mere". She paused at the door and looked back at Meredith curiously, "I thought you went to Dartmouth, I didn't know you went to Bowdoin?"

Meredith smiled sadly as she looked down at the tee shirt she was wearing and ran her hand softly over the sleeve. "I didn't".

Izzie frowned but didn't push it further, "it'll be ok Mere" she told her as she left and closed the door.

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself, pulling the tee shirt tight against her skin. What was she supposed to do now? How was she going to face work? She groaned and let her head fall onto her knees. It shot back up though when she heard the doorbell ring.

"If that's Derek, tell him I'm not here!" she yelled down to Izzie.

 **AN: hope you liked it - please let me know what you think :) …we're going to get to the divorce papers issue next chapter – I promise!**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Woah - some very impassioned reviews for the last chapter! I'm really glad you guys are getting so into the story and are still with me for the ride so I just wanted to address some things that were brought up. Some of you were angry/upset at how it turned out, which I was a little surprised at as I thought the chapter was quite progressive for MerDer. Also, some of you thought it wasn't different enough from the original, but the only thing I really kept the same was Addison showing up. Meredith stood up to Addison and didn't go drinking afterwards, and Derek spent the whole night chasing after Meredith – which is progress for both of them.**

 **I'm not writing a complete AU, I'm exploring how things could have played out if Meredith knew about Addison from the start. Because of this some things will be different, most notably MerDer are far more open and honest with each other, which has helped them build an emotional relationship sooner. This means that Meredith doesn't have such a problem with trust and she's able to do something as monumental as build the candle house much sooner. She still has commitment and abandonment issues though, which won't go away over night. Some events will however still happen, Addison for example – I think that even if Derek had faxed her signed divorce papers to New York and told her to go to hell, she'd still show up in Seattle to have it out with him. Even though some events will still occur, it's the way MerDer deal with them that will make this story different. You can be sure my S2 will be different to the show, and I love MerDer just as much as you guys so this is 100% a MerDer story. And for those of you who were disappointed about Derek not getting to see it…little spoiler – we haven't seen the last of the candle house ;)**

 **Once again, thank you to each and every one of you who take the time to review - they really do make my day!**

 **Sorry for the long AN! Here's chapter 8 and please trust me that I have a plan and I'm building something for our favourite couple :)**

Chapter 8:

Izzie opened the door to find a frantic looking Derenk standing on the doorstep.

 _"If that's Derek, tell him I'm not here!"_

She smiled awkwardly at him as he'd clearly heard what Meredith had said. "Guess there's not much point in me telling you that, huh?"

"I just want to talk to her" Derek told her, desperation in his voice.

Izzie regarded him carefully. She'd thought for a while now, having observed them together, that Derek's feelings ran far deeper than Meredith knew. But now, looking into the anguished eyes of her boss, she knew she'd been right – he looked like his world would end if he didn't get to speak to her. "She told me what happened".

Derek sighed in frustration, "I know it's a mess but I had no idea Addison was gunna show up like that".

Izzie could see he was sincere and stepped aside so Derek could come into the house. "She's upstairs", she told him, gesturing to the stairs.

"Thank you" Derek replied, breathing a sigh of relief that he wasn't having the door slammed in his face.

"Dr Shepherd" Izzie called as Derek started up the stairs.

"Yeah?"

"Don't hurt her"

Derek nodded before continuing up the stairs. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was hurt her. He paused and took a deep breath before knocking lightly on Meredith's door.

"Izzie I'm fine" Meredith called out from inside.

"It's not Izzie, it's Derek", he replied hesitantly.

Meredith sighed at Izzie having totally ignored what she'd said. The was no way she could avoid Derek now. "Come in" she said softly, standing up from the bed.

Derek pushed the door open slowly and stepped into the room. "Hey" he breathed nervously.

"Hey" Meredith replied, feeling her heart rate speed up at the thought that he'd come here to tell her he was getting back together with his wife."

Warmth spread through Derek's heart and a smile lit up his face as he noticed what she was wearing. "Nice shirt" he teased.

Meredith blushed profusely as she looked down and realised Derek had caught her wearing his college tee shirt – the one she'd 'borrowed' from him when she'd stayed at his trailer, and then non-accidentally forgotten to give it back to him. "Erm, you can – you can have it back" she stuttered.

"No, you keep it" he told her, looking at her reverently, "it looks better on you anyway".

Meredith wrapped her arms protectively around herself before looking back up at him, trying to be strong. "So" she began, "that was Addison".

"Yeah" Derek sighed, "Meredith I'm so sorry you had to see that. She should never have just turned up like that".

"You're still her husband Derek, she's probably come to try and get you back". She felt her insides clench at the word 'husband' – Derek was a husband, and not to her, he belonged to somebody else.

"Well then she's wasted her time" Derek replied, vehemently. Meredith's heart fluttered at the passion in his conviction, but stopped herself from hoping as she knew it wasn't that simple.

"Apparently she's here for a consult – the TTTS case." Derek continued, "Richard called her" he added, still annoyed about this fact.

"The Chief called her?" Meredith asked, surprised.

"Yeah. It must've slipped his mind to tell me".

"So she's gunna be working at the hospital? As an Attending?" This notion filled Meredith with dread. Knowing her luck she'd be put on Addison's service and have to spend all day working for Derek's wife. She sat back down on the bed, the magnitude of this latest revelation making her feel like sitting was a safer option.

"Temporarily" Derek clarified, "As soon as the case is done she'll get back on her broomstick and fly back to New York".

Meredith quirked a smile at the image but then returned to seriousness. "Unless she has a reason to stay"

"She doesn't" Derek insisted, walking over to Meredith and taking a seat on the end of the bed. He kept a safe distance between them so she didn't feel uncomfortable.

Meredith looked into Derek's eyes and he looked so certain and sincere, but her mind was exhausted and confused after everything that had happened tonight that she just didn't know what to think.

Derek could see the torment and uncertainty in her eyes so decided to change the subject. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the candle holder, holding it up in front of him. It had the desired effect as Meredith's eyes widened, the look in them changing from pained to shocked. "So I found this on my land earlier" he told her, an amused smile forming on his face, "and from the look on your face I'd say you've seen it before?".

'Crap' Meredith thought. She'd thought she'd picked all of them up, but with how distracted she'd been, it wasn't that surprising that she'd missed one. "I erm…" she began, trying to think of a plausible explanation but coming up blank.

"Were you planning a candlelit dinner?" Derek teased.

Meredith glared at him, "No".

Derek smirked, "you know, I looked everywhere for you – I should've just gone straight to the trailer as that's where you said you'd wanted to go".

"I'm glad you didn't" Meredith huffed.

Derek frowned, "why?"

"Because" Meredith began, sighing in frustration, "I did this stupid, embarrassing, humiliating, corny thing. But now it's all ruined because you're wife showed up".

Derek smiled at Meredith's rambling. He was greatly intrigued about what this thing was that Meredith had done. "What did you do?"

Meredith glared at him again. "Nothing"

"Nothing? But you just said-"

"It doesn't matter now" Meredith interrupted, "the moment's passed".

Derek frowned, "are you seriously not gunna tell me?"

"Seriously. No"

"Come on" Derek persisted, giving her the McDreamy look.

"Don't give me that look – it won't work. I'm not telling you".

"What look?" Derek asked, feigning innocence.

"You know what look – that look" Meredith chided, gesturing at his face, "I'm immune".

Derek chuckled at her stubbornness, "alright" he relented, holding his hands up in surrender, but then added softly, "but whatever it was, I wish I'd gotten the chance to see it".

Meredith looked down at her lap – she wished he'd gotten to see it too. She wished tonight had gone how she'd planned, she wished she'd been able to go to Derek's land with him, she wished Addison hadn't showed up…but most of all she wished Derek hadn't been married in the first place – then none of this would be a problem. But life never tended to work out the way she wanted.

"So" Derek began tentatively, "we were supposed to talk tonight".

Meredith looked back up at him, "we were" she agreed, "but it doesn't matter now"

"It does matter" Derek insisted, placing his hand over hers which was resting on the covers. "Meredith, we need to talk – we kissed, and I don't know about you but I haven't been able to think about anything else since"

Meredith looked down at his hand covering hers, heat spreading up her arm from his touch. "Neither have I" she whispered, "but-"

"No, no buts" Derek interrupted, "if tonight had gone as planned, and we'd gone to my trailer, what would you have said to me?" he implored her, pleading with his eyes for her to open up to him. "Meredith?"

Meredith felt the intensity of Derek's gaze in every fibre of her body. She felt more open and vulnerable now than she'd ever felt in her whole life – Derek looking at her so intently made her feel like he could read all of her feelings and emotions. She looked away and reluctantly pulled her hand away from his, "Derek, I can't-"

"Meredith" Derek breathed softly, tilting her chin back up gently with his hand, so she was looking at him again, "it's just me, what would you have said?".

Meredith stood up and began pacing, "you really want to know Derek? You really want to know what I would have said?" she asked, her voice rising. She didn't wait for an answer before continuing, "because once I say it, I can't take it back"

"I want to know" Derek told her gently, standing up too.

Meredith looked at him, a multitude of emotions swimming through her mind. She was so confused. She wasn't altogether sure that blurting her feelings out was the best idea but she thought she'd go crazy if she didn't get it off her chest. "What I would have said" she began, "what I would have said is…" Meredith sighed, "that Derek, I love you – in a really really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you". Meredith's heart was hammering in her chest – she couldn't believe she'd just said all of that. She took a breath in an attempt to calm her nerves.

Derek's jaw dropped at her words – Meredith was in love with him – he hadn't been expecting that. His heart soared though at the admission – this incredible woman stood before him, who hadn't left his thoughts since the moment they met, loved him – despite all of his issues and the mess of a situation he was in, she loved him. He knew in that moment, and in all honesty he'd known for quite some time, that her feelings were undoubtedly reciprocated, and that he Derek Shepherd loved Meredith Grey. He needed to tell her. "Meredith I lo-"

"No" Meredith interrupted, holding her hand up "you can't say that. You can't say that until you really mean it".

"But I do-" Derek protested, but was cut off again.

"No. I can't become my mother. I won't have an affair". Meredith told him anxiously, feeling her throat close up with emotion. Her mother had cheated and had had an affair with a married man, and that had ruined many lives, including Meredith's childhood – she would not repeat that cycle.

Derek stared at her incredulously – how could she think she'd be an affair? He'd never turn it into something dirty and sordid. "Meredith you're not an affair" he told her emphatically, "I had divorce papers drawn up" he added, trying to convince her.

Meredith nodded, "yes, but you haven't signed them". Derek frowned in confusion at how she would know that. "I tripped over your bag when you stayed here and they fell out – I wasn't snooping" she explained.

"Meredith, just because I haven't signed them yet doesn't mean I'm not going to" Derek told her, "it's just…she's been my family for 11 years - that's 11 birthdays, 11 Christmases and 11 Thanksgivings…and signing those papers makes me feel like a failure".

"Derek, it's ok - you're allowed some uncertainty" Meredith replied, "you're not 100% certain, and that's ok" Derek went to interrupt but Meredith continued before he had a chance to speak, "so…it means you have a choice to make. And the choice isn't her or me - it's whether you want to stay married or not. I can't be the reason you sign those papers Derek – you have to be the reason you sign those papers." Meredith couldn't believe what she was saying – she was pretty sure Derek was about to say that he loved her before she cut him off, as incredulous as that seemed to her, and yet here she was telling him not to rush into signing the papers. She knew she had to be strong though – she couldn't face the thought of Derek choosing her and then regretting it later.

"Meredith…"

"I think you should take some time – to figure out what you really want". Meredith's brain was screaming at her to shut up and just let Derek love her, but she knew she had to do this.

"I already know what I want" Derek insisted, taking a step towards her.

Meredith took a step backwards. She desperately wanted to give in but she stood firm. "You need to take some time" she repeated. She swallowed before continuing – this was going to be the hard part. "But we can't have sleepovers or dinner dates…or anything else that could be deemed romantic during that time."

Panic flooded Derek's bloodstream – he couldn't lose her. She'd become such an intrinsic part of his life that he couldn't imagine not having her next to him – it was just incomprehensible. He reached forward and took her hand in his, refusing to let go. "Mere, I can't not see you" he implored her, emotion causing his voice to crack.

Meredith's eyes became blurred as she fought to hold back tears. "You will see me" she assured him, her own voice cracking, "just not as much as you have been. Not until you're sure". She hated the words that were coming out of her mouth. Derek had become a vital part of her everyday life – it was scary how seeing him had become a necessity – she needed him like she needed water or food, or even oxygen. And not seeing him so much – not meeting up after work, not riding the ferry together to his land, not watching the sun rise over the bay or talking all night, was going to feel like losing a limb.

Derek wanted to scream from the rooftops that he was sure – he was sure he wanted to be with her, he was sure he wanted to be 'Meredith and Derek'. But alongside the pain, Derek saw determination in her eyes, and that coupled with the way her jaw was set stubbornly told him her mind was made up. Besides, she wasn't asking him to take time to figure out if he was sure he wanted her, she was asking him to take time to be sure whether he wanted to stay married or not. She didn't want to be the reason he signed those papers – she wanted him to be the reason he signed them. In that moment, his respect for Meredith Grey grew even further. So even though he hated the idea, he would do as she'd asked.

He wanted to ask if she'd wait for him, the thought of her being with anyone else made his skin crawl, but he knew that'd be pushing his luck. She'd told him she loved him and that was enough for him. "Just do one thing for me?" he asked softly, rubbing his thumb over her hand.

"What?" Meredith asked quietly, looking into the indigo orbs she loved so much – they were a dark navy now, a shade they took on whenever he was upset. She hated seeing her own sadness reflected in his eyes.

"Close your eyes" he whispered.

"Derek-" Meredith began, uncertainly.

"Please" Derek implored.

Meredith couldn't say no to the pleading, hopeful look on his face, so with a sigh she put her trust in him and closed her eyes.

Derek sighed too, in relief that she'd allowed him this. He reached forward and gently cupped her cheek, as if she were made of china. He took a second to drink in every detail of her and then leaned down and covered her lips with his. Time stood still as both Meredith and Derek felt the same jolt of electricity as they had before when their lips met. This time was different though – it wasn't desperate or frenzied, it was just two people memorising each other and savouring a moment. Derek didn't try to deepen the kiss, he just tenderly caressed her lips with his, trying to show her without words how he felt. He pulled away slightly and rested his forehead on hers, smiling slightly at her still closed eyes. He brushed her lips once more with a featherlight kiss before stepping back. "I'll do what you want" he told her softly, "but just know that those words you won't let me say, I feel them". He would prove to her that he was sure and that she had no reason to doubt him. With one last lingering look at the woman he loved, he left her alone in her room.

Meredith didn't open her eyes until she heard the door click, a stubborn tear she'd been holding back rolling down her cheek.

 **AN: so they've finally admitted how they feel! Meredith's not used to people wanting her and sticking around though so she's scared Derek will end up regretting choosing her and she wants him to be sure before she lets him get too close. Hope you liked it and please let me know what you thought :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Hello! Sorry for the delay – this chapter is twice the length of the last one so it took me longer to write. Hopefully the extra words will make up for the wait :) Thank you once again to everyone who reviewed – I love reading all of your comments! Anyway, here's the next instalment – enjoy :)**

Chapter 9:

Meredith drove to the hospital on autopilot the next morning. Even George and Izzie's unrelenting chatter wasn't enough to break her from her thoughts. The events from last night were playing over and over in a loop in her mind. If she hadn't been there and experienced it for herself she never would have believed it had actually happened. She had quite spectacularly blurted out to Derek that she was in love with him. Never in her life had she uttered those words before last night. She'd literally laid her heart bare, meaning she was now feeling incredibly vulnerable and open to being hurt. She still couldn't believe that Derek had all but told her he loved her back. However, she hadn't asked him to pick her, to choose her and to love her, because she was scared of being hurt. Addison showing up had made her realise just how much it would hurt to lose Derek, even though they weren't technically together, but it also made her realise that it would hurt even more for him to choose her and then regret it later. So she'd told him to take some time…and now she was freaking out because she'd never been very good with waiting, and she was pretty sure she was going to go crazy waiting for Derek to take time…that and having to see them both at the hospital – every day.

Parking her car she jumped out, slamming the door behind her, not waiting for George and Izzie. She walked briskly towards the hospital, not really in the mood for conversation. Izzie, having longer legs, caught up with her easily though and thrust a blueberry muffin into her hand with a reassuring smile. Meredith had skipped breakfast that morning, not being able to face eating, but her traitorous stomach took that moment to growl at the thought of potential nourishment. She supposed she really should eat something if she was going to make it through the day, and so after giving Izzie a small, grateful smile she took a bite of the muffin.

"You have muffins?" George asked eagerly as he caught up with them.

"Muffin George – singular" Izzie replied, rolling her eyes at his offended expression, "Mere needs to eat – you already had breakfast".

The trio swung by the coffee cart before heading for the elevator. As the doors dinged, Cristina jogged up and joined them, shooting Meredith a curious glance. The four of them stepped on and Izzie being the mother hen, stood protectively next to Meredith.

"What's up with you?" Cristina asked, turning her head to look at Meredith.

"She's fine" Izzie answered for her.

"Ok, now I know something's definitely up"

Meredith didn't have chance to answer though as the elevator doors dinged, opening to reveal someone she'd been hoping to avoid for as long as possible.

"Good morning Dr Grey" Addison greeted her as she stepped on, a tight smile on her perfectly made up face.

"Morning" Meredith replied quietly.

George and Cristina looked curiously between the two women, wandering who this woman was and how Meredith seemed to know her. Izzie's eyes widened though as she realised who she must be – the look on Meredith's face confirming it for her. Addison got off at the next floor without another word, leaving the four of them alone again.

"So who's the red head?" Cristina asked.

Meredith sighed – they were going to find out soon enough anyway. "That would be Derek's wife" she told them.

George choked on his coffee, spluttering and spraying it everywhere.

"George, you have coffee coming out of your nostrils" Cristina pointed out, giving him a disgusted look.

"Dr Shepherd's married?" George asked incredulously when he'd stopped choking.

"So McDreamy's been making goo goo eyes at you for months but forgot to mention that he had a wife?" Cristina added, before Meredith had a chance to answer the first question.

Meredith groaned and was grateful when they reached their floor and the doors opened, allowing her to escape. She wanted to have this conversation about as much as she wanted a hole in the head. She quickly walked off and headed for the locker room.

"How could he not tell you?" George asked, hurrying to catch up with her, "you want me to kick his ass? Because I would, if you wanted me to."

Izzie snorted, "George, seriously".

Meredith spun back around to face them, causing the three of them to stop abruptly in surprise. "I knew ok, I knew - I've known all along".

Cristina's eyebrows rose, "you knew?...so you've been knowingly having eye sex everyday with your married boss?".

Meredith sighed loudly in frustration before turning back around stomping off to the locker room. Cristina and George went to follow but Izzie blocked their path. "Guys, give her a break - it's not as bad as it sounds. He told her the night they met. He's separated – McWife cheated on him with his best friend. So he left and came here…and met Mere".

"Oh, that sucks" George sympathised.

"Sucky as it may be for him, he's still married" Cristina reasoned, not quite so sympathetic. "And how do you know all of this?" she added.

"Mere told me – she doesn't always tell you everything first" Izzie replied, gloating evident in her voice. "Just…I've seen them together and there's something really special there, so just go easy on her OK".

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The locker room door swung open to reveal the imposing, and annoyed, figure of Dr Bailey. "Why are my interns always the last ones out of the locker room?"

The four of them, plus Alex, scrambled, grabbing stethoscopes, hastily pulling on lab coats and shoving all remaining belongings into lockers before tripping over each other in a rush to get out of the door.

Dr Bailey gave them a stern glare as they stood in a line in front of her. "All the other resident's interns are rounding, but not mine – I have tardy interns!". The five of them looked guiltily at the floor. "I should send you all to the Pit for the day". Cristina opened her mouth to protest but Bailey's death glare cut her off. "Stevens, Dr Burke needs an intern. Karev, you're on Post-Op, Yang, O'Malley - you're with me" she instructed, before turning and giving Meredith a disapproving look. "And Grey…Dr Shepherd's requested you".

Meredith's eyes bulged and she felt the blood pulsating inside her skull. "Neuro?" she asked tentatively.

"Well unless you know something I don't and he's switched specialties overnight, then yes – Neuro!" Bailey snapped.

Meredith breathed a sigh of relief – she thought it might be slightly awkward working with Derek after everything she'd said last night, but that was nothing compared to how awkward it would be having to work with Addison.

"Why are you all still standing here? Go!"

Alex, Izzie and Meredith scattered, hurrying off to their respective assignments as Cristina and George left with Bailey.

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After checking the Neuro ward, CT and MRI, Meredith decided to check Derek's office before giving up and paging him to find out where he was. She figured she could have done that in the first place and saved herself the exercise but she needed the extra few minutes to calm her nerves and bolster herself before she saw him. When she reached his office the door was ajar and she could see him in there, leaning on his desk as he studied a scan that he was holding up to the light. She took a few moments to watch him without him noticing, before knocking lightly on the door and stepping into the room. "Dr Shepherd, you requested me?"

Derek snapped his eyes away from the scan and took in the sight of Meredith stood before him. He winced slightly at her addressing him as Dr Shepherd rather than Derek, but he figured she must be feeling slightly awkward after last night. "I did". As he smiled at her he saw some of the tension leave her features.

"Bailey didn't seem too impressed – she probably thinks this counts as you favouring me".

"I worked with Stevens yesterday and O'Malley the day before that – which I'll happily point out to Bailey if she brings it up" Derek smirked. He saw a smile tugging at Meredith's lips at his declaration. "Besides, I have a feeling that you're gunna love this case"

"What is it?" Meredith asked, her curiosity piqued now.

Derek handed her the scan. "Well, I have a 22 year old woman who's having persistent atonic seizures. What would you suggest?" He couldn't help the smile that lit up his face as he watched the look of realisation dawn on hers.

"You're doing a corpus callosotomy?" she asked excitedly.

"We're doing a corpus callosotomy" he corrected her, "you're going to assist me".

Meredith beamed, "seriously?"

"Seriously" Derek confirmed, matching her smile. "Come on, I'll introduce you to our patient".

Meredith didn't need to be told twice and she chatted animatedly to him about the procedure, going through the different stages all the way to their patient's room. He really was impressed with her subject knowledge, especially given that she'd never seen this procedure done before. He'd known when he'd gotten this case that Meredith would love it, so he'd risked Bailey's wrath to request her. He didn't mention to Meredith that he'd also wanted to remove the possibility of her being assigned to Addison's service and save her from that trauma. He'd also, perhaps selfishly, wanted to spend as much time with Meredith at the hospital as he could, seeing as how she'd said they couldn't see each other outside of work for a while. Whatever his reasons though, seeing her so excited told him he'd done the right thing – because he'd put a smile back on her face.

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Meredith's excitement didn't falter as they scrubbed in together and then took their places in the OR. Her excitement was contagious and even though Derek had performed this procedure numerous times, he'd never done it with Meredith by his side, so this would be a first for them both. He was happy he could be there with her for these new experiences. With his headset on, he requested a scalpel from the scrub nurse and was ready to start. "Dr Grey, would you like to make the first incision?" he asked, holding the scalpel out to her.

Meredith's eyes widened in surprise, "really?"

Derek nodded, "Really"

Meredith couldn't see his mouth but his eyes told her he was smiling, and that was reassurance that he trusted her to do this. She took the scalpel from him and carefully made the incision in the patient's scalp where Derek instructed her. He was stood so close to her that even through his surgical gown she could feel his warmth seeping into her skin.

"That's it" Derek encouraged her, "perfect".

Meredith smiled as she stepped back and placed the scalpel in the kidney dish, letting Derek take her place for the next part. She'd seen him remove a skull flap before but it was no less fascinating each time she watched his precision and skill. She never failed to be amazed looking down at an open brain – it was a major rush and she had a feeling she'd end up following in Derek's footsteps and specialising in Neuro. She watched for hours in amazement as Derek methodically separated the hemispheres and exposed the corpus callosum, asking questions all along which Derek happily answered. When it came to severing the corpus callosum, Derek got Meredith to stand right next to him so she had a perfect view of what he was doing. She couldn't tear her eyes away as he disconnected the corpus callosum, which would hopefully allow their patient to live a more normal life without such virulent seizure activity. After that, she watched as Derek closed the dura and replaced the skull flap. She wasn't expecting to do anything more than observe for the rest of the procedure, so when Derek asked her if she wanted to close and suture her earlier incision, she was beyond thrilled.

"5-0 prolene please" Meredith requested.

Derek nodded his head, impressed once more with her knowledge. "So we need to keep the scalp taut to get a neat finish and minimise scarring. And we're gunna do a running stitch"

"Ok" Meredith replied, carefully inserting the needle for the first suture. She diligently began closing the incision, making sure to keep the sutures neat.

"That's it - you've got it" he encouraged her, smiling over his mask as she finished the last suture. "Good job Dr Grey"

Meredith's eyes sparkled with happiness and pride, "Thank you Dr Shepherd".

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Scrubbing out, Meredith was still bursting with excitement at having gotten to assist on such an advanced procedure and Derek was filled with happiness at having been the instigator of it. "Told you you'd like the case" he smiled.

"I did – that was incredible" she replied, returning his smile, "thank you Derek".

"You're welcome Mere" he told her warmly, "you've got a real talent for neurosurgery"

Meredith blushed and turned her attention to drying her hands. Her blush intensified as her stomach let out an almighty growl.

Derek laughed, "I've always wandered how such loud noises come out of such a small person"

Meredith chuckled and threw her paper towel at him, "Shut up".

"Seriously though Mere, you should go and eat - we've been in the OR for over six hours. Please tell me you had breakfast?"

'Has it really been six hours?' Meredith thought – time had flown by. She'd been so entranced with the surgery it felt like they'd only scrubbed in an hour ago. "Izzie force fed me a muffin" she told him.

Derek quirked an eyebrow at her, "A muffin? Well then as your boss I'm ordering you to go and sit down and eat some food"

An amused smile pulled at Meredith's lips, "so you're pulling the boss card now?"

Derek smirked at her, "I am".

Meredith chuckled and rolled her eyes. "Ok fine" she relented, heading out of the scrub room.

"Oh and Dr Grey," Derek called after her, causing her to turn back around, "something that isn't going to clog your arteries would be preferable".

Meredith shook her head and smiled at him before leaving him alone in the scrub room. If she'd thought it would be weird to work with Derek now that he knew she was in love with him, so far it surprisingly wasn't – it was exactly like before. She supposed the weirdness would come after work when she went home alone, or to Joe's – without Derek. Weirdness would definitely come when she saw Derek and Addison together at the hospital. But for now, she'd had a good day - she'd scrubbed in with Derek on an amazing surgery and spent six hours straight with him, so for now she was happy and on a definite surgery high.

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Derek was also on a surgery high – it was a flawless, textbook procedure and he couldn't have hoped for it to go any better. He always felt a buzz after a successful surgery, but it wasn't just that this time – it was seeing the pure joy on Meredith's face from watching the surgery and being allowed to assist. And that was the reason behind the huge smile that graced his face right now.

There was someone he needed to speak to though, and so having finished scrubbing out, he left the scrub room and walked with purpose to his destination. He knocked firmly on the door before a "come in" told him he could enter. Some of his previous excitement abated and was replaced by annoyance as he stepped into the room and looked at the person inside, remembering the reason he was here.

"You know, you shouldn't even be here - you're not cleared for surgery".

Richard looked unperturbed "I've been sitting home for a week – watching Oprah give away things on TV. Oprah, Derek! You clear me now or I'll hurt you."

"If you wanted me to clear you so soon, maybe you should have thought about that before you gave Chief to Burke and invited Satan to Seattle"

"Satan?"

Derek sighed, exasperatedly, "You called my wife Richard – and you didn't even think to tell me. Why?"

"She's good Derek - she's one of the foremost neonatal surgeons on the East Coast".

"What, you couldn't find a decent neonatal surgeon any closer?" Derek was getting frustrated – he knew that wasn't the only reason Richard had called her.

Richard regarded his former student, whom he'd come to regard as a friend. "She's an intern Derek"

"What?"

"I'm not blind - I've seen the way you look at her, and the way she looks at you."

"Meredith?" Derek asked incredulously, "you called Addison because of Meredith?". Derek was beyond annoyed now – Richard had no right to interfere like that.

"Derek" Richard warned, "you're still married, and Meredith's-"

Derek cut him off before he could finish. "With all due respect, what I do outside of the hospital – with Meredith, or anyone else for that matter, is none of your business".

"You work together Derek, so it's not just outside of the hospital" Richard pointed out.

Derek ignored him – it still wasn't any of his business. "I didn't lie to Meredith, she's known all along". Richard quirked an eyebrow at this, clearly surprised. "Did you even ask Addison why we're living on different sides of the country?" Richard's lack of response confirmed to Derek what he'd already thought. "No, didn't think so. Well, so you've got all the facts, I left New York after I walked in on her cheating on me with my best friend – in my bed".

Richard had the grace to look remorseful. "I'm sorry Derek" he replied, more gently this time. "I should have spoken to you first"

"Yes, you should've. But you also shouldn't have called her at all".

Richard nodded slightly in acceptance. "Have you had counselling?"

Derek scoffed, "we had adultery – that was enough." He'd had enough of this conversation too now and so turned and headed for the door.

"I am sorry Derek" Richard called after him.

"Yeah, me too"

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Derek leaned against the railing on the catwalk and rubbed his eyes frustratedly with his fingers. Richard had meddled in something he didn't understand and now his private life would become the latest fodder for the hospital's notorious rumour mill. He just wanted to turn the clock back an hour so he could still be in surgery with Meredith, where the world had ceased to exist but for the two of them.

His frustration grew as a familiar head of red hair came into his view. "Not now Addison" he told her tiredly. She was at the top of his list of people he didn't want to speak to right now, closely followed by Richard.

Addison seemed to either not hear or not listen to him though as she began speaking. "Are we not gunna talk about this?"

"What is there to talk about?"

"We're still married Derek."

Derek laughed humourlessly, glancing over at her. "It's funny you didn't think about that before when you were screwing my best friend." He didn't give her a chance to reply, pushing himself off the railing and walking away from her. His day had started off so well, but it was rapidly going downhill.

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After sitting down for a whole 30 minutes and eating lunch, Meredith felt even better – her surgery high still hadn't worn off. She'd ordered pizza and fries, which whilst not being the healthiest choice, her stomach seemed to be immensely grateful for. She had however picked up an apple as well to tick off Derek's 'non artery clogging' requirement.

She was about to head back up to find Derek to see if he needed her for anything else when a shrill yelling, that she'd recognise anywhere, stopped her in her tracks. Cristina, George and Bailey were wheeling a patient in and Meredith stared in horror at the woman being restrained on the gurney.

"Get your hands off me or I'll report you to the Chief and you'll be out on your ass! Where's the Chief? Where's the Chief - you're all amateurs! Amateurs!"

Bailey was asking Cristina what the patient's name was as she had the chart. Cristina's eyes widened as she read it and she looked up in shock at Meredith - she knew. Cristina didn't answer Bailey's question, instead reeling off the patient's history, but Bailey asked again. She looked helplessly at Meredith but didn't have chance to reply as the patient noticed her too and started yelling at her.

"What are you doing here? Haven't I told you – how many times have I told you not to bother me when I'm at work?!"

"Ellis Grey" Cristina said solemnly.

Meredith couldn't stay there anymore, she fled round the corner and watched out of sight of her mother as the nightmarish scene unfolded. Everything was spinning out of control and she felt like a freak show – not only was everyone going to be talking about her because of Derek but now everyone would be talking about her because of her mother. She heard Bailey calling her in the distance but she couldn't face talking to anyone. Her legs started walking and didn't stop until she'd reached the one place in the hospital she knew she could be alone.

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Derek sat slumped in a chair at the nurses station, mindlessly fiddling with his pager. He couldn't get over how Richard had gone behind his back, or the audacity of Addison thinking she could just turn up here like nothing had happened. He sighed in frustration, lost in his thoughts. He could hear the nurses chatting in a huddle behind him and paid them no attention, that was until something they said caught his attention.

"Did you hear Dr Grey's been admitted?"

Derek jerked his head to the side, "what do you mean Dr Grey's been admitted?" he asked urgently, standing up. "What's wrong with her".

The nurses looked startled at the intrusion to their conversation, and the intensity in the neurosurgeon's eyes. "Erm…" The nurse who'd made the comment stuttered, "I'm sorry Dr Shepherd, I just heard she was in the ER and now she's been admitted"

"What room?" Derek snapped. All of his previous annoyance evaporated and now all he felt was panic. How could Meredith be a patient - he'd seen her less than an hour ago and she was fine. His mind reeled with all the possible things that could have happened to her. He needed to see her – now.

"2342" the nurse supplied timidly.

Derek didn't wait a moment more and took off down the corridor to the elevator. He slammed his hand in the call button and cursed when it wasn't on his floor. Too impatient to wait he gave up on the elevator and pushed the door to the stairwell open, before hurtling down the stairs two at a time. He ran all the way from the stairwell to room 2342 and only just managed to come to a halt in time to stop himself from slamming into Dr Bailey.

"Hey! Where's the fire?" Bailey held her hand up and gave him a curious look.

"Where's Meredith?" Derek asked frantically, trying to see past Bailey and into the room. "I need to see her"

Bailey regarded her anguished looking boss with curiosity – even with the arrival of his wife, he couldn't seem to keep away from her intern. "Your guess is as good as mine." she told him. "She took off. I've been paging her but she's not answering."

"What?" Derek frowned in confusion, "the nurses said she'd been admitted."

Bailey rolled her eyes, realising the reason for his panic. "Ellis Grey has been admitted" she emphasised. "Meredith Grey is fine – she just needs some space."

Derek breathed a sigh of relief that it wasn't Meredith lying in a bed in there, but then remembered that Meredith's mother was. "What's wrong with her? Is it the Alzheimer's?"

Bailey quirked an eyebrow at him. "Grey told you about her mother's Alzheimer's?"

"Yeah"

"Figures you'd be the only one she told" Bailey commented dryly. "It's not her Alzheimer's. She's here because she's got abdominal cramping and diarrhoea"

"Cancer?"

"We don't know yet. We're doing a needle biopsy later."

"Let me examine her"

Bailey handed him the chart. "Good luck".

Derek flipped the chart and scanned through it before pushing the door open and stepping in. His breath caught in his throat as he took in the older version of Meredith sitting on the bed. He smiled and walked towards her, "Dr Grey, it's a pleasure to meet you." he told her, holding out his hand. "I'm Dr Shepherd, I'm the Head of Neurosurgery here"

Ellis shook his hand. "Oh, good – an Attending. All I've had so far is incompetent interns."

"Well, if it's ok with you Dr Grey, I'd like to examine you"

"Fine, but you'll have to be quick. I need to scrub in in 20 minutes, I have a whipple."

"I'll be quick" Derek told her as he began examining her.

"Have you seen Meredith?" Ellis asked, "my daughter Meredith – I saw her earlier. She should be at home – I told her not to bother me at work."

Derek studied the infamous Ellis Grey – he was starting to understand Meredith's reaction whenever she talked about her. "Meredith actually works here now - she's a surgical intern."

Ellis frowned at Derek, "don't be silly, Meredith's 5 years old."

Derek smiled, "She grew up Dr Grey. She's 28 now and she's an intern – one of the best."

"Meredith never had the focus to become a doctor" Ellis replied dismissively.

"Dr Grey, Meredith's one of the most focused people I know - she's brilliant" he smiled proudly.

Ellis regarded Derek carefully, like a scientist examining a microbe ."You're in love with her" she stated.

Derek was taken aback at her intuition. He opened his mouth to reply but no sound came out.

"You'll distract her." Ellis told him coolly. "She'll never be extraordinary."

Derek's blood boiled – how could a mother be so cold towards her own daughter? "You're wrong Dr Grey. Meredith is already extraordinary." And with that Derek left, and went to find his Dr Grey.

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Meredith closed her eyes as she rested on the railing. She leant her head back and let the wind blow through her hair, hoping it would blow away the memory of her mother yelling at her across the ER. It was one thing for her mother to treat her like an inconvenience when it was just the two of them, but it was another thing for her to do it in front of everyone she worked with. She opened her eyes and looked out over the hospital grounds, the familiar feeling of wanting to run building in her stomach. 'It never rains but it pours' she thought ironically.

Derek pushed the fire door open that led out onto the roof. He breathed a sigh of relief as he finally found Meredith. He'd looked everywhere for her – the cafeteria, her car, the interns' locker room, he'd even checked the tunnels where Meredith had told him Bailey's interns hung out, but to no avail. He was getting frustrated but then he remembered the roof - he'd came up here a few times himself when he wanted somewhere quiet to think, and he figured if someone wanted to be on their own then this would be a good place to go.

She hadn't noticed him yet as she had her back to him. He thought she looked anxious though – her shoulders were tensed and her arms were wrapped protectively around her stomach. He didn't want to startle her so he cleared his throat and took a few steps towards her, causing her to turn around. "Hey" he said softly.

"Hey"

Derek smiled and leant on the railing next to her. "You're a hard woman to find"

"Sorry, I just…I just needed some air."

"It's ok. I'm sorry about your mom" he said, gently squeezing her arm.

Meredith sighed, "yeah, me too."

"I met her" Derek told her.

Meredith gave him a dubious look, "how'd that go?" She dreaded to think what her mom had said to him – probably about how disappointed she was in her and how she'd never be good enough.

"She was asking after you" Derek began, "she thought you were still 5 years old though."

"Yeah, she alternates between thinking I'm 5 and thinking I'm college age."

Derek leaned over so he was in her line of sight. "I told her you're an intern and that you're one of the best. I told her how amazing you are."

Meredith gave him a sad smile. "I take it my mother didn't share that opinion?"

Derek sighed and took hold of her shoulders, gently turning her so she was face to face with him. "Mere, like I said before, anyone who doesn't see how amazing you are, is missing out – really." He was rewarded with a small smile before she turned to look back out at the view.

"Derek, will you do something for me?" she asked, turning her head to look at him.

"Anything" Derek told her honestly, knowing that even if she asked him to get her the stars out of the sky, he'd find a way to do it.

"I want in on a surgical case. I can't just do nothing all day. I need to not think about my moth and whatever's wrong with her for a while. And I never ask you for anything like this, so…"

"I have an ETS this afternoon. You'll scrub in." Derek was more than happy about this – he was worried about her and having her in surgery with him meant he could keep an eye on her and make sure she was alright.

"Thank you" she told him gratefully.

"No problem." Derek shoved his hands in his pockets as he leant back on the railing and watched Meredith watching the view. His fingers touched on something and he had an idea. "Give me your hand."

Meredith quirked an eyebrow at the twinkle in his eyes and the grin on his face. "Why?"

Derek laughed at her stubbornness. He held out his hand in front of him and after giving him a dubious look she reluctantly gave him her hand. He turned her palm so it was face up then took something out of his pocket and placed it in her hand.

Meredith frowned in confusion as she looked between the item in her hand and Derek. "Why are you giving me your scrub cap?"

Derek smiled brightly at her. "Because I want you to wear it in surgery later."

"But it's your favourite one – it has the ferry boats on it."

"I know. That's why I want you to wear it." Derek told her, curling her fingers around the scrub cap. "I bought that cap on the first day of my Neuro fellowship. My first surgery I wore it for, I felt invincible, like I could do anything."

Meredith was incredibly touched by the gesture, and the care she saw in his eyes. "Derek, this scrub cap means a lot to you, I can't take it."

"You can" Derek insisted, "you can give it back to me later. I have another one I can wear."

Meredith looked down again at the scrub cap in her hands. "I thought it was only Attendings that could wear their own caps?"

"It is" Derek smiled, "you can wear your light blue one over the top."

Meredith laughed lightly at his plan. "Ok" she agreed, "I'll wear your scrub cap."

Derek beamed at her. "Great! I'm gunna go prep Kelly, the ETS patient. You coming?"

"I'll be down in a minute." She told him, giving him a warm smile.

Derek nodded and returned her smile before heading back into the hospital. Meredith looked at Derek's ferry boat scrub cap in her hand and smiled - he always found a way to cheer her up. She unfolded it and covered her head with it, tying the string at the back. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath she thought that maybe everything would work out ok.

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Their ETS patient, Meredith had a lot of sympathy for – every time she had any kind of feeling it would manifest on her face as a blush, so everyone could literally see her feelings. Whenever Derek walked into the room, or even whenever she said 'Dr Shepherd', she would blush because she found him attractive. Meredith thought that if she had that condition, her face would be permanently red, due to the amount of time she spent with Derek or thinking about him! She found it hard enough to cover up her feelings for him now, and she imagined having them literally written all over her face would be awful.

Meredith entered the scrub room, thankful that she'd have a surgery to distract her for a few hours. She took Derek's scrub cap out of her pocket and began tying it on her head, making sure all of her hair was covered. She was just reaching for one of the standard light blue intern scrub caps from the shelf when the door opened and Derek walked in, a huge grin on his face when he saw her. "What?" she asked, a smile tugging at her lips. He was wearing his waves scrub cap, which she liked too, but not as much as the one she had on.

Derek tilted his head and drank in the sight of her wearing his cap. "It looks good on you."

Meredith smiled at him before grabbing one of her usual scrub caps and putting it on over the top of Derek's. Derek closed the distance between and took the scrub cap from her, not missing the familiar tingle he felt when their hands touched. "Here, let me help." He smoothed the cap gently over her head so it covered all of his, then reached behind her head to tie the strings. It was quite an intimate position – their bodies were only centimetres apart and he could feel her warm breath on his neck. He probably took longer than necessary tying the scrub cap but he craved being close to her – he needed it. He took a small step back and smiled at her. "There – perfect."

"Thanks."

They scrubbed in together in companionable silence, the stresses of each of their days ebbing away with the comforting presence of each other. The surgery provided the distraction Meredith had wanted as she got lost in watching Derek operate. He asked her questions at regular intervals, probably to keep her mind from wandering back to her problems. She was grateful, but he needn't have worried as even though she wasn't assisting as much with this surgery, she was still transfixed with watching the intricacies of brain surgery.

Her plan for distracting herself was working well, that was until the Chief came into the OR and started speaking to Derek, whilst giving her sympathetic looks. He was speaking quietly but she could still hear him – he wanted Derek to clear him for surgery. Derek however was having none of it and was getting annoyed at the Chief's attempt to pull rank with him. The look the Chief gave her, and his reluctance to answer when Derek asked him why a Resident couldn't perform the procedure told her all she needed to know – he wanted to be cleared for surgery so he could do the needle biopsy on her mother.

The Chief told her she needed to sign some forms before the procedure could take place, so with a sigh she stepped back from the table and followed him out of the OR. She glanced at Derek before she left, who gave her a small smile and a nod, telling her imperceptibly that she'd be OK.

She didn't think her mother would appreciate her being in there with her so she stood outside the room leaning on the wall whilst Burke did the biopsy. Today had been such a roller coaster of emotions and she was utterly exhausted. She felt terrible to even think it, but she wasn't sure what the better outcome would be – if her mother had cancer or if she didn't. If she did have cancer, Meredith would lose her mother sooner, but dying would free Ellis from awful clutches of Alzheimer's. If she didn't have cancer, she'd live longer but Meredith would have to watch the Alzheimer's slowly strip her of everything that made her who she is.

An hour later she was slumped at the nurses station with Izzie and George, waiting for the test results to come back. They looked just as tired as she felt and she couldn't wait to just fall into bed and shut out the world. Over the past few months, her 'normal' after a bad day had become driving out to the bay to watch the ferry boats with Derek or going to his land and just relaxing in the peacefulness that his land provided – basically anything to do with Derek. But she couldn't do that at the moment so she'd have to settle for sleeping.

"Here you go – results for Ellis Grey." A doctor she didn't recognise handed her a sheet of paper with her mother's test results on. She scanned the biopsy results and sighed – 'benign' – her mother didn't have cancer.

She pushed herself off the desk and handed the results to George before walking away. "Let her know."

"Meredith are you ok?" Izzie asked, concerned.

"No, I'm not ok."

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Derek sat in the Attendings' lounge, his legs stretched out in front of him and his head resting back against the wall. It had been a long day. The good things: both of his surgeries had been successful – and he'd gotten to spend those surgeries with Meredith by his side. The best part though was making her smile again. The bad things: he'd had run-ins with both Richard and Addison. He looked up as the door opened and groaned as one of the bad parts of his day walked in.

"You can't avoid me forever Derek" Addison told him as she walked over and leant on the table in front of him.

"I won't have to when you go back to New York!"

Addison sighed, "I don't know how many more times I can say I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I'm human – we all make mistakes."

Derek laughed humourlessly. "We do all make mistakes. But most people's mistakes don't involve sleeping with their husband's best friend."

Addison looked at her stubborn husband and decided to take a different tack. She leant forward, placing an arm on either side of Derek's chair, so their faces were only inches apart. "Have you ever thought that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch, that I might still be the love of your life?" She leant forward further, aiming to close the gap between their mouths but Derek turned his head and pushed himself up off the chair and moved away from her.

Derek yanked the door open and sighed, turning back around. He saw the stung look on Addison's face and felt a little guilty, even though he wasn't the one in the wrong. "I'm sorry, but I can't do this" he told her, before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him. He ran his hands through his hair frustratedly as he strode down the corridor. As much as he was annoyed with Addison, he didn't want to hurt her. But when he saw her leaning in to kiss him, his instincts told him to flee. When he'd kissed Meredith those two times, it hadn't felt like cheating on Addison, but he knew that if he'd have kissed Addison just then, it would have felt like cheating on Meredith. And that told him a lot about his marriage.

He needed to go home. Grabbing his jacket and his things he made his way out of the hospital. He'd love nothing more right now than going to Joe's and grabbing a drink with Meredith, or even just sitting and doing absolutely nothing with her – as long as she was there he wouldn't care what they did. But he couldn't do that, so he was going home to his trailer. He'd originally bought it so he could be alone, but knowing that Meredith wouldn't be coming over made it feel lonely.

Derek stepped out of the entrance to Seattle Grace, pulling his keys from his pocket, intent on heading to his car. He didn't get more than a few steps though before a figure sitting alone on a bench caught his attention. He didn't need to see her face to know that it was Meredith. Her shoulders were shaking slightly and his heart ached realising she was crying. There was no way he was leaving her here like this.

"Hey" he said softly, sitting down next to her. A small smile made its way onto his face as he saw that she was clutching his scrub cap in her hand.

Meredith looked over at him and wiped her eyes, attempting to calm herself down. "Hey."

Derek paused, debating whether or not this would be allowed, but the decision was made for him when he saw the anguish in her eyes. He placed his arm over her shoulders and pulled her to him. Meredith stiffened for a second but then relaxed and rested her head on his shoulder - she was too tired to fight it.

"I'm just exhausted Derek."

"I know" Derek said softly, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. He knew there wasn't really anything he could say to make it better for her, he just wanted her to know he was there for her. "You know I'm here if you need anything, right? Forget everything else that's going on – if you need anything, day or night, all you have to do is call. You're my best friend Mere."

Meredith pushed herself up off of his shoulder and looked at him. The intensity and sincerity she saw shining in his eyes gave her goosebumps. "I'm your only friend" she teased.

Derek gave her a mock hurt look, causing Meredith to giggle. "I have other friends" he insisted.

"Oh yeah - who?"

"Burke" Derek offered, after a pause.

"Anyone who you refer to by their surname is not a real friend" Meredith smirked.

"Ok fine" Derek relented, "I don't have a lot of close friends. But of the friends I do have, you're my best one" he added, playfully nudging her arm.

Meredith giggled and the sound was music to Derek's ears. "Thank you" she told him honestly.

Derek smiled. "You're welcome"

"And thank you for this" she added, handing his scrub cap back to him.

"No problem" Derek replied, "it's yours whenever you want it."

Meredith smiled and squeezed his hand gently as she stood up. "Thank you Derek."

Derek winked at her, "I'll buy you your own when you start your Neuro fellowship." He was rewarded with a brilliant smile from Meredith that filled his veins with warmth.

"Goodnight Derek" she said warmly. His faith in her succeeding and making it that far made her feel like maybe she could be extraordinary.

"Goodnight Meredith". Derek watched her retreating form as she disappeared back into the hospital until she was out of sight. He shook his head and smiled as he realised that Meredith Grey had been indelibly and irrevocably imprinted on his heart.

 **AN: Hope you liked it and please let me know what you thought :) Chapter 10 coming soon!**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Thank you for all of your lovely reviews - I'm glad you enjoyed chapter 9 :) And thank you for getting me past the 100 review mark – you guys are the best! MerDer2015 – your feeling is correct – I love Mark and he will definitely be making an appearance in the not too distant future (not this chapter but soon!) ;)**

 **I struggled with this chapter and it's not my favourite, but it's transitional to get to the next stage of the story so I hope you don't hate it!**

Chapter 10:

2 weeks later:

Meredith, Cristina, George and Izzie had just finished a 24 hour shift and we're now huddled around a table at Joe's, discussing the day's surgeries.

"Mere, Mere – are you even listening?" Izzie's calling of her name snapped her out of her thoughts.

"What?...erm sorry, what did you say?"

Izzie quirked an eyebrow at her. "What's with you? You've been brooding and angsty all day."

Meredith didn't get chance to answer though as the tinkling of the bell drew her attention to the door, as if she'd sensed him. Derek crossed the threshold and made his way over to the bar, taking a seat next to Dr Bailey. She could tell from his posture and the way his smile didn't quite make it to his eyes that he had things on his mind, but she doubted anyone who didn't spend as much time studying him as her would notice.

"McDreamy-itis" Cristina supplied, following Meredith's gaze. "I think it's chronic."

Meredith tore her attention from Derek to glare at Cristina. Izzie softened, realising the reason for her friend's distraction. "Still no news on the divorce papers?" she asked gently.

Meredith sighed. "No."

"You know, I still can't believe it was your idea for him to take time and consider his options." Cristina added.

"I can." Izzie replied, giving Meredith a small smile in support, "She wants him to be sure – she doesn't want him to end up resenting her later. I think it's mature."

"I'm sure Dr Shepherd will sign the papers soon Mere" George encouraged.

Cristina swallowed a retort about how long it takes to sign a piece of paper. She might not share Izzie and George's positivity but she wasn't blind - she'd seen the way her boss looked at her best friend. "McDreamy's been drooling over you since he got off the plane – he'll sign them."

Meredith forced a smile at her friends' support. She appreciated it, but she was beginning to agree with Cristina and wonder why she came up with the whole taking time plan. She knew deep down that it was the the right thing to do, but that wasn't helping the frustration she was feeling now. Not that she had any experience of divorce, nor had she given a time frame for taking time, but it had been two weeks now – seriously, how long does it take to decide whether or not you want to stay married?! Maybe she was being unfair - he'd been married for 11 years, it's a big decision to put an end to that. But that didn't stop her from feeling more and more antsy every day at not knowing what was going to happen. "I think I'm just going to go home" she told them, standing up and grabbing her jacket.

"We can come with you?" George offered.

"No, you guys stay - I'm just gunna go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

Derek caught sight of Meredith as she was about to head out of the door. He jumped out of his seat and jogged over to her. "Hey" he breathed, placing his hand on her arm and smiling warmly at her. He hadn't expected to see Meredith tonight so this was a bonus.

"Hey" she replied, noticing that his smile reached his eyes this time and he suddenly didn't look so careworn.

"Can I get you a drink?" Derek asked hopefully.

"Thanks but I'm just heading home." One part of her brain was saying yes - she'd love nothing more than to spend some time with Derek. But the sensible part of her brain reminded her that he still hadn't signed the papers, and that getting even more attached before he did so wasn't a good idea.

Derek saw the battle of emotions in her eyes. "You know, alcohol doesn't count as romantic" he teased.

Meredith chuckled, "alcohol leads to romantic – or sexual!"

Derek smirked, his eyes twinkling. "I like alcohol – more alcohol I say."

Meredith rolled her eyes but couldn't help the smile that tugged at her mouth. "Goodnight Derek."

"Goodnight Mere". Derek couldn't help the sense of disappointment that filled him as he watched Meredith leave. He understood why she was hesitant but he really missed her.

Derek sighed as he sat back down and looked over to find Bailey giving him her trademark unimpressed look. "What?"

"You signed the papers yet?"

"How did you-"

"I'm Dr Bailey – I know everything. Besides, only thing that spreads faster round here than disease is gossip." Bailey stated. "So have you?"

"Not yet."

Bailey quirked an eyebrow at him. "So why are you surprised that Grey blew you off?"

"It was just a drink" Derek defended.

Bailey just looked at him disbelievingly. "You so damn stupid."

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Meredith was in no better a mood in the morning as she frustratedly yanked on her scrubs and slammed her locker shut. Izzie and George were sensibly staying out of her way after being snapped at when they asked if she was ok. This whole 'taking time' business was getting to her now. When she'd told Derek he needed to think about it and make sure he was certain about his decision, she hadn't given any thought to how long he'd take. But two weeks felt like two years – she just needed to know, one way or the other, so she could move on with her life, because being in limbo sucked! Even if he did decide to go back to Addison, it would hurt like hell but it would be better than not knowing and feeling like this. She couldn't do anything about it though, which was the worst thing – it was out of her control, and she hated things not being in her control. She couldn't rush him, he had to make the decision on his own without interference from her…so she was stuck, in this nightmarish limbo until he made up his mind.

Meredith sighed as she headed out of the locker room to meet Bailey for rounds. To begin with after Addison had showed up it hadn't been too bad - she'd worked with Derek on a few good cases and spent time with him at the hospital, and it didn't feel weird. But as time had gone on she'd noticed Addison's presence more. She'd seen her talking to Derek, and even though the pinched look on his face said he wasn't particularly happy about it, they were still there in front of her. So far she'd avoided being put on Addison's service but she was pretty sure that her luck would run out on that one sooner or later.

Following the other interns as Bailey led them to their first patient, Meredith groaned as she realised it was a Neuro case. She avoided Derek's eyes as she shoved her hands in her lab coat pockets and stood next to Izzie and Cristina.

"Dr Bailey, Henry Lamott, age 42, is scheduled with Dr Shepherd for a spinal implant to control the pain of his herniated disk. Is allergic to all pain medication…" Cristina began presenting but paused when something on the TV caught her eye. "Is that…?"

"Porn" Mrs Lamott confirmed casually.

Bailey did a double take as she looked up at the TV. "Porn? As in Porn?!"

Alex smiled as he looked up at the screen. "All right, what are we watching?"

"Karev, go stand in the hall!" Bailey snapped before turning her attention back to the Lamotts. "Mr and Mrs Lamott, I'm sure you are really nice people, and what you do in the privacy of your own…look we can't have porn in here. This is a hospital."

"It's for my pain. My doc said it releases endorphins in the brain and helps keep my pain at a manageable level."

"Really?" George asked distractedly, staring at the screen.

Bailey glared at him. "George – hall!"

"What is this?" Izzie asked.

"Nasty, Naughty Nurses, um…4" Mrs Lamott supplied.

Meredith, Cristina and Izzie tilted their heads to the side as they regarded the new position the actors were now in on the screen.

"That does not look comfortable." Cristina commented.

"Trust me, it's not" Meredith replied.

Derek's eyebrows rose at Meredith's comment and he smirked as he looked up at the screen to see the position she was referring to. He didn't want to imagine her doing that with anyone else but he could definitely imagine her doing that with him. He needed to control his thoughts though as he was in a room full of people.

"Get in the hall!" Bailey snapped.

Out in the hall, the three of them leant on the wall outside the room, Cristina and Izzie smiling in amusement. Meredith felt her phone vibrating in her pocket and pulled it out.

Looking at the screen she recognised the number – Roseridge. She sighed as she realised she couldn't ignore it and flipped it open. Bailey came out of the room a few moments later and quirked an eyebrow at Meredith being on the phone.

"Cristina, you're with Shepherd" she said before turning her attention back to Meredith. "Grey, is rounding interfering with your social planning?"

Meredith pulled the phone from her ear and looked helplessly at Bailey. "It's erm, the care home."

Bailey's face softened and she nodded. "Catch up with us when you can" she told her, motioning to the other interns to follow her.

Meredith sighed when the call finished and she flipped her phone shut. The woman at the care home had said her mother was being 'very difficult' and they wanted her to come down there and talk to her. Wasn't that what she was paying them for – do deal with her mother's 'difficult-ness'? They didn't seem to understand that being a surgical intern meant that the hospital owned her and she couldn't just pop over at the drop of a hat whenever her mother had one of her tantrums. Being a grown up really wasn't much fun sometimes.

"So, you've really done that?" Derek's voice snapped her out of her thoughts.

"What?" she asked, looking over to him. His smirk and the twinkle in his eyes told her what he was referring to. She rolled her eyes as she replied, "I experimented a lot in college."

Derek smiled in amusement, but that turned into a frown as Meredith began to walk away. He placed his hand gently on her arm and pulled her back around to him. "Meredith…" he spoke softly.

Meredith gave him a pained expression. She couldn't deal with him flirting or being nice to her right now, not when her mind was full with divorce papers and mothers – her brain couldn't handle anything else. "You've got a wife" she sighed.

"Yes"

"Your life is complicated."

"Yes"

"I can't do complicated right now. I have complicated all on my own."

"Yes"

Meredith glared at him. "Stop saying yes."

"I'm trying not to make any sudden movements" Derek teased, his eyes twinkling.

"You think this is funny?"

"Addison's leaving. She doesn't have any more patients here. There's no reason for her to be here."

Meredith quirked a sceptical eyebrow at him. "No reason?"

"None whatsoever" Derek assured her.

The stubborn part of Meredith's brain wanted to respond with 'prove it' or 'why haven't you signed the papers yet then?'. She didn't get chance to say either however as Addison showed up and interrupted them.

"Well, isn't this cosy. Can I join in or are you not into threesomes?"

Meredith glanced up at Derek. "I have to go."

"You know you really are Satan" Derek scowled at Addison before hurrying to catch up with Meredith.

"Meredith. Meredith…" he called, coming to stand in front of her to stop her from leaving.

"Derek…"

"Meredith, are we ok?"

Meredith saw the concern and insecurity in his eyes and felt a little guilty for being off with him. But he couldn't keep sticking his head in the sand. "Derek…if you don't see that whether Addison stays or goes isn't the point, then…" She trailed off not wanting to finish that sentence. "I have to go find Bailey". Meredith stepped around him and walked away down the hall. This time Derek didn't try to stop her, instead he watched, hurt and confusion etched on his face, as she disappeared around the corner.

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Thankfully for Meredith, she ended up on a case with Bailey, which served somewhat to distract her from her problems. She liked their patient – Jeremiah, a 25 year old guy with cystic fibrosis who'd had far more than his fair share of health problems and surgeries in his young life. Despite his condition, he ran marathons, climbed mountains and lived life to the full, not letting his life be ruled by a disease. He also remained forever positive and never gave up, and for that Meredith really respected him. She thought she could do with being a little more like that.

Her patient only provided a distraction for so long though as her luck at avoiding working with Addison came to an abrupt end when Bailey spotted a complication on Jeremiah's pre-op scans, that caused her to request Addison's assistance during surgery. And so, one hour later Meredith stood in the OR, side by side with Addison, retracting as her and Bailey set about repairing Jeremiah's diseased and damaged organs. She glanced at Addison over the top of her surgical mask as she worked – there was no denying she was a brilliant surgeon and she could see why men would find her attractive. She was tall, beautiful and smart – a winning combination by anyone's estimate. Meredith couldn't help but think though that as smart as she was, she was also incredibly stupid. What sane woman who had Derek, and not just had him – was married to him, would cheat on him and risk losing him. She knew without a doubt that if Derek were hers, nothing and no one in the world could convince her to do something that would hurt him or take him away from her.

Meredith stopped thinking about Addison though when the heart monitor started beeping and Jeremiah flatlined. She stepped away from the table as Bailey administered CPR, pounding on his chest and willing her young patient, who she'd known since she was an intern, to survive. Her efforts were in vain though as Jeremiah couldn't be saved, and Meredith watched in sadness as her Resident reluctantly called time of death and walked crestfallen out of the OR. She felt bad for Bailey – she'd lost patients she'd grown fond of, but for Bailey it must be far worse as she'd known Jeremiah for years. She felt worse though for Jeremiah himself – he was three years younger than her and now he was dead. He'd fought his whole life and overcome so much – he deserved to live. As a doctor, she knew that these things happened and that they were inevitabilities of life and of the limitations of medicine. Even though she knew that, she still felt that it was greatly unfair.

After pulling off her surgical gown, Meredith entered the scrub room where Bailey and Addison were scrubbing out. Bailey looked on the verge of tears - she'd never seen her Resident look like that before. She wanted to say something but couldn't think of anything that would offer her any comfort right now. Bailey didn't say a word as she dried her hands, tossed the paper towel in the bin and left the scrub room, leaving Meredith alone with Addison.

Meredith felt suddenly awkward as she began scrubbing her hands – this was the first time she'd been on her own with Addison since she'd arrived. Jeremiah's problems definitely put hers into perspective but she couldn't help the feeling of stress and anxiety returning at standing in awkward silence, in a confined space, with the wife of the man she was in love with. She glanced over at Addison, who seemed to be feeling equally as awkward, but she couldn't tear her eyes away as she watched Addison slip her wedding rings back on her finger. She'd never noticed them before, but then again she had spent the past two weeks doing her best to avoid her.

Addison noticed what had caught Meredith's attention and sighed as she took a step closer to her. "Look, I don't want someone who doesn't want me Meredith. But if there's the slightest chance that he does, I'm not leaving Seattle."

Meredith stared as Addison left and the door swung closed behind her. So Addison was staying to fight for Derek…well that was just the icing on the top of her very crappy day. Her mind was so full right now she couldn't even think straight. A small little part of her brain was trying to remind her that Addison had cheated, that Derek had told her that his marriage had been over for years and he'd never had the kind of all consuming love with her that he'd promised his dad he'd find. It was trying to remind her of how incredible the past three months with Derek had been, the way he looked at her and how it felt when they'd kissed. But that part of her brain was being drowned out by the more insecure part of her brain that said she couldn't match up to Addison and what was three months compared to eleven years? That part of her brain was starting to think she'd imagined that Derek had been just about to tell her that he loved her.

Meredith covered her face with her hands and sighed. Today had been awful and she needed to get out of the hospital. She needed tequila and she needed her bed. After trudging to the locker room, she tiredly pulled off her scrubs and tossed them into her locker, replacing them with her street clothes. Grabbing her things she hurried downstairs, wanting to avoid as much human contact as possible. She almost made it to the entrance without having to speak to anyone when a familiar voice calling her name stopped her in her tracks. She could just ignore him and carry on, but she figured he'd just follow her anyway.

Derek spotted her the moment he stepped off the elevator - he'd recognise her anywhere. He'd been distracted all day, he hated the look of sadness he saw in her eyes earlier and her not letting him be there for her. He couldn't let her leave without trying to make sure she was ok. "Mere, Meredith…" he called, chasing after her for the second time that day.

"Derek…I'm tired" Meredith sighed, turning around slowly. She felt a pang of sadness as she looked up into his eyes and saw the hurt there at her pushing him away.

Derek reached for her hand and, ignoring her protests, pulled her over to the waiting area and down onto the seats. "Mere, are you ok? Have I upset you? Because if I have, tell me and I'll make it better."

He hadn't let go of her hand and Meredith could feel the heat from his touch in every fibre of her being. She looked at him sadly, "No Derek, you haven't upset me. You're taking time - you're doing what I asked."

"But?" Derek probed gently, knowing she was holding something back.

"But…" Meredith paused, she wanted to ask him to put her out of her misery, to tell her how much longer he needed to decide whether or not to sign the papers. But she didn't. "…never mind."

"Meredith?" Derek called helplessly as she got back up and started walking away.

Meredith stopped and turned back to look at him, regarding him for a few moments. "What was I to you? Was I just a girl to help you get over being screwed?"

Derek's eyes flashed as he got up and stood in front of her – he hated her use of the past tense, like she didn't believe his feelings for her were current. "Mere...everything I said that night in your room, still holds true" he told her emphatically, needing her to understand that there was nothing at all past tense about his feelings for her. "You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know."

Meredith looked into his indigo irises, that were so expressive, and she saw sincerity and hope there. She looked away though knowing that it didn't matter how sincere he was if the divorce papers weren't sighed. She gave him a small smile and nodded before turning again and leaving him standing there as she walked out of the hospital and across the parking lot.

Derek let out a deep sigh as he slumped back down into the chair. Meredith's eyes had told him the words she didn't say – it wasn't enough. As much as he loved her and cared about her, it wasn't enough whilst he was still married. She was right. It was unfair to her – it was unfair to everyone involved in the situation, and that was his job to fix.

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Meredith used every ounce of her willpower not to turn around as she walked to her car. She laughed ironically when she saw Derek's car was parked right next to hers – it was like the universe was determined to torment her. Instead of getting into her car, Meredith sank down onto the curb in between the two cars, needing some fresh air to clear her head. She really hoped Derek made up his mind soon because this waiting – really not fun. This was why she didn't do attachments or relationships. It was typical of her Meredith thought, that the one man she decided to fall for (not that she'd had much of a choice in the matter) not only happened to be her boss, but also married. She knew though that she was far too far gone with her feelings for Derek for there to be any going back. And she didn't want to go back - she'd never regret meeting him, or the time they'd had together, regardless of whatever happened next.

She went to stand up but a whimpering noise caught her attention. Meredith ducked her head down to where the noise was coming from and saw a scruffy little dog hiding under Derek's car. "Hey" she said softly, holding her hand out to him. The dog eyed her nervously, unsure of what to make of her. "It's ok" Meredith soothed. After a few minutes the dog tentatively crawled towards her and licked her hand. Meredith smiled and gently stroked the fur on the dog's head. He didn't have a collar and now he wasn't hidden under the car she could see he looked pretty scrawny. He must be a stray, Meredith thought sadly.

Meredith looked at the dog, who was now happily sitting next to her while she petted him, and felt an affinity with him. He was lost and alone, much like she was feeling at the moment. Standing up she made a spontaneous decision. "You want to come home with me?" Meredith asked and opened her passenger door. The dog pricked his ears, looking curiously between her and the car, and after a moment, trotted over and jumped in. The dog stared at her, panting happily as she got in. "Well, seeing as how we're at the hospital and I found you under Derek's car, I'm gunna call you Doc."

 **AN: So taking time is starting to get to Meredith, and Derek is starting to understand the toll it's taking on her, even though it was her idea. Please review :) Chapter 11 to follow soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Thank you once again for your lovely reviews – they really make my day! So, onto the next chapter – hope you enjoy it :)**

Chapter 11:

Meredith languished under her duvet, Doc sleeping happily at the foot of the bed, cherishing the ten minutes before she absolutely had to get up or she would definitely be late. Her ten minutes were rudely interrupted however when her door was flung open and Izzie and George barged in without waiting for an invitation.

"Mere, you need to do something about that dog – look what he did!" Izzie thrust a very chewed up bra, which would clearly be of no more use, in front of Meredith.

"He peed in my shoe!" George exclaimed indignantly. "And I didn't realise til I put my foot in!"

Meredith had to bite back a laugh as she looked over at Doc, who was awake now too, and saw a look of total innocence on his face, as if he knew nothing about it. "He's just settling in."

Izzie scoffed, "He knows what he's doing – he hates us!"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's just a dog."

"That's not a dog, that's a demon!" George grumbled.

Meredith sighed as she got up and squeezed between Izzie and George. "I'm going in the shower."

"But Mere-" Izzie began.

"Look, I'm sure he's very sorry for what he did." Meredith replied, before disappearing into the bathroom and locking the door.

Izzie turned back to look at Doc, who growled at her and George. Izzie glared at him before stomping off to get ready. "If that's what he looks like when he's sorry, then I'd hate to see him when he's not!"

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Much to Meredith's annoyance, George and Izzie continued to complain about Doc all the way to work and so she was grateful when they eventually arrived at the hospital. Meredith was so busy trying to tune them out that she didn't notice Derek jog up beside them as they entered the building.

Derek caught the end of George and Izzie's ramblings and smirked at the annoyed look on Meredith's face. She looked hot when she was angry. "Hey" he greeted her, smiling, "you got a dog?"

Meredith opened her mouth to reply but Izzie beat her to it. "No, she got a demon dressed up in dog clothing" Izzie replied. She looked between Meredith and Derek and decided to leave them too it, dragging George with her.

"Yes, I got a dog." Meredith clarified, "although you'd think I brought home a hungry hyena the way they're going on!"

Derek chuckled, "what's his name?"

"Doc."

"Doc the dog - that's cute. I like dogs." Derek smiled. "Where did you get him?"

"I found him hiding under your car actually."

"So technically he's my dog?" Derek smirked. Meredith rolled her eyes but Derek saw the smile of amusement that she was trying to hide. "You should introduce me to my dog."

Meredith couldn't help but smile at his teasing. "He doesn't seem to like anyone – apart from me."

"We have that in common then." Derek pointed out, his eyes sparkling. "He just has good taste. Besides, dogs love me."

Meredith quirked an eyebrow, amused at his arrogance. "Really?"

"Oh yes." They both laughed at the familiar banter. "We could take him for a walk on my land?" he suggested more tentatively. "It's perfect dog territory."

Meredith looked at him, at the apprehension and hope in his eyes. "Maybe" she told him with a small smile, as she turned and headed off to the locker room. If he ever did sign those papers then maybe they could.

Derek smiled at the fact she didn't say no as he watched her leave. "Dr Grey" he called after her. Meredith turned back around, "Did you name him after me?" Meredith blushed and rolled her eyes, causing Derek to laugh.

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"What's wrong with the peppy twins?" Cristina asked as Meredith joined her on the bench in the locker room.

"They're just upset that I got a dog."

"Hell dog." Izzie added.

"You got a dog?" Cristina asked sceptically.

"Yes."

Cristina smirked, "So you replaced McDreamy with McDog?" Meredith glared at her.

"I preferred McDreamy – he didn't eat my bras." Izzie commented.

"Or pee in my shoes" George added.

"Yeah well McDog doesn't have a wife." Meredith replied.

The day was a quiet one – the board was quiet, the whole surgical floor was quiet, leaving the four interns bored and frustrated at the lack of OR time and being stuck charting, in the Pit or monitoring post-ops.

"I haven't even seen an OR today, let alone been inside one!" Cristina moaned as the four of them sat around a table at Joe's. "I need some OR time."

"At least you've practiced medicine – I spent the day re-doing Alex's charts from last night!" George grumbled.

Meredith was equally disgruntled at the lack of surgeries, but not exactly for the same reason as her friends. Yes, she loved to cut just as much as they did, but particularly recently, slow days meant that there was nothing to distract her from thinking about Derek and how much she missed him and wished he'd hurry up and make up his mind. Sighing, she threw her tequila shot back as if it were water. "Same again?" she asked, and receiving nods of confirmation she stood up and made her way over to the bar.

"Keep 'em comin' Joe" Meredith instructed as she downed the shot Joe had just refilled. Joe chuckled and did as she'd said.

Izzie eyed Meredith with concern. "How long do you think she's gunna wait?"

George looked over at Meredith, "for what?"

Izzie rolled her eyes, "McDreamy George. Have you not been paying attention? She's pining for him - it's sad."

Cristina sighed as she eyed her person sitting hunched over at the bar. "McDreamy needs to get off his ass and decide, because this is getting hard to watch."

"It was hard to watch a week ago" Izzie pointed out.

Meredith spun back round unsteadily on her stool to face them. "I can hear you you know" she told them frowning. Cristina, George and Izzie looked guiltily down at the table. "I'm not pathetic…ok maybe I am, just a little bit. But you," she added, gesturing at them, "you're supposed to be my friends - you're supposed to support me."

When she turned back to the bar she looked up at the sound of the door, like always sensing him before she saw him. He took a seat at the other end of the bar, giving her a nod and a warm smile when he saw her. Meredith returned his gesture before collecting her friends' drinks and returning to their table. From her seat she had the perfect view of Derek and as much as she tried, she couldn't seem to stop herself from staring at him.

The sudden beeping of numerous pagers tore her attention away from him and the four of them realised that they'd all been paged. Cristina looked like all her Christmases had come at once. Most people would moan and curse at being called back into work after a long day, but surgical interns were a different species – they jumped at the chance of extra cutting, especially after a surgery drought.

"This must be good if we're all being paged" Cristina beamed, already half way to the door.

Meredith glanced back at Derek and saw him pulling his jacket back on, pager in hand. It really must be big if they were paging him in too. She was starting to regret the last few tequila shots now.

"Turn it up Joe" one of the customers said, indicating at the TV.

Joe did so and Meredith's eyes widened as she watched a news report showing a Vancouver bound train had crashed and come off the rails. "Definitely big" she said to herself as she hurried after her friends.

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After quickly pulling their scrubs back on, the four of them plus Alex, led by Cristina were met in the ER by Bailey, who looked less than impressed to have had her dinner plans ruined.

Meredith leant against the wall to stop herself from swaying. "Hello, I seem to be a little bit drunk. I was off duty."

"So was I" Bailey scowled. "Anybody else half in the bottle?" The others shook their vehemently, professing their sobriety. "Right, you four stick with me and wait for your assignments. Now I know you get all aquiver at the sight of blood and organs but it's gunna be a long night and you're already tired. I don't want any mistakes. And you-" Bailey pointed at Meredith, "go get yourself a banana bag IV, put it in your arm and then find me. Do not speak to any patients, do not practice any medicine."

Meredith wobbled as she watched Bailey leave with the other interns. She turned to go and find herself an IV and her eyes widened as she saw two people being wheeled in on the same gurney, connected by a large pole running straight through both of their abdomens. 'Maybe waiting for the man you're in love with to decide if he's going to stay married to someone else is the second worst feeling in the world' she thought.

"Ow…ow…ow…ow" Derek frowned at the familiar voice and looked around for its source. Pulling back one of the curtains he smiled in amusement at the scene he was met with.

Meredith looked up at him. "I'm trying to insert my banana bag" she told him, "…which sounds kinda dirty but it's not really."

Derek laughed at her drunken ramblings. "Here, let me help you" he said, sitting on the bed beside her and taking the needle from her hand.

Where as normally Meredith would have protested and proclaimed she was more than capable of inserting an IV, the alcohol was inhibiting her ability to form any such declaration. So instead, she wordlessly held her arm out to him.

"Sharp scratch" Derek told her softly, gently easing the needle into her vein.

Meredith stared at his face as he inserted her IV. In truth she didn't feel a thing as the needle punctured her skin. Well, she felt something but not pain. She didn't notice the needle going in because, as always when he was close to her, she got lost in the sight and scent of him, and she'd long ago realised it was out of her control.

"All done." Derek smiled at her and hooked the banana bag onto an IV pole for her. "Come on, I'm consulting on the two people stuck together on a pole. You can come too."

Meredith pushed herself off the bed, grateful for the IV pole to steady her. "I'm not allowed to talk to any patients" she told him.

Derek chuckled, "you don't have to – you can still watch and learn."

Meredith considered this, the surgery junkie in her deciding it was too good an opportunity to miss, even if she could only watch. "OK" she replied, following behind him as he lead the way.

In the X-ray room, even in her inebriated state, she could tell from the films what a catastrophic predicament the two patients were in.

"Is it going right through her spine?" George asked in amazement.

"It is" Bailey conformed, "T8 is completely crushed. Pole's tamponading the wound as far as we can see."

"It's hitting the aorta" Derek added, tracing one of the films with his finger.

"Is there any way to operate without separating them?" George asked.

"No" Derek and Burke replied.

"So if we remove the pole then…" George began.

"They'll both bleed out" Bailey finished.

"What if we don't remove the pole?" Burke suggested, "what if we move one of the patients off the pole to get the saw in there? Then we can hold the pole steady in the other one. Move it very slowly and repair the damage as we go."

"Who?" George asked, "which would you move?"

"With her aortic injuries, her chances of survival are extremely slim no matter what we do. If we move her, we have a real shot at saving him" Burke replied.

"Well I could argue that since her injuries are more extensive, we should move him. Give her the best shot we can" Derek countered, looking up at Meredith.

Meredith felt a swell of warmth fill her veins. This was one of the reasons she loved him – he fought for patients no matter how bad things looked. A sad realisation dawned on her though, "so basically whoever you move doesn't stand a chance?" The grim expressions on her superiors' faces gave her her answer. "So how do you choose? How do you decide who gets to live?"

Meredith cursed the tequila she'd drank earlier because it was making her relate the poor train crash victims, who were impaled on a pole, to her own problems. She felt ridiculous but she felt like she was the girl, Bonnie she'd found out her name was, waiting to find out if she'd be chosen to move or stay. If she was chosen to move then she'd almost certainly die. If she was chosen to stay then there was a slim chance she'd get to live her life. If Derek chose to stay with Addison, Meredith felt like a part of her would die. If he chose to leave Addison then there was a chance that she and Derek could be happy together. Ironic thing was that both decisions were out of the control of the people who would be affected by them.

She felt guilty for even thinking her problems were anywhere near on the same scale as Bonnie and Tom (the other patient's), problems. They were such nice people, and they hadn't complained once about being impaled on a metal pole. Her heart ached as Derek and Burke decided reluctantly that it would be Bonnie that they'd move. Her throat constricted as Derek explained this to her and she realised that she probably wasn't going to survive. She wasn't angry, even refusing Tom's offer to be moved instead. You could tell she was upset and scared but she was also brave and stayed strong.

The mood in the OR was a somber one. Derek felt his heart weighing heavy in his chest – usually he'd be operating with the hopes of saving someone, but this time more than likely they'd be causing someone's death. When Bonnie told him a message she wanted him to pass on to her fiancé, Derek swallowed back the sadness he felt and blinked the tears away that threatened to fall.

When both Bonnie and Tom were sedated, the whole room full of doctors shared a look of grief at what they were about to do. Bonnie was pulled carefully back off the pole and half of the doctors began working on Tom, whilst Meredith, Derek, Burke and Bailey began work on Bonnie to see what they could do for her.

Burke shook his head in defeat as he felt inside her chest, "her aorta's shredded. She's gunna bleed out."

Meredith's eyes widened as she looked up at the monitors which had started beeping, indicating Bonnie had no pulse. When one of the doctors working on Tom called over that they needed some help, Bailey, Burke and Derek shared a look of resignation and stopped working on Bonnie and headed over to Tom.

"What about her? We can't just abandon her!" Meredith called anxiously. "What about her? We have an obligation!"

Derek turned and walked back over to Meredith, understanding how hard this was and wanting to comfort her. "Meredith-"

"We cannot just abandon her!"

"Dr Grey, Meredith…" Derek began softly, "there was too much damage, there was never anything we could do. We have to let her go." He gave her a pained look as he said "Time of death, 3:49" and went back over to help the others with Tom. He wanted to pull her into his arms, both for her comfort and his, but there was another patient who had a chance of being saved, and he couldn't lose both of them.

Meredith stared at the now lifeless face of Bonnie and felt like she couldn't breathe. Bailey was calling her to come over but she needed to get out of there. Turning around she pulled her mask off and ran out of the OR as Derek stared helplessly after her. She just made it to the trash can at the nurses station in time to empty the contents of her stomach into it. She wasn't sure if it was the effects of the tequila or what had just happened – probably both.

Derek looked for Meredith as soon as he got out of the OR. Tom had survived and barring any complications he'd make a full recovery. He wanted to tell Meredith, to let her know that something good had come out of this awful situation. He couldn't find her though and no one seemed to know where she was. He sighed in sadness when a nurse came over and told him that Bonnie's fiancé had arrived and in realisation that he was about to tear the man's world apart.

When he told him, the man looked broken, like his worst fears had just been confirmed. Derek caught sight of Meredith standing at the nurses station and she gave him a small nod of encouragement, realising who he was talking to.

"Did she eh…did she eh suffer?" the man asked.

"No" Derek assured him, "her injuries prevented her from…no, she wasn't in any pain."

"Good, that's…"

"She asked me to erm, to tell you that…" Derek swallowed, feeling himself choke up, "she wanted you to know…that if love were enough…that if love were enough, that she'd still be here with you."

Meredith watched in sadness, both for the man who'd just lost the woman he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with, and for Derek who looked like he was losing his battle to keep his composure and was probably blaming himself, even though it wasn't his fault.

When Derek eventually excused himself and got up, heading for the elevator, Meredith followed him, sensing that he was not ok. She knew it wasn't her job, and that it wouldn't be whilst he was still married, but she couldn't stop herself from caring. They stepped onto the elevator in silence but when the doors closed, Derek's composure finally broke and his eyes welled up. Meredith looked over at him as he tried to ward off the tears, and then she reached over and pulled the emergency stop button, knowing he needed a moment.

Derek looked back at her, gratitude shining in his glistening eyes. Meredith felt her own eyes welling up at the pain she saw in Derek's and without hesitation, she took a step forward and pulled him into her arms. Derek wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly to him as if she were his lifeline. Meredith felt wetness on her neck and hugged him even tighter, realising he was crying. She reached her fingers up into his hair and played with the curls at the back of his neck, feeling him relax at her touch. They stayed like that for a few moments, just taking comfort in each other's embrace.

"Love should be enough" he choked.

"Yeah, it should be" Meredith whispered as she pulled back slightly so she could see his face. "You ok?" she asked softly, gently cupping his cheek with her hand and wiping a stray tear away with her thumb.

Derek let out a deep breath, "Yeah" he replied, giving her a small smile. "Thank you."

Meredith returned his smile as she reluctantly stepped out of his embrace and restarted the elevator. She squeezed his hand and gave him one more small smile before she stepped off the elevator and rounded the corner to the locker room.

Derek watched her walk away until her light blue scrubs were no longer visible. He rubbed his hand frustratedly through his hair. Love should be enough. He loved Meredith – it should be as simple as that. He'd thought he'd loved Addison at one point in his life, but clearly that love wasn't strong enough to be 'enough' to stop them from drifting apart or to stop her from cheating. Before he'd met Meredith he didn't realise that love came on a scale, or just how high up that scale somebody could take you.

He smiled slightly as he came to the realisation that love alone wasn't enough, but the all consuming, world changing, make your heart beat faster type of love that his dad told him about, that his parents shared – that type of love was enough. He'd never had that type of love with Addison, but he knew without a doubt that what he felt for Meredith was exactly that.

It was time to stop wasting time. With a renewed sense of purpose, he strode towards his office – he had some paperwork to do.

 **AN: So, a bit of a turning point for Derek! Please drop me a review and let me know what you think, and stay tuned for chapter 12 :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: As always, a huge thank you to all my lovely and loyal reviewers! As one reviewer asked – don't worry I will definitely not be 'pulling a Shonda'! I had big respect for the woman for giving us the MerDer legend, but I lost that respect when she decided to crap all over it and screw the fans over – hence my sticking to only watching Seasons 1-10!**

 **Anyway, I'm quite excited about this chapter and I really enjoyed writing it! It's a major turning point that I planned out when I thought up this story. Enjoy :)**

Chapter 12:

Meredith stepped over the threshold of Seattle Grace, just as she did pretty much every day, but today something felt different, something felt wrong. She had a feeling. She didn't get them very often, but when she did it usually meant that something wasn't right – or that something bad was going to happen. She shook off the feeling as she headed for the elevator – she hadn't gotten much sleep last night – she was probably just being paranoid.

Changing into her scrubs in the locker room, everything felt normal – the other interns were laughing and chatting happily, and Meredith thought no more about her feeling. That was until Bailey started reading out their assignments.

"Yang, you're with Burke. Stevens, you're with Torres." Cristina beamed in delight at being on cardio, where as Izzie let out a small groan. "O'Malley, Karev, you're with me today. And Grey, you're with Dr Nelson."

Meredith's stomach dropped and her uneasy feeling came back. Dr Nelson was Neuro, and whenever Bailey's interns were on Neuro they were always sent to Derek. "Where's Dr Shepherd?" she asked, trying to hide the panic she felt. She knew Derek was supposed to be at work today.

"He's not in today. Nelson's taking his cases." Bailey told her.

"Is he back in tomorrow?"

"Do I look like his secretary?" Bailey snapped. "If you're that bothered, ask him yourself."

"Wait, I'm off gynae?" Alex asked, unable to hide his excitement.

"Yes – Montgomery-Shepherd is also not in today?" Bailey replied, to which Alex whooped and fist pumped the air.

Meredith felt her heart thudding in her ears – when she'd thought something hadn't been right, she hadn't been wrong. Derek, and his wife, had both taken an unplanned day off. Derek never took leave, and she always knew when his days off were. He didn't say anything to her about taking the day off, not that he had any obligation to, but she would have thought that he'd tell her if he was going to do that – because that's just how they were. Maybe Derek had decided to give it another try with her, maybe they were at her hotel right now making up for lost time. Meredith shuddered at the thought that they might even be at his trailer together – the trailer only she had been to with him. Maybe they'd just left and gone back to New York to get back to their old life. She started to feel light headed at all the different scenarios and leant her hand on the wall to steady herself.

Izzie gave Meredith a concerned look, as if she could sense what she was thinking. As Bailey and the other interns left for their assignments, she stepped closer to Meredith and put a hand on her arm. "It's probably just a coincidence" she said comfortingly. "Ooh, maybe they've gone to the lawyers?" she added, perking up.

Meredith considered that idea – she hadn't thought of that. But she deflated when she realised it was unlikely. "He hasn't even signed the papers yet, so they'd have no reason to go to a lawyer."

Forever the optimist, Izzie persisted. "Mere, there'll be a perfectly reasonable explanation I'm sure. He'll be back tomorrow and you'll see how crazy all those scenarios you're imagining were." She saw a spark of hope in Meredith's eyes and she hoped to God she was right.

"Thanks Iz." Meredith gave her a small smile, "I'll see you later ok."

Meredith wished she shared Izzie's optimism. Life never tended to come down on her side and so if she were taking bets, she'd bet on one of her explanations being true rather than Izzie's. As she made her way to find Dr Nelson, she couldn't help hoping that Izzie was right. But also she wished that if her life was about to get pulled from under her, that she could just get it over with now, because she'd end up on psych if she had to wait a day, or two days – or however long, to find out. Dr Nelson better have something good for her because she needed some major distraction.

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Thankfully for Meredith, Dr Nelson did have some good cases for her – probably because they were Derek's and he always had good cases. But either way, she'd gotten to assist with a craniotomy and an aneurism clipping. They distracted her to a degree – being in the OR she was focused on her patient and the surgery. She felt the buzz she always got when watching brain surgery but it wasn't the same as when she scrubbed in with Derek. Dr Nelson was a good doctor, but Derek was an exceptional doctor and she was always mesmerised by his precision and skill when they scrubbed in together. She was grateful though for Nelson letting her assist because a) she'd never say no to brain surgery, and b) it prevented her from agonising over Derek and his unexplained absence.

Meredith avoided her friends at lunch, knowing full well that she wouldn't be able to escape being asked about Derek and Addison. She chose instead to hide in one of Nelson's post-op patient's rooms, who thankfully for her was sedated so wouldn't be able to ask her any questions. She wasn't in the mood for food so just grabbed a coffee and forced a granola bar down, knowing she needed to eat, even if she didn't feel like it. As soon as she'd finished her coffee, Meredith hurried off to find Dr Nelson again as not having anything to do gave her far too much time to think – and in order to stay sane, that was precisely what she needed to avoid.

She said a silent prayer when Nelson said they'd be doing a laminectomy that afternoon – a nice long procedure that would take up the rest of her shift and wile away some hours that would otherwise be spent stressing about Derek. She enjoyed the procedure as she'd never seen a laminectomy done before. She would have liked this 'first time' to have been with Derek, but now she'd assisted with one, she'd be able to impress him with her skills next time. 'If he comes back' Meredith thought sadly.

After thanking Dr Nelson for having her on his service all day, Meredith made her way back to the locker room. She thought about asking Alex if he wanted her to take his on-call shift that night, thinking the extra work might help distract her. She was pretty sure he'd jump at the chance, but knowing her luck it'd be a really slow night and as she'd be awake, her annoying brain would lapse into imagining Derek and Addison together – which would suck. So she decided against it.

George and Izzie were already in the locker room getting changed when Meredith walked in. "Hey, Mere – we're going over to Joe's. You wanna come?" George asked.

"Thanks but I've gotta take Doc to the vets - he's got some sort of infection in his paw."

"Oh, ok. We'll see you at home then."

"I could come with you to the vets?" Izzie offered.

Meredith gave her a small smile, grateful she was trying to look out for her. "I thought you hated Doc?"

"I don't 'hate' Doc." Izzie reasoned, "He just hates me…and takes pleasure in chewing up my underwear."

Meredith chuckled. "Thanks Iz, but I'll be fine. You guys go and have fun, I'll see you back at the house."

"You sure?" Izzie asked, unsure whether she should just insist on going with her.

"I'm sure."

"Ok…well we'll see you later then." Izzie replied, shooting Meredith one last concerned glance as she picked up her bag and left with George.

"See you later." Maybe she should have let Izzie come along, Meredith thought. No doubt she would have talked incessantly, which would have been as good a distraction as any. It was too late now though, so with a sigh she grabbed her stuff and headed to her car to go and pick up Doc.

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Sitting in the waiting area of the vets, Meredith stroked Doc's head absentmindedly as she waited to be called in. Yep, she could definitely do with Izzie right now as her mind was starting to wander.

"Doc and…Dr Grey" a blond haired man called as he looked down at the chart he was holding. He smiled as Meredith stood up and walked towards him. "I'm Dr Finn Dandridge. If you'd like to come this way" he added, gesturing towards a room to the left of the waiting area. Meredith followed and lifted Doc up onto the table.

"So what seems to be the problem?" Finn asked, coming over and stroking Doc's back, who gave him a dubious look.

"He's hurt his paw – it looks infected to me. He must've cut it on something outside when he was playing." Meredith explained.

"Ok, let's have a look at you then Doc" Finn said, lifting Doc's paw up and examining it. "Yep, there's a couple of pieces of grit in there. I can get those out he'll just need a few weeks of antibiotics."

Meredith nodded and tried to soothe Doc as best she could as Finn pried the bits of grit out out of his wound. "Good boy Doc!" she praised as the last bit came out and Finn bandaged his paw up.

Finn smiled at her. "So does your boyfriend like dogs?"

Meredith resisted the urge to roll her eyes – that was lame. She'd thought Derek's 'so is this a good place to hang out?' opening liner was lame, but that was far worse. And she had no desire to add further complications to her life. "No boyfriend" she replied, not elaborating.

"So you're single?" Finn asked hopefully.

"Yes…no…it's complicated" Meredith mumbled.

Finn quirked an eyebrow. "What's complicated?" he asked, "he's not married is he?"

Meredith gave him a look that she'd seen Bailey give a thousand times – it was a look that said 'how the hell did you know that?' and 'why are you asking me these questions?'.

"Oh, he is married" Finn added surprised, taking her lack of answer as confirmation.

"Don't give me that look" she told him, "he's separated…but his wife wants him back. He's had divorce papers drawn up, he just needs to sign them. He's also my boss…but that's less of a problem than the married thing." Meredith wasn't quite sure why she was still talking or why she felt the need to justify herself to a stranger, but she seemed to have developed a severe case of verbal diarrhoea.

"That…does sound complicated." Finn agreed.

"Yeah" Meredith groaned.

There was an awkward silence before Finn smiled and changed the subject. "So I'm gunna write Doc up a prescription for amoxicillin – he'll need to take it daily for three weeks. Unfortunately our delivery didn't come this morning though so we won't have any in stock until tomorrow. It says on Doc's chart you work at Seattle Grace – I could drop the amoxicillin over tomorrow, it's not far from here?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that – I can pick it up after my shift."

"It's no problem, really" Finn insisted, "I'd be happy to."

Meredith frowned but relented at the idea of saving herself an extra trip. "Erm, ok then…thanks."

Finn smiled, "Great. I'll see you tomorrow then Dr Grey."

Meredith gave him a small smile back. "Come on Doc" she said gently as she lifted him off the table. She tugged on Doc's leash and he limped gingerly after her as they left the exam room. She wasn't quite sure what to make of that – Finn had definitely been hitting on her, but she didn't have the brain space to entertain it – her mind was too full with thoughts of dark haired neurosurgeons, aptly nicknamed McDreamy, she didn't need any more man problems.

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The next day:

Meredith left the house before George and Izzie got up – she hadn't been able to sleep so saw little point in staying in bed and staring at the ceiling. So now here she was leaning on the railing of the catwalk, looking out at the early morning Seattle sky. She'd stood in this exact spot many times with Derek, so this probably wasn't the best place for her to be if she wanted to avoid thinking about him.

"What brings you here so early?" Meredith turned her head to find Cristina mimicking her stance next to her. She really wasn't surprised that Cristina was here already – she was the biggest surgery junkie around.

"Couldn't sleep." Meredith replied, "You?"

"Trolling for surgeries." Cristina shrugged, as if the answer were obvious. She regarded Meredith for a few moments. "Shepherd's back."

Meredith's eyes widened and she snapped her head round to Cristina. "What?"

"Shepherd – you know, tall, dark neurosurgeon, perfect hair, likes to lean on things."

"I know who he is Cristina." Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's back at work?"

"Yeah, he's in OR1 right now."

Meredith opened her mouth to reply but then closed it again. Derek was back. So she could cross off the 'gone back to New York' scenario from her list. But that still didn't explain why both he and Addison were off yesterday. "What about-"

"McWife?" Cristina interrupted, anticipating Meredith's question. "She's back too."

"Oh" Meredith replied. She wasn't sure what to make of that.

Cristina smirked, "So I take it you're heading to OR1 now?"

Meredith frowned. "No, I'm not. If he wants to take off with his wife without telling me, that's just fine. But I'm not going to chase him."

Cristina nodded in approval at her person standing up for herself. She felt bad for her friend as Meredith was obviously in love with Derek. She was involved with an Attending herself so she knew it wasn't without complications, however her situation wasn't quite so bad as Burke wasn't married. "Come on" Cristina began, taking hold of Meredith's arm and leading her off the catwalk. "I found the perfect place for hiding – really old guy's room."

Meredith quirked an eyebrow. "Really old guy?"

"Yeah, he's a guy and he's really old." Cristina explained simply. "He sleeps like all the time so it's perfect."

Meredith chuckled as she followed Cristina down the hall.

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Derek sighed as he pulled his scrub cap off and ran his hand through his now unruly curls. He'd been called into surgery as soon as he'd set foot in the hospital due to a major RTA on the freeway. The surgery was successful, which he was grateful for, but now that he had a moment to breathe, the full magnitude of the events of the last 24 hours finally hit him. He'd made a choice - he'd signed the papers. As he scrubbed out, he thought back to the life changing conversation that had taken place the day before.

 _Flashback:_

 _Derek had had gone straight to his office after Meredith had left him in the elevator and signed his name at the bottom of the divorce papers. He'd felt a sense of liberation when he did so, like he'd finally woken up – he knew it was the right thing to do. He'd called Addison shortly after and said they needed to talk, so they'd both arranged to have the following day off to enable that to happen._

 _So first thing in the morning, Derek had left his trailer and headed over to the Archfield. He let out a deep breath as he knocked on Addison's door, aware that he was about to terminate 11 years of marriage._

 _Addison seemed to have anticipated why he wanted to talk and she gave him a sad smile as she looked between Derek and the papers he was holding. "You're giving up aren't you?"_

 _Derek sighed, "we both gave up years ago Addi. That's why you were able to sleep with Mark."_

 _"We're not Derek and Addison anymore" Addison said sadly._

 _"No" Derek squeezed her hand gently. "Our marriage is over. This is incredibly sad."_

 _"We had some good times didn't we?"_

 _Derek smiled warmly this time. Even if they hadn't been right for each other and they hadn't had the kind of love his father had wanted for him, they'd spent 11 years of their lives together and they had been happy, at least what he regarded as happy then, at one point. "We did. And you're gunna be fine Addi."_

 _"So are you. Meredith…she seems nice" Addison replied honestly._

 _Derek's smile brightened at hearing her name. "Yeah. Yeah she is."_

They'd talked for a short while and Addison signed the papers before he left. He thought about going straight to the hospital to find Meredith but he needed some time to process everything before he saw her. So he'd gone back to his trailer and spent the night sitting on his decking watching the stars, before heading into the hospital before the sun rose, knowing that sleep would never come to him.

Now he was out of surgery and his mind was clearer, all he wanted to do was see Meredith – there were no barriers in the way anymore preventing them from being together. He looked at his watch and realised her shift didn't start for another hour so he'd have to wait. Maybe he'd catch a power nap in an on call room and then try and charm Bailey into putting Meredith on his service. He felt butterflies in his stomach and a smile lit up his face as he made his way to the on call rooms – they could finally be together now, they could finally be Meredith and Derek.

As he lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, he smiled into the dark, knowing he was going to keep the promise he'd made to his father all those years ago.

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"Dr Bailey!" Meredith called, hurrying down the hall to catch up with her resident.

Bailey quirked an eyebrow at her as she looked down at her watch. "Grey, you realise your shift doesn't start for another hour?"

"I do."

Bailey stared at her, waiting for her to explain herself. "Well was there something that you wanted or were you just looking for brownie points for coming in early?"

"Erm no, I wanted to ask you if I could spend the day in the Pit?"

Bailey looked at her as if she'd grown two heads. "You, one of my ass kissing, surgery hungry, suck-ups, are requesting to spend the day in the Pit – where the chances of any surgeries are slim to none?"

"Yes" Meredith replied, "I'd like the chance to practice my suturing skills - it'll be good for surgical dexterity."

Bailey's eyebrows rose further, looking totally unconvinced. "And you'd like to avoid all doctors named Shepherd?" she added, her face softening. She felt protective over Meredith and her other interns – she liked them, although she'd never admit it.

Meredith opened her mouth to protest but realised it would be pointless – Dr Bailey knew everything. "Yes."

"Ok, you can spend the day in the Pit" Bailey agreed. "But tomorrow you're back to being a surgeon."

Meredith smiled, "Thank you Dr Bailey."

Bailey shook her head as she watched Meredith hurry off down to the Pit – it was always her interns with the drama. She settled down with some charts at the nurses station, grabbing a few minutes of peace and quiet before the rest of her interns showed up.

"Dr Bailey! Good morning." Bailey looked up from her charts, displeased but not surprised at her solitude being interrupted again, to find the smiling face of the reason her intern had asked to spend the day in the Pit.

"Dr Shepherd. And what can I do for you?" she asked, as if she couldn't guess.

Derek gave her what he hoped was a charming smile. "What makes you think I want something?" he asked innocently.

"You always want something."

Derek chuckled, "Well actually I do want something – I wanted to request one of your interns."

"Oh you want one of my interns? Ok, how about O'Malley or Stevens? Yang maybe? Karev needs to log some more Neuro hours – how about him?" Bailey asked, purposely leaving out the intern she knew he wanted.

Derek blushed slightly, "Erm, well actually I wanted to request Dr Grey."

"Oh you want Grey?" Bailey asked, in mock surprise. Derek nodded sheepishly. "Well you can't have her - she's already been assigned."

Derek frowned, "Oh. To where?"

"None of your damn business." Bailey snapped, before standing up and walking past him, leaving him staring after her.

'Well that could have gone better' Derek thought, his mood deflating somewhat at not being able to spend the day with Meredith. It would seem he'd have to wait to speak to her later. With a sigh, he trudged off to the Attendings' lounge to get ready for rounds.

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Derek's frustration grew more and more as the day went on. Meredith wasn't with Bailey for rounds and then he'd had back to back surgeries all day which meant he couldn't go looking for her. And in the few minutes in between his surgeries, no one had known (or no one had been willing to tell him) where she was.

With his final surgery complete, he scrubbed out in record time and practically ran out of the scrub room. If he was right, and he knew he was as he'd memorised her schedule, then she'd be finishing her shift shortly and he needed to find her before she left – he needed to tell her he was a free man now, he was free to be with her. He searched the surgical floor and the intern locker room to no avail and then went down to the lobby to see if she'd made it down there already. He scanned the area and sighed when he saw no sign of her. He was about to head back upstairs when a man came over to him.

"Hi, do you know where I could find Dr Grey?" the man asked.

Derek looked the man up and down, wandering what he wanted with Meredith – he didn't recognise him. "Who are you?" he asked, ignoring the man's question.

"I'm Dr Finn Dandridge"

"You work here?" Derek asked dubiously - he'd never seen him around.

"No, I'm a vet - I've brought some antibiotics for her dog" Finn told him, holding up a paper bag.

"Doc" Derek stated. So he was Doc's vet. As far as he knew though, vets didn't usually make deliveries to customer's places of work. He narrowed his eyes at Finn – there must be more to it. "I can pass the pills on to her, I know Dr Grey well" he told Finn, holding out his hand for the pills.

"Thanks but I prefer to give any medication directly to the patient's owners."

Derek sighed in annoyance, "Dr Dandridge, Dr Grey and I are close friends – I can assure you she wouldn't have a problem with you giving me the pills to pass on to her."

Finn regarded the doctor in front of him, taking in the way his eyes had narrowed and his voice had taken on an angry tone – and then he realised who he must be talking to. "You're the married boss" he stated, rather than asked.

Derek blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?"

"Dr Grey mentioned you – she said it was complicated." Finn explained.

Derek was getting seriously annoyed now. How did Doc's vet know so much about him, and his relationship with Meredith apparently. Whatever the reason, he didn't like the way Finn smiled when he said 'Dr Grey'. "My relationship with Meredith is none of your concern" he stated, glaring at Finn. "So are you going to give me the pills to pass on to her?"

"I'll wait" Finn replied, taking a seat on one of the chairs in the waiting area.

Derek's jaw clenched. "Fine" he bit out as he walked back to the stairs.

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Derek took the stairs two at a time, a scowl etched on his face. This was not how today was supposed to go. He'd made one of the biggest decisions of his life yesterday to end his marriage, and today he was supposed to tell Meredith so that they could have their chance. But instead he had a strong feeling Meredith had been avoiding him all day, and now there was a vet – who quite clearly was not just interested in Doc. He'd thought Meredith would wait for him, that what they had was special – but maybe he'd made her wait too long.

As he rounded the corner on the surgical floor, Derek came to a halt when he ran straight into the woman he'd spent the whole day looking for. "Hi."

"Hi." Meredith stuttered. This was the first time she'd seen him in two days and as always she felt those familiar tingles throughout her body. She didn't realise until he was stood right in front of her, quite how much she'd missed him. She should just ask him straight up what had happened yesterday, but she was scared of what the answer would be.

Derek stared at the woman in front of him, who he'd been in love with probably since the moment they met, and felt an overwhelming desire to pull her into his arms. But then he remembered Finn sitting downstairs and the anger he'd previously felt returned. "Dr Grey, I need you to discharge my patient in 2304 before you leave" he said sternly.

"Oh, isn't Cristina your intern today?"

"Cristina's busy." Derek snapped as he stepped around her and started walking down the hall. He knew he wasn't being fair, he had no right to be angry with her – and he wasn't, he was angry at himself for waiting so long to sign the papers. He was also angry at Finn for being here and for seeming far too interested in Meredith. Truth was he was jealous, and he wanted to keep her away from Finn for as long as possible, in the hope he'd give up and go home. He slammed his locker door in frustration and berated himself for being such an idiot. He could have just been nice to her and asked her to get a drink or some food with him so they could talk. But no, he had to snap at her and storm off like a teenager, possibly pushing her into the arms of some vet. He groaned as he pulled his scrubs off and changed into his street clothes – he needed to make this right.

Meredith had stared after him in confusion as he walked away. Even being her boss, he'd never snapped at her or demanded that she do something before. She couldn't say it didn't sting. Maybe her original fears had been true – maybe he'd gone back to Addison and so wanted nothing more to do with her, and that was his way of showing it. If it was – he was an ass for not just being straight with her. She felt stupid for allowing herself to hope that her and Derek might actually get to be something. With a sigh she turned and went to find this patient he wanted her to discharge.

Derek looked at himself in the locker room mirror. He was wearing some dark jeans and a white shirt underneath a navy sweater. He straightened out the creases and ran a hand through his unruly curls in an attempt to tame them. Normally after a long shift he just threw on his clothes and didn't care as he was tired and only going home. But tonight was different because he wanted to look good for Meredith, especially seeing as though he'd messed it up enough already. If he was honest, he was nervous – firstly he needed to apologise for snapping at her and then he needed to tell her that the divorce papers were signed, sealed and delivered. That was making him really nervous now because his marital status was what had kept them apart previously, but now that wasn't an issue anymore he was scared that Meredith wouldn't want to take a chance on him – on them, that she'd given up.

Satisfied that he looked reasonable, he let out a deep breath as he left the locker room and hurried off to his patient's room. Thanks to being accosted by the Chief, who wouldn't let him past without discussing a neurosurgical case he wanted Derek to take on, by the time he got to the room it was empty of both his patient and Meredith. With a groan of annoyance and disappointment he left the now deserted room and made his way to the intern locker room, hoping to find her there. Derek didn't have to go that far before he found her though. He stopped dead in his tracks as he was crossing the catwalk. His heart clenched and his jaw tightened as he looked down at the scene below. Meredith was talking to Finn and she was smiling – his Meredith was smiling at another man and it felt like he'd been stabbed. Turning his head he walked towards the elevators, not wanting to watch anymore. Addison had decided she'd be better off with another man, maybe Meredith had come to the same conclusion he thought sadly.

Derek walked slowly to his car, feeling sorry for himself. Seeing Meredith with Finn, hurt more than seeing Addison cheating on him. He threw his bag onto the passenger seat but hesitated before getting in. He didn't want to go back to his trailer alone – not tonight – it reminded him too much of Meredith. Pushing the door shut and pressing the lock, he headed back across the parking lot in the direction of Joe's, intent on downing a few scotches before going back to the hospital to sleep in an on call room. On call rooms didn't hold any memories of Meredith, and with the way he seemed to have screwed things up, he doubted he'd ever get to make any.

Meredith wasn't altogether sure this was the best idea she'd ever had. She was sat at the bar with Finn, who was chatting away about something she should probably be paying attention to, but her mind kept wandering back to her brief but hostile interaction with Derek earlier. She'd been on her way out of the hospital and she didn't notice Finn until he'd called her name. He'd given her Doc's medication, which she'd forgotten he'd said he'd drop off. She'd been grateful because it meant she didn't have to trek over to the vets now and instead she could go home and eat her weight in strawberry ice cream. But then he'd asked if she wanted to go for a drink. She'd been sceptical because she was pretty sure he wanted something from her that she wouldn't be able to give him. Maybe if she'd never met Derek then Finn might have caught her attention. But she had met Derek and it seemed he had ruined her for all other men. Even if he had gone back to his wife, her heart still belonged to him, and she didn't see that changing any time soon. Finn had been persistent though, and he had gone out of his way for her, so after making it clear that it would be a strictly friendly drink and nothing more, she'd agreed.

At the sound of the bell above the door tinkling, Meredith looked over and green immediately met blue. The stormy expression on Derek's face and the hurt in his eyes reinforced to her that coming for a drink with Finn definitely wasn't a good idea. As he walked straight towards them, Meredith was pretty sure this situation wasn't going to end well.

"Meredith, can I speak to you for a second?" Derek asked, alternating between looking at her and glaring at Finn.

Meredith frowned – he was using the same tone he'd spoken to her with in the hospital, and she wasn't a fan of it. "I've discharged your patient" she told him shortly.

Derek sighed. "Not about that. Please Mere?"

It was the softening of his voice and the shortening of her name that made her relent. "Ok."

Derek glanced between her and Finn. "In private" he added.

"Fine." Meredith sighed and gave Finn an apologetic look before leading Derek back out of the bar. Out in the night air she crossed her arms protectively across her chest as she looked over at him. She really didn't want to hear about him getting back together with Addison. "So what did you want to talk about?"

Derek knew what he wanted to say – he wanted to tell her he was getting divorced, he wanted to finally be able to tell her that he loved her without her stopping him. That's what he wanted to say – what he should've said. But due to his uncooperative, jealous brain, what came out instead was: "So you and the vet huh? Didn't take you long to move on." Derek wanted to slap himself – he was an idiot, and from the look on Meredith's face, she thought so too.

Meredith's eyebrows rose as she stared at him in disbelief. "Seriously? Seriously - that's what you wanna talk about?" she snapped, her anger rising. "Me having a drink with Finn? Who by the way I made it clear to that it would be a totally platonic drink, because I can't get a stupid brainless brain surgeon out of my head!" Meredith shoved him backwards with surprising strength and took a step forwards as she glared up at him, beyond annoyed now. How could he even think that?! She'd told him she was in love with him mere weeks ago, and that was a massive step for her – did he really think her feelings were so fickle that she could just move on so quickly? Besides, he was the one that had had a day off with his wife and then treated her like crap when he came back. "Why do you even care?" she yelled.

It was Derek's turn to stare at her in disbelief now. He looked down at the feisty woman who had captured his heart, whose face was only inches from his now, and who was glaring obstinately at him. Did she really not know how much he cared about her? "Why do I care? Seriously, you have to ask me that?"

"Yes. Yes I do" Meredith snapped.

Derek was dumbfounded – had he been so stupid that he'd made her doubt all of the moments they'd shared, all of the things he'd told her up in her room? "I care…" he began, his voice cracking, "because of this." Derek grabbed the sides of her face with his hands and crashed his lips down onto hers. The second their lips touched, he felt like he was home and the world around them disappeared. It wasn't like their last kiss that was gentle and sweet – this time it was urgent and intense like his life depended on this one kiss. He tried to show her without words just how much he cared.

It wasn't until he ran his tongue along her lips, begging for entrance that he felt Meredith respond. As she opened up to his willing tongue and they began reacquainting themselves with each other's mouths, he felt her arms wrap around his neck and her fingers tug on his hair. He let out a moan of pleasure at the sensation and moved his hands from her face down to her lower back, pulling her tightly against him as they continued to kiss.

Meredith felt dizzy at the feeling of his lips on hers again and their bodies pressed together. She hadn't had this in weeks and she'd dreamt of it every time she closed her eyes. The feeling was indescribable. She'd kissed her fair share of men in her time but not one of them could hold a candle to the pure passion and carnal need that Derek evoked in her. She knew it wasn't just sexual desire though – it ran far deeper than that. She was in love with him plain and simple. It was that thought that caused her eyes to snap open and her to take a step back, breaking the kiss.

"Meredith…" Derek breathed, panting heavily from the intensity of the kiss.

Meredith avoided his eyes, becoming anxious as she stepped further back away from him. "No. Derek…you can't keep doing this - it's not fair!" she told him, her eyes starting to well up.

Derek's heart broke as he saw the fear and pain in her in her eyes and knew what she must be thinking. "Meredith, I-"

"I can't be the other woman Derek" Meredith choked as she turned and walked quickly away from him.

Derek wasn't letting her get away this time though. He jogged after her and grabbed her hand, gently pulling her back around to face him. "Meredith, would you just listen to me?"

Meredith sighed and a stubborn tear rolled down her cheek as she looked up at him. "What Derek?" she asked sadly. But she was not prepared for what he said next.

"I signed the papers."

 **AN: Woohoo - Derek's signed the papers and he's finally told Meredith! Hope it was worth the wait! Please let me know what you'd think - I'd love to hear your comments!**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Thank you as always for your fantastic reviews - I'm glad you liked the last chapter :) A lot of you were eager to find out Meredith's reaction so I've waved my magic wand and here it is! I've split it into two parts so it's shorter than usual but it meant I could get this bit out to you earlier. I really hope you like it and please please please let me know what you think! I know there's an issue with reviews not showing up on the site but I am getting them and they'll show up on the site eventually so please do keep sending them :) Enjoy!**

Chapter 13:

 _"I signed the papers."_

Meredith stared at him dumbfounded – she must've misheard, because she was sure he just said that he'd signed the papers. "What?"

Derek smiled. "I've signed the papers" he repeated, "and so has Addison."

"You signed the papers?" Meredith asked again, still not totally convinced her mind wasn't playing a cruel trick on her.

"I did."

Meredith was in shock – the words she'd been waiting to hear for months, but was losing hope she ever would, had just came out of Derek's mouth. "But I thought…" she stuttered, "yesterday…you were both off and I thought you'd decided to get back together…because you didn't tell me you weren't gunna be at work…and then today when you saw me you were mean, and snappy…so I just thought…you've really signed the papers?" Meredith's eyes were wide and she was pacing back and forth by the time she'd finished her ramble.

Derek reached for her hand and pulled her down onto a nearby bench to stop her from pacing. He felt bad for the confusion and pain he'd caused her. "Meredith" he breathed softly, brushing a strand of hair off her face, "I've really signed them. I can get you a copy if you'd like" he joked.

Meredith rolled her eyes, but an amused smile tugged at her mouth. "Derek – so not the time for joking."

"I'm sorry" Derek replied, although the twinkle in his eyes diminished his seriousness. He wasn't really sorry because it had made her smile. He turned serious again though when he continued. "I am sorry about earlier though, and in Joe's. I should never have spoken to you like that - you've done nothing wrong and you didn't deserve it."

Meredith nodded lightly, accepting his apology but still not understanding why. "Why do it then?"

Derek looked into her sparkling green eyes and sighed – this was not something he ever admitted. "I was jealous" he declared reluctantly, "…and I know that's no excuse for talking to you like that, but I saw Finn waiting for you in the lobby and I was jealous."

Meredith quirked an eyebrow. "You were jealous?" she asked incredulously, "of Finn?"

Derek looked bashfully down at the floor. "Yes."

Meredith couldn't help but be amused by the look on his face. "You know, out of the two of us I'm pretty sure I had far more reason to be jealous than you."

"I know" Derek said softly, "and I'm sorry I took so long."

Meredith gave him a small smile. "You needed to make sure you were making the right decision, and that's what I told you to do" she began, "Although for a brain surgeon you can be pretty brainless sometimes! Did you develop amnesia over the past few weeks? Because I'm pretty sure I remember telling you that I was in love with you – in a really big way…so what interest would I have in other guys? And yeah Finn may have tried to hit on me, but the whole being in love with you thing means he was never going to get anywhere!"

"He was hitting on you?"

Meredith glared at him. "Seriously? That's the part you're focusing on here?"

Derek blushed. "Sorry."

Meredith softened and picked his hand back up, lacing his fingers with hers. She stared at their joined hands for a few moments, revelling in the warmth that spread from his hand to hers. "So you're single?" she asked, hope clearly evident in her voice.

"Yes. But I don't want to be." Derek replied, earning a confused look from Meredith. He smiled as he reached up and cupped her cheek with his free hand. He let out a nervous breath before continuing. "I know you said it wasn't a choice between you and her, and it wasn't – I signed those papers because of me. But Meredith, right now – I pick you, I choose you and I…I love you." It felt so good to finally say what he'd felt for months. "I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for…ever." Derek smiled broadly and his eyes sparkled in the moonlight as he stared in awe at the woman he had no doubt was it for him.

Meredith's eyes glistened with emotion at his words. "Derek I…" she began, her voice breaking.

"Do you still mean what you said to me in your room?" he implored her, his blue eyes boring into her green ones. "Do you still mean it?"

Meredith looked into Derek's eyes, that were burning bright with intensity – the eyes of the only man she'd ever loved, and in that moment she knew they were the eyes of the only man she would ever love. She was scared as hell to want him, to love him – but she decided to jump, to take a leap of faith. "Yes" she choked out.

Derek let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and a smile lit up his whole face. He didn't wait a second longer before closing the distance between them and crashed his lips to hers once more. The hand that had been holding hers, moved up to tangle in her hair and hold her head to his. The kiss was no less intense that the one they'd shared earlier in the evening, but this time it wasn't fuelled by desperation – it was full of hope and promise of what they could be together.

Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck, needing to be closer. Derek sensed her need and lifted her easily, without breaking the kiss, shifting her so she was straddling his lap. Meredith let out a groan of pleasure at the feel of so much of his body pressed against so much of hers. She ran her tongue along his teeth, demanding entrance and taking control this time. She felt him smile into her mouth as her tongue played with his. It was her turn to smile when he gasped at her biting gently on his bottom lip. Meredith felt herself getting lightheaded at the overload of sensations flooding her body. Before Derek, she never imagined a kiss could feel like this. A kiss was just a kiss – usually just a prelude to sex. But now, now she felt like she could stay in this moment forever and never get bored.

They finally pulled apart breathlessly when the need for oxygen became an issue. They kept their foreheads pressed together and their arms wrapped around each other though as they smiled shyly at each other.

"That was…" Meredith breathed.

"Wow" Derek finished.

"Yeah"

Derek leaned forward and brushed her lips softly with his. "My conscience is clear so I can kiss you…so I can do more than kiss you."

Meredith felt goosebumps swathe her skin at the desire in his eyes. "We should take this slow." She'd love nothing more than to take him home and spend the whole night getting to know every inch of his body. Even if it would mean she'd suffer at work the next day – it would be totally worth it. But if they wanted this to work then she knew they needed to take it slow.

"Oh I can take it slow – I can take it incredibly slow" Derek smirked, shifting her in his lap so she could feel just how much he wanted her.

Meredith giggled and swatted his arm with her hand. "Slower than that!" She blushed as she looked down at his very large, very prominent erection, sandwiched between their bodies. She had to stop herself from imagining all of the things they could do with that. 'Slow, slow slow' she reminded herself.

Derek grinned in amusement at her embarrassment and obvious checking him out. "Ok. So what do you suggest?"

Meredith thought for a moment and then an idea came to her and she smiled. "There's this thing – in the olden days they called it dating. You've just got divorced, well almost divorced, and if we're gunna do this, we should do it right."

Derek quirked an eyebrow and a smile tugged at his lips, "Dating? You wanna try dating?"

"I do" Meredith smiled, liking this idea more and more. "I want moonlight and flowers and candy. I want heat, I want romance. I wanna feel like a lady."

Derek smiled at her enthusiasm - he liked this idea too. If growing up in a house with four sisters had taught him anything, it was how to be romantic. "I can do that" he replied, leaning forward and kissing her again. He loved the feeling of being able to do that whenever he wanted now.

Meredith gave him a brilliant smile. "So we're doing this? We're dating?" she asked excitedly.

"We're dating" Derek agreed happily. Meredith giggled and he swore he fell in love with her even more. "Meredith, would you like to go on a date with me tomorrow night?" he asked, tilting his head and giving her their look.

"I'd like that" she whispered, the smile on her face melting his heart. The happiness emanating from them was palpable and anyone who saw them would be hard pressed not to smile at the the two lovers who were totally lost in one another.

Meredith shivered as a cold wind blew by them and pressed herself closer to Derek. "I should get you home" he murmured into her hair as he rubbed his hands up and down her back.

"You should" Meredith breathed as she leaned back, resting her hands on his shoulders so she could look at him, "I just need to get my jacket, I left it in there" she added, gesturing towards the bar.

"I can get it for you" Derek offered as she climbed off of him.

Meredith giggled and bent her head down to kiss him softly. "You might wanna wait a few minutes before you go anywhere public" she told him with a smirk, gesturing with her eyes down at the prominent bulge in his pants.

"Oh" Derek blushed as he followed her eyes, "I'll wait here for you"

"Ok"

Derek couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he watched her walk back into Joe's – they were dating, and he had every intention of making it perfect for her.

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Meredith ran a hand over her hair as she re-entered Joe's, trying to make it look a little less like she'd just had a heavy make out session. There wasn't anything she could do about her swollen lips or flushed face, but she could attempt to tame her hair. Finn raised an eyebrow as she came back over to him and she figured he'd guessed what her and Derek had been doing outside – she wasn't surprised really considering the length of time they'd been out there.

"I erm, I have to go. Sorry" she told him, grabbing her coat, "thanks for the drink, and Doc's meds."

"The married boss?" Finn asked.

"Not so much married these days" Meredith replied, a smile tugging at her mouth.

Finn sighed, "he'll hurt you."

"Maybe. But sometimes you have to take a chance in order to be happy" Meredith gave him a small smile before turning and heading back out of the bar, back to Derek.

Derek smiled widely at her when she returned and held out his hand to her. Meredith gratefully took it and laced her fingers with his as they walked back to the hospital parking lot. When they reached his car, Derek opened the passenger door for her and grinned as she thanked him and climbed in. The drive back to Meredith's was quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. Meredith placed her hand on Derek's thigh whilst he was driving, which he covered with his own. They would sneak glances at each other and then smile and blush when they were caught. They both felt like teenagers with their first crush again, but surprisingly it all felt incredibly natural, like they'd been together for years.

When they pulled up on Meredith's drive, Derek jumped out and jogged round to her side, opening the door for her. Meredith giggled happily at his chivalry as she stepped out.

"Dating requires that I walk you to your door" Derek declared with a smile as he took her hand and walked with her up to the porch. They stood hand in hand just smiling at each other in front of her door, both reminiscing about the events that had occurred in the last hour. "And dating also requires that I kiss you goodnight" he murmured as he inched his head down towards hers, pausing just before their lips met to look into her eyes.

"Oh it does does it?" Meredith asked, smiling as she looked between his eyes and his lips. She felt tingles rush through her body in anticipation.

"Oh yes" Derek breathed, before closing the gap and covering her lips with his in an achingly sweet kiss that left him feeling light headed. He loved the passionate, intense kisses they'd shared earlier, but he loved this gentle, sweet kiss just as much. He massaged her lips lightly with hers, taking his time, whilst caressing her cheek with his thumb. He was reiterating with actions the love he'd declared in words earlier.

When he pulled back, he smiled at her and placed a warm kiss to her temple. "Goodnight Meredith" he breathed reverently, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Meredith smiled widely, "you will" she replied, "goodnight Derek". She watched as he walked back down the drive and chuckled as he winked at her before getting in his car and driving off. She couldn't recall a time when she'd felt this…happy – and she was pretty sure there'd be no wiping the smile off her face. Her and Derek were dating, and that was quite possibly the best feeling in the world.

Derek's smile lit up his face as he drove home. When he'd arrived in Seattle he couldn't remember the last time he was happy, and now thanks to the beautiful petite blonde he'd just kissed goodnight, he couldn't remember the last time he wasn't happy. He felt like the luckiest man in the world, because him and Meredith were dating. He was going to pull out all the stops for her – she deserved it. His smile widened as he thought of tomorrow night, it couldn't come soon enough – he knew exactly what he was going to do for their date.

 **AN: So were you happy with Meredith's reaction? ;) Please hit the little review button and let me know what you think - I'm dying to know! The next part is the big date, and I have a lot planned for them :) Hopefully it'll be up in the next few days!**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Thank you so much for the reviews for chapter 13 – I was overwhelmed with the response and your amazing comments! So this chapter is dedicated to all of you who reviewed :)**

 **Jackie: I haven't forgotten about the house of candles – it will be reappearing and I have something big planned for it ;)**

 **A guest reviewer asked if I have a posting schedule – I don't have a specific schedule, it depends on how long it takes me to write a chapter. But I make sure I always get one chapter out per week, and if I have the time, two.**

 **So here's their first date – I hope it lives up to expectation! Enjoy and let me know what you think :)**

Chapter 14:

Meredith practically skipped into work in the morning – yep dark and twisty Meredith Grey felt like skipping and had what appeared to be a permanent smile etched on her face. Derek had texted her before she left to say he was looking forward to their date and that he'd pick her up from her house at 6, so she was grinning like a giddy schoolgirl as she joined Cristina in standing in front of the elevator. "Good morning" she greeted her friend cheerfully.

Cristina frowned at her as they stepped onto the elevator. "What's up with you? You're all…happy - it's creepy."

Meredith smiled wider. "Am I not allowed to be happy?"

"At 4 o'clock in the morning – no" Christina replied, eyeing her curiously, "Seriously, what's with you? Yesterday you looked like someone had run over your dog, and today you look like you've been at the morphine supply."

Meredith said nothing in response and just continued to stand there smiling. Cristina smirked as she put two and two together. "You've been McDreamy-ed" she deciphered smugly.

Meredith quirked an eyebrow at her. "McDreamy-ed?"

"Shepherd finally munched your cookies huh?" Cristina asked, "it's about time."

Meredith's jaw dropped slightly at Cristina's turn of phrase. She chuckled as she explained, "There was no…cookie munching. But he did sign the papers, and so did Addison"

It was Cristina's turn to raise her eyebrows now. "He's getting divorced?"

"Yeah" Meredith replied happily.

Cristina regarded her friend for a moment before giving her a small smile. "I'm happy for you" she told her sincerely. "So why no sex? You've been undressing each other with your eyes for months, and now you're free to screw each other senseless. What are you waiting for?"

"We're dating" Meredith told her.

Cristina quirked an eyebrow. "And dating means no sex?"

"It means no sex yet – we're taking it slow"

Cristina snorted, "Right. Twenty says you don't last the week. No, scratch that, fifty says you don't last the day."

Meredith frowned at her. "I have self control" she argued.

"When it comes to McDreamy, you really don't" Cristina smirked, "I'll make sure I knock before entering any on call rooms or supply closets today."

Meredith rolled her eyes and laughed as she followed Cristina into the locker room. She dumped her bag on the bench as she pulled her locker open and her breath caught in her throat as she looked inside. A single long stemmed red rose stood proudly inside an Erienmeyer flask, which Derek must've stolen from the lab. Underneath the flask was a box of her favourite chocolates with a post-it note attached. Meredith chuckled as she read it:

 _'Flowers (check)_

 _Candy (check)_

 _…and the rest comes later._

 _D x'_

Meredith smiled as she lifted the rose to her face and inhaled it's scent. Cristina however looked disgusted at the show of affection.

"They should really put locks on these things" she grumbled. "Seriously, you look more like Izzie than you right now."

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Meredith tried to keep her face neutral during rounds when she walked into Derek's patient's room with Bailey and the other interns. But when Derek inconspicuously stepped closer to her and brushed his fingers lightly against hers, she couldn't keep the smile from her face as she looked up at him and found his eyes sparkling with joy and mischief. She mouthed 'thank you' to him and felt tingles down her spine as he smiled and brushed her fingers again.

When she turned back to the patient Meredith was greeted with Bailey's unamused expression as she glanced, eyebrows risen, between her and Derek. Meredith blushed and looked down at her feet. Annoyingly, due to her distraction, Cristina ended up being put on Derek's service. Cristina smirked teasingly at her as she took the chart from Bailey, finding it amusing that McDreamy was being stuck with her when he blatantly wanted Meredith as his intern.

"You know, if it was anyone other than Meredith, I'd take offence" Cristina teased, watching Derek stare after Meredith and as she walked away down the hall with the others.

"What?" Derek asked distractedly, tearing his eyes away as Meredith rounded the corner.

Cristina gestured down the hall. "Meredith - you're staring at her like a fat kid in a cake shop."

Derek coughed, feeling uncomfortable. Cristina smirked, enjoying his discomfort. She studied him for a few moments before turning serious. "Ok, for the next minute, you're not my boss and I'm not your intern."

Derek frowned. "Oookay" he replied dubiously, not altogether sure he wanted to know where this conversation was going.

"I'm Mere's person, and you're her…whatever it is you two are calling each other now" Cristina began. "She's been moping over you for weeks whilst you took your time deciding whether or not to go back to your wife. And fair enough it was her stupid idea in the first place, but you still took too long."

"I didn't –"

Cristina held up her hand and glared at him, cutting him off. "I'm not done. For whatever reason she seems to really care about you, so you better not screw up this time McDreamy" she told him, taking a step forward and staring him right in the eyes. "Do not hurt her."

Derek blushed at the nickname the interns had dubbed him with. "I have no intention of hurting her" he replied sincerely.

"Good, then we're on the same page. But just so we understand each other – if you do, then boss or no boss, I will hurt you."

Derek quirked an eyebrow at Meredith's slightly scary friend. "And you'd have every right to - I'd deserve it" he told her. "So, now that you've interrogated me, can you take Mr Sanderson down to CT?"

"Sure" Cristina replied as she headed back into the patient's room.

Derek shook his head as he walked to his office, slightly bemused at the interaction that had just taken place. He was glad Meredith had people around her who cared so much about her, especially considering the lack of affection she'd received from her family. Hopefully now though Meredith would allow him to be there for her and let him become part of her family. He smiled as he thought of tonight and their first official date. He'd gotten up early this morning – well, even earlier – to get everything sorted for later and now there was only a few more little things he needed to do to make it perfect. He'd probably only had about two hours sleep, if that, but he didn't care – it would be totally worth it to see Meredith's face.

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Derek grinned widely as he stepped onto the elevator later and found its only other occupant to be the woman he'd been aching to see all day. "Hi" he murmured, coming to stand just behind her, placing a hand gently on her hip, their bodies temptingly close.

"Hey" Meredith replied, a smile lighting up her face at the feel of him being so close. Turning her head slightly so she could see his face, she felt an overwhelming urge to close the distance between their lips. She was having withdrawal symptoms from his kisses, even though it had only been a few hours. She mentally berated herself for sounding so pathetic – Cristina would definitely stab her with a fork if she could hear her thoughts. But she was, she was missing his kisses, and being around him, even though it'd only been a matter of hours – Derek Shepherd had definitely done a number on her! "So are you going to tell me what we're doing tonight?" she asked, pulling herself out of her thoughts.

"No" Derek smirked, his eyes sparkling, "that would ruin the surprise."

"You know I'm not big on surprises. The last surprise I got was your wife showing up. And then when I tried to surprise you…" Meredith trailed off, stopping herself before she spilled about the candle house.

Derek winced at the memory of the less than successful experiences they'd had with surprises in the past. "Well technically Addison showing up wasn't my surprise, that was hers – you should totally blame her for that" he teased, trying to lighten the mood.

"Derek!" Meredith chastised, spinning round to face him and swatting his arm.

Derek chuckled, seeing that she was more amused than annoyed, and grabbed her arms to pull her closer to him. "You never did tell me what my surprise was" he said softly as he reached up to brush a strand of hair out of her eyes.

"And I'm not going to either."

Derek pouted. "I can be very persuasive" he whispered as he ducked his head down and peppered little kisses along her neck, down to her collarbone. He smiled when he heard her breath hitch, loving the effect he had on her.

"Still…not…telling" Meredith breathed, trying to clear her head of all the x-rated thoughts that were invading her brain. 'Slow, slow, slow' she reminded herself. She would not give Cristina the satisfaction of winning her little bet. "So if you won't tell me where we're going tonight, how am I supposed to know what to wear?" she asked when her brain started functioning again.

The dinging of the elevator broke them out of their little bubble. Derek stepped off and then turned back around to face her, grinning mischievously. "Wear as much…or as little as you'd like Dr Grey." He winked before leaving her standing there staring after him.

"That's not helpful!" she called at his retreating back and heard him chuckle in response.

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"This is why I hate surprises" Meredith grumbled as she pulled more and more of her clothes out of her closet and tossed them unceremoniously onto her bed. "What am I supposed to wear?"

Izzie chuckled at her friend's frustration. "Mere, I'm pretty sure you could wear anything and he'll still think you look hot."

"That's not the point" Meredith sighed, "what if he takes me to some fancy restaurant and I'm wearing jeans? Or if I wear a dress and and he takes me to mini-putt?"

"I think you're a little old for mini-putt so I wouldn't worry about that one" Izzie chuckled.

"Have you not met Derek? He's incredibly cheesy – and age is no barrier to cheesiness!"

Izzie smirked in amusement as she pushed herself of the bed and joined Meredith in front of her closet. "What about this?" she asked, pulling out a navy blouse.

"No" Meredith dismissed straight away.

"Ooh this is perfect!" Izzie exclaimed triumphantly.

Meredith regarded the item Izzie was now holding up curiously. "You think so?"

"Definitely." Izzie replied, passing the item to Meredith before returning her attention back to the closet. "And you should wear it with…these…and…these." Izzie thrust the extra clothing into Meredith's arms. "Put them on!"

Meredith couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm as she pulled off the clothes she had been wearing and replaced them with Izzie's choice of outfit. As she cautiously examined her reflection in the mirror, a smile tugged at her lips and she thought that Izzie might just have done it. She was wearing an thin, oversized grey sweater that hugged her hips just right and left her collarbone exposed. This was teamed with some tight black jeans and strappy heels.

Izzie clapped excitedly as she took in Meredith's appearance. "Perfect - it's sexy but understated. McDreamy won't be able to keep his hands off you!"

"Really?" Meredith asked, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Really, really" Izzie assured her. "Seriously Mere, have you not seen how he looks at you? It's like you're all he needs in the world to be happy, like he worships the ground you walk on and can't quite believe that you're real."

Meredith smiled shyly. Derek had told her he loved her last night, but that still felt totally surreal, like she wasn't sure she hadn't just dreamt it. So hearing someone else reaffirm his feelings made it seem that bit more real. But that also scared the hell out of her because she was in love with Derek, and Derek was apparently in love with her too – which meant a relationship, which she'd never done before and didn't have a clue what she was doing. "I'm scared Iz, what if I mess it up? I've never done this before" she admitted quietly.

"Well yeah, that's why it's called a 'first' date" Izzie replied, not seeing the problem. "Besides, it's you and Derek – you already know each other, and you've been on more 'non-dates' than I can count. Plus, you've already spent the night with him at his place, so you've got nothing to worry about."

Meredith sighed, plopping down onto the bed next to Izzie. "No, not that - I've never done the relationship thing before."

"Oh…Ohhhh!" Izzie exclaimed, as she finally understood Meredith's nervousness. She smiled and placed a comforting hand on Meredith's arm. "Mere, you'll be fine – trust me. You're already doing the things you need to do to make your relationship work: you love him, you care about him, you do what's best for him rather than what's best for you, and you do things that you think will make him happy – remember the candle house, that was so romantic!" she assured her. "You've got this."

Meredith looked up at Izzie, who seemed to have total confidence in her, and felt a twinge of hope that even if she had no clue how, she might just be able to do it.

"Come on, we need to do your hair" Izzie said, pulling Meredith up off the bed and pushing her down into a chair in front of the mirror. "We've got about an hour before your hot brain surgeon gets here."

Meredith frowned. "What's wrong with my hair?"

"Well at the moment it screams 'I've been at work all day', whereas when I'm finished with you, it'll scream 'please run your fingers through me!'"

Meredith snorted in amusement but allowed her to get to work. She had to hand it to Izzie though because forty minutes later her hair was in silky waves that cascaded over her shoulders, which she doubted she'd get any better if she'd had it professionally done. Izzie had also added a light dusting of make up to her face, keeping it subtle as Meredith never wore much make up, and given her eyes a slight smokey look. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and had to admit, she was impressed. "You know, if surgery doesn't work out for you, you'd make a killing as a stylist."

Izzie beamed at the praise. "You look amazing Mere, and Derek's gunna think so too."

Meredith smiled but then froze when she heard the doorbell ring. "He's early" she panicked, looking down at her watch.

"I'll go and get the door, you just…breathe"

'Breathe – right, I can do that' Meredith thought. 'It's just Derek…Derek who I've fallen head over heels in love with…Derek who makes me go weak at the knees with just one look…Derek who sets my body alight with a simple touch.' Suddenly breathing felt a lot more difficult.

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Izzie grinned happily as she opened the door and stepped aside so Derek could come in. "Dr Shepherd, hi."

"Dr Stevens" Derek replied shyly. He wasn't quite sure how to greet Meredith's friends outside of the hospital.

"Mere's ready, she'll be down in a second."

No sooner had Izzie said it, Derek's eyes snapped to the staircase as he heard someone coming down them. His jaw dropped and he felt his heart hammering in his chest as Meredith looked shyly over at him as she made her way down the stairs. As cheesy as it sounded, she was quite literally breathtaking. He always thought she looked beautiful – she made scrubs look good, but seeing her now…all he could think of was that he must be the luckiest man in the world because she was going on a date with him. "Hi" he breathed as she came to stand in front of him, unable to stop the huge grin that took over his face.

"Hi" Meredith replied, smiling up at him. "You're early" she teased. She felt tingles throughout her whole body as she took in his appearance – the man certainly knew how to dress well. He was wearing a royal blue button up dress shirt and some smart fitted jeans – never had the nickname McDreamy suited him more.

Derek blushed. "I erm…I couldn't wait" he admitted shyly.

Meredith's smile grew at his confession. She was glad he seemed to be just as excited as she was. She opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by Doc bounding over to them and stopping in front of Derek, regarding him curiously.

"Hey Doc" Derek greeted enthusiastically as he bent down and held his hand out to the dog. Doc looked at him for a moment before jumping up, placing his front paws on Derek's knees and licking his face. Derek laughed and petted Doc's head fondly.

Meredith observed the scene with a mixture of surprise and affection. Doc was only ever like that with her, but he seemed to be giving Derek his seal of approval.

Izzie was equally shocked at Doc's behaviour. "Wow – you must have the magic touch – he generally hates anyone that's not Meredith" she told Derek.

"I have a way with dogs" Derek shrugged as he stood back up.

"Well, have fun guys" Izzie said, smiling at them both. "Come on Doc, it's just me and you tonight." Doc looked up at Derek before reluctantly trotting over to Izzie. "Mere, I'll need details" she whispered as she passed Meredith and disappeared into the living room.

Meredith and Derek chuckled, having both heard Izzie's comment. Derek shuffled nervously on his feet, feeling like a teenager about to take a girl out for the first time. If anything, this first time gave him even more butterflies than that one.

"So, are you ready to go?" he asked softly, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

Meredith returned his smile as she took the hand he held out to her. "I'm ready."

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"So are you gunna tell me where we're going now?" Meredith asked as they drove through the streets of Seattle.

Derek turned his head and smirked teasingly at her. "You'll see."

Meredith rolled her eyes, which caused Derek to chuckle. She wasn't really expecting him to tell her, and as much as she'd deny it to his face, she loved the deliciously arrogant smirk that took over his face when he teased her. A smile tugged at her lips as she recognised the scenery going by and realised where they were going.

Derek pulled up and turned the ignition off. "You brought me here to watch the sunrise, I thought we could take it full circle and watch the sunset" he told her shyly. He'd known he wanted to bring her here from the moment he suggested the date tonight. He'd shared things about his past with her that night that he'd never shared with anyone before, not even his family. It was a pivotal moment in their relationship and so it was the perfect place to bring her to tonight.

Meredith smiled happily at the gesture. She loved this place and she was touched that Derek remembered. "This is a good surprise."

Derek grinned, glad the Meredith seemed to like it. "Oh this is just part one." He winked at her before jogging round to open her door and holding his hand out to her.

Meredith took it gratefully and laced her fingers with his. She didn't miss the jolt of electricity that shot through her veins when his skin touched hers. They walked hand in hand over to the cliff edge, looking out at Elliott Bay as the sun lowered over the glistening waters.

Derek couldn't keep his eyes on the view as the temptation to look at the breathtaking beauty stood beside him became too much. Meredith felt his eyes on her and turned her head to look up at him. Her breath caught in her throat at the intensity she saw in his sparkling irises. It reminded her of Izzie's words – _'he looks at you like you're the only thing in the world he needs to be happy'_ and it sent a tingle down her spine. Derek reached for the hand he wasn't already holding and pulled her gently round to face him. "I've been wanting to do this again since I left you on the porch last night" he breathed, before leaning down and capturing her lips with his.

It started out sweet and gentle as they reacquainted themselves with each other's mouths, but quickly turned passionate as their mutual need to be as close as possible spilled over. Meredith moaned as Derek slipped his tongue into her mouth, where it mated with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in the raven curls she loved so much. She was pretty sure she'd never get over how amazing it felt to be wrapped in Derek's arms, kissing him.

Derek reluctantly pulled back, placing a sweet kiss on the tip of her nose, before he lost all self control. His body was already starting to react to her nearness. As fun for both of them as it would be to just give in to the months of pent up desire and make love right there and then, Meredith wanted romance – and that was exactly what he was going to give her. They had the rest of their lives, as he fully believe that Meredith was it for him, to explore each other's bodies – and they would, there would be a lot of sex in their future. But tonight was all about the romance and showing Meredith how much he cared about her.

"We're gunna miss the sunset" Derek whispered, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

Meredith giggled. "You distracted me" she teased.

"Well I am very distracting" Derek replied, causing them both to laugh. He turned her around in his arms so her back was to his chest and wrapped his arms round her waist. He smiled as she covered his hands with hers and leant her head back on his shoulder.

"Look" Derek murmured into her ear as they looked out at the kaleidoscope of colours that lit up the sky as the sun went down and day turned to night.

"It's beautiful" Meredith said softly, a smile lighting up her face.

"It is" Derek agreed, placing a kiss to the top of her head.

They watched in comfortable silence as the multitude of colours rippled across the sky, until Meredith asked a question. "Is it weird that this doesn't feel weird?"

"Were you expecting it to feel weird?" Derek joked.

"No, I mean…aren't first dates supposed to feel weird and awkward?" Meredith didn't give him chance to reply before continuing. "But this doesn't feel weird, it feels…"

"Right?"

"Yeah"

"Mere, we already know each other – arguably better than anyone else, so therefore all weirdness is erased" he told her softly. "And this, me and you – it is right. Nothing has ever felt more right to me than you."

"Derek…" Meredith choked, feeling her eyes get misty at his words. As scary as it was, he'd just described exactly how she felt. She turned back around so she was facing him but kept him held close.

Derek smiled as he brushed a strand of hair off her temple. "There was another reason I brought you here" he told her softly. "I wanted to bring you back to the place where I realised I was in love with you."

Meredith's eyes widened in surprise at his admission. He'd told her he loved her a few times now and it still hasn't sunk in that she wasn't dreaming. What was more surprising was that he had been for so long. "For all that time?"

"Yeah" Derek chuckled at her disbelief. "I couldn't tell you exactly when I fell in love with you because I don't know. I think it was probably when I heard your giggle and looked up and saw you that first night in the bar."

Meredith giggled, "Derek, you know that's cheesy right?"

Derek chuckled. "Maybe, but it's the truth" he told her sincerely. "You remember I told you last time we were here about what my Dad made me promise?" Meredith nodded. "I've found what he wanted me to find. Because of you I'm keeping my promise."

Meredith looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but love and adoration emanating there. She wanted to tell him she loved him too, to say those three little words, but she couldn't quite muster the courage. The only time she'd ever said those words, she'd sent him off afterwards to go and think about whether he wanted to stay married to Addison or not. Even though he'd already said them to her, she was still scared of saying them again herself. So instead, she leant up and kissed him tenderly, showing him without words how she felt.

Derek pulled her into a hug when the kiss finished, understanding what she'd been trying to convey. They stood, wrapped in a warm embrace as they watched the last remnants of light disappear from the sky to be replaced with a great expanse of indigo blue.

"So are you ready for part two?" Derek whispered into her hair.

Meredith smiled into his chest. "Lead the way."

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Meredith didn't have to ask where they were going next – when they boarded the ferry to Bainbridge Island she knew they were going to his land. She'd missed his land over the past few weeks and spending time there with him, so she was more than happy with that being their next destination. The smug smile he gave her though told her he knew she'd figured out where the were going, but that he still had some surprises up his sleeve.

It was fully dark by the time they reached Derek's land, the only light being the moon shining brightly in the sky. That was until they pulled up in front of the trailer. Meredith's jaw dropped as she took in the scene before her. Derek had set up a gazebo in front of the trailer, which was covered in hundreds of little fairy lights that glistened like stars in the darkness. Meredith was so transfixed that she didn't notice Derek had gotten out of the car until her door opened and she turned to see him standing there.

"You like it?" he asked nervously. He could tell she was surprised, he just hoped it was a good surprise. Addison was always wanting to go to fancy restaurants, but he didn't think that was Meredith's thing. He knew Meredith loved his land as much as he did so he'd been sure she'd like this. Plus, being out here it would just be the two of them, rather than a room full of people. Waiting for her response though, he felt his heart hammering in his chest as he prayed he'd done the right thing.

Derek needn't have worried though because the brilliant smile that lit up her face as she looked between him and the gazebo told him she was happy. He returned her smile as she took his hand and climbed out of the car.

"Like it? Derek this is amazing" she told him in awe. "When did you do all this?"

Derek grinned at her response. "I got up early this morning."

Meredith squeezed his hand in affection, seeing the effort he'd gone to and realising he'd forgone sleep for her. "This must've taken ages and you were at the hospital earlier than me today."

Derek cupped her cheek with his spare hand. "I wanted to make it special for you."

Meredith felt her throat getting tight – no one had ever done anything like this for her before. She'd never felt more wanted than she did right then. She reached up and placed a tender kiss on his lips. "Thank you" she told him sincerely.

"You're welcome" Derek replied as they walked over to the gazebo.

Meredith's smile grew wider as they got closer and she saw that underneath the gazebo was a table and two chairs, set out just like it would be in a restaurant, complete with an ice bucket and hurricane lantern. Derek pulled her chair out for her before lighting the candle and popping the champagne cork.

"So, what are we having?" Meredith asked as he poured her a glass of champagne.

"Ah" Derek replied, his eyes twinkling. "Dinner will be arriving…any minute now" he added, looking at his watch.

"Arriving?" Meredith asked confused.

Derek smirked in amusement as he looked past her and saw a pair of headlights break the darkness and pull up next to his car. "I'll be right back" he told her as he made his way over to the man in the car.

Meredith watched the scene with curiosity, wandering what Derek was up to. A smile tugged at her lips and she giggled as Derek walked back towards her holding two boxes. "Pizza" she stated happily as he put the boxes down on the table.

"Apparently it's the best pizza in Seattle" he told her proudly.

"How on earth did you get a pizza company to deliver all the way out here?" she asked in amazement. "I can only get two companies to deliver to my house, and that's in the middle of civilisation!"

Derek chuckled. "You forget you're dating a fancy neurosurgeon – I have connections" he teased.

Meredith laughed and rolled her eyes. "Of course you do." Her stomach groaned at the scent of the delicious pizza as Derek opened the box and placed a piece on each of their plates. "Aren't you supposed to be a health nut? Doesn't pizza go against everything you believe in?" she teased as she took a bite. Derek was right – this was definitely the best pizza she'd ever tasted.

"I eat pizza…just not very often" he defended. "Besides, I know you like it so…"

Meredith smiled warmly at him, appreciating how much effort he'd gone to to make her happy. She didn't think she could have picked something she'd like better if she done it herself. "This is really good" she enthused as she reached for another slice.

Derek chuckled happily, not even half way through his first slice. He never failed to be amazed how much food she could pack away and yet still stay so tiny. "So, last night you said you wanted certain things from dating" he began, "this morning I gave you flowers and candy. We have moonlight" he added, gesturing up at the sky, "what were the other two things you mentioned?" he asked, knowing full well what they were.

Meredith smiled, knowing he already knew the answer. She felt her body heat up as she replied, "heat and to feel like a lady." She was pretty sure he intended to tick off every request by the end of the night.

Derek smirked, "Right, well the night is young."

They finished off the pizzas, Meredith eating the majority of them, in happy companionship, laughing and joking about work, Meredith's friends and Derek's family. "Urgh" Meredith groaned as she stretched, "I'm so full!"

Derek chuckled, "you could have stopped."

Meredith shook her head, "it was too good to stop."

"So I take it you don't have room for strawberry icecream?" he teased.

"You have strawberry icecream?" she asked, all fullness forgotten.

"I do" he grinned as he got up and headed into the trailer, "wait there."

He returned moments later carrying a tub from a little icecream parlour in town that she loved. She had to admit she was impressed with how well he'd managed to get everything just as she liked it. It was as if he'd known her for years.

"Come on" he smiled, holding out his hand to her. He lead her over to a blanket that was laid out on the grass with a bunch of pillows on top. She hadn't noticed it before, but she had been rather distracted with the impressive gazebo he'd set up.

They sat down cross legged on the blanket. Derek peeled off the icecream lid and dipped his spoon in before holding it out to her. Meredith leant forward and closed her mouth around the spoon, keeping her eyes on Derek's. Derek felt his pulse quicken as she let out a moan of pleasure at the taste – this was definitely a good idea. He returned the spoon to the tub and scooped another chunk out for her. Meredith happily took it but jumped slightly as a bit of the cold liquid dripped onto her collarbone. Derek grinned mischievously at her before ducking his head down and kissing the icecream away. Meredith gasped at the contrast between the cold icecream and Derek's hot lips.

When he pulled back up, Meredith noticed his eyes were glazed with desire, as she imagined hers were too. "Well, I think you can tick off 'heat'" she breathed.

Derek laughed happily. "So just feeling like a lady to cover now then" he teased. He ran his hand from her waist, all the way up her side and tangled in her hair, before leaning in and kissing her sweetly. "You certainly feel like a lady to me" he flirted shamelessly.

Meredith giggled and pushed him down so he was lying on his side, propped up by his elbow. She lay down next to him and reached for the icecream. "My turn" she murmured and Derek swallowed at the look in her eyes. Meredith scooped some icecream onto the spoon and held it out to him. He slowly took it into his mouth, and keeping his gaze locked with hers he said a silent prayer of thanks that he had this amazing woman in his life. He was not at all surprised, or upset, when with the next scoop she offered him, some of it dropped off the spoon down onto his neck. Meredith grinned wickedly before mimicking his previous actions and leaning down so her lips were on his neck. He groaned in pleasure as she licked all remains of the icecream from his skin. In that moment he was immensely glad he hadn't decided to take her to a restaurant as he was sure they'd have been thrown out for doing this with their food.

With the icecream finished, Meredith smiled as she put the tub aside and leaned down, capturing his lips tentatively with hers. Derek responded immediately, tangling his fingers in her hair and pulling her closer so she was flush against him. As their tongues danced the now familiar dance, Derek felt like he was home. She was it for him. He knew without a doubt that there was nowhere he'd ever want to be but in her arms. They were a perfect fit, in every way.

When the kiss ended, Meredith felt light headed as Derek stroked her cheek with his thumb and gave her the McDreamy look. "If I'd known first dates were like this I'd have had more of them" she teased.

Derek laughed, "Oh, first dates are only like this when they're with me. With anyone else they wouldn't be half as good" he told her cockily.

Meredith giggled at his arrogance. "You really like yourself huh?" she teased.

Derek winked at her, "just hiding my pain." They both laughed as they revelled in the memories of the night they met when those lines were originally said to each other.

"Seriously though Derek, thank you for tonight - it's been amazing" she told him warmly.

Derek placed his arm round her shoulder and shifted them so he was lying on his back and Meredith's head was rested on his chest. "You're welcome - I'm glad you liked it" he murmured into her hair.

They lay together looking up at the stars, happy and content, enjoying the closeness and warmth that they'd desperately missed for the past few weeks. "I'm gunna build a house" Derek blurted.

Meredith turned her head and looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"Yeah" Derek replied, "right here where we are now." He wanted to tell her that he didn't just want to build himself a house – he wanted to build it for them. He wanted to tell her that when he closed his eyes and imagined it, he saw the two of them together, as husband and wife, sitting together on the porch of their dream house as they watched their kids playing in the garden. He didn't want to scare her off though as technically this was only their first date. He would tell her though, in time, and one day they'd make that dream a reality.

"A house will be nice" Meredith replied with a smile. "Remember the big windows in every room though to take in this amazing view."

Derek smiled into her hair. "I'll remember. You can help me choose them."

"I'd like that" Meredith whispered.

Derek felt his heart skip a beat as he felt his dream getting closer and closer. He placed a kiss on the top of her head and closed his eyes as she threw her arm over his stomach and snuggled closer to him. He was eternally glad he'd made the decision to move to Seattle, because it led him to Meredith, and he hoped he'd get to spend the rest of his life sharing moments like this with her.

About half an hour later Meredith opened her eyes having dozed off slightly and propped herself up on her elbow. She smiled as she looked down at Derek's sleeping form. He must've been tired having stayed up most of last night preparing all of this for her. He truly was amazing, and she could stay like this with him forever. She reached out and brushed a curl off his forehead. "I love you, you know that right?" she whispered, not expecting a response. It was easier to be brave and say those words when he was asleep.

She pulled a blanket over them both and lay her head back down on his chest, more than happy to spend the night out here like this. She smiled as Derek tightened his arm around her shoulders and she heard him reply:

"I love you too."

 **AN: so there it is – their first date :) I tried really hard to make it perfect so I hope you liked it! Please, please, please hit that little review button and let me know what you think :) I've got some exciting things to come so stay tuned!**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Thank you to those of you who reviewed last chapter – you guys are great and your comments made my day :) I was a little disappointed with the drop in number of reviews though – was it too fluffy? If there's anything you'd like me to include in future chapters then please let me know.**

 **Anyway, this next chapter includes what I think is one of the most beautiful and moving MerDer scenes from their early relationship :) Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 15:

 _She smiled as Derek tightened his arm around her shoulders and she heard him reply:_

 _"I love you too."_

It took Meredith a few moments to realise where she was when the beginnings of dawn and the chirping of the birds brought her out of her slumber. She smiled as she looked over at a sleeping Derek and thought how fitting his 'McDreamy' nickname really was. He unconsciously pulled her closer and it was then that Meredith noticed their intimate position - Derek's arm was wrapped protectively around her torso and their legs were intertwined. It reminded her of the time she'd stayed overnight with him at his trailer and they'd woken up in a similar position. This time felt different though – it was like a barrier had been removed and they were free to do this, they were free to do more than this. Meredith felt tingles at the thought. It scared her as the thought hit her that she'd be more than happy to wake up this way every day for the rest of her life – maybe not outside, but wrapped up in Derek's arms. She couldn't get ahead of herself though because this was technically only their first date, and she'd never done this before – and more to the point, good things in her life had a habit of leaving.

The shrill beeping of a pager snapped her out of her thoughts.

"Make it stop" Derek mumbled as he pressed his face into her neck and pulled her even closer.

Meredith shivered at the feel of his warm breath tickling her skin and giggled as she replied, "Derek, it's yours".

Derek frowned as he pulled the offending item from his belt and squinted at it as his eyes adjusted to the light. "It's the chief – he needs me at the hospital for some incoming emergency" he told her, his voice hoarse with sleep.

Meredith felt a stab of disappointment at the news – they were both due to work today anyway but she was hoping to have a few more hours before they had to break themselves out of their happy little bubble.

As Derek was slowly brought into full consciousness, he smiled shyly at the woman wrapped in his embrace. "Hi"

"Hi" Meredith replied, returning his smile.

"You're awake" Derek pointed out, "were you watching me sleep?" he smirked.

Meredith blushed at having been caught and Derek grinned widely at her reaction.

"What, are you some kind of weirdo who watches men sleep?" he teased.

Meredith scowled at him, but the effect was ruined by the smile tugging at her lips. "Not usually."

Derek chuckled and leaned forward, kissing her softly, erasing all remains of her scowl. He really had no problem with her watching him sleep, in fact he quite liked it, and he'd watched her sleep on more than one occasion. She could watch him sleep as much as she liked, especially if to do so it meant she'd be curled up next to him like this. "Good morning" he murmured against her lips.

"Good morning" Meredith whispered.

"Unfortunately I'm gunna have to go in early" he sighed, making no move to get up. "Do you want to come in with me, or I can drop you back at the house on the way?"

"I'll come in with you." Meredith replied. "Your surgery might be good, and if not I'll have time to steal a good one before Cristina gets there."

"Ok" Derek chuckled as he reluctantly pushed himself up and held his hand out to help Meredith up. "I'll just grab my things and we can go, we'll have to shower at the hospital."

"That's too bad, I was hoping we could shower here" she said innocently, but the glint in her eyes told Derek her comment was anything but innocent.

Derek gulped as he watched Meredith gather her things and smile cheekily at him as she got into his car. His pulse quickened as the dream he'd had last time she'd stayed over, involving the two of them and his shower, replayed vividly in his mind. He'd definitely be needing a shower when he got to work – a cold one!

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When they arrived at the hospital Derek tentatively placed his hand on the small of her back as they walked into the building. Meredith smiled at the simple gesture and the warmth that flooded her body at his touch. They came to a stop at a junction in the hallway where they would part ways – Derek to go to the ER and Meredith to go to the locker room.

"So I'll see you later?" Meredith asked, slightly unsurely. She was fairly sure he wanted to see her later but she'd never dated before so she didn't know what the rules or whatever were.

"You definitely will" Derek replied as he cupped her cheek with his hand.

Meredith unconsciously leant into his palm and smiled at his response. "Ok - that's good. And thank you again for last night."

Derek returned her smile and brushed a strand of hair off her face. "Meredith" he said softly, "you don't need to thank me. I need to thank you – for giving me a chance. So thank you."

Meredith nodded almost imperceptibly, knowing he was thanking her for waiting. There really wasn't any question about it though - she'd fallen irrevocably in love with him, and if he'd taken a year to sign the papers, or even if he'd decided to go back to Addison, it wouldn't have stopped her from loving him.

"I'll come and find you if I get any interesting cases." Derek winked at her as he turned and hurried off to the ER.

Meredith grinned as she watched him disappear down the hall – dating a fancy neurosurgeon definitely had its perks.

After depositing her things in the gloriously empty intern locker room, Meredith made full use of the solitude and took her time in the shower. She closed her eyes as she let the hot water cascade down on her and let her mind replay the events of the previous night. Derek had really gone all out for her and she appreciated it more than he knew. No one had ever really cared about her enough to make such an effort before and it was a surprisingly good feeling. Dating was fun, or more precisely, dating Derek Shepherd was fun. She chuckled as she remembered the look on his face when she'd eluded to showering at his place – together. She knew he'd thought of her in that way – his inability to hide his body's arousal proof enough of that. Goosebumps swathed her skin, despite the heat of the water as she imagined what sharing the ultimate level of intimacy with Derek would feel like. From the way a simple touch of his set her body alight, she had no doubt it would be explosive. Hopefully she'd find out soon, because the hunger she felt right now, only Derek would be able to satisfy.

After her unusually long shower, Meredith brushed her teeth, tied her hair back and pulled on some fresh scrubs before departing the locker room. She frowned as she looked at the OR board and saw that Derek was already in OR2 doing a craniotomy, so she wouldn't be scrubbing in with him any time soon.

With a sigh she headed back towards the nurses station, intending on browsing the charts to find herself a good case. She didn't get very far though before someone calling out from one of the bays caught her attention. Stepping into the room she found a confused and distressed old lady calling out for her husband. Meredith picked up her chart and found that her name was Grace Bickham. "Mrs Bickham, are you ok? Who's looking after you?"

Mrs Bickham didn't seem to understand the questions, or even realise that Meredith was in the room. As she got more and more anxious, her breathing became ragged as she struggled for air before passing out. Meredith yelled into the hallway for some help but the only person who came was a scared looking nursing student. After calming the student down somewhat they managed to intubate the patient and Meredith sighed in relief as her breathing returned to normal.

Having found no interesting cases, Meredith returned half an hour later to check on Mrs Bickham to find Patricia, the Chief's secretary, looking annoyed as she stood next to the bed.

"Oh good, somebody's in here"

"You intubated her?" Patricia asked frustratedly.

Meredith frowned, not seeing what the problem was. "Yeah – she was struggling to breathe. Her SATs were in the 80s. She was in a room all alone. What?"

"One of the temp nurses found the paperwork from her chart on the 2nd floor-"

Patricia didn't get to finish explaining as a chorus of "She put a tube in Gracie!" came from the doorway and Meredith turned to see three other old ladies frowning at her.

"Mrs Bickham was diagnosed with end stage COPD, she's on hospice" Patricia finished.

Meredith's stomach sank as realisation dawned on her. "End of life care?"

Patricia nodded. "DNR – do not resuscitate."

Meredith didn't have time to take this new information in before she was unceremoniously whacked on the arm with a handbag. "You little shmuck – you were supposed to let her die!"

"No machines she said."

"She did, I remember."

Meredith looked disbelievingly between the three women. "I'm sorry, who are you? Mrs Bickham's sisters?"

The old ladies chuckled at the idea before bombarding Meredith with information.. "Oh no, no her sister Rose died in 83."

"May she rest in peace."

"And then there was her other sister, Harriet."

"May she rest in peace."

"Gracie wanted to die, she made us all promise."

Meredith opened her mouth to respond but no sound came out as she looked between the three women. "This really is something I need to speak with her husband about."

"Lenny never talked much when he was alive, good luck getting a word out of him now."

"He's dead?" Meredith asked, trying to keep track of all the information.

"May he rest in peace."

"But Grace said she just saw him" Meredith replied, getting confused now.

"Because she was trying to cross over" one of the old ladies explained before the three of them started bickering between themselves.

"He was waiting for her in the light – which thanks to you she can't reach now" one of the other ladies added as they all glared at Meredith.

Meredith glanced helplessly between the three of them – she was out of her depth. She could do with Derek right now – he always knew how to charm patients and relatives. As he was in surgery though, she knew that wasn't possible, so after mumbling an apology and excusing herself, she went in search of someone to help her.

Thankfully she bumped into the Chief moments later and after explaining the situation to him, he sat down with Mrs Bickham's friends and told them that if they take the tube out that she'll die. The ladies seemed to already know this and were insistent that it was what she wanted. Meredith was frustrated because as a doctor you were supposed to save lives, or at least do your best to prolong them – removing the tube would end a life.

After explaining that they needed a relative to make the final decision, it was decided that they'd get Mrs Bickham's daughter to come in later. Meredith sighed in frustration as she walked away with the Chief. "You're like the old lady whisperer – they really cheer up when you're around."

"Meredith, you understand if the daughter shows up and confirms she's DNR…" the Chief trailed off cautiously.

"I have to kill my patient, I know" Meredith replied unhappily.

As Meredith left the surgical wing and headed down to the tunnels to hide, she felt a sense of trepidation wash over her. She was going to have to remove that tube and do nothing to save Mrs Bickham as her life slipped away. Her mother was DNR, she'd insisted on signing the form before the Alzheimer's had taken too much of a hold, despite Meredith's protests. Meredith couldn't help imagining her own mother in Grace's place, confused and dying with no extraordinary measures being taken to save her. After moping on the gurneys for a while and then distracting herself in the Pit, she got a page to say that Grace's daughter had arrived and had signed the consent form. So, with a lump in her throat, Meredith made her way back up to Grace's room.

Meredith felt moisture blurring her eyes as she explained what was going to happen to the daughter. "So I'm going to give her a sedative, which will ease the discomfort, and then I'll remove the tube."

"Wait" the daughter called as Meredith was about to inject the sedative. "Goodbye Mommy" she whispered as she bent down and kissed her mother's cheek. "Ready."

Meredith's throat constricted and she had to fight to keep the tears from falling. The Chief noticed and looked at her concerned. "I can take care of this" he offered.

"I, I did this – I should undo it" she insisted as she pushed the sedative and removed the tube.

Knowing it could take hours, Meredith and the Chief left Grace's family to spend some time with her alone. Leaning her head back against the wall she sighed as she looked over at the Chief. "Do you think she's lonely, my mother?" she asked, knowing he'd been visiting her.

"Yeah, I do" he replied softly.

Meredith nodded in resignation, she'd feared as much. Even if her mother had shown her very little regard or care as she'd grown up, she still didn't want her to be lonely. "I should go and check on Grace."

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Meredith watched as, with her family and friends around her, Grace took her last breath. She swallowed in an attempt to loosen the tightness in her throat as she used her stethoscope to check that the heart had stopped. "Time of death, 12:18" she choked out before turning and leaving the room and stumbling down the hall. She didn't know where she was going but she knew she needed to get away. She was practically hyperventilating when she pushed the door to the supply closet open and sunk down in front of the shelves.

Derek pulled his scrub cap off as he left the scrub room and did a double take as a flash of white coat hurrying down the hallway caught his attention. Meredith. He could tell from the way she was moving, and then how she disappeared into a supply closet, that something was wrong. His feet of their own volition carried him down the same path she'd taken and he didn't pause before gently opening the door, so as not to startle her, and stepping inside. The sight he was met with broke his heart. Meredith was slumped on the floor, gasping for breath as she cried. Not waiting a second longer, he sat down next to her and placed his hand on her arm.

"I don't…I can't, I can't…I don't want, I don't…I can't…I don't want my mother to die alone" Meredith sobbed, her body shaking with anguish.

Derek rubbed his hand up and down Meredith's back in soothing motions as he spoke softly to her, wanting to comfort her and take away her pain, "slow, slow down, slow down, sshhh. Slow deep breaths, slow deep breaths." When she began hyperventilating Derek quickly stood up and grabbed a paper bag for her. As Meredith placed the bag over her mouth and breathed deeply into it, Derek returned his hand to her back as he continued to whisper to her. "Slow down, slow down. Just breathe in."

Meredith reached out and grabbed Derek's hand, clinging onto it like a life line as her breathing slowed and she began to calm down. She needed him. As she slowly leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder, Derek rested his head atop hers and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her arm gently to comfort her. He hated seeing her upset and he wasn't going anywhere until she was ok.

When her breathing finally returned to normal, Meredith sat up slowly and looked at the man who always seemed to be able to make things better. She wiped a stray tear from her cheek as he smiled warmly at her. "I'm ok" she said hoarsely.

"You're ok" Derek agreed softly, as he gave her their look and brushed a strand of hair from her eyes.

"Thank you" Meredith whispered.

"You're welcome" Derek replied reverently, looking at her with nothing but love. He smiled as he stared into her eyes – even when she was crying she was beautiful, and he'd never get tired of looking at her. His gaze dropped to her lips and he had an overwhelming urge to kiss her until her pain melted away.

Meredith seemed to share his desire as she tentatively leaned in and brushed his lips with a featherlight kiss and then hovered with mere millimetres separating them, waiting for him to take the lead. Derek understood and closed the gap between them. He slid his fingers into her hair and kissed her so softly it made her heart ache with love for him. He was trying to show her with that kiss, just how much he cared about her and that he'd always be there for her.

Never breaking the kiss, Meredith pulled them both up into a kneeling position so they were chest to chest, needing to be closer to him. The moan that Derek let out as she tangled her fingers in his curls sent a shiver of desire down her spine. The kiss turned more heated as she ran her tongue over his lips, then slipped it inside as he granted her entrance. All she could think of was the need to be even closer to him as she reached down and pulled at the tie on his scrub pants.

Derek gasped as he realised what she was doing and felt her hand brush him. He broke the kiss and took a deep breath to try and clear the haze of desire before he lost all self control. He wanted her more than anything, his painful erection straining in his pants proof of that, but he couldn't let their first time be like this. "Mere, we should stop" he breathed.

Meredith pulled away, a pained look on her face, and stood back up. "Oh, I thought…I thought you wanted to" she stuttered, "I mean, it's ok if you don't want to...I'll just, I'll just go."

"Meredith, Meredith" Derek called, grabbing her hand and stopping her before she could reach the door. "Of course I want you" he murmured emphatically, reaching up to cup her cheek "you have no idea how much I want you." He leaned into her to emphasise his point so she could feel just how much he wanted her. He smiled as she let out the melodic giggle he loved so much. "I just don't want out first time to be in a supply closet. I want it to be special. Me and you – I want it to be different, not like the other guys you've been with" he explained. His heart ached at the insecurity he saw in her eyes and he vowed right then to do everything in his power ensure that was permanently erased. "Afterwards I'm all for supply closets – more supply closets I say, and on call rooms, and exam rooms…" he added teasingly.

Meredith chuckled and quirked an eyebrow. "Exam rooms?"

Derek smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Why not? As long as we remember to lock the door. I can definitely see us in an exam room." Meredith giggled and Derek leaned in and kissed her. "But our first time, I'm going to make it special."

Meredith felt tears blur her eyes again at his words. She squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile to let him know she appreciated it.

"So, I seem to remember promising you earlier that I'd come and find you if I got a good case" Derek told her, "…and as you were in the shower during my craniotomy-"

"You saw me in the shower?" Meredith interrupted. "What, are you some kind of weirdo who watches women shower?" she teased, using his line from earlier.

Derek blushed. "No, I just heard the water running" he stuttered. "Anyway, as I was saying – I have a hemispherectomy in OR1 in half an hour if you're interested?"

Meredith smiled warmly at him, knowing he was trying to cheer her up and take her mind off of her mother. "I'd love to."

Derek grinned, "Great, well our patient is in 2342. If you go and start prepping him, I'll erm…I'll be out in a minute."

Meredith giggled as she looked down at Derek's still prominent erection. "Ok" she replied, giving him one last smile before stepping out into the hallway.

Derek smiled and shook his head amusedly as he leant back against the wall. His body had not gotten so worked up since he was a teenager and he'd discovered women for the first time. He'd never felt this way before though. He was determined to make their first time, and every time after that, special. Meredith had been given so little love in her life but she deserved so much, and he made a promise to himself then that he was going to make sure she received it.

 **AN: hope you liked it :) please, please, please hit that little review button - it'll make my day! Next chapter - who's ready for a bit of McSteamy? ;)**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Thank you sooo much for all of your comments – they were absolutely fantastic and you guys are truly amazing! I can't say enough how much I appreciate them – they make my day and really inspire me to write more!**

 **So here's the next chapter – introducing McSteamy… :)**

Chapter 16:

One week. It had been one week since they'd been dating and Meredith for the first time she could remember could actually say, truthfully, that she was happy. Her friends had commented about the lack of dark and twisty about her these days. Cristina complained that she was turning into Izzie, but Meredith knew that deep down she was happy for her. She couldn't help but smile whenever she saw Derek and she felt a warm, tingly sensation whenever he was around – she guessed that was the whole scary love thing that she'd jumped head first into with no life jacket. She wouldn't change it though. She had a feeling that Derek Shepherd would change her life. Her fancy neurosurgeon had been the perfect gentleman, the perfect date, and he'd gone out of his way to deliver everything she'd requested when she'd suggested the whole dating idea. In the past week they'd spent almost every night together, even one night when they'd both been on call they'd slept together on the surprisingly comfortable couch in Derek's office. She couldn't fault his chivalry. But there was just one small problem – she wanted sex. No, scratch that – she needed sex. Meredith was sexually frustrated, and unlike before when she would have solved the problem by going to a bar and picking up a random guy, this time she only wanted to have sex with Derek – he was the only one who could scratch that itch. It was sweet that he wanted to make their first time special and she honestly appreciated that, but she needed it to be soon because she was literally fit to burst.

Meredith's frustration was perhaps exacerbated by the fact that Derek had gotten paged in last night so she'd spent the night alone. It was scary how quickly she'd gotten used to going home with him every night. They'd never really planned it, they'd just fallen into a routine - she'd even picked up a box of his muesli when she'd done the grocery shopping without even thinking about it. As she stood in front of the elevator, ready to start her day, she flicked her phone open, intending to text him to come and meet her. As the elevator dinged and the doors opened, she closed her phone and smiled – no texting needed as the object of her desire stood leaning against the back wall, still clad in his navy scrubs and ferry boat scrub cap, looking deliciously handsome.

Derek matched her smile when he saw her and all tiredness ebbed from his features as he pushed himself off the wall and walked towards her as she stepped on. "Hey" he murmured happily, linking his fingers loosely with hers and standing so they were only inches apart. He'd missed her last night and he craved being close to her.

Meredith looked up into his indigo irises and saw the happiness she felt reflected there. It took less than a second before she reached behind her and pulled the emergency stop button.

"What are you –"

Meredith answered his question by crushing her lips to his and pushing him back against the wall. There was nothing soft and gentle about this kiss – it was urgent and passionate and full of desire. After getting over his surprise, Derek flipped them so Meredith was wedged between him and the wall. Hands roamed and tongues delved as they kissed like they hadn't seen each other for months rather than hours. When they finally broke for air, Derek smirked and Meredith giggled as they caught their breaths.

"Maybe I should get paged in during the night more often if this how I'm greeted in the morning" Derek teased.

"You know what says 'good morning' like nothing else?" Meredith asked innocently.

"What?"

'Sex' Meredith mouthed, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Derek laughed in amusement at her bluntness. He wanted her, without a shadow of a doubt, and she wanted him – there was definite sexual tension whenever they were together and it had been building more and more all week. He'd held back though because they were taking it slow and he didn't want them to rush things – he wanted to do it right. But maybe they didn't need to take it quite so slow - they'd spent every night together for the past week and they'd known each other for months – they were ready. "Well that would definitely be a great way to say good morning" he breathed, leaning down to kiss her again. "Actually I was going to ask you if you wanted to come over to the trailer tonight – and stay over" he added, keeping his eyes locked on hers.

Meredith felt a shiver of desire shoot up her spine as the look in his eyes told her what he meant. "Ok" she whispered, all bravado gone and replaced with anticipation and nervousness. She reached over and restarted the elevator, suddenly feeling very hot.

"Ok"

Turning back, Meredith found Derek grinning widely at her. It was infectious and she couldn't help but grin back at him.

That was the scene Cristina was met with when the doors opened. Quirking her eyebrow, she gave them a dubious look as she stepped on, "Should have known you two would be the reason the elevator was stuck between 1st and 2nd for so long!"

Derek blushed and hurried off the elevator. "I'll see you later" he said, giving Meredith a shy smile.

"See you later" Meredith grinned back at him before the doors closed again.

Meredith looked innocently over at Christina. "What? The elevator jammed."

"Right, and I'm about to operate on Santa Claus" Cristina said dryly, not believing her for a second. "You two need to screw already – the sexual tension is suffocating."

Meredith smirked, causing a horrified look on Cristina's face. "Oh no, please tell me you didn't just do McDreamy in here?" she exclaimed disgustedly, pushing herself off the wall and wiping her hands on her scrubs.

Meredith laughed, "No, but I can't say the same about tonight."

It was Cristina's turn to smirk now. "About time! You'll probably both explode from all the pent up desire before you even make it to the main event."

Meredith rolled her eyes in amusement as they both stepped off the elevator and headed to the locker room.

"Seriously, you owe me details tomorrow."

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Meredith's mood was dampened slightly when she was assigned to one of Burke's patients, whose dying wish was to send hate mail to everyone he'd ever met. Filling in his chart at the nurses station she was interrupted by a voice behind her.

"Invasive non small cell with a history of COPD – the guy's pretty much a goner huh?"

Meredith turned and quirked an eyebrow at the man who'd interrupted her. He looked familiar for some reason but she couldn't figure out why. He was tall and muscular with dark blond hair and blue eyes, along with a cocky smirk that said he knew he was attractive and was used to women falling at his feet. She could appreciate his attractiveness, but Derek had ruined her for all men – so even though this man was attractive, and in the past would have been her usual type, she wasn't attracted to him. "Sensitivity – I like that in a stranger. Are you new here?" she asked, figuring with his medical knowledge that he must be a doctor.

"Visiting" the man told her, "confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town."

"You get used to it" Meredith replied, gathering up the chart and moving to pass it to one of the nurses.

The man followed her. "Makes me wanna stay in bed all day."

Meredith looked at him incredulously – this guy was definitely full of himself. "We just met and already you're talking about bed – not very subtle."

"Subtle's never been my strong suit. So, do you ever go out with co-workers?"

Meredith chuckled inwardly at this guy's bravado and also the irony of his question. "Not usually" she told him, smiling as she thought about her situation about Derek.

"Ah, so you do make exceptions?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I made one exception, and he will be the only one."

"That's too bad" the man grinned, his eyes twinkling.

Meredith chuckled – he was never going to get anywhere with her but he was entertaining none the less. "Meredith" she told him, offering him her hand.

The man smiled as he took her hand. "M-"

He didn't get to finish his name though as a fist collided with his face and sent him crashing to the floor.

Meredith looked open mouthed in shock between Derek and the bleeding man on the floor. "What the hell was that?" she exclaimed.

"That was Mark" Derek replied, shaking his hand in pain.

Mark - Derek's ex-best friend Mark, the one who'd slept with his now ex-wife. That would be why he seemed familiar. He probably deserved that punch in the face Derek had just provided him with.

As Derek was hastily ushered away by the Chief, probably to have words with him about why he was punching people out on the surgical floor, Meredith was given the task of seeing to Mark's injuries.

"Derek and I always did have the same taste in women" Mark commented as Meredith cleaned the cut on his cheek.

"Excuse me?"

"You're Derek's lusty intern right? I've heard about you all the way back in New York. You're famous."

Meredith chuckled – she could just imagine the questionable versions of the truth that had made it all the way to New York. "Well, I heard about you all the way here in Seattle so I guess we have a lot in common."

"We're the dirty mistresses."

"Speak for yourself – me and Derek didn't do anything until he'd signed the divorce papers."

Mark smirked at her. "Nothing at all?" Meredith glared at him, knowing he'd seen right through her. Whilst they hadn't slept together, they had kissed so she couldn't really claim they'd done 'nothing'. Mark laughed at her response, clearly amused. "Thought so."

Meredith ignored his comment and grabbed his chin to turn his head back round so she could continue cleaning his wound.

"You know it's funny, Derek walks in on me naked with his wife – actually in the throes, and he just turns around and walks away. But he so much as sees me talking to you, and I'm on the ground bleeding. Interesting don't you think?"

Meredith regarded him curiously – she never knew much about what had happened that night and she'd never really wanted to bring it up with Derek. As Neanderthal as it was, she did kind of like the fact that Derek cared enough to be jealous of another guy hitting on her. After numbing his face, Meredith placed a towel on his shoulder and picked up a needle.

"What're you doing?" Mark asked.

"You need stitches"

"I know, hold the mirror"

Meredith stared at him in disbelief as she held up the mirror for him. She could see though the window that the other interns were watching them with curiosity but she chose to ignore them.

"Why is he suturing his own face?" George asked.

"To turn me on" Cristina replied, clearly impressed.

" 'cus he's Mark Sloan - he's like the the go-to plastic surgeon on the East coast." Alex added.

"That's the guy Addison was sleeping with?" George exclaimed.

"Well you can't really blame her can you?" Izzie pointed out, openly ogling him.

"No, not really" Cristina agreed.

George looked indignant, "yes you can."

"McSexy wants an X-ray to check for fractures and I think it's a bad idea if I take him" Meredith informed them as she came up behind them. She had a feeling Derek wouldn't be in the best of moods if she was Mark's doctor for too long.

"McSexy?" Cristina asked, trying the nickname out.

"No?"

"McYummy?" Izzie suggested.

"No" Meredith and Cristina said in unison.

"McSteamy" Meredith offered, glancing back at Mark.

"Oh, there it is" "yeah", Cristina and Izzie agreed approvingly.

"I'm just choking back some McVomit" George commented with a frown.

As Meredith went back into the exam room to let Mark know that Alex would be taking him down for an X-ray, she asked the question she'd been wandering since she found out who he was. "So what're you doing here anyway?"

"Cutting to the chase – I like it" Mark smirked. "I've come to get Addison back."

Meredith frowned in confusion. "Get her back? But I thought you and Addison was just a one off thing?" At least that's what she'd understood from what Derek had told her. She was pretty sure that's what Derek believed too.

It was Mark's turn to be confused now. "She didn't tell him?"

"Tell him what?" Meredith asked, trepidation filling her as she realised she might be about to open a hornets nest.

"Addison and I weren't a one time thing – she stayed with me for three months after Derek left. We were together."

Meredith's eyes widened and she felt her stomach drop – this was not good. Addison's betrayal had been deeper than Derek had realised and this would hurt him. She felt her heart ache at the thought that Derek was about to go through more pain. "You need to tell him – you owe him that much" she told Mark before leaving the room.

She rubbed her eyes in frustration as she walked down the hall. Derek needed to know what had gone on – it wasn't fair for him to be kept in the dark. But it wasn't her place to tell him – it needed to come from the man he'd once considered a brother. She couldn't lie to him though – aside from the fact she was a terrible liar, her and Derek had been honest with each other from the start and if they were going to work then that needed to continue. Thankfully she was scrubbing in on Burke's patient shortly, so hopefully by the time she got out, Mark would have told him and she'd no longer be in this awkward position.

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After his conversation with the Chief, who started off reprimanding him but then applauded him when he realised who it was Derek had punched, Derek didn't have time to deal with his annoyance and frustration as he was pulled straight into surgery. After finally scrubbing out, his hand was aching which caused his earlier feelings to return with full force. When he'd seen Mark talking to Meredith he'd seen red. Meredith was the love of his life and the idea of Mark being anywhere near her sent him into a blind rage and he'd reacted on instinct when his fist had connected with Mark's face. He needed to find Meredith – he hadn't seen her since then and he wasn't sure how she felt about him punching someone in front of her. He sighed when the OR board told him that she was in surgery with Burke.

With a groan Derek pulled his scrub cap off and slumped into a chair in the office behind the nurses station. His solitude didn't last long however as the source of his annoyance and sore hand stepped into the room. "You know, I should've known you'd pull something like this" he said, glaring at Mark.

"Meredith told you then?" Mark asked, thinking that was what Derek was referring to.

Derek narrowed his eyes at him, confused as to why he was talking about Meredith. "Told me what?" he snapped, "what does Meredith have to do with you?"

"Oh…" Mark replied, realising he may have just put his foot in it. "I thought she'd told you about me and Addison."

Derek was losing patience with this conversation. "Would you stop talking in riddles! What about you and Addison?"

Mark had the decency to look guilty as he continued quietly. "…that she was with me for the three months after you left."

Derek stared disbelievingly at him. He'd thought the night he'd caught them together had been a been a one time slip up, but it obviously must've been going on before that if they'd stayed together after he'd left. His annoyance increased when he remembered what else Mark had said: Meredith had known this and hadn't told him – that hurt. "Meredith knew this?"

"Only since this morning" Mark replied quickly. He'd already ruined one of Derek's relationships, he didn't want to ruin another one.

Derek stood up and scowled at Mark. "Stay away from Meredith!" he snapped as he pushed past him and stormed off.

Knowing Meredith's shift would be over soon, he made his way to the interns' locker room and attempted to calm himself down on the way. He knew he shouldn't be annoyed with Meredith but he couldn't deny it hurt that she didn't tell him. His breath caught when he found her sitting on the bench by the lockers, tying her shoes. Even when he was feeling annoyed or hurt, her beauty never failed to take his breath away.

Meredith felt eyes on her and looked up to find Derek leaning in the doorway. "Hey" she said softly.

Derek pushed himself off the doorframe and came closer to stand at the foot of the bench. "Why didn't you tell me Meredith?" he asked.

Meredith saw the pain reflecting in his eyes as he spoke and she didn't need to ask what he was referring to. She knew as soon as Mark told her that it would come back to bite her in the ass. She sighed as she stood up and took a step closer to him. "Derek I-" she began but Derek cut her off.

"How could you not tell me that? I thought we were being honest."

"I told Mark to tell you – it wasn't my place" Meredith explained, reaching forward to take one of his hands in hers. She was relieved when he didn't pull it away.

Derek looked at her, at the pleading in her eyes, and wanted nothing more than to just pull her into his arms and forget this day ever happened, but the hurt part of his brain was stopping him from thinking straight. "It was your place Mere" he insisted, his voice pained. "We're supposed to be a couple – I thought you cared."

Meredith gawked at him – in any other situation she'd have slapped him for being so brainless. "I do care" she exclaimed, her voice rising in desperation, "how've you not got that by now?"

Derek dropped her hand and looked at the floor, hating the emptiness he felt at the loss of her touch. Addison had kept things from him and he couldn't bare the thought of Meredith doing the same. He knew he was being irrational and he had no right to be annoyed with her, it wasn't her fault. In reality he wasn't annoyed with her – he was annoyed with himself – and Mark and Addison. If he'd have known, things would have been different – he wouldn't have wasted those three months wanting and longing to be with Meredith – he would've actually been with her and saved them both the heartache. He would've signed those papers straight away and there'd have been no need to take time. If there was one thing Derek hated it was wasting time – his father being shot demonstrated just how short life is and how everything can be taken away from you in a second. If he'd known about Mark and Addison, he could've had those three months with Meredith. "I just…I just need to be alone" he said, avoiding her gaze as he turned and left, not wanting to see the hurt he was sure was there.

Meredith dropped her head into her hands. She should have known this wouldn't last, she'd been too happy. She'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop and now it apparently had.

Izzie, having caught the last bit of their conversation looked unsurely between the two of them. Deciding that sometimes a little meddling was needed, she jogged down the hallway after Derek. "Dr Shepherd!" she called as she reached him and he turned round to face her. She winced in sympathy at the pain she saw etched on his face, but then she remembered the reason for chasing him. "Dr Shepherd, I know you're my boss and everything but you're being a bit of an ass right now."

"Excuse me?" Derek replied, his eyebrows rising. He wasn't used to Meredith's friends, aside from Cristina, being so bold with him.

"You really think Mere doesn't care about you? Seriously?" Izzie asked incredulously.

"Dr Stevens, this really isn't –"

"Any of my business" Izzie finished for him. "I know. But just so you know, Meredith cares – more than you know. This is how much she cares" she added, showing him a picture on her phone.

Derek's eyes widened as he looked at the picture – it was unmistakably his land and there was a floor plan of a house made up of candles that was set up in the spot Meredith had said would be perfect to build a house all that time ago. Guilt flooded him as he realised that's what Meredith's surprise for him had been – the one that'd been ruined by Addison showing up, and what the candle he'd stumbled on had been from. He'd been an ass. "Can you send that to me?" he asked urgently.

Izzie nodded and smiled triumphantly as Derek took off down the hall back to the locker room – her work here was done.

Derek's heart clenched and he cursed in annoyance when he found the locker room empty. He felt even worse when he remembered that this was Meredith's first relationship – she probably thought he'd left her and wasn't coming back. He ran his hand through his hair frustratedly, berating himself for letting his own problems and insecurities affect the woman who meant more to him than anything. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he was met with the picture Izzie had sent him, which made him feel worse. Closing the picture, he dialled Meredith's number but closed it sadly when it went to voicemail. Tonight was supposed to be the night they made love for first time but thanks to him being a 'brainless brain surgeon' as Meredith would have called him, it seemed he would be spending the night alone. He left the empty locker room, resolving to find her – he could only hope she'd let him make it up to her.

 **AN: please drop me a review and let me know what you thought – I'd love to hit the 200 mark with this chapter :) I'm really excited for the next chapter - who's ready for a bomb in a body cavity?!**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: I can't say this enough – you guys are truly incredible! Thank you to each and every one of you who took the time to review – I really appreciate them! Please keep reading and reviewing – as I've said before, they make my day :)**

 **So here's the long awaited bomb in a body cavity chapter! Sorry for the slight delay in updating – I really like those two episodes and I wanted to do them justice, so I hope I've managed it and that you like my take on them! As a reward for waiting - it's a nice long chapter :) Like on the show, it'll be a two-parter – but part one won't necessarily finish at the same point ;) Enjoy!**

Chapter 17:

Meredith lay in bed staring mindlessly at the neon red digits on her alarm clock – 05:02. She'd been doing this for the past hour and her alarm would be going off shortly to tell her to get up and get to work, so she really should be sleeping. She had realised frustratedly though that no more sleep would be coming to her, as much as she would like it to, as her mind was far too preoccupied with replaying her most recent conversation with Derek to partake in such a trivial activity as sleeping. He'd came round to the house to apologise and they'd talked, which was good – but now she was feeling slightly pathetic because she seemed to have lost the ability to sleep without Derek next to her. As she rolled onto her back and closed her eyes, their conversation replayed once more in her mind.

 _Meredith heard footsteps coming up the stairs and figuring it was George or Izzie heading to bed, she was more than a little surprised when after a soft knock on her door, Derek stood shyly in her doorway._

 _"Hey" he said nervously, hoping she wasn't going to throw him out._

 _"How did you-" Meredith began, but then realised the answer to her own question, "Izzie."_

 _Taking her neither positive nor negative response as a sign she wasn't going to immediately tell him to leave, Derek took a step into the room and closed the door behind him. He took a moment to just look at her, seeing her stood guardedly by her bed with her arms crossed over her chest (presumably to protect herself from any more pain he might be here to inflict) and he felt even worse than he did when Izzie had showed him the picture of the house of candles and he'd realised what an ass he'd been. "Meredith, I'm sorry" he breathed, his eyes shining with the pain of hurting her, "None of this was your fault and I shouldn't have gotten annoyed with you." He started to walk towards her, needing to comfort her, but stopped when he saw her expression change from hurt to anger._

 _"No Derek, you shouldn't. I know you're dealing with a lot right now – but that's not my fault, and I'm not Addison." Meredith replied evenly, the resolve and stubbornness that had gotten her through the majority of her life alone, returning._

 _Derek looked shamefully down at his feet, feeling guilty for even contemplating earlier that she would lie and keep things from him as Addison had . He knew she was nothing like Addison._

 _"Are you seriously so blind that you think I don't care? Seriously?" she continued, her voice rising, showing the incredulity she felt at the notion. With an exasperated sigh she pulled open her bedside drawer, took out numerous items and tossed them onto the bed. "This is how much I care!"_

 _Derek couldn't help but smile, despite Meredith's annoyed tone, when he saw a collection of post-it notes with his messy doctor scrawl on them and remembered them as the ones he'd left for her at various times since he'd met her. He opened his mouth to say something but Meredith cut him off._

 _"All those post-its you left me – I kept them. And this – this is the ticket stub for the ferry we took the first time you took me to see your land" Meredith began, holding up the various items to emphasise her point. She blushed slightly as she picked up the next item. "I even kept the coffee collar from the first time you bought me a coffee - when I fell asleep in Alison's room! And your Bowdoin shirt – I sleep in that every night!" Derek opened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it again when she glared at him. "I don't do the sentimental crap, but I kept all this stuff anyway – because it means something" she told him, gesturing with her arms. "You've turned me into this cheesy, sentimental person who can't even throw away a coffee collar because it's from you!"_

 _Derek bit back a grin at her adorable rambling, pretty sure she'd throw something at him if he let it show. "I kept them too" he replied quietly, unsure if it was ok for him to speak now._

 _"What?"_

 _"I have ferry stubs too" he explained, "and the note you left when you abandoned me downstairs the morning after the night we met, I kept that too - it's in the desk drawer in my office at work."_

 _"You did?" Meredith asked, surprised, and touched, that he'd kept those things too._

 _"I did" Derek replied softly, smiling warmly at her._

 _Meredith stared at him and a large part of her just wanted to just forgive him and get lost in the McDreamy look he was giving her, but she wasn't finished yet. "You know, when I met you, I thought I had found the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Even though you were married and we couldn't be together then, it didn't change how I felt. I was done. So all the boys, and all the bars, and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared? Because I was done."_

 _It was Derek's turn to be surprised now. Anything to do with the future usually scared Meredith, because everyone she'd cared about in the past had let her down, so hearing her admit that she'd imagined a future with him right from the beginning was a shock. "I was done too" he told her softly._

 _"Well it didn't feel like it earlier – I thought you'd given up on us."_

 _Derek's eyes widened in horror at the thought. "Meredith I would never…" he began and then softened, "I was a jerk – sometimes boyfriends can be jerks. You get that I'm sorry, right?"_

 _"You snapped at me for no reason and then you walked away. And now you show up here."_

 _"Of course I showed up. Why wouldn't I? You don't trust me?" Derek asked confused, the idea of not coming after her not having been an option._

 _"I do"_

 _"Ok, well this is how it works – you fight sometimes and somebody apologises" Derek explained, giving her a small smile._

 _"Well how am I supposed to know that?" Meredith replied, her voice tapering off to a whisper._

 _Realisation dawned on Derek and her reaction suddenly made sense. "You've never done this before"_

 _"No, I've never done this before"_

 _"Hmm…ok, alright…" Derek closed the remaining distance between them and affectionately stroked her cheek with his thumb. He smiled lovingly at her and looked right into her emerald eyes as he told her: "From now on, you can expect that I'm gunna show up. Even if I yell, even if you yell - I'm always gunna show up. Ok?"_

 _"Ok" Meredith agreed, a happy grin lighting up her face._

 _Derek didn't wait any longer before cradling her head in his hands and leaning down to gently capture her lips with his, trying to show her that he truly meant what he'd just said. When they pulled back he placed a loving kiss to her temple as they wrapped their arms around each other and basked in the incredible comfort, warmth and security the other's embrace provided._

 _Having forgiven him for his misdemeanour and sensing they were ok again, Meredith was about to ask him if he wanted to stay over tonight, but his pager beat her to it. Derek sighed in annoyance as he pulled the pager from his jeans and read the message._

 _"I have to go back in" he told her apologetically._

 _"Ok" Meredith replied quietly, disappointed at the idea of him leaving._

 _"Hey" Derek said softly, tilting her chin back up so she was looking at him again. "I promise you I'm in this and I'm not going anywhere."_

 _Meredith smiled up at him and entwined her fingers with his. "Good, because I'm so far in this it scares me."_

 _"There's nothing to be scared of" Derek whispered before leaning down and kissing her softly. "I'll see you in the morning."_

As her alarm clicked to 05:30 it stated beeping and Meredith flung her arm out, unceremoniously whacking it and curtailing the noise. Instead of getting up she rolled back over and pulled the covers up to her chin. Her and Derek had sorted things out last night so that wasn't why she didn't want to get up. She had a feeling, a bad one, and the last time she'd had a feeling like this Addison had showed up. So maybe she just needed to stay in bed all day to avoid whatever catastrophe would occur if she left the house.

After George and Izzie had tried, and failed, to bribe her out of bed with the prospect of cool surgeries, they'd felt the need to bring in the big guns.

"So you have a feeling?" Cristina asked, looking to Meredith for explanation as to why she was there.

Meredith pulled the pillow off of her head and peered at her. "Yes" she replied, rolling over.

"Ok, what kind of feeling?"

"Like I might die"

"Today? Tomorrow? In fifty years?" Cristina asked impatiently. "Cus we're all gunna die eventually. But now we're late – lets go!"

"Cristina! Come on!"

Cristina sighed dramatically and flopped down on Meredith's bed. "Ok, this is me being supportive."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Ok. Fine. I'm totally supportive – go."

Meredith looked at her dubiously before pushing herself up onto her elbow. "Ok, the man I love, snapped at me and then left because I didn't tell him about the adulterous sex Addison continued to have with McSteamy after he came to Seattle." Cristina quirked an eyebrow at this new information. "But he apologised and it's all sorted now – so that's not the problem." Meredith paused and frowned at Cristina before continuing. "McDreamy's being a McGentleman and insisting on making our first time special – which is great but we've been waiting so long I think I might burst if it doesn't happen soon!" When Cristina looked at her incredulously she flopped back down onto the pillow. "Plus my conditioner decided to stop working and I think I have brittle bones. So I'm going to stay in bed and feel like I might die today."

"So let me get this straight - you want to stay in bed because you think you might die from the lack of McSex?"

"No, I actually think I might die today."

Cristina gave Meredith a disbelieving look and decided she'd had enough. Standing up, she yanked the covers off her and climbed onto the bed. "Whatever – everybody has problems. Now get your ass out of bed and get to work – now! Move, move move!" she commanded, pushing Meredith out of bed with her foot.

It looked like she'd be taking her chances with dying today.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

"It's a quiet board" Derek commented, coming to stand next to Burke and the Chief, who were also the regarding the unusually empty OR board.

The Chief groaned in frustration. "A quiet board is not good. A quiet board is trouble. A quiet board means death!"

Derek raised an eyebrow and regarded the Chief with amusement. He was being dramatic – it was just hospital superstition that commenting on a quiet board meant an apocalyptic event was about to occur. He wouldn't actually mind a quiet day – it would give him time to find Meredith and spend some time with her. They'd thankfully sorted things out last night, which he was immensely glad about, but he'd been paged back into work and hadn't gotten to spend the night with her. So now he was missing her and wanting desperately to see her. He didn't have to wait long before finding her in the ER, hanging back behind the other interns as they waited for the incoming ambulance. He smiled as he looked at her – his girlfriend. The word sounded strange – he hadn't had a girlfriend in over a decade, but he liked it. Even in a plastic ER gown that was far too big for her, to him she was still the most beautiful woman in the world. He frowned slightly when he noticed she looked distracted.

"You alright?" he asked, catching her attention.

Meredith regarded him for a moment, "I have a feeling."

"I get those."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"If you wait long enough it passes" Derek told her, giving her a reassuring smile.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Derek wanted to go to her and find out what was bothering her but the moment was lost when the ambulance pulled up and Meredith, along with the other interns rushed out to meet it. He'd make a point of finding her later to make sure she was ok and show her he was there for her if there was anything wrong.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Meredith's eyes widened when the ambulance doors opened and a screaming woman who was covered in blood was helped off the rig. That wasn't the most shocking part though because without the woman in the way, she could see a scared looking paramedic with her hand inside a man's chest – actually inside a gaping wound in his chest so you could only see her wrist!

Having wheeled the patient, James Carlson, into the ER, they found out the reason for the paramedic's current situation. Apparently she had tried to tamponade the wound, but whenever she had tried to move her hand, Mr Carlson had started bleeding out, so keeping her finger on the bleeder was the only way to prevent this. Meredith had seen some crazy things come into the ER since being an intern and this was definitely right up there with the craziest.

Meredith's feeling was temporarily forgotten when Burke gave her the task of taking Mr Carlson to OR 3 and scrubbing in, much to Cristina's chagrin. She couldn't bring herself to feel too sympathetic though because if Cristina had let her stay in bed, instead of literally kicking her out of it, then this surgery would probably be hers.

Inside the OR, Hannah – the paramedic, having been dressed in a surgical gown and hat, looked even more young and scared than she did before. Hannah told her how this was only her first month on the job, and she could appreciate the feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing what you're doing – Meredith often felt out of her depth even now, so she felt an affinity with this young girl.

With Hannah as calm as she was going to get and everything ready, Burke picked up a scalpel, ready to make the first incision. He lowered the blade and was mere millimetres from Mr Carlson's flesh when the OR door flew open and halted his movements.

"Dr Burke, I need to speak with you" a frantic looking Alex asked, clearly out of breath.

"I'm in surgery Karev!" Burke snapped, not appreciating the intrusion.

"You wanna speak to me Sir" Alex insisted.

As Burke disconnected his headset and walked over to speak to him, Meredith watched the exchange with curiosity – something was wrong. When Burke asked Hannah if her fingers were touching anything hard, like metal, Meredith's feeling came back with full force.

Burke's demeanour shifted with Hannah's confirmation and Meredith knew this was bad. "Hannah, I don't want you to move. Not your hand, not your body. Not an inch" he said calmly, but the importance was evident.

The relative calmness that Hannah had had, seemed to dissipate then as she became confused with this new development. "Okay you should know, you're starting to scare me."

Burke gave her a reassuring smile, but Meredith having worked with him for a while, could see the seriousness behind it. "Don't be scared. Everything is going to be fine. Dr. Grey could you ah-" he began, motioning to Meredith to walk over. Meredith backed away from the table and walked towards him. "I want you to walk out of this room. Walk, do not run. Go and tell the charge nurse that we have a code black."

Meredith frowned at him confused - she'd never heard of a code black before. "I'm sorry, code black?"

"Code black. Tell him that I am sure, and then tell him to call the bomb squad."

Meredith gaped, stunned, and quickly hurried off to carry out the instruction. She definitely should have stayed in bed today - she'd had a feeling.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

The hospital superstition regarding quiet OR boards seemed to be coming true as Derek's desire for a quiet day was quashed when a man who'd been involved in an RTA was brought in with bleeding on the brain. He needed a craniotomy - and fast.

Cristina having been kicked off Burke's case, was intent on getting herself a decent surgery.

Izzie however was not overly impressed with Cristina trying to take her patient. " He's my patient, Cristina. Get your own."

"I had one. Meredith took him."

"So now you're gonna take mine?"

"If I can" Cristina admitted shamelessly.

With Cristina beating Izzie to presenting the patient's history, Derek put her on the case, much to Cristina's smugness. However, they all sobered when Izzie answered the man's phone and they realised this wasn't just a random patient – it was Bailey's husband. Derek felt the magnitude of the situation – despite it sometimes seeming like she was his boss, rather than the other way around, Bailey was his favourite resident and he liked her. He did not want to be the one to let her husband die.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Having done what Burke asked, Meredith now stood waiting outside OR3 with Alex and the rest of the surgical team, waiting to find out what to do now.

Alex shook his head in disbelief at the situation playing out. "Can you imagine? What she stick her hand in there for anyway?"

"She was trying to save his life" Meredith pointed out.

"And now she might die because of it" Alex reasoned.

Burke opened the door and stepped and the surgical team looked at him expectantly.

"What do we do now?" Meredith asked.

"I go back in and wait for the bomb squad. You leave. You all leave" Burke told them firmly. Most of the team started leaving, but a few stood their ground, wanting to help, including Meredith.

Alex turned back around, noticing Meredith wasn't following. "Mere, you coming?" Meredith turned and gave him a look that said she was staying. "It's your funeral" he added, walking off with the others and leaving her there.

Meredith looked stubbornly at Burke. Maybe Alex was right, maybe it would be her funeral - she'd had a feeling after all, but she couldn't just leave. "You need a surgical team."

"All I need is Dr. Milton to keep him under. I can do the rest myself" Burke insisted. When Meredith and three other people from the OR team just stood there, he sighed and relented. "Fine. But you wait by the elevator. I don't want anybody in here that doesn't need to be in this OR. When the bomb squad arrives we'll take it from there. Until then Milton and I are doing this alone. Now, go."

Meredith waited anxiously by the elevator with the others – she needed to do something, not just stand around. As if reading her mind, the elevator doors opened and a group of men, presumably the bomb squad stepped off.

"You're the surgical team?" one of the men asked, looking at Meredith.

"Yes."

"Dylan Young, bomb squad" he introduced himself then turned to his team. "Alright, spread out and check the area and then we'll secure the patient." Turning back to Meredith he continued, "Where are they?"

Meredith pointed down the hall. "Dr. Burke has them in there."

Dylan nodded. "Right, the rest of this floor has been evacuated?"

"It has. Yes" Meredith replied.

"Okay, you stay here. Nobody moves unless I say so."

"We've got people over here" one of the other members of the bomb squad called out.

"I thought you said the floor had been evacuated" Dylan snapped in annoyance.

Meredith looked confusedly between him and the other man. "I thought it had. I'm not in charge or anything." Looking around him she saw Cristina coming out of OR2, looking confused and annoyed, yelling at a bomb squad member and blocking him from entering the O.R. In any other situation she would have found the scene funny – a big guy who spends his days in life threatening situations being afraid of a tiny Asian woman – but now definitely wasn't the time for humour. "Cristina!"

Cristina spotted Meredith and scowled at the bomb squad guy, refusing to let him into the OR. "Back Up!"

"Oh, no she will hurt him!" Meredith said to Dylan, under no illusion that as tiny as Cristina was, she would take down anyone who tried to get past her.

When the bomb squad guy relented and backed away, Cristina walked towards Meredith, taking in the unusual scene before her. "What's going on?"

"Bomb in a body cavity" Meredith shrugged, as if it were an everyday occurrence.

Cristina's eyes widened, totally jealous and ready to punch Burke in the face for kicking her off the case. "Man. All I got is Bailey's husband's open brain."

At the word 'brain' a sense of dread washed over Meredith. "What procedure?" she asked in trepidation.

"Craniotomy with Shepherd" Cristina told her.

Meredith's stomach dropped – Derek was in the OR next the one with the bomb, so if it blew up, Derek would probably go with it. She was OK putting herself in the OR with the bomb, but she was not at all comfortable with the man she loved being so close to it. "Shepherd's got Bailey's husband on the table?"

Dylan looked between the two women exasperatedly. "Excuse me."

Meredith and Cristina both ignored him, Meredith being too preoccupied with the idea of Derek being in danger. "Why didn't he evacuate?"

"Excuse me! Stop talking!" Dylan repeated, louder this time.

Cristina and Meredith gave each other chastised looks and moved back to stand by the elevator. Dylan moved past them and stepped into Derek's OR. Knowing how stubborn he was, Meredith was pretty sure Dylan would unfortunately be fighting a losing battle in trying to get Derek to leave.

"Dr. Shepherd there's an explosive device in the OR next door. I need you to evacuate now."

Derek glanced briefly over at Dylan before returning his attention to Tucker's brain. "Yeah and I've got a guy who's brain is exposed on this table. I'm not going to walk away and leave him to die." Looking up at his OR team he told them, "The rest of you can go." The majority of the OR team took him up on his offer but a few stayed.

Dylan was not happy about this but sighed, realising he couldn't force him to leave. "You close him up. You do whatever you have to do. The Chief of Surgery has authorised me to tell you you cannot stay here."

Derek continued to work on Tucker's brain, not looking back up at Dylan. "The Chief of Surgery doesn't scare me. Dr. Bailey scares me. I'm not going to be the one to let her husband die. And that's what would happen if I put his skull flap on in this condition. Bomb or no bomb. Now get out of my OR."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Cristina and Meredith stood in the OR hallway watching Dylan and Burke discuss the situation in the x-ray room.

"So how are they going to remove that ammo without killing Hannah and James?" Meredith asked to no one in particular. Cristina walked up to the outside of the OR where Hannah and James were. "Cristina!" Meredith hissed, walking up to her quickly. "The bomb squad guy said you're supposed to stay away from there" she told her, not in the mood to be yelled at by Dylan again.

Cristina ignored her and peered into the O.R through the window on the door, a frown appearing on her face. "Is it me or is she shaking?"

Meredith joined her and looked through the window. That's when she saw Hannah shaking and squeezing the ambu bag herself. "Is she squeezing that ambu bag by herself?" she asked incredulously.

"Where is Dr. Milton?" Cristina asked.

Opening the door slowly, the two of them stepped into the doorway and saw that Hannah was indeed by herself and very pale. She was also shaking badly, nervous and teary-eyed, but still squeezing the bag.

"Hannah?" Meredith asked gently, not wanting to startle her. Hannah looked over at them. "Where's the anaesthesiologist?"

"He um ... he left." Hannah replied, her voice cracking. "He didn't wanna die."

Meredith could see that Hannah was struggling not to cry, getting more and more anxious and breathing erratically. "Hannah."

"I think I'm going to take my hand out now." Hannah told them, tears spelling down her face now in fear.

"Hey, somebody help! Help here!" Cristina yelled, realising her and Meredith were in way over their heads and needed help.

When Dylan and Burke re-entered the OR they were stopped in their tracks at the sight they were met with. Cristina was now pumping the ambu bag with Meredith standing next to Hannah trying to comfort her.

"I think I'm going to take it out now" Hannah cried, too upset now to listen to reason.

Meredith stayed calm, knowing that one of them needed to because this situation seemed like it was about to get significantly worse. "Ok we're almost to the finish line. You can do this" she said softly to Hannah, placing her hand on her arm.

Hannah started crying hysterically. "No, no. No, I just want to take it out and be done with it."

"Hannah. It won't be much longer. Remember you're keeping him from bleeding out." Burke said gently, trying to reason with her.

"No!" Hannah gasped, "I am 22 years old! I should not even be in here! This is some kind of mistake!"

Dylan turned to Burke and spoke quietly. "She's panicking. We need to clear the room."

"I'm not leaving." Meredith replied, having heard what Dylan said. She was not going to be a coward like Dr Milton and leave a scared 22 year old alone in here again.

"Grey, let's move!" Burke told her.

"I'm not leaving her" Meredith insisted, refusing to abandon her.

Dylan was losing patience with the stubborn surgeons. "Get everyone out now Dr. Burke!"

Burke looked at him evenly, not appreciating being yelled at and told what to do. "She's my intern. I am responsible for her."

Meredith kept her hand on Hannah's arm that was inside Mr Carlson. As everyone started talking at once it all became too much for Hannah. "No, it's gotta come out! It needs to come out!" she cried.

"Yang, go with Dylan!" Burke said anxiously, turning to Cristina.

Cristina wasn't going to be easily moved though. "You go with Dylan."

"It's alright. Hannah, look at me" Meredith soothed.

Hannah shook her head "NO! It's gotta come out. No, NO!"

"Hannah, look at me. You can do this."

"Hannah, you need to calm down. You need to relax. Everything's gonna be fine" Dylan added.

Hannah was full on crying now and wasn't listening to the others trying to calm her down. "No!"

"Hannah. Hannah." Burke called out to her.

"Hannah" Meredith repeated, "You can do this."

"No. It has to come out."

"No, you keep it there. Just a little while longer" Burke persisted.

"I have to! I have to!" Hannah yelled, yanking her hand out and running as fast as she could out of the OR.

Burke, Dylan and Cristina all dropped to the ground with their arms above there heads. Meredith however remained standing as she stared after Hannah. Realising the bomb hadn't exploded, Cristina stood up slowly and her jaw dropped as she saw that Meredith now had her hand inside James Carlson. As Burke and Dylan stood up too, they all stared at Meredith, unable to believe what she'd just done.

"What did I do. Oh, god." Meredith whispered.

"Just stay right where you are. Nobody move. Stay exactly where you are" Dylan commanded.

Meredith took in a slow, deep breath as she tried to stop herself freaking out. "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?" she chanted over and over. She took another deep breath. "What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?"

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

With Dylan, Burke and Cristina already wearing flap jackets, Dylan began slowly strapping one onto Meredith.

"You realise how stupid that was" he told her.

"It was Mere. Incredibly stupid!" Cristina agreed.

Meredith turned to Cristina and glared at her. "Ok you know when you don't need to be made fun of? Like when you've got your hand inside a body that's got a bomb in it and a stranger is Velcro-ing a flap jacket to your boobs."

"Ok." Cristina said softly.

"You've got a sense of irony" Dylan commented with a small smile.

Meredith glared at him too. "Only when things are really ironic. "I had a feeling" she added, looking at Cristina.

Burke leant over to Cristina, "Time for you to go."

"No, I'm staying" Cristina insisted, not wanting to leave Meredith in there.

"There's nothing more you can do here. We've got it covered." Cristina didn't move so Burke persisted more sternly. "Cristina, this is not another cool surgery. This ammo can go off at any time and kill everyone in this room. Do you get that? You can not be in here."

"Do you think this is about surgery..." Cristina asked incredulously.

Burke interrupted her, more adamant than ever now and whispered into her ear. "Cristina I can not do this with you in here! I can not think!"

Cristina just looked over to Meredith.

"We'll be fine" Meredith insisted, sounding braver than she felt. Cristina just stared at her, not convinced. "It's ok."

Cristina nodded reluctantly and let Burke take over for her with the ambu bag.

Cristina turned to Burke, "You know in the movies how there's always the heroes and then there's the other guy? You know the guy who sees danger and runs in the opposite direction?"

"Yes."

"Be the other guy." Cristina told him before leaving the OR.

Meredith watched them teary-eyed. She could understand Burke's desire to get Cristina out of harms way – if it were Derek in here, she wouldn't be able to focus until he was out of there too. She took a deep breath to calm herself and then looked over to Dylan. "So you have a plan right? You have a way to get me out of this?"

Dylan just stared back at her.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Cristina might have been kicked out of the bomb OR but there was now way she was just going to go downstairs and twiddle her thumbs. She needed to do something. After pulling off her flap jacket, she scrubbed in and entered OR2.

Derek looked over at Cristina curiously. "This area has been evacuated Dr. Yang."

Cristina was not perturbed. "And somehow you're still here."

"I have to be here. You don't."

"Yes I do" Cristina insisted. Her boyfriend and her person were next door in a room with a bomb – she needed to be here.

"Dr. Yang" Derek said warningly.

"Yes I do" Cristina replied adamantly. "Besides I guess you need a little company." When Derek didn't push it further, she made her way over to the table. "How's he doing?"

"He's hanging in there" Derek told her. So far so good – Tucker was still alive and he wouldn't have to tell Bailey he hadn't been able to save her husband. "How's the paramedic Hannah doing?"

"Hannah?" Cristina asked in confusion.

"The girl with the bomb" Derek added.

It was then that Cristina realised he didn't know the girl with the bomb was no longer Hannah, but Meredith instead. "Oh, uh she's hanging in there too." She felt a little guilty for not telling him about Meredith, but there really wasn't anything he could do right now, what with being elbow deep in Tucker's brain at the moment.

Cristina assisted Derek for a while before becoming distracted by a noise in the corridor outside the OR.

"Micro-scissors Dr. Yang." When Cristina didn't pass them to him, he looked up and noticed her staring. "What is so interesting out there?"

"I uh...I'll..." Cristina stuttered before ripping off her gown and hurrying out of the OR.

Cristina was shocked and alarmed to find Meredith and the bomb squad guys wheeling Mr Carlson along the corridor. Apparently, OR3 was right above the main oxygen line for the hospital, so they were moving to OR1 – where if the bomb did go off, there was less chance of the whole hospital going up as a consequence. She watched as they safely manoeuvred the gurney into the new OR and breathed a sigh of relief that they didn't blow up, before returning back to OR2.

"How's it going out there Yang?" Derek asked as Cristina joined him back at the table.

"Everything's fine" Cristina replied, hoping to God she wasn't lying.

"How's the girl with bomb?"

"How's he doing?" Cristina asked, trying to swerve Derek's question.

"He's almost there. You didn't answer my question Yang." Derek pointed out, getting the feeling there was something she wasn't telling him.

"Sir?"

"How is the girl with the bomb?"

Cristina looked at him conflicted for a second. He'd undoubtedly panic finding out Meredith was the one with her hand on a bomb, if the nauseatingly adoring looks he constantly gave her person were anything to go by, but he did deserve to know. "It's Meredith" Cristina told him warily. "The girl with the bomb is Meredith."

Derek's stomach dropped and he spun around to stare at her, startled at her admission. Meredith – his Meredith – currently had her hand on live, unexploded ammunition in the room next door, while he was in here. He needed to be with her, he needed her to know she wasn't alone, and if by some horrible chance the bomb did explode then he'd rather be in there with her than left alone without her. That's how much he was in this – he couldn't face a life without her in it, because living without her was an impossibility.

All of a sudden the heart monitor connected to Tucker flat lined and snapped Derek out of his trance. No – there was no way this was going to happen – he was not going to let Tucker die. "Damn it we're losing him. Push one of epi!"

"Thready pulse"

"Epi in!"

"Nothing" Derek sighed frustratedly, "Okay get me a wet lap."

"Here."

"We're gonna roll him on 3. Okay let me know when everyone's ready. Let's go. We gotta go. Come on! Let's go!" Derek commanded urgently.

"Come on, come on, come on, come on." Derek urged Tucker as Cristina performed CPR.

"Wide complex bradycardia" Cristina informed him.

"Push one more of epi and one more of atropine. Come on, come on. You can not do this Tucker! You can not quit on me! Come on, keep going. You can't quit!"

The heart monitor continued to show a flat line. Cristina stopped CPR but continued squeezing the ambu bag, looking anxiously at Derek. Derek looked panicked and ripped off his headset. Pushing people out of the way he frantically began CPR himself. Tucker was not going to die. Meredith was not going to die. He was going to stabilise Tucker then go to Meredith.

Despite Derek's best efforts, Tucker was still flat lining. Everyone in the room looked despondent as Derek backed away from Tucker slowly, out of breath. Feeling helpless, he frustratedly spun around and thumped his fist hard against Tucker's chest. The monitor was still showing a flat-line and Derek sighed in defeat. All of a sudden though, the heart monitor started beeping again. Derek gasped in surprise as he looked at the monitor – Tucker's heart rate was rising up.

Derek quickly checked Tucker's vitals and then his scalp incision site. He was stable – he was going to be fine. "Monitor him" he told Cristina as he pulled off his gown and gloves and tossed them into the bin.

"Ok" Cristina replied as he headed to the door. "They moved to OR1" she added, knowing full well who he was going to look for.

Derek nodded in appreciation before the door swung closed behind him and he hurried to find Meredith.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Back in OR1, they were getting ready for Meredith to pull the bomb out of Mr Carlson's chest. If Meredith made a list of incredibly stupid things she'd done in her life – sticking her hand on a bomb inside someone's chest would rank very highly. She could feel her heart racing and she was freaking out now she actually had to pick the thing up.

"I'm going to extend the wound. When I cut the bleeding is going to intensify. If we're going to save Mr. Carlson you have to pull the ammo out immediately" Burke told her.

"But remember, remove it while keeping it level as possible. Nice and easy. No quick movements. Level" Dylan added.

"Right, level" Meredith repeated uncertainly.

"You ready?" Burke asked gently.

Meredith felt tears blurring her eyes again. "I uh ... ... Do I have a choice?"

"You have to be ready" Burke told her.

"Yeah, I guess" Meredith agreed, trying to summon up some courage.

"Scalpel"

"I guess I'm ready" she whispered.

Burke extended the wound carefully, creating enough of an opening for Meredith to lift the bomb out. "I'm good. She can go."

Dylan nodded. "All right now Meredith. Wrap your hand around the nose cone." Meredith looked like she wasn't listening but just staring off to the side of the room, tears glistening in her eyes. "Meredith."

"Grey" Burke called out to her. "Grey?"

"Meredith" Dylan prompted.

Meredith pulled down her scrub mask and looked at the two men with a mixture of fear and sadness in her eyes. This was not how she wanted to spend her last moments on Earth – she hadn't seen Derek since their brief encounter that morning. It wasn't enough – they weren't done yet, they still had so much to experience together. It wasn't fair. She took a deep breath and looked over to Burke. "George and Izzie shouldn't have to move out of the house-" she told him.

"No. You hear me" Dylan interrupted.

"You should make sure. Make sure that they get to stay in the house." She blinked back the tears and her voice cracked as she continued, "and Derek – tell Derek that I love him. Tell him…tell him that he changed my life. And tell him that he should still build the dream house."

Burke looked solemnly at her but nodded almost imperceptibly before returning his attention back to the task at hand. "Grey, his pressure's dropping. Grey."

"I can't! No. I can't. This is crazy. Burke, you're gonna go. You go." Meredith replied anxiously, gesturing to the two men. There was no need for all of them to die. "Both of you should go."

"Nobody's dying today, Grey." Burke told her firmly.

"Meredith I want you to look at me." Dylan told her seriously, trying to get her attention. "Look at me. I know this is bad. And I know that I'm this ass who's been yelling at you all day. So you pretend that I'm not. You pretend that I'm someone you like. Whatever you need. But you need to listen to me."

Meredith looked up and met his gaze. She closed her eyes. She could do that – she could imagine he was someone she liked. The sound of the door opening caused her to open her eyes again – there was no need for imagining because the man she was going to imagine was now stood right there in the OR with her.

"Hey" Derek said softly, his heart aching at the tears rolling down Meredith's cheeks and the fear written all over her face.

"Derek" Meredith croaked, "you shouldn't be here." It was one thing to imagine him being there with her to help her feel less scared, but she wanted the real live version to stay alive and be as far away from this OR as possible.

"Meredith" Derek breathed, her name like a prayer to him. "If you're in here, I'm in here" he told her, letting her know that he would not be one of the people in her life who let her down and left her alone. They were a team and they would face everything together.

Meredith felt a tear trickle down her cheek and Derek's face became blurry from the moisture as she admitted, "I'm scared."

"I know." Derek replied softly. He closed the distance between them and came to stand just behind her, their bodies only inches apart. Pulling his ferry boat scrub cap off, he gently tied it around Meredith's head, letting his fingers linger longer than necessary, both of them needing the comfort the simple touch provided. He leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Invincible remember."

Derek moved to stand at the side of the gurney so she could see him. Meredith gave him a small smile in gratitude at his gesture. "You can do this. It'll be over in a second. You can do this Meredith." Derek soothed, not breaking eye contact.

"Ok." Meredith whispered, gaining confidence from Derek's belief in her.

"Ok." Derek smiled.

Burke and Dylan watched the exchange in silence, both in awe at the change Derek evoked in Meredith's demeanour – going from scared and uncertain to determined and ready."

Meredith looked between the three men in the room, her voice calm and firm as she said, "Let's do this."

 **AN: so there's part 1! Please, please, please continue to leave me your comments and let me know what you think! Hope you liked it :) Part 2 to follow shortly!**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Hello! Sorry for the slight delay in posting - I unfortunately didn't get as much time to write last week as I would have liked.**

 **Thank you as always to all of you lovely people who took the time to review – to those of you who have reviewed every chapter and those who have reviewed for the first time – I appreciate each and every one of them! :) There was a drop in review count last chapter so I do hope you're all still enjoying the story!**

 **So here's 'bomb in a body cavity' part 2 and this chapter is pure MerDer – hope you like it!**

Chapter 18:

 _"Let's do this."_

Derek's heart thudded loudly in his chest and he stared unblinking as Meredith's jaw set determinedly and she tentatively wrapped her fingers around the bomb. The tears glistening in her eyes told him she was scared – he'd challenge anyone not to be scared having their hand on live, unexplored ammunition, even the bomb squad guys he'd bet were scared. Hell, he was scared – but not of being blown up. What scared him more than anything was the possibility of losing Meredith. The idea of her dying was the single most terrifying concept his brain could conjure up, and he was pretty sure that if that happened, the sheer grief would kill him too. It can't explode though. They've only only just found each other, they've just started – they haven't had enough time. She's the one his Dad wanted him to find – his future is with her. A scene flashed in Derek's mind, a scene he'd imagined a number of times, of the two of them years from now, sitting outside the dream house they'd built together on their land, smiling as they watched little mini versions of themselves run around. That dream had to become reality – there were no ifs, buts or maybes – it had to.

Despite her being scared, he knew Meredith was brave enough to do this – to get where she was after everything she'd been through in her life was nothing short of remarkable. He trusted wholeheartedly in her bravery and strength, he just didn't trust the stability of a home made grenade. He said a silent prayer to his Dad to watch out for Meredith and see her through this.

Meredith looked up at Dylan before steeling herself and wrapping her hand cautiously around the nose cone. It was comforting to have Derek stood next to her in what was the most scary moment of her life – he was a calming presence, but on the other hand she wished he was nowhere near here and out of harms way, where there was no chance of him being blown up. 'Please don't explode, please don't explode, please don't explode' she chanted in her head as she slowly started to pull the bomb out of Mr Carlson's chest.

"Gently" Dylan whispered as Meredith carefully lowered the bomb into his open hands.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she relinquished her hold on it.

Dylan gave her a small smile as she stepped back from the table. "You did good."

Meredith watched in a mixture of shock, disbelief and a multitude of other emotions that her brain was too wired to come up with a name for, as Dylan with a nod of recognition that she'd done her part, turned and walked slowly and carefully, with his arms outstretched, out of the OR. She was in a trance, this was crazy – only she could go to work and end up holding a bomb inside someone's chest. Well, her and Hannah – but Hannah didn't know it was a bomb when she put her hand in there, whereas Meredith did. That was definitely stupid. Next time she had a feeling, she was staying at home, and no one, not even Cristina would be able to convince her otherwise!

With all of the drama, her brain seemed to have had enough and switched off because her legs, of their own volition, started moving and she found herself slowly taking the same path Dylan had taken just moments ago out into the hallway. She watched wide eyed and curiously as Dylan walked cautiously down the hallway towards his waiting colleague. Had they actually done it? Was it really over?

When the bomb was finally out of Meredith's hand and Dylan had taken it and walked out of the OR, Derek let out a huge breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back, saying a silent 'thank you' to whoever was looking out for them. As his heart rate started to return to something approaching normal, a shuffling noise caused him to open his eyes. Any improvement in his heart rate was quickly lost though as he saw Meredith walking out of the room, and out of the relative safety they'd just been granted. "Meredith?" he called anxiously.

When she didn't answer and then disappeared from his sight, he bolted after her. With his large strides and impressive speed, he was by her side in an instant. It didn't feel like an instant to him though – it felt more like hours given the mortal peril they had been, and still were, in. "Meredith" he breathed, placing a hand on her arm – needing to reassure himself that she was indeed ok. She wasn't looking at him though, she was staring right past him, her gaze transfixed on Dylan's every step.

Derek followed her gaze and saw it before it happened. In a split second, he put his body in front of hers, shielding her from the almighty blast that sent a shockwave down the hallway and threw them off their feet. As they flew through the air, Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith, holding her to him, before they landed with a painful thud on the hard floor. And then everything went black.

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Derek groaned in pain as he opened his eyes seconds later. Was it seconds? It could have been minutes, it could have been hours – he didn't know. But what he did know was that the world stopped when he looked down and saw Meredith laid underneath him, covered in debris and a nasty cut on her forehead that had turned her hair red with blood. Her eyes were closed and she wasn't moving – unconscious. Panic flooded his bloodstream – even more than when Cristina had told him that Meredith was the girl with the bomb.

He rolled off her quickly and anxiously surveyed her injuries. He remembered putting his hand out to take his weight when they'd hit the floor to avoid crushing her, so that couldn't be why she was out cold. His heart ached when he saw what little flesh was visible outside of her surgical gown was covered in cuts and painful looking bruises. He was pretty sure there'd be many more underneath her gown too. She must've hit her head when she fell – that was the only explanation he could come up with.

"Meredith…Mere?" he breathed anxiously, gently shaking her shoulder, careful not to hurt her. He couldn't lose her now - she'd done the hard part, she couldn't die like this. She couldn't leave him here without her. "Meredith, you cannot do this! If you die, I die!...please Mere, come on." Grabbing his penlight from his pocket, which miraculously wasn't broken, he checked her eyes and thankfully found her pupils were reactive. "Come on Mere, open your eyes for me" he pleaded, stroking her cheek as he held her head in his hands. He choked on a sob as her eyelids fluttered and opened slowly. "Oh, thank God!" he sighed in relief as moisture pooled in his eyes. "Are you ok?"

"Ouch" Meredith croaked as she looked up at him disoriented, trying to piece together what had happened. The last thing she remembered was following Dylan out into the hall and then Derek being stood next to her. From the position they were now in and the debris everywhere, along with the massive headache she now had, she presumed the bomb had gone off. That wasn't good – that meant that Dylan, and probably the other bomb squad guy that was in the hall with him, were dead. As much as Dylan had yelled at her and been an ass all day, he didn't deserve to die. He'd came here to save people and stop them from being blown up, and in exchange he'd been blown up himself – that wasn't fair.

Meredith groaned as she pushed herself up into a sitting position, not wanting to lie on the floor any longer. Derek noticed her pain and carefully scooped her up into his arms as he stood up. He winced as pain shot through his back and he felt blood seep into his scrub top, but he didn't care about that right now – he needed to take care of Meredith. As she lay her head on his shoulder, he carefully sidestepped the bits of broken glass and metal and carried her away from the ORs that now doubled as a war zone.

"Oh my gosh, is she ok?" Izzie exclaimed as she saw them walking towards her.

They must have looked quite a sight Derek realised, covered in blood and dust and looking like they'd just escaped the apocalypse – which in effect they kind of had. When Meredith didn't say anything, instead just pressing her face further into his neck, Derek spoke for her. "She's in shock" he told Izzie, seeing the concern in her eyes. "She's got quite a few cuts and bruises but she'll be fine. I'm gunna help her clean up."

"I can do that Dr Shepherd if you want?" Izzie offered, wanting to be able to help. "I mean, you look like you could do with a shower yourself."

"No. Thank you" Derek said immediately. "I'll do it." He gave her a small smile to show her that her offer was appreciated, but he needed to do this. It was his job to look after her, and after coming so close to losing her, there was no way he was leaving her side until he was 100% satisfied that she was ok.

Izzie gave him a nod of understanding as he pushed the door to the Attendings' lounge open and carried Meredith inside.

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The Attending's lounge was thankfully empty and Derek was grateful he wouldn't have to snap at anyone who dared to ask why he had an intern in here. He carried her into the shower room and locked the door to give them some privacy in case anyone did come in. Gently setting her down on her feet, he cupped her cheek with his hand. "You ok?" he asked softly.

Meredith looked at him, still in shock from what had just happened, and nodded so imperceptibly he almost didn't see it. Derek gave her a small smile – he knew she was far from OK, but she was alive and conscious and that was the main thing. The rest, he'd help her get there. The first step was washing away all the blood and dust that was marring her beautiful skin. "Mere" he said reverently, tilting her chin up so she was looking at him. The relief at her being stood in front of him and still being able to say her name to her was indescribable. "We need to get you out of these clothes. I'm gunna help you shower ok?"

"Ok" Meredith whispered.

"I promise I'm not just trying to get you naked" he teased.

Meredith smiled slightly, letting him know she appreciated his attempt to lighten the mood. Derek reached into the shower and turned the water on before gently untying her scrub cap and pulling it off. He then as delicately as if she were made of china, pulled her soiled surgical gown off of her arms. Meredith hissed in pain as the sleeve tugged on her wrist and Derek winced when he saw the angry purple bruise that has eclipsed her usual porcelain skin. Tossing the gown to one side, he leant down and placed a featherlight kiss on her bruise.

Meredith watched him with tears in her eyes. She wasn't sure if it was the magnitude of the day's events catching up with her or the sheer love and affection emanating from Derek's eyes as he cared for her. She guessed it was a mixture of both.

As he helped her remove her scrubs, careful of her bruises, and she was stood there in just her bra and panties, Derek was struck by the thought that this was the first time he'd seen her like this. Even when they'd stayed overnight together she'd always had a tee shirt and shorts on. He'd be lying if he said he didn't notice the swell of her breasts or the curve of her hips, or the cute little freckle she had by her belly button. But this wasn't a sexual act – this was a man taking care of the woman he loved.

As he stood back up, the look in her eyes made his heart skip a beat – she trusted him. Even after all the times people had let her down and broken her trust in the past, she'd allowed herself to trust him – and that was an incredible gift that he had every intention of making sure she never regretted giving.

"Could you…I can't twist my arm" she said shyly, turning slightly so he could get to her back.

Derek swallowed – she wanted him to take off her bra. He was planning on her keeping that on while he helped her shower, but he guessed it made sense not to get it wet if she didn't have a spare. His fingers trembled slightly as he unhooked the clasp and he shook his head at his nervousness. He'd removed bras countless times before. But never Meredith's. As he slid the straps down her arms, his fingers lightly traced their path and left goosebumps in their wake. As she turned back around to face him, Derek's breath hitched – even covered in blood and bruises, he still thought she was the single most beautiful woman in the world.

He smiled at her, giving her their look – the one he reserved only for her, as he took her hand and led her into the shower. He placed one arm on her back and with the other he tilted her head back under the spray as he carefully rinsed the dirt and blood from her hair. He didn't care that his scrubs and his shoes were getting wet, all he cared about was looking after the woman he was holding. With her arm injured, Derek used the shampoo and conditioner someone had left in the shower to wash her hair. It wasn't the lavender one he loved so much but it would do for now.

Meredith kept her eyes on him the whole time as he lovingly, and achingly carefully, washed the grime from every part of her body. Before this moment she would have said it wasn't possible for her to love him any more than she already did. But she was wrong. Watching him take care of her like this, with her stood there so vulnerable, she fell in love with him even more. Because even on her worst day, he made things better.

As he stepped further into the shower to reach her other side, the spray hit his back and he winced. Meredith snapped out of her reverie at the sound of Derek in pain. "You're hurt" she said softly, more of a statement than a question.

"I'm fine" Derek insisted, far more concerned about taking care of Meredith than his own injuries.

Meredith was having none of it though. She pushed him gently backwards as she stepped out of the spray. "Turn around." Derek sighed but did as she requested. "Take your top off."

As Derek slowly lifted his top, Meredith gasped at the sight she was met with. His back was covered in lacerations and bruises were starting to form all over. She felt her throat constrict - he'd spent all this time tending to her and he must've been in pain himself the whole time. It was then that she remembered why he had injuries like that on his back – he was protecting her. "You…you stood in front of a bomb for me" she breathed, tracing one of the bruises with her finger.

Derek turned back around to face her and cupped her face in his hands. "I'd do it again" he told her sincerely, knowing without a doubt that he'd give his life to save hers in a heartbeat.

Meredith felt a tear roll down her cheek, which Derek brushed away with his thumb. "I love you" she choked out.

"I love you too" Derek replied, before leaning down and brushing her lips softly with his. There was a time when they were in the OR that he'd thought he may never get to do this again, so kissing her right then was the best feeling in the world.

"Take those off" Meredith told him, gesturing to his scrub pants and trainers.

Derek quirked an eyebrow. "Are you trying to take advantage of me in my injured state?" he teased.

Meredith rolled her eyes, causing Derek to chuckle. "I'm trying to help you."

When he was stood next to her in just his boxers, Meredith reached into the shower and turned the temperature down so the spray was warm rather than hot. She took his hand and led him under the water. She noticed him wince again as she spray hit his now bare back. "It'll help" she said softly as she moved behind him and gently washed the dried blood away, the touch of her fingers soothing his wounds. She watched as the water cascaded down Derek's now slick hair and onto the taut muscles of his back. It felt incredibly intimate to be stood there practically naked together in that moment, as they effectively washed away each other's pain.

"This isn't how I imagined our first shower together" Derek joked.

Meredith giggled in amusement. "You've imagined us showering together?" Meredith teased.

"I erm…" Derek stuttered. He'd done more than imagine it - he'd dreamt about it, on numerous occasions.

Meredith couldn't see his face but she could tell he was blushing. "So what did you imagine?"

"I'll show you some time."

Meredith shivered, despite the heat – she had no doubt he'd make good on his promise.

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With the majority of the bomb remnants washed from their bodies and them both less bloody, they stepped out of the shower and turned off the water. The Attendings' lounge was much fancier than the intern locker room Meredith observed. She hadn't noticed when Derek had carried her in there earlier as she'd been in too much of a daze, but it was definitely a step up from what she was used to. There were freshly laundered towels and scrubs on tap, there was even a hair dryer. Derek passed her a towel and a pair of indigo scrubs, which she took gratefully – her own soiled light blue scrubs were not something she wanted to put back on.

Derek smiled at her as he helped her towel dry her hair - he'd insisted, knowing her arm was painful. "I'll let you blow dry" he told her when he'd finished. "That's not really my strong point."

Meredith's eyebrows rose as she looked up at him. "You're telling me you, with that hair, don't know how to blow dry?" she teased, gesturing at his infamous hair, that was the envy of the majority of women, and men, in the hospital.

Derek looked sheepish – his sisters always teased him about how he took longer to do his hair than they did. "I don't know how to blow dry long hair" he clarified.

With them both dry and dressed, Derek smiled as he looked at Meredith wearing matching indigo scrubs. He decided she looked good as an Attending. "I want you to get a CT before we go home" he told her as he took her hand and led her out of the Attendings' lounge. "You hit your head and you were unconscious for a while so I just want to make sure."

Meredith didn't want to get a CT – aside from a few aches and pains she felt fine. All she wanted to do was get out of the hospital and away from everything that had happened today. The stubborn look on Derek's face though told her he wouldn't be persuaded, and that he'd carry her there if he had to. "Fine" she sighed, "I'll get a CT if you get your back sutured and dressed."

Derek smiled in triumph, having expected to face more of a fight to get her there. "I can do that" he agreed.

CT thankfully had no queue, the only people there were the CT technician and Cristina. Derek wasn't quite sure what Cristina was doing there but as if reading his mind, Meredith informed him that she'd paged Cristina to suture his back. It was widely known that Meredith and Cristina were the most skilled interns around so if it couldn't be Meredith then he guessed Cristina would be the best person to do it.

After demanding that the CT technician page him as soon as he had Meredith's films, he and Cristina went to an exam room a couple of doors down from CT. It wasn't the biggest or best stocked exam room in the hospital but Derek was adamant he wasn't going any further away.

He felt a little awkward taking his scrub top off and sitting half naked on a gurney in front of Cristina, but he imagined she felt just as awkward. If she did though, she didn't show it.

"Tucker's doing well - he's in the ICU now. They said he should be waking up soon" Cristina began as she cleaned his lacerations. "Bailey's with him – she said to say thank you."

Derek smiled – he was glad Tucker was going to be fine. He'd fought like hell in the OR to get Tucker to to pull through so he was immensely grateful his efforts had paid off and that Bailey wouldn't be losing her husband. "I was just doing my job".

Cristina paused before dressing one of his wounds as if contemplating what to say. "Thank you" she told him sincerely.

Derek turned his head and looked at her curiously. Cristina was usually sarcastic or short with him, he wasn't used to her being humble. "For what?"

"For Mere – for being there for her. I imagine you played a part in her not getting herself, or Burke, blown up."

"No, that was all Mere" Derek told her, his eyes lighting up thinking about Meredith. "She was incredible. She was scared but she didn't falter – not once."

Cristina regarded the man her best friend had fallen so hard for. She hadn't fully understood it until today but now she did. "You really love her don't you?"

Derek smiled, "I really love her."

"Good" Cristina replied, getting back to dressing his wound.

They said nothing more as Cristina finished her task, having said what they needed to. Most of the lacerations only needed butterfly stitches or dressings, there were only two that needed sutures, which Derek was grateful for as he was anxious to get back to Meredith.

Slipping his scrub top back on he thanked Cristina and headed back towards CT. He didn't get more than a few paces though before he bumped into Meredith walking towards him, carrying her films. "Hey, why didn't the CT tech page me?" he greeted her, looking at his pager and frowning when he found no message.

"I told him not to bother as I was coming to find you anyway. They're clear" she told him, holding up her films.

"Why don't you let your fancy neurosurgeon boyfriend be the judge of that" he replied, taking her hand and leading her into one of the viewing rooms.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "I did go to med school Derek – I can read a CT" she teased.

"I know you can, I just want to make sure you're ok" he explained as he flicked the switch to illuminate her films. He needed to be sure, he needed to see with his own eyes that she was alright and not going to be taken from him.

Meredith watched with affection as Derek scrutinised every inch of each of her films. He stood there for a good ten minutes checking and rechecking. CT scans usually took less than a minute to analyse and decide if there was anything wrong, but Meredith knew today had been hard on Derek too. He'd been scared for her, and he was still scared.

"Derek" she said softly, looking up at him as she came to stand between him and her scans, "they're clear, I'm ok. Let's go home."

Derek tore his attention from the scans as Meredith wrapped her arms around his waist. The scans were clear – there were no skull fractures, no bleeding on the brain, no clots. He knew that, he could see it on the scans, but he'd come so close to losing her today, he was scared in case he'd missed something.

"You haven't missed anything" Meredith told him, knowing what he was thinking. "The CT tech said they're clear, I've said they're clear, and you can see that they're clear too. Let's go home."

Derek swallowed the lump in his throat as she smiled at him. She was ok, she was ok and she was here with him. "Ok" he whispered.

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The drive back to Meredith's house was a quiet one. Now that they were away from the danger and the adrenaline had subsided, exhaustion washed over them like a wave as the day's events caught up with them. Their fingers remained intertwined, providing a tactile comfort as Derek manoeuvred the streets of Seattle. When he pulled up on Meredith's drive, he smiled as he looked over and saw that she'd fallen asleep, her head resting on the window.

Coming round to her side, he gently undid her seatbelt and lifted her into his arms, just as he'd done earlier in the day. She didn't stir, which told him just how exhausted she must be. Thankfully George had seen them arrive and opened the door to let them in. Derek nodded in greeting to the younger man before carrying her up to her room. After closing the door as quietly as he could with his foot, he lay her down gently on the bed. He pulled her shoes off and tucked her legs under the covers. He figured scrubs wouldn't be too uncomfortable to sleep in so she'd be fine to stay in those. Derek took a moment, as he looked down at the sleeping woman who'd effortlessly become the love of his life, to be thankful that she was still here – she was still alive, she was still breathing, she was still his.

Bending down he placed a loving kiss to her temple. "I love you Meredith Grey" he whispered.

Meredith stirred at the feeling of his lips on her skin. "Will you stay?" she mumbled sleepily.

Derek smiled as he brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. "I'm not going anywhere". He kicked off his shoes and climbed in next to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to hold her to him and spooning her from behind. They needed this – the warmth of each other's embrace and feeling the beat of each other's hearts. "You almost died today" he murmured, pulling her closer and pressing his face into the warmth of her neck.

"Yeah. I almost died today" Meredith replied, linking her fingers with his that were resting protectively over her stomach.

Derek placed a kiss just below her ear and whispered, "I'm glad you didn't die today."

 **AN: sorry to the guest reviewer who wanted me to keep Dylan alive – hopefully the MerDer-ness made up for it! Pleeeease drop me a review and let me know what you think – it will make my day :) Next chapter will be the S2 finale, and I have big things planned! ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Firstly, as always thanks to everyone who took the time to review – you guys are great :)**

 **So this is the big S2 finale! I'm really proud of this chapter so I hope you like it! it's the longest one yet, by quite some way – a reward for my loyal readers and reviewers :) …it also contains something a lot have you have been waiting for for a while ;)**

 ** _WARNING – this chapter is very much rated M – just letting you know before you start reading!_**

 **Please enjoy and let me know what you think :)**

Chapter 19:

Meredith drove the familiar route, that she now knew like the back of her hand, from the Bainbridge ferry terminal to Derek's land. It had been a week since the bomb incident and Derek had been nothing short of perfect in being there for her. The Chief had forced them, despite their protestations, to take two days off afterwards, which they had spent hidden away together at the trailer, watching old movies and taking walks over the expansive land. Derek had hovered adorably for those two days, making sure there were no after effects of her concussion and that her aches and pains were healing well. It was sweet because his injuries were actually worse than hers, and so despite his assurances that he was fine, she had insisted on cleaning and redressing his wounds every day. Ever since they'd gone back to work, she'd found herself on Derek's service, which she wasn't complaining about because she loved Neuro and watching Derek operate was always a buzz, but she also had a feeling it was partly due to him wanting to keep an eye on her. She couldn't really blame him for still being a bit freaked out, because she had almost died a week ago, but their injuries had healed now and the hospital was getting back to normal, so it was time for them to get back to normal too.

It was just before 6am and still dark out as she pulled up next to Derek's car. He didn't know she was coming – she wanted to surprise him before work. As Derek was one of those annoying morning people who were always up at the crack of dawn and happy about it, she was surprised that there weren't any lights on in the trailer. He had had a late emergency surgery last night though so she couldn't really blame him for still being in bed – most sane people would still be in bed at this time!

A bark from the back of her jeep broke her from her musings and so after climbing out herself, she opened the door for Doc, who happily jumped out and pulled her towards the shiny silver trailer that had captured his attention. Meredith quietly unlocked the trailer door with the spare key Derek had given her so she could come over whenever she wanted, and stepped inside. She smiled at the site she was met with – Derek was lain on his chest, naked but for a pair of blue boxers, his arms above his head clutching the pillow his head was resting on. She took a moment to appreciate the taut muscles of his shoulders and back, the perfect roundness of his butt cheeks and the way his raven curls were mussed from sleep in a way that made her ache to run her fingers through them.

Meredith smirked mischievously as she bent down and whispered to Doc. "Hey Doc, why don't you go and say hi to Derek."

Doc looked between Meredith and the sleeping man on the bed, who'd become his new favourite playmate, and after receiving a nod from Meredith he wagged his tail and launched himself onto the bed with a bark.

"What the fu-" Derek exclaimed as he jumped three feet in the air, startled out of his sleep as Doc started licking his face. "Doc?"

An uncontrollable but familiar giggle brought him into full consciousness as Meredith came to stand in front of him. "Oh, you think that was funny?" he asked, a smile tugging at his lips at the happiness on her face.

"Actually I do" Meredith replied, still giggling.

Derek grinned mischievously and grabbed her waist before flipping them quickly so she was laying on the bed and he was hovering over her. He spread her arms out and intertwined his fingers with hers, lowering his face so there were only millimetres between their lips. "Do you think it's funny now?"

The laughter caught in Meredith's throat as she looked up into his eyes that were almost black with desire, and felt every inch of his body pressed against hers. "No" she whispered, before Derek crushed his lips to hers in a searing kiss that had her seeing stars and breathless in seconds. She wanted so badly to tangle her fingers in his hair and tug on his curls but Derek had her hands hostage and she couldn't move. Her moan of frustration caused Derek to smirk into her mouth, realising what she wanted but enjoying teasing her.

Meredith knew he was enjoying having all the power, but two could play that game. Hooking her legs around his waist she pulled him down further so his prominent erection was pressing against her jean-clad centre. It had the desired effect as the sensation caused Derek to gasp and it startled him enough to loosen his hold on her hands. Meredith took the advantage and freed her hands, winding them into his hair with satisfaction. It was her turn to smirk as she brought his head down for another earth shattering kiss.

"You play dirty" Derek breathed in between kisses.

"I could" Meredith murmured, her eyes twinkling naughtily. "I really, really want you Derek" she added, reaching down and slipping her hands into his boxers. This was the first time she'd touched him, skin to skin, and the feel of him, so warm and hard and ready – for her, sent her senses into overdrive. Never before in her life had she desired someone so badly.

Derek gasped and closed his eyes at the pleasure of her stroking him. He was pretty sure he was ready to burst just from her touch. He felt like he was experiencing everything with 10 times the intensity, and the sensations were overwhelming. "Meredith" he moaned, opening his eyes and looking at her with lust filled eyes, "in case you couldn't tell, I really really want you too." Leaning down, he captured her lips urgently to emphasise his point.

Meredith let out a moan of pleasure and removed her hand from his boxers to wrap around his neck, holding him to her. Pulling away just an inch, she looked up at him and saw her own intoxicating mix of love and hunger reflected in his eyes. "We're ready Derek. No more taking it slow – I want you to make love to me."

Derek smiled warmly at her, the smile he reserved only for her. He wanted this just as much as she did, and he knew it would make their love even stronger. Before he could respond though, a tongue, that wasn't Meredith's, started licking his face. They both laughed as Derek frowned and ruffled Doc's fur affectionately. "I think someone's feeling a bit left out."

"Well I did bring him round here so we could take him for a walk, but someone distracted me" she teased.

"I didn't hear you complaining."

"Oh I'm not complaining" Meredith assured him as she pushed them up into a sitting position so she was straddling his lap.

Derek chuckled as he placed his hand on her neck and pulled her lips back to his. They kissed passionately but unhurriedly, Derek deepening it by intertwining his tongue with hers. This was definitely the best way to wake up in the morning - and it was how he wanted to spend every morning for the rest of his life. When they pulled back they were both breathless as they smiled happily at each other. "Tomorrow night" Derek said softly, stroking her cheek, "come over tomorrow night after your shift, and stay the night with me."

A shiver went down Meredith's spine, despite being so heated up, the look in Derek's eyes telling her that this time wouldn't be like their other sleepovers, as much as she had loved those – this would be them sealing their love with a promise and making love for the first time. The thought made her feel light headed. "I'd like that" she whispered, smiling shyly as she leaned in and placed a featherlight kiss to his lips.

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They did eventually manage to take Doc for a walk, much to the dog's delight, after Meredith had openly ogled Derek as he got dressed. Derek, not missing how she was devouring him with her eyes, hammed it up and put on a bit of s show for her – much to her delight. As they walked hand in hand along Derek's favourite trail, they stole kisses and giggled like teenagers in between tossing a ball for Doc. All in all, it was a very good morning.

As they pulled up in the hospital parking lot, after dropping Doc back at Meredith's house, Derek opened Meredith's door for her and took her hand as they walked into the building. Their happiness was palpable as they couldn't help but smile affectionately at each other, not breaking eye contact for more than a few moments at a time. It dawned on them both that they were happy. After all of the crap they'd individually been through over the past few years, they were now really and truly happy – and the sole reason for that was that they'd found each other. After months of waiting, they were finally together and the thought of taking the next step with each other made them both feel giddy with anticipation.

Derek placed a warm kiss to her temple as they waited for the elevator and Meredith leaned into him in response. "Actually, I'll meet you up there" Derek told her, having seen someone he needed to talk to over Meredith's shoulder. Kissing her quickly, he winked at her and jogged down the hallway before she had chance to reply.

Meredith frowned in confusion as Derek jogged over to Izzie and then walked down the hallway with her, deep in conversation. She shrugged as she entered the elevator – Izzie had probably been monitoring one of his patients.

"Dr Stevens" Derek called out as he fell into stride with her, "I need your help with something."

"Dr Shepherd" Izzie greeted with a smile, "Do you have a good case? Because I really could do with a good case – I was on call last night and the most exciting thing that came in was a kid with a marble stuck up his nose! So what do you have – corpus callosotomy? DBS? Laminectomy?"

Derek chuckled at her rambling – it seemed everyone that lived in Meredith's house had a tendency to ramble. "I'm sorry, I don't have a case. But I do need your help – and you're the only one who can help me."

Izzie sighed in disappointment at the lack of surgeries as they walked towards the nurses' station, but that was replaced with an excited smile when Derek explained what it was he needed her help with.

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Meredith was still in a good mood when she was sent down to the ER to deal with the influx of patients. Apparently some guy, Petey, had gone into the store where he worked and started shooting people. Having listened to the manager go on and on about how great he was and how the other employees should have been quicker like him to avoid the bullets, she had a feeling the shooter had been looking for him.

After patching up some of the employees and getting them prepped for surgery, Meredith frowned when she looked at her pager and saw a 911 page from George. 'Why would George be paging me 911?' she thought – surely if there was an emergency he'd page an Attending. Nevertheless, she tossed her gloves in the bin and hurried off to the room George had paged her to. The scene she was met with was nothing she would have imagined. "George's page said it was an emergency" she said, looking between the panicked faces of her two room mates.

"You paged Meredith?" Izzie exclaimed.

"We need help!" George snapped.

Meredith got the feeling that she'd walked into a minefield and that whatever was going on, was bad. "What the hell is going on?"

"What the hell is going on?" Cristina repeated as she joined them in the room.

"Exactly what I said."

"She cut his LVAD wires!" George exclaimed, still not quite believing what Izzie had done.

Meredith's eyes widened in shock – yep, this was definitely bad. "What do you mean you cut his LVAD wires?"

"Are you trying to kill him?" Cristina asked, just as shocked as Meredith at Izzie's actions.

"I'm trying to save him" Izzie replied, trying to get them to understand. "All I have to do is confirm that his condition is worse, then Burke can call UNOS and he'll move up on the list and he will get his heart"

Cristina ran her hands through her hair in frustration, knowing there was a major hole in Izzie's plan. "About Burke..."

George didn't seem to hear Cristina, still freaking out about the situation he'd found himself in. "She's gone insane, right? It's not just me?"

"About Burke..."

"Everything will be fine!" Izzie insisted. "When Burke gets here, everything will be fine. He will know what to do."

"About Burke..." Cristina repeated, louder this time.

What?!"George snapped.

"He's been shot!" Cristina exclaimed, causing all three of them to stare at her in shock.

"Burke's not coming?" Izzie asked anxiously.

"Cristina, are you ok?" Meredith asked, knowing how much she'd be freaking out if it were Derek.

"I'm fine" Cristina replied shortly.

"Burke's not coming?" Izzie repeated, starting to panic.

"Why didn't I take the internship in San Diego? None of this would be happening if I was in San Diego" George muttered to himself.

"Burke's not coming."

"No, Izzie. Burke is not coming. I know you're having problems here what with your possible murder charges and your unbelievably stupid idea about stealing a heart, but Burke's kind of busy right now!" Cristina snapped exasperatedly.

Izzie went into full on panic mode then. "Denny's gonna die. Denny's gonna die and I killed him."

"You shouldn't have done it!" George yelled.

"George!" Meredith scolded him, knowing this wasn't helping.

"We have to tell someone" George told them.

Meredith's mind started whirring – she needed to think of a plan because no one else seemed to be thinking rationally, instead just snapping at each other. "No! Denny won't get the heart and Izzie'll get kicked out of the program."

"I'm leaving." Cristina stated, reaching for the door handle.

"What?" George asked incredulously. This situation sucked beyond belief but he wasn't just going to walk away and leave everyone else to deal with it.

"Cristina!" Meredith added, echoing George's feelings.

"Burke could die, too" Cristina explained frustratedly, "Complications arise all the time because of gunshot wounds! You think about that."

"Oh, my God" Izzie choked, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Oh, God. You know what, none of this would have happened, if you were thinking with your head..." Cristina snapped.

"I did what I thought was best!" Izzie pleaded.

"Did you think about the rules? Did you think for one second..." George yelled.

Meredith snapped – fighting with each other wasn't going to help them figure out what to do. "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! No one is leaving. And no one is dying."

Denny spoke then for the first time since she'd entered his room. "Thank you. It was kind of getting on my nerves all this dying talk."

"Denny" Izzie sighed, relief washing over her that he was awake.

"It's ok. I think, uh, maybe we should all listen to Meredith. It looks like she might have a plan" Denny said calmly looking over to Meredith.

The others followed suit and looked at Meredith expectantly. "You have a plan?" Izzie asked hopefully.

"Just give me a minute" Meredith told them, rubbing her forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache. "Well, if Burke isn't coming, then we have to confirm Denny's condition ourselves. We get the blood work. We do the echo. And no one even has to know what Izzie did."

"But none of us have done an echo on our own before" Izzie reasoned.

"Cristina has. Burke taught her" Meredith replied calmly.

Cristina shook her head, not liking this plan. "I'm not involved."

"What if this were Burke? What if you were me?" Izzie pleaded with her.

"This is bad. This is bad and serious and against a lot of rules. It's not fun for me. I don't wanna play."

"What if you were me?" Izzie persisted.

"Well, I wouldn't have fallen in love with a patient." Cristina snapped.

"You fell in love with an attending" Izzie shot back.

"Well, so did Mer. What's the point?"

"The point is, we can't help who we fall in love with" Meredith clarified.

"Yeah" "Yeah." George and Izzie said in tandem.

The four of them were silent for a few moments, thinking about just how true Meredith's statement was. It was then that Meredith realised what she had to do. They were interns – if they had any chance of saving Denny and getting him the heart, they needed help. Grabbing her pager, she sent a quick message to the one person she trusted to help them.

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While Meredith waited for her page to be answered, she and the other interns began putting her plan into action.

"How's his heart looking?" Izzie asked

Cristina glanced at the screen as she ran the echo on Denny. "His left ventricle's shot and he's barely pushing blood out."

"I'm sorry. I know that you're worried about Burke" Izzie replied, grateful that Cristina was helping her.

"You know, whatever. It's fine."

"Cristina, can't you just try to understand? I love him." Izzie pleaded.

"You don't even know him."

"I do know him."

"You've never even seem him outside the four walls of this hospital. You don't know him."

"I know him" Izzie insisted. "Maybe I don't live with him or work with him like you do with Burke, but I do know him. And there's...there's possibility here. And given the choice of running or staying..."

"You should run" Cristina finished for her. "A sane person, a person who values her career and everything she's worked for, a person who values her own heart...that person would run."

"A sane person...would marry me" Denny added in quietly before passing out.

"What?" Izzie asked, unable to believe what she'd just heard. "What did you say? What did he say? He said marry me? He said marry me, right?"

"He did" George clarified.

"Denny. Wake up. Denny."

Meredith felt her heart thudding as the monitor started beeping – this was not good.

"What's happening?" George asked anxiously.

"I'm pumping harder. I don't know" Izzie replied, starting to panic.

"He's flatline" Meredith stated, looking at the monitor.

Cristina placed her stethoscope on Denny's chest and listened. "No, no, no. He's not flatline. There's movement in his heart. Ok, um, uh, lets shock him. Uh, charge the defibrillator."

"Ventilate George!" Izzie instructed.

"I am."

Izzie picked up the paddles. "Charging to 200!"

"You got it?" Cristina asked.

"Yeah. Clear."

The heart monitor continued to beep and showed no heart activity.

"What do we do? What do we do?" Izzie panicked.

Meredith started hooking up some drips then looked over at the others. "I'm starting dopamine and dobutamine drips. We can use those together, right? What about milrinone?"

"I don't know" Izzie replied helplessly.

"You know, none of us do" Cristina sighed. "Just start the dobutamine and dopamine."

"What about...what about...gluceratide? That might help" George suggested, flipping through his medication reference book.

"I feel like my chest is running away" Denny panted.

"His heart rate's 217."

"He's in SVT."

"No, no. Izzie, stop pumping. Stop." Cristina told her.

"No, there's no change." George replied, checking Denny's heart.

"We need that medicine?" Meredith exclaimed.

"What medicine?"

"I'll know it when I see it."

"I think...the one that stops the heart. Here hold the mask" George added.

Denny started to panic. "No. The whole point is to keep my heart beating."

"No, no, no. It only stops it for six seconds" Izzie assured him.

"Meredith, it's adenosine" George told her.

"Uh, his heart is speeding up! Guys!" Cristina exclaimed, her usual calm demeanour cracking.

"You guys! We have to do something! He cannot take this for much longer."

"What about shocking him?"

"Found it!" Meredith said, grabbing the adenosine and inserting it into Denny's IV.

"Cristina, come over here. Lift up his arm. The nurses always lift the arm when they push adenosine. It gets to the heart faster" George suggested.

"Ok, Denny. You're gonna feel, um..."

"Izzie!" Denny called out, scared and in pain.

"No, it's ok. It's ok. It just feels like..." Izzie tried to comfort him.

"I'm gonna die."

"You're not gonna die, I promise. It's the meds."

"Yeah, we're heading back to flatline" Cristina told them. "Are you sure we used the right drugs?"

The book said it was right" George replied, hoping they really had used the right drug.

"I used the one I know" Meredith added.

"He's not going to die, right? Right? Right?" Izzie asked uncertainly, fear evident in her voice.

The four of them stared helplessly at the flatlining monitor. Six seconds later, which felt like six hours later, a collective sigh was emitted when the beeping changed from consistent to intermittent and Denny's heart started beating again.

"What the hell is going on here?" Derek exclaimed, stepping into the room and looking around at the four panicked interns surrounding an unconscious patient. He'd stabilised Burke and then gotten an emergency page from Meredith. After getting a resident to prep Burke for surgery, he'd hurried up to the room Meredith had paged him to. Whatever he'd been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.

"You called Shepherd?" Izzie asked, her eyes widening.

"We need help" Meredith replied, "we're in over our heads!"

Derek looked between Meredith and Izzie, and it was then that he noticed Izzie was manually pumping Denny's LVAD. "Ok, who's incredibly stupid idea was it to cut his LVAD wire?!"

"Derek…" Meredith began.

"He has to get the heart" Izzie interrupted, "he has to."

Derek was pretty sure it was Izzie who'd cut the wire – from comments Meredith had made he was pretty sure there was more to Izzie's relationship with Denny than that of doctor-patient. "You cut his LVAD wire so he'd get Burke's donor heart?" he asked incredulously. "You do know Burke's been shot right? He's in no state to be performing a transplant.

Meredith, George and Cristina said nothing, instead just stared at him, waiting to see what he was going to do.

"We know that!" Izzie snapped in exasperation. "But Denny needs that heart – he needs it or he'll die. So are you gunna help us?"

Derek opened his mouth but closed it again when no sound came out. This would definitely go down as the craziest day of his medical career. This was not a situation he'd ever come across – intentionally deteriorating a patient's condition to push them up the transplant list would definitely be frowned upon by UNOS, and the GMC. But ultimately, his responsibility was to the patient, and if the patient's current medical condition warranted him being at the top of the list then he should get the heart – despite how immoral the process of him getting to that point had been.

Walking over to Denny, he put his stethoscope in his ears and checked Denny's heart. He sighed as he looked at each of the four interns – Bailey's interns were the best, but they were also the most stubborn, and got far too involved with their patients. "I take it you've done confirmatory tests?"

A small smile tugged at Meredith's lips – she knew Derek would come through for them. "Yes. We did" she told him, handing him the printout of the echo.

Derek took the piece of paper from her and nodded as he looked it over. "Have you done blood work?"

"Yes" Cristina chimed in, "but they're still in the lab."

Derek pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the tension headache that was building. "O'Malley, get me the lab results. Do not pass go. Do not even talk to another living soul. Get the labs! Get back here!"

"Yes Sir" George replied, hurrying out of the room.

"Is Karev still at Mercy West to collect the heart?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, but he said Hahn's gunna take it if she has to wait much longer."

Derek let out a deep breath and thought for a moment. "Ok, I'm going to call UNOS and confirm Denny's status and then I'm going to call Karev and get him to bring the heart. I'm also going to try and convince Dr Hahn, who I'm guessing is rather pissed off, to come here and do the surgery, seeing as how we're down a CT surgeon." The three remaining interns looked at him impressed. "Stevens, Yang, take Denny to OR1 and prep him for surgery – monitor him. Page an anaesthetist and Bailey." At Cristina and Izzie's panicked looks at the mention of the their Resident, he snorted humourlessly. "Oh no, you're gunna have to deal with Bailey's wrath - I'm not doing that for you. Plus he's Bailey's patient – she needs to know what's going on. Go!"

When George returned with the lab results, Derek did as he'd said he would and called UNOS and Mercy West. Dr Hahn, as expected, was less than impressed at not getting the heart, but Derek managed to charm her into coming back to Seattle Grace with Alex and performing Denny's surgery. Meredith couldn't help but be impressed with how calmly he managed to handle and sort out this crazy situation she'd brought him into.

After hanging up, satisfied that he'd done all he could for now, he sent George to go and help Izzie and Cristina, leaving him alone with Meredith. They looked at each other for a few moments before Meredith broke the silence.

"Thank you Derek" she told him sincerely, truly grateful for everything he'd just done. "We were sinking in there and I didn't know who else to call…"

"Meredith" Derek interrupted her, "I'm glad you called me – you know you can always call me when you need help."

Meredith smiled, and Derek stroked her cheek with his hand, feeling a responsibility towards her not just as her boyfriend but also as her superior. He sighed as he continued, "I know it wasn't you that cut the LVAD wire, and you did the right thing in paging me, but Meredith – these kinds of things can get you kicked out of the program, and there wouldn't be anything I'd be able to do about that. You're going to be an incredible surgeon Mere and I don't want anything to get in the way of that."

Meredith looked up at him and knew he was just concerned about her, but she felt the need to explain why Izzie had done what she did, and how she probably didn't care about getting kicked out of the program if it meant she could save the man she loved. "Denny's not just a patient to Izzie" she began.

"I know she's fond of him…"

"No" Meredith cut him off, "she's not just fond of him - she's in love with him." Derek's eyebrows rose in surprise but Meredith continued, needing him to understand. "If it was you in that bed dying, I'd do everything I could think of to save you too – no matter how stupid it seemed."

Derek was speechless as he looked at her and saw the sincerity in her eyes. He had no doubt that she meant it and he felt incredibly lucky to have her in his life. He kissed her warmly on the top of her head and pulled her into a hug. "Let's just hope I never need an LVAD then" he murmured teasingly into her ear.

"Shut up" Meredith chuckled, pressing her face into his chest.

Derek cupped her cheek as they pulled apart. "I have to go and operate on Burke. You should go and join the others, make sure they're not freaking out. Karev and Hahn will be there soon."

"Ok"

"Ok"

"And Meredith" Derek called as Meredith turned to leave. "You'll be ok."

"So will you" Meredith replied, knowing he was probably more than a little nervous about operating on Burke and the prospect of a fellow surgeon's surgical career resting in his hands.

Derek smiled, understanding Meredith's meaning - she'd read his fears without him having to say. With one last nod of encouragement, they headed to their respective ORs, ready to face the music…

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After a few heart in mouth moments, Denny pulled through the surgery. It was far from a straightforward surgery but Dr Hahn had managed to get the donor heart beating again and the transplant was a success. However, now that the initial medical emergency seemed to have passed, the four interns had to deal with the fallout of their actions. Cristina and Izzie had been right to look scared when Derek had told them to go and find Bailey and tell her what had happened – unsurprisingly, she, and the Chief, were pissed.

They'd made a pact to stick together and not drop Izzie in it. It was Vegas – what happened in that room, stayed in that room. Having been interrogated by the Chief, and angering him further by each of them 'confessing' to having been the one who cut the LVAD wire, the four of them, plus Alex, emerged from the Chief's office more than a little dazed.

It was George who spoke first. "Wow, he didn't say we were fired!"

"He might as well have. No surgeries?" Cristina grumbled.

"That wasn't bad. We got off easy" Meredith reasoned.

Cristina however was not convinced. "Yeah, for now. You think this is over?"

"I could really use a good coma right now. A nice, long coma" George sighed.

"You know, there's only been three careers I've ever wanted. Ruler of my own planet, Wonder Woman, or a surgeon. And I don't see any invisible planes or extra countries lying around" Cristina moaned.

Izzie looked at her friends sadly, feeling bad that they were being punished for her actions. "I will go back and tell him. I will tell him it was me."

Meredith wasn't having any of it though – the four of them had become her family and they had to stick together. "And get kicked out of the program? You will keep your mouth shut. We all will keep our mouths shut."

"This is crap" Alex snapped frustratedly. "I'm turning her in."

"Alex" Meredith scolded him. She knew he wasn't a jerk, however much he liked to make people think he was.

"What? You were the one who said we had to stand by Izzie. But now I get stuck catering some V.I.P. chick patient? I don't think so" Alex argued, referring to the task they'd been given as punishment for their actions.

"Alex, I am sorry and I really do appreciate what you did for Denny" Izzie told him sincerely.

"Oh, shut up. Look, the only reason I lied to Burke is because I wanted in on that transplant surgery. I don't care about Denny and I hope you get thrown out on your ass."

It was Cristina who spoke up as the voice of reason this time. "Hey! We stick together. You know, we all did this. Nobody's a victim. We...we stick together." Meredith and Izzie gave her surprised looks. "Damn it."

"Thank you." Izzie replied.

"You're welcome."

"We can handle this" George assured them, "Camille Travis is a kid with cancer. So, we give her whatever she wants for a couple days. How hard can that be?"

When Bailey walked up with two of Camille's friends, Meredith had a feeling George may have just tempted fate with his question.

"Harder than you might think" Bailey told them. "This is Claire and Natalie. Camille Travis' friends."

"Her very best friends in the whole wide world" Clare added.

Meredith heard Cristina groan beside her.

"Girls, who exactly is Camille Travis?" Bailey asked, an air of smugness in her voice.

"Like, the Chief of Surgery's niece" Natalie informed them.

"And girls, what does the Chief of Surgery's niece want, exactly?"

"Like, a prom!"

"No. Like, the best prom ever!"

Yep, George had definitely tempted fate.

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With the drama of the shootings, cutting an LVAD wire, essentially stealing a heart and subsequently being scolded like naughty children, the day had passed by quickly in a blur. It was now almost midnight and the prom had been set for tomorrow night, so they had less than a day to plan the prom to end all proms.

"I didn't like teenage girls when I was a teenage girl" Cristina grumbled, looking back from where Clare and Natalie were chatting excitedly about colours and sparkly lights, and a whole host of other girly things she had no interest in.

Meredith chuckled but that turned into a yawn – the constant surge and lulls of adrenaline in the past 12 hours leaving her feeling extremely drained. Intern schedules sucked – 24 hour shifts were a killer. 48 hour shifts were even worse – they were barbaric, but 24 hour shifts were only marginally better. She was a little jealous of Derek and his much more humane Attending schedule, although with Burke's surgery and backlog of shooting victims, he'd been at the hospital just as long as she had.

Given the time, they'd done as much 'party planning' as they could before the rest of Seattle woke up and businesses opened. With that in mind, she decided to risk Bailey's disapproval and find an on call room to crash in with the hopes of grabbing a couple of hours sleep. As she rounded the corner en route to the on call rooms, she crashed into an indigo chest and would have fell on her ass were it not for the strong hand grabbing her arm and keeping her upright.

"Sorry!" Meredith exclaimed, not immediately realising who she'd ran into.

"I'm not" Derek replied, his eyes twinkling in amusement, "feel free to slam against my body any time you want" he added with a wink.

Meredith giggled and blushed at the thought of 'slamming' her body against his.

"You ok?" Derek asked seriously, placing his hand on her arm, "you seem kind of out of it. Did Bailey give you a hard time?"

"Yes" Meredith replied.

Derek just looked at her, not quite sure which part she was saying yes to.

Meredith sensed his confusion. "I mean yes Bailey gave us a hard time, as did the Chief, but also, yes I'm ok - I'm just tired."

"What did she say?"

Meredith snorted humourlessly, remembering Bailey's tirade. "Basically, what were we thinking? Where was common sense? And so on. We've been banned from surgeries, which Cristina hates, and we've gotta plan a prom for the Chief's niece for tomorrow night, but it could have been worse. Although the Chief is insisting that everyone has to go to it."

"I heard about the prom" Derek replied, a smile tugging at his lips, "I didn't realise you were planning it though."

Meredith groaned. "I don't know anything about proms – I didn't even go to mine."

"Come on, a prom could be fun" Derek tried, ever the optimist.

Meredith quirked an eyebrow at him. "Oh you were that guy weren't you – Prom King with all the girls swooning over you?"

It was Derek's turn to laugh now. "Not exactly. High school was not a good time for my ego – I was a scrawny band geek with bad acne. And I hadn't discovered hair products, so the hair…" he gestured to his perfectly coifed curls, that unbelievably looked like he'd just walked off a photo shoot, despite having had a scrub cap on for hours, "would definitely not have earned me the nickname McDreamy."

Meredith giggled at this, unable to believe he hadn't come out of the womb with perfect hair.

"I did go to prom – on my own. Mark had two dates, who he spent the night playing off against each other. I spent the night sitting on a table with the other dateless losers, waiting for it to be late enough to be acceptable to leave. You wouldn't have looked liked me in high school."

"Maybe not – I didn't like anyone in high school" Meredith replied, then regarded him for a few moments. "Your eyes wold have been the same though – and that's what I noticed first when you came on to me at Joe's. If you could have got past my hostility and anger at the world, we could have been friends."

Derek smiled at her in wonder – she never failed to surprise him. "Meredith" he said warmly, cupping her cheek with his hand. "Will you go to the prom with me?"

Meredith giggled and smiled up at him. "Well I guess I can't let you be a dateless loser twice" she teased.

"No, that would be mean" he chuckled.

"Well then yes, I'll be your date to the prom."

Derek beamed at her, liking the idea of Meredith in a fancy dress and holding her close as they danced. He chuckled as she tried, and failed, to stifle the yawn that came out of her mouth. "You should get some rest or you'll be my unconscious date."

"That's actually what I was on my way to do when your chest got in my way."

Derek smiled at her description and pulled a key from his scrub pants. "Here" he said, placing the key in her hand. "On call rooms are not conducive to sleeping. Take my office – I have a comfortable couch."

"You do have a comfortable couch" Meredith agreed, gratefully taking the key from him. "Thank you."

"No problem" Derek replied, "Come on, I'll walk you there."

"I do know the way to your office Derek" Meredith pointed out with a smile, although she had no problem with spending more time with Derek.

"I know, I just want to make sure you don't walk into any other guy's chests. My chest – you can walk into any time you like, but I'm not so keen on you walking into anyone else's" he teased.

Meredith giggled and rolled her eyes.

Once inside his office she lay down on Derek's couch with a happy sigh and he covered her with a blanket.

"Get some sleep Mere" he murmured, crouching down and placing a warm kiss on her forehead.

Meredith smiled, "I'll see you at the prom."

"You will. And then I'll take you back to mine"

Meredith felt tingles of desire shoot through her body, remembering what they had planned for the night. She could see the same desire reflected in Derek's eyes and reaching out she grabbed his scrub top and pulled his lips down to hers, showing him just how much she was looking forward to that.

When they breathlessly pulled apart their faces were flushed and they smiled shyly at each other. "Goodnight Mere" he whispered, brushing the hair off her forehead before turning the light off and leaving her to get some sleep.

He couldn't help the goofy grin that took over his face as he pulled his office door shut. Tonight was his and Meredith's night. She was off at midday and he had no plans to stay any later than 10am – technically his shift had finished hours ago and he wasn't even supposed to be in today. He had one more surgery on a man from the shooting and then after checking on Burke he was planning on going home. He had some things to do before Meredith came over and his smile grew even wider as he imagined her reaction when she saw the fruits of his labour.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Derek stood nervously in the makeshift prom area, anxiously awaiting Meredith's arrival. After getting everything sorted for his 'after-prom' with Meredith later, he'd dressed in a black tux, white shirt and black tie and made his way back to the hospital. He'd spent longer than usual getting ready, wanting to look good for Meredith with the significance tonight would hold for them.

A flash of black on the stairs caught his attention and he did a double take when he realised it was Meredith. They locked eyes as she descended the stairs and Derek's jaw dropped as he drank her in. She was wearing a floor length black gown, much like she had on the night they met, with a low neckline that had his pulse rate increasing. He made his way over to meet her and opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. She had literally rendered him speechless.

Meredith giggled at the usually cocky and chatty neurosurgeon being stuck for words. She was pleased with his reaction though – despite how corny this prom was, she'd spent a lot of time getting ready, knowing that this would be a night she'd remember forever. "You look good" she told him with a smile. 'Good' was an understatement she thought – he looked like sex on legs. His tux fitted him perfectly and outlined his toned physique, which she had every intention of getting to know every inch of later on. She had to bite her lip to stop herself from suggesting they blow off the prom and just go straight to his trailer.

Derek managed to get his brain working again at the sound of her voice. "Thank you. You look…Mere you're beautiful – you look amazing."

Meredith smiled at his compliment. "Would you like to dance?"

Derek returned her smile. "That's supposed to be my line."

"You were taking too long" she teased.

They laughed happily as Derek took her hand and led her to the waiting area, which had been turned into a dance floor. His hands automatically found her hips and held her to him as they began swaying gently to the music. Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck so her body was flush against his and their faces were only inches apart.

"I'm kind of liking this whole prom thing" Meredith told him.

Derek smiled. "Me too. I think this is my reward for the crappy time I had first time around – last time I had no date and this time round my date is the most beautiful woman in the building."

"Are you trying to get lucky Dr Shepherd?" Meredith murmured huskily.

The way she said 'Dr Shepherd' sent a tingle down his spine. She had no idea how much she affected him simply by saying his name. "Maybe" he teased, tilting his head and giving her the look he knew she couldn't resist.

Meredith smirked in amusement. "And now you're doing the sparkly eye thing."

"Is it working?"

Meredith answered his question by brushing his lips with a featherlight kiss and then resting her head on his shoulder as they continued dancing.

Derek pulled her even tighter against him and rested his head atop hers, revelling in the feeling of how perfectly they fit together. They lost track of how long they stayed in that position, absorbed in their own little world, swaying to the music. It was only when someone tapped him lightly on the back that Derek remembered there were actually other people here too.

"Can I cut in?"

"Of course" Derek replied, reluctantly stepping out of Meredith's embrace and allowing the Chief to take his place. With a small nod from Meredith, who seemed to have been equally absorbed in dancing with him, he stepped off the dance floor and leant against the railing. He watched as Meredith placed a hand on the Chief's arm and danced at a for more platonic distance than she had done with him.

Meredith was a bit put out at being torn from the serenity of Derek's arms and she felt a little tense at why the Chief seemed to want to talk to her. Over his shoulder she saw Derek looking at her and he gave her a warm smile when she caught his eye.

"You did the right thing earlier – paging Derek to help."

Meredith blinked, not expecting that – she was under the impression he was still mad at her and the rest of Bailey's interns.

"You remind me so much of your mother" the Chief continued, "Ellis was a great surgeon and I'm sure you're going to make a great surgeon too."

Meredith smiled tightly at him. She appreciated the compliment but the mention of her mother always caused her to bristle.

The Chief seemed intent on having a conversation with her because he carried on talking even when she didn't respond. "So you and Derek look happy."

Meredith blushed, feeling weird about discussing her love life with the man who used to change her diapers, and who more importantly had an affair with her mother. "We are Sir."

"If I didn't know better I'd have thought this was your wedding dance."

Meredith's eyes widened – she definitely wasn't expecting that. "What?"

"You commanded the dance floor, even though you were barely moving. Everyone was watching you – you were looking at each other like you were the only two people in the room" he explained.

Meredith suddenly felt very overwhelmed. She felt rather uncomfortable that apparently everyone had been watching her and Derek, in what was to them, despite being in a public place, a very private moment. That and the fact the Chief seemed to think they looked like newlyweds. It was all a little bit too much.

"You'll let me know when I need to buy a new suit, right?" the Chief joked, but then frowned at the panicked look on her face. "Meredith are you ok?"

"Yeah, just um, hot. And claustrophobic." Meredith stuttered. "I'm just going to run and splash some cold water on my face."

"Ok" the Chief said uncertainly, watching as Meredith hurried off the dance floor and down the hallway.

Derek frowned as Meredith got a 'deer caught in headlights' expression on her face as she looked at the Chief and then over to him before turning and taking off.

Shooting the Chief an annoyed look, he dodged through the crowd of people and ran after her.

"Meredith!" he called to her retreating back. "Meredith!"

She didn't answer, instead disappearing inside an exam room. Despite having the door closed in his face, he opened it again and stepped inside, unwilling to leave her when she was clearly upset about something. "What's wrong?" he asked tentatively.

Meredith looked at him panicked, like she was trying to figure out an escape plan. "The Chief – he said we looked like we were having our wedding dance."

"Ok…" Derek replied confused, not really understanding what the problem was.

"No Derek – not ok. You don't understand."

"Well then help me understand" he said softly.

Meredith sighed in annoyance at how calm and rational he was. "Apparently everyone thinks we're going to get married. And it's not that I don't want that, I do – not right now obviously" she clarified, "but everyone thinks we're going to have this legendary relationship that'll go down in the history books - that's a lot of pressure!"

"Meredith…" Derek began but was cut off.

"And now you're looking at me. And I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that. So just stop!"

Derek dropped his gaze, seeing her anxiety.

Meredith looked at him with a pained expression. "I've never felt like this before Derek - I've never let anyone in half as much as I have with you. I'm scared to want you this much because if it ends I won't be able to handle the pain"

Derek looked up and caught her eyes, seeing the fear that had clouded them.

"I believe we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart, but…"

"No buts" Derek interrupted, closing the distance between them and taking her hands in his. "We will be that legend – this won't end. I love you, and you love me. Me and you, this is it. And we will be extraordinary together." Derek sealed his declaration by crushing his lips to hers, wanting to erase all the fear and doubts she had. Meredith was the love of his life, and come what may, they would face it together.

The anxiety and fear melted away from Meredith as Derek's fingers wound into her hair and his hard body pressed her up against the exam table. The whole world slipped away as he lifted her onto the table and his hands found their way under her dress, leaving a trail of fire along her thighs. With a moan of pleasure as his lips found her neck, she pushed on his jacket until it fell to the floor and pulled his shirt out of his pants. It was Derek's turn to moan as her fingers ran up and down his back.

"Derek!" she gasped as he tilted her head back to gain better access to her neck and trailed hot kisses from her collarbone to her ear.

Teetering on the edge of oblivion, Meredith reached down and fumbled with Derek's belt buckle. Her movements were stilled however when the door flung open and they were bathed in an unwanted beam of light from the hallway. Snapping their heads to the door they found Callie staring at them with a look Bailey would have been proud of.

"Oh, I was looking for Izzie – have you seen her? Denny's woken up and I figured she'd wanna see him."

"Erm, no I haven't" Meredith stuttered, blushing furiously as she pushed herself off the table, trying in vain to fix her hair and dress. "I'll erm, I'll come and help you look."

As Meredith stumbled over to the door, where Callie had stepped back from to give them a moment to get themselves together, Derek gently grabbed her arm and turned her back to face him. "Meredith, remember what I said ok" he said softly.

Meredith gave him a small smile and nodded. "I'll meet you at your trailer later."

Derek smiled in relief, grateful that she was still in this despite being scared. "Ok" he replied, squeezing her hand before she turned and left with Callie.

He let out a deep breath as he sat down on the table Meredith had just vacated. Things had gotten very heated, very fast. If Callie hadn't interrupted them, there was a very good chance their first time would have been on an exam room table. His mind had been so clouded with desire that the only thing he could think about was his need to be inside her. In a way he was glad Callie had interrupted them, because he had been past the point of no return. He chuckled when he remembered Meredith's dubious look when he'd joked about them having sex in various locations in the hospital in the future, exam rooms being one of them. They'd come incredibly close to that happening. After tonight they could have all the sex they wanted in exam rooms, and any other lockable room they could find. But the first time he shared that intimacy with her, he wanted it to be special – he wanted to show her how much he cared.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

After locating Izzie, Meredith gave her the news she'd been waiting to hear and saw her friend's face light up like she'd won the lottery. Meredith watched with a smile as Izzie, clad in a giant pink ball gown, plopped down onto Denny's bed and chatted happily to the man she'd fallen in love with. Maybe all the LVAD wire cutting and heart stealing had been worth it in the end.

Satisfied that they were OK and happy, Meredith headed out to meet the man she was in love with.

Pulling up next to Derek's car, she jogged, as best she could in a dress and high heels, over to his trailer. "Derek?" she called, stepping inside, but frowned when she found no one there. Stepping back out she wandered where he was – he had to be here because his car was here.

Turning her head to scan Derek's land, a light – or more specifically, lights – caught her eye. Her jaw dropped as she saw Derek pacing nervously in the middle of a house of candles – identical and in the exact same position as the one she had made for him. She was so stunned, she didn't even notice her legs start moving and carry her over to where Derek was standing.

Derek smiled nervously at her as she looked around at his recreation of her creation.

"How did you…" she began, looking around in wonder. Derek looked sheepish and she chuckled and rolled her eyes as she realised how. "Izzie."

Derek smiled and took her hands in his, having missed the the contact in the short time they'd been apart. "I wish I could've seen it the first time round, but I hope this does it justice" he told her tentatively. Izzie had leant him her keys and he'd gone round to the house after he left the hospital to collect the candles from the garage. He'd used the picture she'd given him of how it looked when Meredith had done it and he'd tried really hard to get it looking just as it had before.

"It does" Meredith told him, squeezing his hands and smiling warmly at him.

Derek let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding and returned her smile. Releasing one of her hands he pulled her to him so her back was pressed against his chest. "This here is our kitchen" he told her, gesturing to one of the areas of the candle house, "and this is our living room, and that's the room where our kids could play."

Meredith turned in his arms so she could look at him and her heart melted at the love and hope she saw in his eyes. "This is the kitchen? Living room?" she asked, gesturing to the rooms Derek had indicated. "It's a little small, I think the view is much better from here" she added, pointing to the room that would be overlooking the bay.

Derek grinned at her – as long as she was in the living room with him, he didn't care where it was. Although he had to admit the view would be better where she had suggested.

Meredith smiled as she pointed to the next room. "And that's the room where the kids are gunna play?" She'd never really entertained the idea of having kids before she'd met Derek – she didn't exactly have the best role models to go by, but she couldn't help but be excited by the idea of little miniature versions of herself and Derek running around here one day. Looking back up at him she whispered, "Where's our bedroom?"

Derek swallowed at the look in her eyes. Taking her hand he led her over to the room Meredith had said would be good as the living room. She smiled as she noticed Derek had set up some blankets and pillows to look like a real bed.

"Technically it'll be above this room but I couldn't figure out how to make a multi storey candle house" he told her, smiling shyly. He really hoped she liked it.

Meredith chuckled. "It's perfect" she told him sincerely. She shivered, despite the warm summer night, as Derek took her cheek in his hand and looked at her like she was the only thing that mattered to him in the world.

"I love you" he told her, the words he felt so deeply slipping so effortlessly past his lips. "I want to marry you. I want to build us a house. I want to die when I'm 110 years old – in your arms." He felt his eyes get misty as he continued, "I know it's soon, and I know you're not ready yet, but I want that to be our future - you're it for me Mere."

Meredith felt her throat constrict at his words. She felt like she should feel panicked but she didn't, because all the things he'd said, she wanted them too. Leaning up she kissed him and then whispered, "I want those things too Derek."

"God, I love you" Derek choked out.

"I love you too. Make love to me Derek."

Derek answered her by capturing her lips with with his in an achingly tender kiss that left her legs feeling week, and were it not for his strong arm holding her by the waist, she doubted she'd still be standing.

When they broke for air, he ran his hands all the way up her arms to her cheeks. Meredith placed her hands over his, holding them steady. "You're trembling" she whispered.

"I'm nervous" Derek admitted shyly. All his bravado and cockiness was stripped bare and he was just a man stood in front of the love of his life, about to make love to her for the first time.

"It's ok" Meredith assured him, "I'm nervous too." They'd came very close to this point twice in the last 24 hours, but this time there'd be no interruptions and she knew they'd be going all the way. So yes, she was definitely nervous too.

"You are?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah." Tentatively she reached up and slowly undid his tie, keeping her eyes locked on his the whole time. With it undone she pulled it off and dropped it to the floor before moving to undo his shirt buttons. Pulling it loose from his pants, she gently slid it down his arms and let it join his tie on the floor. She ran her hands over his now bare chest, feeling his heart thudding inside, and marvelled at the way the moonlight illuminated his toned shoulders.

Derek watched silently as she undressed him and lost himself in the hunger in her eyes as she explored his body. This felt more intimate than anything he'd ever experienced in his whole life. With the need to touch her becoming unbearable, he stilled her hands as they reached for his belt buckle. He desperately wanted her hands on that part of his anatomy again, but he needed to touch her first. "My turn" he murmured, moving to stand behind her. With one hand he gently moved her hair to one side and she gasped as his lips found the nape of her neck. With his other hand he slowly lowered the zipper of her dress and it was his turn to gasp as the creamy flesh of her back became exposed to him. Doing to her as she'd done to him with his shirt, he slid the straps down her arms and watched as it pooled at her feet. She was stood before him in just a pair of black panties, a black bra and heels, and the sight left him breathless. Placing his hands on her hips, he leaned down and trailed hot little kisses from her shoulder all the way up to her ear.

Meredith moaned in pleasure at the sensation and tilted her neck to give him better access. When she thought she might burst from the sensation overload of his mouth on her skin, she whirled around and crushed her lips to his hungrily. They both moaned as their tongues duelled and their hands explored each other's bodies. "You're wearing too many clothes" she breathed in between kisses.

"So are you" Derek growled huskily, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra, watching in satisfaction as it joined the growing pile of their discarded clothes. His breath hitched as he looked back at her now bare breasts and groaned as she brought his hand up to touch her. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest and his breathing became laboured as his hands discovered this new part of her body.

Meredith couldn't take it any longer, the throbbing between her legs became unbearable with her need for him growing by the second. Yanking his belt roughly, she undid the zipper and pushed the pants over his hips. As they pooled at his feet, he stepped out of them and Meredith could see him straining in his boxers. She'd felt him before but she'd never seen him. He was big and she felt moisture seeping out of her at the thought of him being inside her. With her own hands trembling now she bent down and pushed his boxers down his legs. As he sprung free she tentatively wrapped her hand around his shaft and smiled as he hissed in pleasure at her touch. She began to pump him with her hand and watched in satisfaction as his eyes closed and his head rolled back in pleasure. Leaning her head forward she gently licked the tip of his cock, tasting him for the first time.

Derek gasped at the new sensation and his eyes snapped open. "Mere" he breathed, placing a hand on her shoulder, "you don't have to do that." He didn't want her to feel obligated – he knew some women didn't like doing it and he only wanted her to do things she felt comfortable with.

Meredith smiled up at him. The fact that she knew he wanted this but he'd be ok if she didn't want to, made her want to do it for him more. "I want to" she whispered as she returned her mouth to him. She smiled at the moans he emitted as she worked him up and down with her tongue.

Derek's head rolled back again at the feel of her hot mouth on his cock. After a few minutes of pure, unadulterated pleasure he felt his knees begin to tremble. Reaching down he placed a hand on her cheek to still her movements. "Mere" he choked hoarsely, "I'm gunna cum."

"Isn't that the point?" she teased, leaning back down to kiss his glistening tip.

Derek gasped but reached down and pulled her up so they were face to face. "Yes, but I want to be inside you when you make me cum for the first time" he told her huskily before kissing her again. With that in mind he hooked one arm under her legs and scooped her into his arms.

Meredith shrieked in surprise but Derek silenced her with another kiss as he carried her over to their makeshift bed and laid her down on the blankets. With the candles flickering around them he smiled as he leaned over her and drank in her beautiful body. "I love you" he whispered, leaning down to kiss her as his hand trailed a featherlight touch down her stomach before disappearing between the apex of her thighs. He could feel the moisture seeping through her panties and he groaned at the thought that it was for him.

"Derek!" Meredith gasped at the feeling of his fingers stroking her through her panties. "I love you too" she panted and opened her legs wider to give him better access.

Derek took this as an invitation and slowly slid her panties down her slender legs before tossing them to the side. The sight of her laid naked, panting for him, her core glistening with desire, took his breath away once more. As he hovered over her, he planned on worshipping every inch of her body. Starting with her lips he kissed his way down her neck, then her torso, paying special attention to her heaving breasts as he licked and sucked her nipples into hardened peaks. He swirled his tongue around her belly button before nipping at her hips, causing her to arch her body up and grab helplessly at the blankets. He moved down to her legs, kissing his way up from her knee to the top of her thigh, then doing the same with the other leg – purposely avoiding the area he knew she wanted him the most. He smirked at the expletives that escaped her mouth as he blew hot air onto her now dripping core. Deciding he'd teased her enough, he leaned down and ran his tongue along her glistening folds. The sensation caused her to gasp and arch up off the blankets but he held her thighs steady with his hands. "Relax Mere" he whispered, wanting to bring her as much pleasure as possible. When her legs relaxed he returned his attention to her hot core, alternating between licking her up and down with his tongue and teasing her engorged nerve bundle.

At the feel of Derek sucking on her sensitive bud, Meredith cried out in pleasure. Before all ability for logical thought departed her, she grabbed his head and pulled him back up to her. "I want you inside me – now" she told him breathlessly. She too wanted him to be inside her when she came for him the first time.

"Ok" Derek breathed, reaching down to position himself at her entrance. "Are you ready?"

Meredith felt tears cloud her eye as she whispered, "yes." She kept her eyes locked on his as he slowly slid inside her, filling her to the hilt, both physically and emotionally.

"You ok" he asked softly. The feel of her hot walls surrounding him was almost too much to bare.

She smiled and nodded, giving him the assurance he needed to start moving. As he began thrusting in and out they both gasped at the sheer pleasure the feeling of each other evoked. She was close and she needed him to bring her release. Derek sensed her need and sped up his thrusts. When he felt she was about to topple over the edge he slowed down, preventing the release she so desperately wanted, before building her back up again and slowing down before she reached oblivion.

Meredith was seeing stars, the sensations were so intense. She knew what he was doing and that her orgasm would be more intense this way but she felt like she'd pass out if she didn't get her release soon. "Derek – please" she panted.

Derek knew what she was asking for and as he leaned down to kiss her breathlessly he sped up his thrusts once more, pounding into her with an unquenchable intensity. The look on her face as her walls clenched around him sent him over the edge and he exploded into her with a shout, coating her walls with his hot seed.

As their breathing returned to normal, they lay together spent, their bodies slick with sweat. Derek propped himself on his elbows to take some of his weight off of her and brushed her damp hair from her forehead. "Hey" he murmured, a happy, sated smile etched on his face.

"Hey" Meredith replied, mirroring his smile. "That was…"

"Worth the wait" Derek finished for her.

"Yeah" Meredith breathed.

"We'll definitely be doing that again – a lot!"

Meredith giggled and reached up to kiss him again. "Definitely."

As he slipped out of her he lay on his side and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tightly against him. He smiled his McDreamy smile at her as he kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you Mere."

"I love you too Derek."

The two lovers, who'd saved each other in more ways than they knew, fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms, on the candle house floor plan of what would one day become their dream house, where they would build their future together.

 **AN: So...was it worth the wait? ;) Did you guess what Derek's plans were and why he needed Izzie's help? I really hope I've done MerDer justice and that you like this chapter.**

 **This is actually the last 'from the beginning' chapter – I have two more chapters left which will be flash forwards/ current day. I've done what I set out to do - I've changed their beginning, and now I'm going to fix their future. I thought this was the perfect place to leave the beginning chapters so now I'm going to work on giving them the happy future they deserve :)**

 **I've put my heart and soul into this story so if you've read and enjoyed then please do leave me a review - I'd love to hear your thoughts and as I've said many a time, they really do make my day :) I'd love to hit the 300 review mark with these last three chapters! Thanks for reading :)**

 **P.s. I didn't see the need to kill off Denny or Doc, hence them both being alive and well!**

 **P.p.s. Does anyone know the exact date of the night MerDer met for the first time?**


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Sorry for the delay in posting – I had a rather stressful week last week! Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter – I loved reading your comments :) This chapter is back to a T rating. So without further ado, here's part 1 of the MerDer future flash forward…**

Chapter 20:

 _'Sometimes in life a love so great is found, one so strong and that transcends all barriers, that it could have started in a hundred different ways. But ultimately, the destination will be the same – with those two people together.'_

 _April 23rd 2015_

It had been almost ten years since Derek had recreated Meredith's candle house floor plan and they'd made love by candle light on the land where their dream house would come to stand. A lot had changed in those ten years, but the one thing that remained constant was their relationship and their love for one another. With every year that went by, that love grew stronger. They'd had their ups and downs for sure, but whatever obstacles got thrown in their way, and there had been plenty: from drownings to shootings to plane crashes to losing friends, what got them through each time was the unbreakable bond they shared with each other.

The dream house that they'd both envisioned with such hope and excitement all those years ago, now stood proudly on the spot where the candle house had once shone. It had also become home not just to Meredith and Derek, but to two little Shepherds as well – Zola and Bailey. Zola was an African orphan who'd been brought to Seattle for medical treatment. They'd fallen in love with her and decided to adopt her, and whilst she wasn't biologically related to them, she was as much their daughter as she would have been had Meredith given birth to her herself. Then came Bailey – he was their miracle baby as they'd been trying to conceive for years with no luck. The pregnancy was a surprise but nine months later he was born, and he was the perfect mix of the two of them.

"What?" Derek murmured, noticing the faraway look in Meredith's eyes and her contented smile. He smiled as he pulled her tighter against him as they lay curled up together on the porch swing outside their house.

"Reminiscing" she replied, turning her head and smiling warmly at him. Even after all this time, her heart still skipped a beat when he looked at her like that. He was older now, they both were, his hair was shorter with wisps of grey interwoven between his raven curls and the lines around his eyes were more defined, but to her he was as attractive as he'd been the night they'd first met – he was and always would be, her McDreamy.

"About?"

"You, me, and your hands trembling as you undressed me for the first time, probably right about where we're sitting now."

"Oh, the candle house" Derek chuckled, a happy smile lighting up his face as he recalled very fond memories from that night. "That was one of the best nights of my life."

"Mine too" Meredith whispered, placing her hand over his and entwining their fingers.

"We've come a long way since that night"

"We have." As Meredith laid her head back on Derek's shoulder, they both thought back fondly on the defining moments of their relationship that had brought them to where they were now…

 _"Hey. Come on in. This is the CT For Katie Bryce...16-Year-Old female, subarachnoid aneurysm."_

 _"From a fall during rhythmic gymnastics. I remember."_

 _"It was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together on, our first save. I left a bottle of champagne in your locker after the surgery. Right here is a cerebral cyst. Tough save, but we did it. And this right here is where Dr Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us on your driveway in my car. And right here...this is a 7 hour craniotomy, and you held the clamp the entire time, never flinched. That's when I knew you were gonna be an incredible surgeon. And Beth Monroe, who made our clinical trial a success by surviving. You talked me into putting her under. That's when I knew I needed you. And this is today. Post-Op head CT of Izzie Stevens. You see that? Tumour free...because of you. You got me into the OR. If there's a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse, you've survived worse. And you know we'll survive too. You say you're all...dark and twisty, but that's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are. I'm not gonna get down on one knee. I'm not gonna ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

 _"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."_

 _/ / / / / / /_

 _"You have a piece of paper?"_

 _"For what?"_

 _"I want to be with you forever, and you want to be with me forever. And in order to do that, we need to make vows, a commitment, a contract. Give me a piece of paper."_

 _"I don't. I-i-i don't. I-i have post-its."_

 _"Okay. What do we want to promise each other?"_

 _"That you'll love me, even when you hate me."_

 _"To love each other even when we hate each other. No running - ever. Nobody walks out, no matter what happens. No running. What else?"_

 _"That we'll take care of each other. Even when we're old and smelly and senile. And if I get Alzheimer's and forget you..."_

 _"I will remind you who I am, every day. To take care when old, senile...and smelly. This...is forever. Sign."_

 _"This is our wedding, a post-it?"_

 _"Mm-hmm. if you sign it."_

 _"Now what?"_

 _"Now I kiss the bride."_

 _"Married."_

 _"Married."_

 _/ / / / / / /_

 _"Let's adopt this baby."_

 _"What? Are you serious?"_

 _"Yeah. You know, I was holding her yesterday, and she was crying, and then she stopped. And I've-I've held a lot of babies. I've fixed a lot of babies, but I looked down at Zola...I don't know what it was. I just...I just couldn't imagine her being with any other parents or any other family. We've been trying so hard to start a family, and-and she needs one. Let's adopt her. I'm serious. Let's adopt her."_

 _/ / / / / / /_

 _"Uh, take a look at the shirt that I bought Zola. It's-it's-it's in the bag on the counter."_

 _"Oh, Meredith, guys don't get all goo-goo over baby clothes."_

 _"Just look."_

 _"What is this?"_

 _"It's only three weeks so I shouldn't even be telling you. I mean, I still have a hostile uterus, and terrible things are constantly happening to us, which is why I haven't told anyone. I haven't even told Cristina. So ... if you tell anyone, I-I swear, I will kick you out of this house that you built."_

 _"Don't worry. And good things happen to us. We're gonna have another baby."_

 _"We are gonna have another baby."_

 _/ / / / / / /_

Derek sighed contentedly as the memories washed over him. Sometimes it felt like just yesterday that he'd plucked up the courage to go over and talk to the beautiful girl at the bar with the captivating giggle. That moment at Joe's almost a decade ago, was the most significant moment of his life. That was the moment he met the love of his life – his soulmate. That was the moment that set up his future, the moment that set him on the path to experience all the other moments with Meredith since then, that allowed him to be curled up with her now, nearly ten years on.

Not long ago he'd been offered a job in DC working with the President. It was a huge honour and he'd been tempted for sure, but he'd turned it down. Nothing in DC could rival what he had in Seattle – everything he'd ever wanted was right here, and he had no desire to leave. He was married to the woman he loved and he was living in the dream house they'd built together with their two beautiful children and he was at the top of his medical field. It was Meredith's time to shine professionally now and he was more than happy to take a back seat and proudly support her as she succeeded.

With that in mind, Derek smiled as he remembered the reason for his secret shopping trip earlier that day. "I'm erm…I'm going to go and make us some hot chocolate." He kissed her on the forehead as he gently shifted her off his lap. He had no real desire for a hot chocolate, he just needed a reason to go inside so he could retrieve his purchase.

"Ok. Could you bring the carrier out with you that I left by the counter?"

"Sure."

Derek quickly poured some milk and cocoa into a pan and left it to heat as he went over to his bag and pulled out what he was looking for. He smiled happily as he examined it before shoving it in his jacket pocket. When the hot chocolate had heated up, he poured it into two thermoses, grabbed the carrier Meredith had asked for and headed back outside.

"Thanks" Meredith said gratefully, taking one of the thermoses Derek offered her. As he sat back down next to her, he held out the carrier to her but she pushed it gently back towards him. "Open it – I wanted to show you it. I picked it up at that shop at the mall – you know the one we got that cute bumblebee outfit for Zola from."

Derek looked curiously between Meredith and the bag she'd pushed towards him. He'd never understand how gushy women got over baby clothes, but he did love the smile on his wife's face whenever she brought home a new outfit for Zola or Bailey. And he did have to admit, they always looked adorable in them. But then again, they we their children - they'd look adorable in anything!

Derek smiled as he pulled out a little white tee shirt with the words 'I really, really, really love my Daddy' embroidered on it. He frowned in confusion though when he registered the size of it. "Erm Mere, isn't this a little small for Bailey?" he asked, looking up at her.

Meredith smiled widely at him, her eyes sparkling with joy. She was actually quite amused that he hadn't had a déjà vu moment and figured it out. "It's not for Bailey" she told him happily as she watched the realisation dawn on his face.

Derek's eyes widened and and his jaw dropped as he looked down to where her hand was resting protectively over her stomach. "You're…? We're…?" he stuttered, unable to believe this was really happening.

"I am - I'm pregnant. We're having another baby Derek" she laughed happily. Telling Derek and seeing his reaction was what she was most looking forward to. She'd found out this morning and she'd had to bite her tongue to stop her from blurting it out at work. But seeing his reaction right now was definitely worth the wait.

Tears of joy spilled down Derek's cheeks as he stood up, pulled her into his arms and spun her around, causing her to shriek in happiness. He didn't think it was possible to love Meredith any more than he already did, but in that moment he fell in love with her all over again. In fact he was pretty sure that he fell in love with her more and more each day.

"I'm only four weeks, so it's still early but-" Meredith began as he placed her feet back on the ground.

Derek placed his hands on her cheeks and silenced her with a kiss. "No buts. This baby is going to be fine. He or she is going to be born happy and healthy and I'm going to be there for both of you, every step of the way" he assured her with a smile. Keeping his eyes locked on hers, he took her hands in his and dropped down to one knee.

Meredith giggled nervously as she looked down at her husband. "Derek, what are you doing?"

"Meredith Grey-Shepherd, will you marry me?" Derek asked, his eyes shining with love as he looked up at his wife.

Meredith giggled again. "You realise we're already married right?"

Derek smiled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. Meredith gasped as he opened it to reveal an exquisite platinum eternity ring, with a band of sparkling diamonds that glistened in the moonlight and matched her engagement and wedding rings. "Derek!" she sighed in amazement.

"I'm well aware we're already married" Derek teased. "You made me the happiest man on Earth when you agreed to be my wife." He started to get choked up as he continued. "I've been thinking about this for a while and I wanted to find the perfect moment to ask you – and tonight you've given me that perfect moment." As he placed a hand over her womb, Meredith felt herself getting choked up too. "I want us to renew our vows – I still want a lifetime, and I still want to die when I'm 110 years old in your arms. I promise to spend all of my tomorrows with you. So Meredith, will you marry me – again?"

Tears freely spilled down Meredith's cheeks as she dropped down to her knees too and whispered "Of course I will!"

Derek's smile lit up his whole face as he pulled the ring from the box and slipped it onto Meredith's finger before pulling her into his arms and holding her tightly. They laughed and cried in total happiness together, both eternally grateful that they'd saved each other all those years ago.

Meredith and Derek had never been happier than they were right then, with their two children sleeping inside the dream house they'd built together and their third safely growing inside Meredith's womb, they knew they had something special. They were soulmates, the loves of each other's lives – the other half of each other's hearts. As their friends had said, many a time, their love was a legend – one that would never be broken. The stars glistened in the night sky, smiling down on the couple below because Meredith and Derek would get their happy ending, their lifetime, their 110 years.

 **AN: So there we have it – MerDer getting the future they deserve – hope you like it :) Please drop me a review and let me know what you think! Part 2 to follow and it will be the vow renewal…with a few surprise appearances ;)**


	21. Chapter 21

**AN: Hi! First of all I'd like to apologise for this very very late update - I'd meant to get this out much sooner but life has been unexpectedly rather hectic lately! Secondly, thank you for the lovely reviews for the last chapter :) A guest reviewer asked if the British refer to plastic bags as 'carriers' (as I had referred to them in Ch20) – I didn't realise this wasn't an American thing, but yes we do call them 'carriers', 'carrier bags' or just plain old 'bags'…at least we do where I live!**

 **So, this is the last chapter of From The Beginning :( It's been a blast though and I've really enjoyed writing it and reading your responses! This chapter wraps things up and gives MerDer the future they deserve :)**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter 21:

 _June 30th 2015_

"That was..." Derek panted, trying to catch his breath as he flicked the dripping curls off his forehead.

"Incredible" Meredith finished for him as she turned off the shower and slumped against the wall to catch her breath. Derek smirked at her response, causing Meredith to giggle and roll her eyes. "Although you should get out of here though – you know Mark's taking his Best Man duties very seriously and if he finds out you're in here I wouldn't put it past him to barge in and drag you out – naked!"

Derek chuckled at the thought, fairly certain that Mark would do just that if he found out where he was. "He told me to go take a shower – I was just following his instructions" he pointed out, his eyes twinkling with mischief.

Meredith snorted in amusement. "I'm pretty sure this wasn't what he had in mind." She however had no qualms whatsoever about Derek's surprise shower visit this morning. She'd missed him last night due to Mark's insistence that the bride and groom couldn't see each other the night before the wedding – even though technically they were already married. And so much to Derek's disgruntlement, he'd ended up spending the night with Mark in his old trailer that they'd never had the heart to get rid of. She had a feeling Mark was trying to make up for past indiscretions with Derek's previous marriage, and not having had the chance to be there the first time she married Derek, he was going all out this time. He even in typical Mark Sloan style promised that he 'won't sleep with this one!'

Derek couldn't bring himself to care in that moment. He'd had to share a bed with Mark last night, thereby removing the possibility of any pre wedding day sex – unless he'd wanted to make a significant lifestyle change. He figured he was owed early morning shower sex with Meredith. He tilted his head and gave her his McDreamy smile as he leaned into her and murmured, "Mere, what better way is there to kick off our wedding day?"

Meredith smiled as his lips lowered towards hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, needing no more persuasion for round two. No sooner had their lips met though, a pounding on their bedroom door caused them to jump apart. "Looks like Mark figured out your plan" she giggled.

Derek groaned and cursed his best friend's timing. It wasn't Mark's voice however that permeated the door though.

"Mere, I swear you better be clothed when I come in – I did not fly half way around the world to walk in on you doing McDreamy!"

Meredith stilled as she wrapped a towel around herself and her eyes widened as she turned back to Derek. "Cristina?" she asked, not quite believing her person was on the other side of her bedroom door.

"She's early, she wasn't supposed to be here for another hour – Amelia was supposed to text me when she picked her up." Derek sighed at his surprise not going quite to plan.

"You knew she was coming?" Meredith asked surprised.

"Yeah, I wanted it to be a surprise - she's my wedding gift to you."

Meredith smiled widely. "You bought me Cristina?"

"I did" Derek replied, returning her smile. "She's your Maid of Honour – Lexi has a dress for her downstairs."

"So that's why Lexi was all weird when I asked her to be my Maid of Honour – because she knew you'd already filled the position."

"Yeah" Derek smirked, pleased with himself for managing to pull this off without Meredith finding out. "I think I deserve lots of sex as a thank you – I had to get her first class tickets as well as surgical privileges at the hospital to seal the deal!"

Meredith chuckled, totally believing that Cristina would forge a hard bargain. "I can't believe you got me Cristina!"

Derek smiled and took her hand in his, "Aside from me and the kids, I know she's the one person you'd want here."

"Thank you" Meredith said softly, reaching up and brushing his lips with hers. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Cristina's voice broke them out of their little bubble. "Seriously Mere, if I have to wait out here much longer I'm gunna bypass this wedding in favour of stealing a surgery at the hospital!"

They both laughed at Cristina's familiar impatience. Meredith threw on a tee shirt and shorts as Derek wrapped a towel around his waist. "I'll definitely be thanking you later" she whispered to him as she headed over to the door.

As Meredith pulled the door open Cristina quirked an eyebrow at Derek's lack of clothing but she couldn't hide the smile that tugged at her mouth as Meredith excitedly pulled her into a hug. Neither women were particularly huggy people but after not seeing each other for almost a year they made an exception.

"I'll leave you two ladies to it" Derek smiled as he stepped past them out of the room. "Good to see you Yang."

"McDreamy" Cristina nodded in greeting.

As Derek disappeared down the stairs, Meredith couldn't stop smiling as she closed the door.

"You know this constitutes hugging" Cristina commented.

"Shut up" Meredith laughed as she released her friend.

Cristina smirked at Meredith's rosy cheeks and disheveled appearance, under no illusions as to what her and Derek had been doing prior to her arrival – some things never changed. "You know, you and McDreamy are the only two people who could get married to each other three times – in three different ways!"

Meredith chuckled as she and Cristina fell back into the teasing banter they'd shared throughout their residencies. Despite Cristina now living on the other side of the world, whenever they saw each other it was as if she'd never left.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Mark smirked from his seat at the kitchen table as Derek walked down the stairs, naked but for a towel around his waist. "Did Yang interrupt your sexathon?"

Derek glared at him. "I take it that was your doing then?"

"Yeah" Mark replied, not in the least bit apologetic. "Figured you'd be more embarrassed by Yang kicking your ass out of there than me. Besides, it was payback."

"Payback for what?" Derek asked, not really annoyed that he didn't get to complete round two, because the look on Meredith's face told him Cristina was the best wedding present he could have got her. Besides, there'd be plenty of time for round two…and three and four later.

"We're on the clock here and as Best Man it's my duty to make sure you're on time. You were supposed to be having a shower."

"I did" Derek smirked cockily.

Mark shook his head in amusement. He was actually happy for his best friend and adopted little sister. They'd found something incredibly rare with each other and even after all this time they were obviously still head over heels in love with each other – even more so if possible. He was also incredibly grateful that Derek had fully forgiven him and they were back to being brothers. He'd been shocked when Derek had asked him to be his Best Man again and had gotten choked up – much to Derek's amusement. He was going to do it right this time. He knew it was different with Meredith – she was completely Derek's in a way Addison never truly was, and he knew that Meredith would chop it off if he even tried anything – not that he ever would. "I thought being married meant you had less sex anyway - it's been 10 years and you and Grey are still going at it like horny teenagers!"

"And always will be" Derek grinned. "Besides, you and Lexi are like an old married couple and you're still defiling every lockable room in the hospital!"

Mark's jaw dropped a little before he recovered but Derek didn't miss the blush that coloured his cheeks. Never in the forty plus years they'd known each other had he ever seen Mark Sloan blush. Derek smiled in realisation at the flustered ex-manwhore. "You're gunna propose."

"Wh-what!...I am not!" Mark stuttered, his blush intensifying at Derek having seen right through him. He frowned as Derek laughed, clearly not believing him. "Come on, we need to get ready so you can marry Grey – again."

Derek chuckled at Mark's subject change as he followed him out of the room. He was happy – he was renewing his vows with the love of his life, and if he wasn't mistaken his brother would soon be marrying Meredith's sister.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

As Derek stood at the bottom of the aisle that had been erected on their land, he tapped his foot in nervous anticipation. He had no reason to be nervous – they were already married, but they'd gone for the traditional wedding experience this time as they hadn't done that the first, or second, time around, and that was exciting as well as a little nerve racking. Their post-it wedding had been perfectly them and he'd always see that as their 'wedding' and City Hall made it official in the eyes of the law. The first time around Meredith had been in scrubs and the second time they'd been in little more than their street clothes, but now he was dressed in a full tuxedo with an adorable, proud looking Bailey stood next to him in a matching mini outfit.

His heart sped up at the thought of Meredith in a wedding dress. Despite this being their third 'wedding', Meredith in a wedding dress would be a first – and he literally couldn't wait to see her. He'd been surprised when Meredith had suggested doing the whole white wedding thing, she'd said it was for Zola and Bailey to give them some good memories, but he had a suspicion that she also wanted the white dress and the fairytale. They'd chosen today, June 30th, because it was exactly 10 years to the day that they'd met and they wanted to mark the anniversary of when it all began. Meredith had also insisted that if they were going to do this before the baby was born then it was going to be whilst she could still, in her words, 'walk down the aisle as opposed to waddle down it'. She was three and a half months pregnant now so she was showing but not overly so. Derek smiled at the thought that all three of his children would be part of the ceremony.

Derek looked out over the small gathering of people that they'd decided to invite. His mother and sisters, along with Meredith's few close friends from the hospital that she saw as family were seated on rows of white wooden chairs that parted in the middle to form a flower lined aisle for Meredith to walk down. He smiled as he caught his mother's eye – she had her handkerchief out and was already blotting away tears at the sight of her only son getting ready to recite his vows. He felt his own tears begin to well as he looked up at their house, knowing Meredith was in there getting ready and would soon be joining him here.

"You okay man?" Mark asked, squeezing Derek's shoulder.

Derek smiled back at him, "I've never been better."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Meredith examined her reflection in the mirror and a smile tugged at her mouth. When she was younger she never thought she'd ever be the white wedding dress kind of girl, but ever since Derek had proposed again and they'd decided to do the vow renewal she'd found herself wanting it. She was wearing a simple but elegant strapless white gown that floated seamlessly over her little bump and tapered off to a small train at the back. If she'd been the type of little girl to imagine her wedding dress, she imagined this is the type of thing she would have envisaged. After being dragged to a gazillion different bridal shops by Lexi, she'd known this was the one the moment she saw it – she just hoped Derek liked it too.

"You look beautiful Mere, and McDreamy's gunna be lost for words when he sees you" Cristina commented, knowing what she was thinking.

Meredith quirked an eyebrow, waiting for a sarcastic comment to follow.

"What?" Cristina asked, seeing Meredith's dubious look. "I can do supportive. I'm wearing chiffon - I'm totally supportive."

Meredith chuckled. "Thank you."

"So how's the latest McBaby doing?" Cristina asked, motioning with her eyes down to Meredith's stomach.

Meredith grinned and placed her hand over her slightly swollen stomach. "She's doing great."

"She?" Cristina asked, her eyes widening.

"Yeah, she's a girl – we found out a couple of weeks ago. You're going to be an auntie again."

Cristina smiled at her person, genuinely happy for her. "I'll have her able to do an appy by the time she starts high school."

Meredith chuckled, knowing Cristina was actually serious. It was times like these that made her realise how much she missed having her friend nearby. "You could always come home you know – Zola misses her Aunt 'Stina."

"Maybe" Cristina replied wistfully, "I do kinda miss this place."

A soft knocking at the door drew their attention and when Cristina pulled it open she was met with the beaming face of Zola who was dressed in a little white dress complete with navy bow.

"Hi 'Stina!" Zola enthused, wrapping herself around Cristina's legs.

Meredith half expected Cristina to try and wiggle free but smiled when she replied "Hey Zo" and stroked her hair affectionately.

"You look pretty Mommy" Zola commented when she noticed her mother was also in the room. "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready" Meredith replied happily, taking Zola's hand and letting the little girl lead her downstairs.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

When the string band they'd hired began to play, Derek knew it was time and his head snapped over towards their porch in time to see Zola step out with Cristina, proudly throwing flowers out of her basket as she walked towards him. Derek smiled with fatherly pride at the sight but then his breath caught as his eyes met Meredith's and he held them, not once blinking as she slowly walked down the aisle, coming to stand in front of him. Whenever he thought it wasn't humanly possible to love her anymore than he already did, he was proven wrong every time. She looked incredible and he couldn't stop the happy tears that escaped and rolled down his cheeks.

Meredith felt like she was in a dream. Her eyes had locked onto Derek's the moment she'd stepped out of the house and she didn't even notice there was anyone but the two of them there as she walked down the aisle. The way he was looking at her told her that she was his world and she felt incredibly lucky that they'd found each other. When she finally tore her gaze away from his eyes she noticed his outfit – Derek in a tux was a sight to behold and that coupled with the hair and the eyes and the way he was looking at her…he deserved every bit of the McDreamy nickname Cristina had christened him with all those years ago.

'I love you' Derek mouthed.

'I love you too' Meredith mouthed back.

The minister smiled at the couple in front of him who were so wrapped up in each other. He cleared his throat lightly and Meredith and Derek blushed, seemingly realising that they weren't alone.

"Derek and Meredith, it is a pleasure to share today's wonderful occasion with you" the minister began. "Many people believe that entering into marriage is the final step in a romantic relationship. A couple meets, get to know one another and fall in love, decide they want to spend their lives together, and then take the final step—marriage. But marriage is hardly the final step in a couple's relationship, rather it is the beginning of a grand adventure – the continuation of a legend! You have shared the joys, blessings and challenges of married life for 6 years. Today you want to reconfirm your commitment to working together and ensuring your marriage blossoms for many more years to come. May this renewing of the vows you took to become husband and wife remind you that despite the stresses inevitable in every life, your love, respect, trust and understanding of each other will continue to increase your contentment and heighten your joy in living. Please join hands."

Derek grinned as he took Meredith's hands in his and laced their fingers together. The minister's words washed softly over them as their gazes locked once more.

"Derek, will you continue to have Meredith as your wife and continue to live in this marriage?"

"I will" Derek murmured, happiness radiating from his eyes.

"Do you reaffirm your love to her, and will you love, honour and cherish her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I do" Derek replied, wanting nothing more than to pull her into his arms, but knowing he needed to restrain himself for a few more moments.

"Meredith, will you continue to have Derek as your husband and continue to live in this marriage?"

"I will" Meredith replied instantly, causing Derek's grin to widen even more.

"Do you reaffirm your love for him, and will you love, honour and cherish him in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better for worse, and forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

The minister smiled at them both before looking up at the guests and beginning to read:

 _"Love endures and is kind._

 _Love is not envious or jealous._

 _Love wants not for itself._

 _Love is not puffed up, nor does it behave wrongly._

 _Love seeks not for it's own._

 _Love is not easily provoked._

 _Love is not rude._

 _Love thinks No evil._

 _Love does not rejoice in wrong, but dwells in the truth._

 _Love bears all things, believes all things, endures all things, and love never fails."_

"On your wedding day you exchanged rings as a symbol of the never-ending circle of love. Rings serve as a reminder of your vows to each other, and your commitment to live in unity, love and happiness. At this time, reconfirm the meaning of the rings you wear. Please join your left hands together so that Derek's hand is on top. Please repeat after me: Meredith, I wear this ring you placed on my hand as a symbol of my love and commitment to you."

Derek squeezed Meredith's hand and smiled as he repeated the words. "Meredith, I wear this ring you placed on my hand as a symbol of my love and commitment to you. I still promise to love you even when I hate you. I promise never to run, and I promise to take care of you when we're old, senile and smelly."

The second part earned a chuckle from the minister and their guests who realised that they were their original post-it vows.

"Now, with Meredith's hand on top, Meredith please repeat after me: Derek, I wear this ring you placed on my hand as a symbol of my love and commitment to you."

Meredith moved her hand so that hers was now on top and squeezed his gently as he had done to hers. Her eyes became misty as she repeated the minister's words. "Derek, I wear this ring you placed on my hand as a symbol of my love and commitment to you…I also still promise to love you even when I hate you. I promise never to run, and I promise to take care of you when we're old, senile and smelly."

Derek smiled at Meredith's repetition of his addition to the vows. Their eyes continued to speak more than any words could say as the minister continued speaking.

"I ask that you each continue to cherish each other as special and unique individuals and that you respect the thoughts and ideas of one another. And most of all, be able to forgive each other, and not hold grudges against. Live each day in love with each other, always being there to give love, comfort, and refuge, in good times and bad. Derek and Meredith, today you have renewed the vows you made to each other on your blessed wedding day. You have symbolised the renewal of your union by the joining of hands, the taking of vows, and by the wearing of your rings. It is with pleasure that I conclude the ceremony of renewing the vows of marriage that joined you and binds you as husband and wife. Please celebrate this renewal of vows with a kiss!"

Neither Derek nor Meredith needed anymore encouragement and a second later Derek cradled Meredith's face in his hands as their lips crashed together. She let out a contented sigh and wound her fingers into his curls as he deepened the kiss. Their friends and family erupted into applause and were it not for Mark's amused coughing and not so subtle remark about there being children present, things would have gotten a lot more heated.

Meredith giggled and buried her face in Derek's neck as they broke apart, feeling a little self conscious at having practically made out with Derek in front of his mother and sisters. As Derek wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head, any embarrassment she felt quickly vanished and all she could feel was happy.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

Some hours later when day had had turned to night, Meredith lay her head on Derek's shoulder as they swayed to the music under the moonlight. "I think you should wear a tux more often" she commented.

Derek smiled into her hair. "You like the tux huh?"

"Oh yeah" Meredith replied, "and I'm gunna like stripping it off you later too."

Derek swallowed, feeling a familiar heat flood his veins. "I'm pretty sure I'll like that too."

Meredith giggled as she lifted her head and wrapped her arms around his neck. She was prevented from voicing her naughty reply by a tugging on her dress and looked down into the big brown eyes of their daughter.

"Can I dance with you?" Zola asked looking back and forth eagerly between her parents.

"Of course you can Princess" Derek smiled, picking her up and placing her on his hip.

"Can I get married here too when I'm big?" Zola asked.

"You can get married anywhere you want Zozo" Meredith replied fondly.

"But you can only get married to a man who loves you as much as I love your Mommy" Derek added.

Zola's eyes widened. "But that's a lot!"

"It is a lot" Derek smiled as he looked between his two favourite girls. "But there'll be no dating until you're at least 30."

Meredith chuckled at Derek's overprotectiveness as Zola looked between them not really understanding what was funny.

Not wanting to miss out on the fun, Bailey toddled over moments later, a huge smile on his face that looked so much like Derek's as he held his hands out to his mother. "Mama up!"

"Hey Bails" Meredith greeted her son softly as she picked him up. The two children giggled in delight as their parents huddled them all together and attempted to dance as a foursome. Meredith and Derek laughed in happiness at their children's joy and beauty of the moment.

When the novelty of dancing with their parents wore off, Zola and Bailey ran off to play with their many cousins, doing their best to keep up with older Shepherd children. Derek stood behind Meredith and wrapped his arms around her waist, resting his hands protectively over their third child growing safely inside Meredith's womb.

"I love you Derek" Meredith murmured, placing her hands over his.

"I love you too Mere" Derek replied, placing a tender kiss to the top of her head. It was soft, quick, like a habit – one that they'd do every day for the rest of their lives. And they would -even when they were old, senile and smelly.

 **AN: So there we have it – MerDer as they should be – together, happy and living their lifetime together – I hope I've done our couple justice :) As this is the last chapter, I'd really love to hear your final thoughts, so please hit that little review button and make my day :)**

 **Google informed me that medical interns start on July 1st in the US so if Grey's was sticking to facts, that means MerDer would have met the night before, so that's why I went with June 30th for their vow renewal. I also don't see the need for character culling, hence Mark and Lexie still being alive!**

 **Some reviewers suggested an interest in a sequel but I think I'm leaving it in a good place here – MerDer are together – forever as they are supposed to be, living their legendary love story :) I do have another fic idea in mind though that I'm quite excited about - it's going to be partially AU and loosely based on a famous book/movie…I'm aiming to get it out late August so look out for it :) Also, if any of you have any ideas for fics that you'd like me to write then let me know and I'll be happy to consider them :)**

 **Thanks again for reading and see you soon!**


	22. Not a chapter

Hi! Sorry if you thought this was a new chapter, but I just wanted to let everyone who'd followed or favourited FTB that I have a new story out - it's called 'A Life Worth Living' so if you enjoyed this one then give it a look :)

(I'll delete this 'chapter' tomorrow)

Thanks

Jo :)


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